Your wife’s primal sexual passions are activated when you polarize her desire. And the level of pleasure you can experience with her is proportional to the level of uncomfortable feelings you can face. This article is about how to polarize her desire by holding still under emotional tension (even when it feels uncomfortable).
Polarize Her Desire At The Right Time
Your relationship is like a garden.
Trying to sprout beans in the dead of winter is a fool’s run.
If your wife is asking for space, this is the wrong time to apply the advice you’re about to read.
Go read my post, “How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her” to get clear on what you can do instead.
If your relationship is in the daily grind, feels mundane, or needs a jump-start, keep reading!
Playful Tension Will Polarize Her Desire
Men are attracted to beauty.
Women are attracted to strong safety.
It’s not your ability to beat up bad guys or wrestle tigers that I’m talking about.
When I say, “strong safety,” I’m talking about how you handle emotions.
- When you’re direct instead of beating around the bush, your woman knows you can handle someone’s verbal assaults on her
- When you step up and sort the schedule, decide where to eat, and have a plan for the day, she feels like she can trust you to take the wheel when she needs a break
- When she sees you can stay present even when she’s being emotional, she knows you can control your impulses (which builds trust)
- When you listen to her accusations without getting defensive, she knows you don’t just care about yourself, you care about her too
Holding strong under emotional tension will polarize her desire towards you.
This means FACING the conversations, the conflicts, and the emotional messiness of relationships, not avoiding it.
And sometimes she just needs your humor to guide her out of her complicated world of overanalysis and feelings.
There can be no sense of erotic play without the energy of tension!
One thing to notice is when you “leak” energy instead of letting it build.
Bouncing your leg releases energy.
So does talking fast, looking away, or laughing.
I’m not saying you should never laugh, but notice when you laugh because something is funny vs trying to deflect energy.
Letting energy build between you and your partner makes her skin tingle.
Get playful with that energy, and it increases her sexual pull towards you.
Leaking energy communicates that you can’t handle her and won’t polarize her desire.
A woman will struggle to let herself go in the bedroom with a man she feels can’t handle her.
How I Failed & Succeeded At Building Playful Tension
As I’m typing this, I’m on a plane.
An old man just walked down the aisle towards me.
He noticed my blanket had fallen into the aisle.
With a very somber face, he picked it up and placed it on the seat next to me.
His frustration was thick in the air, so I laughed and said, “Oops!”
The old man glared back, unimpressed.
Here’s why my laugh was unnecessary: I was chuckling because I was uncomfortable with his sour emotion.
Other people’s emotions are not mine to manage!
He can have his sour emotion; it’s not my job to deal with that for him.
So hey, I’m a recovering nice guy just like you.
The nice guy goes through his day trying to smooth out the emotional tension that other people create.
Even though that story was an example of what NOT to do when allowing tension to build, I do have success stories too 🙂
The other day, I was on a date with an attractive woman.
She talked…A LOT.
One thing I’ve learned about women is that they only talk a lot to people they like, so I took it as a compliment.
So I..
- Stayed present
- Held eye contact
- Teased her a little and felt the tension building between us
- Held the tension
- Didn’t laugh it away, bounce my leg, or change the topic
- I stayed present and let the tension build between us
In fact, I slowed down and stayed facing her, letting her be the first to break eye contact.
Holding energy like this is porn to women.
I watched it polarize her desire for me.
You could cut the sexual tension between us with a knife.
A few hours later, we were at her place, making hot love in the bedroom.
Women crave to let go! To expand. To be taken.
Her body can’t do that if she senses your energy is nervous, flighty, or needy.
It takes inner confidence to sit with tension.
She’s turned on by the emotional strength it takes to hold tension.
Two Ways To Hold Tension That Builds Sexual Desire
1. Breathe into your balls to relax.
2. Develop the mindset of a confident man.
Breath work can be as simple as pulling your stomach out when you inhale.
I like to picture that I’m inflating my balls when I inhale.
This kind of deep breathing grounds and relaxes our bodies.
Any time we have constriction in our body, we’re blocking our energy flow.
Masculine energy is open, relaxed, and broad.
It should feel unopoligetic, but present and tuned into the moment.
That undistracted presence is what polarizes her desire for intimacy.
Masculinity coaches G.S Youngblood and Doctor Greg Wells both teach how daily breathwork can increase your resilience to stress and regulate your nervous system.
Make breathing your #1 priority when feeling tension or anxiety building between you and your partner.
Don’t try to figure out what to say to her, just keep facing her while taking deep breaths.
Let your silence build positive tension.
Breathing is always in the PRESENT.
Being in the NOW displays that you can stop to open your heart, even though everything else in life is calling for your attention.
Developing the mindset of a confident man is more of a process.
Most of what’s taught to us in movies and culture leads us to think others are making us feel how we feel.
A confident man understands what he feels is his own creation based on his current perspective.
Your power is that you can choose a new perspective when your feelings get buzzing.
In my story above, I could have thought, “Why won’t this woman shut up? She’s been talking for a solid hour!!”
Or, I could decide to think, “Women talk to guys they like. This is a compliment.”
Same situation.
Different mindset.
The Next Step To Polarizing Her Desire
This article is just the tip of the iceberg.
I teach men a whole lot more when I take them through my private coaching program.
Re-wiring your brain requires a serious commitment to change.
Polarizing her desire is a natural byproduct of healthy self-esteem, grounded energy, and confident behaviors.
I’m ready to meet your level of commitment.