As a newlywed, the title, “How To Make Your Wife Love You Again,” never would’ve grabbed your attention. A few years, bills, and kids later, it can feel like the #1 issue in your life. This article uncovers two mindsets to change if you want genuine intimacy and attraction from your wife.
Natural Love Vs Forced Love
You want to make your wife love you.
But you don’t want forced love.
You want natural love.
A girl who craves you all on her own.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Shouldn’t she love me for who I am?”
Nope.
She doesn’t owe you anything.
Nobody does.
“But she vowed to be my wife! She promised!”
Doesn’t matter.
She can’t force herself to love you.
The sooner you drop the lies from society and fairy tales, the happier you’ll be!
Your happiness is KEY for her to feel natural desire for you again.
Your wife is a female, so she will always act on her FEELINGS.
Confused why that matters?
Because if your wife makes YOU feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesirable, you have an attraction problem, not a love problem.
Attraction is a FEELING.
Feelings are not created by fixing anything.
Your male brain doesn’t want to accept this as true.
Your brain has questions for her:
- Why won’t you be affectionate?
- Why won’t you have more sex with me?
- Why won’t you respect me?
- Why won’t you be sweet and romantic?
- Why won’t you open up?
Solving the “why” problem won’t bring attraction back.
Funny how you would NEVER use all those “why” statements on a first date to come off as attractive.
Yet it’s your go-to when your partner pulls back.
For me, those “why” statements are how I sound when I’m responding from fear, anxiety, and insecurity.
Those are the deeper feelings we need to face within ourselves.
What helps is a new way of thinking about them.
Mindset shift #1: Realize things like affection, love, sex, and intimacy are things that ensue but cannot be pursued.
That means you can’t work on intimacy to improve intimacy.
You can’t work on attraction to have attraction.
Attraction is a natural result of how it feels to be around you.
Many dictators have demanded obedience and loyalty.
It’s a logical approach to force something to happen.
But the commitment of their followers is never fervent.
Leaders who ATTRACT their followers gain true loyalty.
Females are RESPONDERS to the vibe in the room.
Think of feminine love, affection, and desire like the moon.
Without a light source, there is no moonlight.
You are her light source.
You need to find your inner happiness if you want to make your wife love you again.
What do you love about yourself?
Are you showing yourself the priority, appreciation, and care that you would like from your wife?
It’s easy to think that helping with the dishes or doing more chores will make her feel attraction for you again.
But your partner isn’t drawn to your actions.
She is drawn to how you behave while you do those things.
- We’re you looking for approval?
- Did you do the dishes with strings attached?
- Did you work hard all week, then expect to be rewarded with sex?
The vibe you put out while you’re doing these things is what she responds to, not the action itself!
This doesn’t mean you should stop unclogging the toilet or mowing the lawn.
Do those things for your OWN sense of integrity, no need for her to reciprocate.
She will sense when you stop doing things with a vibe of expectation towards her and start BEING a man who enjoys living up to his own standards he has for himself.
Make Your Wife Love You Again By Not Chasing Her
The most effective way to push a woman out of your life is to chase her.
I know you’re thinking, “I thought women want to be pursued.“?
This is true.
Women WANT to be pursued.
Give her that pursuit, and she loses the WANT.
Keeping her wanting is the secret to attraction!
You know what comes along with wanting? DESIRE.
Warning! This is one of those things you get to know as a man, but it will backfire if you share it with your wife.
In her emotional brain, it will never make sense to her.
Just ask yourself this: how often has placating to your wife’s perspectives helped your sex life?
Exactly.
Adjusting your responses to her whims gave you a friend-zoned, sexless marriage, didn’t it?
To make your wife love you again, you’ll need to trust in the principles of attraction.
Trying to align with her feminine perspectives has been lowering her attraction for you all along.
It’s time to let her experience a new you.
One who doesn’t need to make momma happy for him to be happy.
Needing Her Support Turns Her Off
Women are wired to show up to the finish line and feel ALIVE, celebrating with you in your accomplishments.
Hand-holding, support along the way, and being your emotional tampon during the race is a mothering role.
Your lover is not going to sign up for that.
Needing a mommy to support you won’t make your wife love you again; It just makes you feel like another kid to take care of.
The support and encouragement you need must come from men.
A lot of us sought mothering energy from our wives through sex!
We used sex to validate ourselves as being successful men.
We saw our ability to give her an orgasm as the feminine approval we desperately needed.
The more secure you get, the less you’ll need her validation.
That’s when her desire for intimacy grows.
Mindset shift #2: Stop holding others responsible for how you feel. Instead, take responsibility for the vibe you put out.
I’ve known women who broke up with their previous partner because “all he wanted was sex”
But now she’s having tons of sex with her new lover.
What’s different?
Here’s what changed: The new lover doesn’t go sour when she’s not in the mood.
If she pulls away from his touch, he doesn’t pester her or mope.
He loves her intimacy, but doesn’t NEED her intimacy.
He doesn’t compete with her phone for attention.
His life is interesting and full of adventure.
That kind of man is a LOT more interesting than TVs, phones, or the neighbor.
He kisses her in the morning with zero expectations that she will reciprocate.
He prioritizes himself so he can BRING energy to the relationship instead of trying to GET energy from it.
She understands she doesn’t have to provide anything for him to feel empowered.
This kind of self-reliance to happiness is attractive!
Don’t expect her to start ripping your clothes off.
She’ll start making small bids for a deeper connection.
She’ll linger around you more, ask how your day went, and be more comfortable with you being close to her again.
Make Your Wife Love You Again By Ending Sexual Neediness
There’s a specific process I went through to build my security from the inside out.
Some of my old mindsets needed to be rewired.
Some of my values had to be rewritten!
Building a new, version 2.0 inner man is like undergoing surgery.
Cutting out false ideas and challenging your old beliefs is bloody work.
I personally sought mentorship from men who had what I wanted.
In my coaching, you’ll gain a deep understanding of the enduring principles and perspectives held by these individuals.
If you’re ready to stop blaming your wife for how you feel and start living like a powerful, clear-thinking, masculine man, then reach out!