This article is for the man who’s afraid his wife wants a divorce. If she said, “I’m done” you’re probably left wondering what that even means and if there’s hope. Below is a story based on true events. If you can relate to the story, pay special attention to the two mistakes you do not want to make right now.
She Said, “I’m Done” – The Honest Truth
I won’t make you read further without getting right to the point.
When your wife says, “I’m done” she is 100% done.
In fact, many divorced women I’ve interviewed have said they were “done” about two years prior to saying it.
I know this is not the news you wanted to hear brother.
Trust me, your wife doesn’t want to be “done”.
She wishes she could feel how she used to feel towards you.
Women find a sense of loyalty and honor in following their feelings.
For her, it feels like infidelity to stay in a relationship with someone she doesn’t have feelings for.
But think about it.
How you both did relationship, got the relationship to where it is.
Aren’t you “done” with how things have been lately too?
The painful part is you do have to let her go if she is to ever come back.
To not honor her request to end the relationship does not feel like loyalty to her.
If you oppose her desire to separate, it sends the message that you don’t value her best interest or her feelings.
If you dismiss her words as not being serious she’ll say things like, “You’re not hearing me”, “I hate that you always try to control me” or “You’re not seeing me for who I am”.
For the woman, she’s thinking, “How could any self-respecting man stay with a woman who doesn’t love him or treat him well??”
She knows she hasn’t been a loving, affectionate, committed wife lately..and trust me, she hates herself for it.
As bleak as this sounds, there is hope!
So now you’re wondering, what makes a woman circle back??
Just keep reading…
Michael & Tracy Meet A Crossroad
As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, casting a warm glow across the landscape, Michael and Tracy drove home from what should have been a memorable vacation.
However, the journey had turned sour, with tension steadily mounting between them.
Their bickering started over something trivial but soon escalated into a heated argument about their future together.
Words were said that neither truly meant and emotions ran high for Micheal when she said, “I’m done, I want a divorce.”
Stunned and hurt, Michael tried to keep his composure as he focused on the road.
He stole glances at Tracy, her tear-streaked face turned away from him, and he felt a growing sense of panic.
The weight of her words bore heavily on him, the thought of losing her causing his heart to ache.
Michael desperately wanted to get this tension resolved.
He pressed Tracy with questions like, “Why didn’t you say something sooner so we could have worked it out? Does everything I’ve sacrificed mean nothing to you? Why can’t you let me love you?”
They drove in silence for what felt like an eternity, each lost in their thoughts and struggling to find a way to bridge the divide that had grown between them.
The drive home, which should have been a time of bonding and sharing memories, had become a painful reminder of their crumbling 10-year relationship.
Later that night, as the world outside turned dark and quiet, Michael found himself unable to sleep. He tossed and turned, his mind tormented by the memory of Tracy’s words.
Seeking a semblance of hope, he opened his laptop and started browsing Airbnb listings for their next vacation.
He presented his findings to Tracy with excitement, hoping to reignite their shared love for travel.
However, Tracy responded with fury, insisting that he wasn’t listening to her.
The confusion in Michael’s eyes mirrored the turmoil within him.
He couldn’t comprehend the sudden shift in her emotions.
Hadn’t she snuggled up to him when they crawled in bed just hours earlier?
Although she resisted Michael’s sexual advances, didn’t her laying her head on his chest mean she still wanted to be with him?
Love and emotions are complex, and in the depths of Tracy’s heart, the turmoil was far from simple.
She felt torn, her emotions swirling in a tempest of hurt and longing.
The earlier cuddle had been a desperate attempt to hold on to the love they once had, to feel a fleeting connection amidst the chaos.
The pain and confusion intensified for Michael, unable to decipher the mixed signals he received.
He yearned for the woman he loved, yet he felt powerless to mend the shattered pieces of their relationship.
Over the next few weeks, Micheal scheduled marriage counseling sessions, emailed his wife articles about relationship improvement, and had many long talks about “the relationship” with Tracy.
Within 3 months, Tracy filed for divorce.Â
Mistake #1 To Avoid When She’s Said, “I’m Done”
The first mistake to avoid is don’t press your wife for WHY she feels unattracted, WHY she’s “done” or WHY the marriage is crumbling.
Also, don’t assume fixing all the problems she brings up will save your marriage.
Fixing “problems” in a relationship has never saved a marriage.
Problems are symptoms, not causes!
The root issue is both you and your wife have a FEELING you don’t like.
You can’t wag a dog by wagging its tail.
A happy dog wags its own tail.
Marriages are saved when two people build their own happiness apart from each other and then re-join to SHARE in each other’s happy lives.
Your wife’s happiness is her own journey to figure out.
Right now, your insecurities, fear of loneliness, anxiety, and lack of confidence is YOUR journey to figure out.
Behind 99% of unpleasant feelings is insecurity.
Many marriages have been saved by resolving our insecurities. Â
Mistake #2 To Avoid When She’s Said, “I’m Done”
Let go of thinking you can “seduce” her and get back to having sex again.
Giving back rubs..teasing her erogenous zones, lighting candles..None of these acts of seduction will restore your wife’s desire for you!
Women only feel sexual desire when they are feeling emotionally “bloomed”.
Liken “blooming” to a flower – The right environment needs to be in place, the right sun, the right soil, the right timing, the right energy – a whole host of things!
Right now, the soil in your marriage is a desert.
She can’t force herself of open to you sexually when she’s a parched flower.
So what sort of things does a woman need to “bloom” in a long-term relationship?
She needs to FEEL you have:
- Safety
- Trust
- Space
- Strength
- Adventure
- Excitement
- Mystery
- Emotional Range
- Value
- Relaxation
- Newness
- Heart
- Boundaries
- Self-Control
- Power
- Empathy
- Courage
But here’s the hard truth – right now it’s “too little too late”.
Even if you demonstrated these traits 100% tonight, she won’t bloom until she feels them consistently over a long period of time.
Your marriage did not end up on the rocks overnight, you will not be getting the marriage back on track overnight.
It could take 6 months, it could take 6 years.
The question blaring you in the face right now is what are you going to do with this time?
Mark Manson’s article, “Why the Best Things in Life Must Be Let Go” explains how trying to force what we want is akin to trying to beat quicksand…resisting only expediates the end!
Resisting divorce has NEVER saved a marriage, but I do know many divorced men who’s wife changed her mind after the fact.
How Things Turned Out For Micheal
As soul-crushing as divorce was for Micheal, he determined to improve himself as a man.
He sought the mentorship of an old friend named Bill who had already walked this road.
Bill helped Micheal stay focused on what was 100% in his control.
Change seemed slow at first but as the months went by, Micheal felt a new kind of power growing in him.
The version of himself he allowed into the marriage who was sexually needy, defensive, agitated, and blameless wasn’t even true to who he really wanted to be.
Micheal’s confidence increased.
He walked taller.
His self-esteem came back.
Micheal found he could relax his reactions when faced with feminine emotions and lead women out of their heads with his calm empathy.
In time, women took notice…Even his ex-wife!
By now, some time had passed and Micheal was a new man.
Tracy was also a new woman!
She realized after spending many months away from Micheal that most of her hurt and pain was not because of him.
She too faced her own triggers and matured as a woman.
A new relationship formed between them.
It was like getting to know each other again for the first time.Â
What To Do Once You Let Her Go
I work with men every day to help them become the attractive, confident, happy man they love to be.
It’s only during seasons in life when we have no feminine support that our next level of maturity can be achieved.
When we level up with our new mojo, women take notice.
Sometimes, that woman is our separated wife.
What we should have done the moment she said, “I’m done” was take all our pain, anger, and sadness AWAY from the relationship and into our support group.
When guys start mentorship with me, the first thing they gain is access to is an incredible group of men who will support them no matter what.
Many men reach a point of growth where they realize the woman they once cherished may not align with their new amazing life.
I help men get clear on their values, purpose, and mission so he has a clear answer to give his wife if…scratch that…WHEN she circles back.
Your story has no negative ending when you level up to being a confident, happy man who creates an amazing life!
You’re future is guaranteed to be the best yet when you use this time to grow as a man.
My Masculine Confidence Framework teaches you exactly how to cool your frantic anxiety & gives you the best shot for a marriage 2.0 even if she said, “I’m Done”.
Become the deliberate, masculine man you want to be and book a “Get Grounded Now Consultation“.
Much Love Brother,
Garrett Prettman
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
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