Let’s talk about taking charge of love and romance in your marriage. I’ll help you see why restoring intimacy is a game of inches in a long-term relationship.
The Steps Towards Romance
A quick fix.
A magic pill.
That’s what we men like.
While dating, your partner was probably down for a quickie at the drop of a hat.
Those were good times!
But that’s history.
Leading love and romance back into a marriage of 18+ years won’t happen overnight.
This, my friend, is a game of inches.
Why? Because you didn’t end up here overnight.
Years of dashed expectations and misunderstandings have accumulated.
You won’t have to face everything that’s become a wedge between you and your wife.
But you will have to become a man who behaves very differently from how you have in the past.
Stop Killing Intimacy & Romance
Your wife’s affection, desire, and intimacy are fragile and delicate.
This does not mean you need to tiptoe around her feelings to “get lucky”.
She needs you to meet her where she is and be content with that.
So where is she?
- Closed off?
- Withdrawn?
- Critical & emotional?
Meet her there with love and acceptance.
Don’t need her to change.
Don’t try to have sex with her, just enjoy & celebrate who she is.
Her erotic desire shatters if we go for sex when she isn’t turned on.
The game of inches to achieve intimacy in a long-term relationship has many small steps we men tend to jump past.
Let’s say your wife is in a bad mood.
Moods are one of the inches toward intimacy, the start of a romance, depending on how you handle them.
What do we men tend to do?
We rush PAST the mood to something more physical (like cuddling)…And then get rejected!
Or we try to fix her mood…And get rejected!
Some guys will even criticise her mood, or get angry…And get rejected!
We killed the intimacy.
Don’t try to change where she is, just be present with it.
If she gives her hand, don’t take her arm.
Women crave a man who goes for what he wants, but she needs you to meet her where she is before hitting the gas pedal.
How Many Inches Does It Take To Reach Intimacy?
Some have said there are 12 steps towards intimacy.
I’ve outlined 6 before.
But size doesn’t matter.
If you have a whopping 45 minutes to listen to me babble about taking charge of love and romance in your marriage, check out the video below.
In the video, I give you a list of ways to tell when you should take the lead and go for sex.
For those on a time budget, I’ll cut to the chase.
Forget how many steps or inches there are between your chest and hers.
Keeping score will keep you frustrated.
What you can do right now is STOP letting your horniness be the deciding factor for when you initiate sex.
Your sexual tension is not her problem.
You might say, “But she’s doing yoga in those tight pants today, and it’s turning me on”!
That’s not her problem either.
Your feelings are your problem, and nobody else’s.
Focus on understanding where SHE is right now and simply connect with her THERE.
Your relaxed presence and listening ear will move her one inch closer to intimacy at a pace that’s correct for her.
Sometimes it will be as fast as a few minutes.
Other times, it will be as slow as a few months.
If you’re watching the clock, your vibe of frustration and urgency will keep her at arm’s length indefinitely.
Just look at nature.
When the doe isn’t in heat, the buck is wasting his time trying to get her in the mood.
Graze in the pasture with her.
Jump in front of headlights.
Do epic, fun deer shit.
The breedin’ will happen when it’s breedin’ time.
Can’t I At Least Get A Hug Until Then?
Your wife will wrap her arm around you without thinking when she feels accepted by you.
Accepted where she is.
Unlike deer, women don’t have to wait once a year to feel frisky.
She’s multi-orgasmic and capable of enough intimacy to make us beg for mercy.
She just needs to experience you as a secure man, so she can experience herself as a girl who wants that man.
Stuffing your feelings down doesn’t make you a man.
Neither does watching football, driving a Lambo, or arguing your logic to her.
Being a man means you are clear, focused, deliberate, and intentional.
It also means you know why you choose to live, and you know why you love that reason.
You love that reason so much that even when your wife pulls back, you still have a good day.
You don’t need to be right or prove your worth to get her to want you.
You just need to hold your head high and not let your feelings control your behavior (your feelings are your problem, not hers, remember?).
A man takes action.
He goes first.
He’s a leader and a shield to those who are vulnerable.
The true mark of a mature man is when you understand that all your fear, lack of confidence, urgency, and desperation come from your perspectives, not reality.
As far as intimacy goes, focus on being a mature man and let nature take its course.
Want help?