When we’re getting under our wife’s skin and unknowingly turning her off, we can be totally oblivious. In this article, I explain the two most common ways you could be turning your wife off without realizing it. I’ll also define the kind of man you need to be to turn her on.
Has your wife said these words to you?
“You don’t have my back”… “Stop trying to fix me”… “You don’t “get it”
I know a husband who had been working long days at his job for years.
He found a sense of honor in all the sacrifices he made for his family to have a good life.
Not being able to pay the bills was a stress he never wanted his wife to face.
- He worked tirelessly to save for a larger home, a dependable car, and even their own hot tub
- He dedicated himself to resolving every issue that arose along the way, ensuring she could relax and reap the rewards
- Despite the strain, he reassured himself that his hard work wouldn’t always be necessary
One afternoon, he came home from work and his wife was crying. “I’m just so lonely”, she sobbed.
He was pissed. This didn’t make sense.
He was giving her a dream life!
She could do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.
Deep down, the husband felt jealous she had so much freedom.
The husband felt incredibly disrespected and undervalued by her response to all he had sacrificed for her.
He decided to challenge her with a mental “map” so she could clearly see why he wasn’t to blame for how she was feeling. (FYI, the man in this story was me)
The 1st Way You Could Be Turning Your Wife Off Without Realizing it: Presenting Her With The “Map”
I talk more about this “Map” in the video:
To summarize the video, when you try to set her feelings straight or justify your actions, you’re presenting her with a “map” and unknowingly turning her off. You’ve shifted the conversation away from “what” to “why“. This will make your wife feel “unheard”. Trying to get her to follow your logical “map” makes her feel like you don’t “get” her.
It’s like handing a boiling lobster the owner’s manual to the stove it’s being cooked on.
You have a man’s brain. You SEE how everything fits together in the bigger picture. For you, spotting problems coming down the road is natural. Your excitement comes from putting those pieces together while keeping your eye on the desired result. You love “maps”.
Your wife has a woman’s brain. She FEELS what you’re like to be around. She FEELS how you think about her. Her excitement comes from whatever she’s feeling. Showing her the “map” to justify your actions feels like you’re trying to invalidate how she’s feeling RIGHT NOW.
A man doesn’t feel the need to whip out the “map” when he:
- Trusts his intentions
- Has clarity
- Acts Deliberate
- Stays Calm
- Feels confident in his inherent value as a man
She can feel your insecure need to get yourself off the hot seat by presenting the “map”.
THAT is the turn-off for her. She wants you to “pass her test” by not getting defensive. She wants to FEEL you noticing her emotions, not the reasons for her emotions.
The 2nd Way You Could Be Turning Your Wife Off Without Realizing it: Not Valuing What’s Yours To Value
Sometimes your wife will do things you never would do.
Sometimes she doesn’t value things you value.
Your own worth, value, and attractiveness as a man are things YOU need to be grounded in, not her.
She can FEEL if the removal of her affirmations will crumble you.
She can FEEL if all she has to do is roll her eyes and you’ll go weak in the knees.
Women are hardwired to move towards safety and away from danger.
She cannot feel safe or have deep trust with you when you’re dependent on her for your sense of well-being.
When a husband is bothered or annoyed by his wife she’s usually doing something he wouldn’t.
Maybe she:
- Won’t stop talking at dinner with friends
- Doesn’t help with housework
- Is always on her phone
If you’re bothered by it, SHE’S MIRRORING TO YOU WHAT YOU SUPPRESS IN YOURSELF
Example: Let’s say every day she sleeps in and you have to get up early. When you see her sleeping in, you’re projecting how you would feel about yourself if you did that.
Resentment grows when you see her “get away with it”.
Jealousy grows when you see her “living how she wants”.
Part of you would also feel “lazy” if you slept in every day so you label her as “lazy”.
All these labels are just your own perspectives and triggers! The swirling, changing, flowing feminine energy of our wives pushes us to our edge so we can work on our own shit. She stretches us to consider new perspectives and not get so stuck in a rut.
Maybe we need to give ourselves permission to enjoy some things in life a bit more
Maybe we should allow ourselves to have some freedoms instead of getting resentful of hers?
How A Happy Attractive Husband Brings The Spark Back
Your charging cable needs to be unplugged from your wife. One shadow many men have is they think they need to “man up”, “have balls” or “be more alpha”. Although it’s true women find self-reliant men attractive, your batteries will go dead if you don’t plug your charger into a new receptacle. You need a community of men who have your back. You need male comrades. We love maps! We can hash data all day and find it very connecting. Unplug your charger from her and plug it into us or you’ll keep turning her off by draining her.
Many husbands are clueless about how to create an emotional connection. For some, it stems from deeper shame or fear of loneliness that motivates him instead of his heart (also a common way men turn off their wife). You can turn that around right now by connecting with me.
I teach nice, good, quality men how to:
- Be unshakably grounded in your manhood
- Have crystal clear boundaries
- Live from your values
- Create the relationship you want by having effective operating principles and standards
These are foundational to becoming the strong man you want to be! (without becoming a jerk). Why is it so effective? Because this is man-to-man mentorship. We look forward, not backward. I’ve been where you’re at and I can show you how to move forward. If you’re serious about stepping into your manhood, fill out my “Get Grounded Now” consultation form. It’s free. No fine print. No stress. I’m a certified life coach living in the mountains of Idaho who likes his eggs over easy and his coffee extra hot. We’re both real men. Let’s have a deep conversation about your current situation. Many men are blown away after this call. We talk about things our dad never told us. I give you tools to start using right away. I guarantee you’ll instantly feel better after we talk.