This article reveals two sides of “mommy issues” in men and how to mature these insecurities into confidence.
The video below is longer than usual but goes deeper into what causes mommy wounding in boys and includes some clips of James Bond as an example of what confident behaviors look like.
Mommy Issues From An Absent Mom
If our mom abandons us or pays little attention to us as a kid, we tend to act out to get her attention.
We might resort to teasing her, disagreeing with her, or flat-out disobeying.
Feminine attention feels like love!
Even if her attention was only to “correct” us for acting out.
When we grow up “poking the bear” to get our mom to “correct us” we tend to resort to the same behaviors with our wife.
We also tend to be emotionally closed off and avoid vulnerability since the world we grew up in didn’t work that way.
Needless to say, resorting to teasing, “poking the bear”, or harassing our wife to get her riled up so we feel loved won’t feel loving to her.
Hugh Hefner is an example of a man who didn’t have strong motherly support.
When we grow up without the trusting, strong, supporting love of the feminine, we distrust it and develop a wall towards it to protect our vulnerability.
When we lack a healthy connection with our mom, we tend to objectify women or de-personalize them to make sense of the world.
Mommy Issues From An Orbiting Mom
When our mom is overly focused on us, it can lead to the development of inverse mommy issues.
We often perceive reality in a distorted manner, assuming everything revolves around us and that others are responsible for our well-being.
Elvis Presley is an example of a man whose mom was so enmeshed with him, he could hardly face life once she passed away.
Out of Elvis’s crippling loneliness, he married Priscilla expecting her to take the role of “mommy” after his mom passed away.
The marriage of Elvis and Priscilla ended in divorce.
Elvis sang of his loneliness right up to his last days as he tried to cope with the hole his mom’s absence left in his heart.
How Boys Are Affected By A Supportive Mom
There’s a balance between the absent or orbiting mom called the supportive mom.
When she’s supportive of our feelings, dreams, emotions, and desires it can give us a sense of security as boys.
However, when we fail or mess up, our mom needs to point us to men to help us get back on our feet.
When we seek guidance from men, we reduce our reliance on femininity for well-being and courage.
Unless we’re secure in ourselves, we can’t give our wife love without it being needy.
A great example of this kind of security is the James Bond character.
- James Bond stays in his own emotional lane no matter what others are doing
- He’s deliberate with his movements and doesn’t match women’s energy when he interacts with them
- James Bond holds steady eye contact, is playful, and is in touch with his heart
Women can sense when we have a heart, feelings, and experiences but CHOOSE to not act on them impulsively!
A natural attraction occurs when we stay in our own frame around the changing whims of feminine and when we don’t NEED her approval to be ok.
How To Have James Bond Confidence
As boys, we looked to others to tell us if we did things right, if we were fast, smart, or funny.
It doesn’t matter if we had an attentive or absent mother; as adults, we must define ourselves internally.
Below is an image of the masculine framework our behaviors need to come from.
Without a strong INTERNAL frame to contain us, we’ll feel weak and soft to women.
My guess is you don’t like being flimsy or wishy-washy anymore than she does.
My masculine confidence framework is what I teach in my courses and with my 1:1 clients.
There are core beliefs we need to re-write.
There are new mindsets and clarifications to form about your identity as a man.
This kind of deep work doesn’t happen in one or two sessions.
Most guys see a permanent change after about 6 months of doing the work.
I’ll be vulnerable and say I was not one of those 6-month guys, it took me 4 years!
This stuff can’t be rushed or forced, it takes commitment.
Are you a committed man who’s ready to change how you’ll show up in relationships over the next 20-30 years?
If so, reach out for a free “Get Grounded Now” consultation.
You’ll be glad you did.
Garrett Prettyman
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
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