Your wife used to love being affectionate and physically intimate. She couldn’t get enough of you! But today, she no longer undresses when you’re in the room, wants to cuddle, or even share her day with you. It hurts. For me, I felt unwelcome in my own home. But reacting will only push her further away. Let’s look at the root issue that’s shutting her down.
Exposing The Root Issue Of Negative Pressure
Long before your wife or girlfriend will let you back into her panties, you need to get into her heart and create emotional intimacy.
Relationship research backs this up.
Pressure is exhausting.
It drains the spark.
If feels dangerous.
You can be a great provider and never physically harm your wife, but if your vibe feels like negative pressure, it activates your wife’s fight or flight response.
Negative pressure stems from behaviors like…
- A lack of respect for your wife
- Expecting her to think/act like you
- A general disdain for women
- Criticizing her feelings or moods
- Looking to her for validation
- Expecting her to match your level of sacrifice for the family
- Needing to know what, why, where, and who she has been interacting with
Many hurt men have pointed fingers at women, armed with statistics to “prove” that she is the problem.
If you victimize yourself by blaming women, you can kiss intimacy with women goodbye.
Valuing that your wife is a beautiful, feminine person is the path to rebuilding her comfort level to undress and be physically intimate with you again.
Believing “she’s the problem,” “she needs to get it together,” or “she’s just a b*tch” won’t get you the love and respect you deserve.
Why She No Longer Undresses When You’re In The Room If There’s Negative Pressure
Adding negative pressure to a negative situation always creates a negative experience
Negativity is like a blast of cold water.
A cold blast would shut down your sex drive, too!
When you first met your wife, you probably demonstrated “positive” pressure without realizing it.
“Positive” pressure is sexy.
It creates positive, playful emotional tension.
But now you have a track record with her…possibly a negative track record.
Your negative track record is why she no longer undresses when you’re in the room, let alone joins you in the shower or sleeps pressed to your side.
Here’s how you built the negative track record that she’s reacting to:
- When you got defensive, you kept the conversation in reaction mode instead of leading emotional safety
- When you got critical, she felt like she couldn’t trust you with her feelings, making her feel abandoned
- When you initiated sex while she wasn’t in the mood, it communicated that you were not tuned into her feelings or her body
- When you fed thoughts of dissatisfaction towards her in your mind, you behaved as if you didn’t value her.
Multiply these issues over many years, and it will feel like there’s a wall between her heart and yours.
The wall around her heart melts when she feels a strong emotional connection.
That’s the opposite of the cold blast water blast.
How To Become The Positive Man She Wants To Undress Around Again
Only one kind of man can turn the ship around when his track record of negative pressure has driven a wedge in the relationship.
It’s the man who…
- Stops taking things personally
- Stops focusing on what’s out of his control
- Starts living life on his terms (with swagger and a grin)
- Starts trusting who he knows he is, instead of others’ opinions
When my clients make dramatic changes in their relationship, it’s because they made dramatic changes in themselves by resolving their insecurities, triggers, and immature behaviors.
Now that you see why she no longer undresses when you’re in the room, it’s important to take this next step…
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