This is part 1 in a 3-part series. Fair warning. This might be triggering to read. Trust me when I say triggers need to be faced for relationships to improve. Keep reading to see how a man named Luke learned the hard way that triggers are not a guide for recovering a failing marriage. Also, notice how often Luke changes his mind as he’s met with new advice or his wife’s reactions. If you want to stop the downward spiral towards divorce, don’t be a “Luke”
Luke’s Wife Could Sense His Indecisiveness
3 Days ago.
That’s when Luke’s wife, Hailey, said the dreaded words, “I want a divorce”.
Luke’s world was turned upside down.
He knew their marriage had issues but he was shocked she would go so far as to divorce him.
Luke’s emotions overwhelmed him and he couldn’t keep the tears back.
He cried, begged, and pleaded for her to change her mind.
Nothing Luke said could sway Hailey’s decision.
Determined to keep the marriage together, Luke turned to Reddit for advice.
“If she wants divorce let her figure out the divorce paperwork on her own” several men advised.
Another man said, “If she wants to move out, let her do it herself”.
Luke followed this advice and told Hailey she was all on her own if she wanted to leave him.
Hearing this upset Hailey, but she resolved to move forward with divorce regardless.
A few days later, Luke read a free E-book about how to stop divorce.
The E-book strongly recommended showing leadership by taking charge of the divorce process.
The E-book claimed many women reconsider their desire for divorce when they witness their partner taking on a leadership role and meeting their needs.
Luke took this advice to heart and changed his approach towards divorce.
Luke told Hailey, “I’ve got moving vans and a storage unit rented, and will help you figure out the divorce paperwork”.
Hailey let out a huge sigh of relief.
With teary eyes, she said, “Thank you so much, Luke, that means a lot to me”.
Over the next few days, Luke stayed true to his word and helped Hailey pack her things and categorize their assets.
Luke Second-Guessed Himself
Luke could hardly sleep at night with his intense grief gnawing at his gut.
He loved Hailey dearly and helping her with the divorce process was tearing him up.
Luke turned to YouTube in the wee hours of the morning seeking advice on how he could save his marriage.
A popular influencer said something that resonated with him.
The influencer said, “A healthy relationship needs honest and vulnerable communication to grow deeper”.
This jumped out to Luke.
Over the years, Hailey had many times said, “I want to know what you’re feeling, why won’t you open up to me?”
Hailey also complained regularly about his aversion to conflict.
The next YouTube video Luke watched said, “The strength she craves is proven by your ability to stand up to her and set boundaries.”
Luke realized he was bulldozing his own feelings by helping Hailey with the divorce.
What do you think Luke did?
You guessed it, he once again changed his approach.
The very next day, he told Hailey, “I’m setting a boundary that I can’t help you with this divorce.”
Hailey’s eyes filled with frustration and she said, “This is why I’m divorceing you! I never know where you stand because you’re always changing your position!”
Luke replied, “No I don’t! You always make poor choices that put you in situations I don’t want any part of!”
Luke defended himself by explaining he was trying to be open with his feelings and stand up for himself like she had always wanted him to.
Hailey got up and said, “I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight. We’re done”.
How Luke Should Have Responded To His Failing Marriage
Avoid changing your mind because of a triggering, painful feeling.
Urgency and desperation are never good reasons to make big decisions, especially in a failing marriage.
Trust me when I say it’s better to confidently make the wrong choice and follow through than to keep changing our minds in search of the right choice.
Luke felt uncertain about how to respond to Hailey because he was using her responses to validate if his choices were correct.
He also didn’t know how to process grief on his own.
Luke needed to establish a clear personal code that he could follow confidently, regardless of Hailey’s choices.
Females are more tuned into our state of self-confidence than they are to the logic supporting our decisions.
If our behaviors are in flux each time a new perspective emerges, we demonstrate our intentions can be manipulated.
During separation or divorce, the need for consistency is irreplaceable.
Resist following every new bit of advice you hear and stick to your own code of conduct!
It’s okay to change our minds when we do it slowly and deliberately, not because we feel rushed or triggered.
How You Can Gain Clear, Decisive Thinking In A Failing Marriage
In my masculine confidence framework, I teach you how to sort preferences from values so you can hold yourself to a personal code no matter what.
Many men confuse stubbornness with confidence and wonder why they frustrate their wife when they try to hold their ground.
I will show you how to respond to your wife in a way that makes YOU feel good and opens her heart towards you.
Fill out a Get Grounded Now application so we can talk!
I can’t spoon-feed confidence to you, but you can show up to our call with a commitment to positive change as your first step to saving your failing marriage.
Much love brother,
Garrett Prettyman
