This article is for the man who is hoping to restore trust with his wife after there’s been a breach of fidelity in the relationship. One of the hardest parts of surviving her affair is the massive breach of trust. When genuine remorse is present, there is a path back to having trust again!
Surviving Her Affair
An emotional affair is the most detrimental form of cheating for a woman.
A physical affair is the most detrimental for men.
Our bodies react with panic when trust is shattered.
We feel like we’re on a sinking ship with no shoreline in sight.
Every fiber of our being wants to make our panic STOP by patching the holes in our boat.
We really need to check our motives for WHY we want to patch the holes in this sinking boat.
If our underlying drive to “fix” the relationship is to settle OUR fear, OUR insecurity, OUR panic, then we’re doing damage control, not relationship creation.
Self-care to alleviate our painful symptoms needs to be our main focus when surviving her affair.
3 Steps To Restore Trust When She Shows Remorse
Here are 3 steps to take:
- Create an amazing life to the same standards you expect from her
- Resolve your own insecurities so you can SHOW trust
- Create a temporary framework for her to show her trustability
Couples have built better, stronger relationships despite an affair.
An affair doesn’t necessarily mean you had a bad relationship.
Esther Perel has spent decades studying infidelity.
I’m paraphrasing, but Esther says, “Happy women cheat when she becomes unhappy with who she has allowed herself to become in the relationship”
Version 1.0 of your relationship ended the moment she cheated.
If trust is restored, a new version 2.0 can be created.
Setting Standards For The Relationship
I’ll say it crystal clear right now.
If you’re secretly using porn you are in no position to expect trust from your wife.
Men get from porn what women get from attention.
The adrenaline, the dopamine, the sedative effect on the mind – those same juices that keep you addicted to porn are what keep her addicted to attention from other guys.
Hold all your behaviors to the bar you want her to also hold herself to.
This includes behaviors like honesty, vulnerability, and a mature demeanor.
Resolving Our Insecurities While Surviving Her Affair
Our wife could be totally trustable for the rest of our life but if we don’t SHOW trust, there will be no trust.
We don’t get to use our triggers or traumatic past as a cop-out.
Were you abandoned before?
Are you terrified of being alone?
That’s YOUR stuff to work on!
Delving into this kind of personal development isn’t a matter of reading a few articles or watching a few YouTube videos.
Reach out to a coach, mentor, or therapist to get your stuff resolved before addressing her stuff.
Creating A Temporary Framework
If your wife has no interest in re-building trust then DO NOT try to impose this step onto her!
If she wants to build a relationship 2.0 with you, it’s ok to have a temporary season for her to prove her trustability.
This could look like her having a curfew, or allowing you see her phone records, or keeping you posted on her whereabouts.
Make it clear to her when this framework starts and when it ends.
The point isn’t to be a control freak.
This is a temporary season for her to prove she’s serious about being trustable.
Being A Confident, Attractive Man
Insecurity, distrust, being a helicopter husband – those traits must end for there to be improvement!
My Masculine Confidence Framework is being used by men all over the world to gain attractive mojo.
Book a “Get Grounded Now” free consultation to see if this coaching package is right for you.
Much Love Brother,
Garrett Prettyman
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
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