This article reveals two sides of mother wounds in men and how to mature these insecurities into confidence.
The video below is longer than usual but goes deeper into what causes mother wounds in boys.
The Mother Wounds Of The Absent Mom
When your mom abandons you or barely pays attention to you as a kid, you learn to act out just to get noticed.
You might resort to teasing her, disagreeing with her, or flat-out disobeying.
Feminine attention feels like love, even if her attention was only while she was punishing you for misbehaving.
Now you’re grown up.
You have a wife, and your mother wounds are going to wreak havoc on your marriage.
Do you “poke the bear” when you want some love from your wife instead of being direct?
If so, the mother wounds of the absent mom might be in you.
Another side effect of an unavailable or absent mother is that you’ll avoid vulnerability.
You’ll close off emotionally or objectify women.
Your feelings as a kid were ignored, so you learned to stomach them
If you can hide your heart, you can’t be hurt, right?
Well, being emotionally disconnected, “poking the bear”, or objectifying your wife to get her riled up so you feel loved won’t feel loving to her.
If your relationship is struggling and you want to regain your wife’s affection, you’ll have to resolve your mother wounds.
Hugh Hefner’s mother kept him at arm’s reach as a kid.
When you grow up without the trusting, strong, supporting love of the feminine, you’ll distrust it.
You’ll develop a wall towards feminine care to protect your vulnerability.
When you lack a healthy connection with your mom, you tend to objectify women or de-personalize them to make sense of the world.
That’s what Hugh Hefner did.
He went on to create Playboy Magazine and to build his Playboy mansion.
But every girlfriend he had said he was shallow.
He kept his heart closed.
He lived as a man with the mother wounds of an absent mom.
The Mother Wounds Of The Orbiting Mom
When your mom is overly focused on you, it creates mother wounds that are the exact opposite of those caused by an absent mother.
Instead of objectifying women, you expect them to be latched onto you.
The child of a mom who makes him the center of her world thinks everything revolves around him.
He thinks others are responsible for how he feels.
Elvis Presley is a great example.
Elvis’s mom was so enmeshed with him, he could hardly face life once she passed away.
Out of Elvis’s crippling loneliness, he married Priscilla, expecting her to take the role of “mommy” after his mom passed away.
The marriage of Elvis and Priscilla ended in divorce.
Elvis sang of his loneliness right up to his last days as he tried to cope with the hole his mom’s death left in his heart.
When a child is worshiped by their mother, they don’t know how to live without that support.
A Mom Who Believes in Her Son Creates A Secure Man
There’s a balance between the absent or orbiting mom, called the supportive mom.
She believes in his dreams, desires, and ambitions.
Her support grows his trust in himself and towards the feminine.
How is this different then the orbiting mom who creates mother wounds?
When he fails or messes up, she points him to men for help.
She is not his umbilical cord; other men are.
When you seek guidance from men, you reduce your reliance on femininity for well-being and courage.
Unless you’re secure in yourself, you can’t give your wife love without it being needy.
A great example of this kind of security is the James Bond character.
- James Bond stays in his own emotional lane, no matter what others are doing
- He’s deliberate with his movements and doesn’t match women’s energy when he interacts with them
- James Bond holds steady eye contact, is playful, and is in touch with his heart
Women can sense when you have a heart, feelings, and experiences, but you CHOOSE not to act on them impulsively!
A natural attraction occurs when you stay in our own frame around the changing whims of feminine and when you don’t need her to coddle you.
Even if your mom didn’t believe in you, the mother wounds can be healed when you surround yourself with men who believe in you.
How To Turn Your Mother Wounds Into Confidence
As a boy, you looked to others to tell you if you did things right, if you were fast, smart, or funny.
It doesn’t matter if you had an attentive or absent mother; you’re an adult now.
You get to define your masculine frame and stop acting from mother wounds.
Below is an image of what a masculine frame looks like.
Without a strong INTERNAL frame to contain your behaviours, you’ll feel weak and soft to women.
My guess is you don’t like being flimsy or wishy-washy any more than she does.
You can heal your mother wounds and gain this frame when you rewrite some of your core beliefs.
Right now, you look at life with assumptions (core beliefs) you don’t even know you have.
There are new mindsets to learn.
New clarifications to form about your identity as a man.
This kind of deep work doesn’t happen in one or two sessions.
Most guys see a permanent change after about 6 months of doing the deep work.
I’ll be vulnerable and say I was not one of those 6-month guys; it took me 4 years!
This stuff can’t be rushed or forced; it takes commitment.
Are you a committed man who’s ready to change how you’ll show up in relationships over the next 20-30 years?
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