Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: Leading with Respect

STOP Tiptoeing Around Your Wife
Tiptoeing around your wife makes her feel like she has to fend for herself. This damages her sense of security in the relationship. A grounded, confident husband makes her feel safe by being direct. Here’s a story to help you understand what tiptoeting around your wife looks like so you can avoid it.

Why You Need To STOP Tiptoeing Around Your Wife

The Negative Effects Of Being Indirect

Gerald felt torn.

He sat in the hot tub with his wife, Susan.

She looked intently at him for an answer.

He didn’t know what to say.

Part of him knew if he spoke plainly, all hell would break loose from her.

The other part of him knew his tactics of tiptoeing around questions had been getting under her skin lately.

There was a part of Susan Gerald dreaded.

He had named this part of her “the dragon”.

Although he had never admitted this term to Susan, she instinctively knew he saw part of her this way.

Susan’s “dragon” was a cold, dismissive, angry, and moody personality that usually surfaced around her period.

For years, Gerald managed to keep Susan’s “dragon” asleep by not disturbing the peace when she was on edge.

He was a black-belt master at adjusting his responses based on how he felt she would react.

Adjusting your responses is typical when you’re tiptoeing around your wife.

You’re putting feelers out to see how she takes it before saying your truth.

Susan wasn’t the only one Gerald used this tactic with.

Customers, family members, in-laws… Gerald could smooth over anything with anyone.

Gerald’s Indirect Answers Made His Wife Lose Respect

Over the last few months, Gerald’s indirect behaviors made Susan feel very unsupported in the marriage.

She struggled to respect him because she never knew where he stood.

Her complaints were:
- I don’t feel like you have my back
- You always try to fix me
- I can’t trust you
- I don’t feel heard
- You make everything about you
As Gerald and Susan sat in the hot tub, Gerald opened his mouth to speak.

Susan immediately sensed he was going to walk on eggshells.

She stopped him mid-sentence.

“See! You always do this!!” Susan said.

Gerald tried to backpedal with a logical excuse.

It only dug him into a deeper hole.

Sound familiar?

It’s easy to try to be blameless while tiptoeing around your wife.

Susan wasn’t having it.

“Just tell me, did you or did you not tell your mom exactly why we won’t be going to their place for Thanksgiving?” She asked.

Gerald knew he hadn’t been direct with his mom… He didn’t want to piss her off either. Gerald had given his mom a list of excuses why they wouldn’t be there for the holiday…

He tried to explain himself, then Susan cut him off again:

“I’m done. I’m done with you never having any backbone… I don’t even feel like I can stay in this relationship.”

Garald’s marriage was on a razor’s edge from divorce.

What Susan desperately needed was to feel safe, protected, and contained in the marriage.

Without masculine “containment“, women feel they don’t have a champion in their corner, and you feel like you’re tiptoing around your wife.

How To Stop Tiptoeing Around Your Wife

Throw out everything you thought you knew about how marriage works.

You need to get back to the basics of what it means to be masculine, so the natural attraction with feminine can happen.

Tiptoeing around your wife?

It feels feminine to her.

That’s why it lowers attraction.

I’m not saying buy a truck or play more sports.

That’s not what makes you masculine.

Being masculine is about being sure, grounded, firm, present, and clear.

When we work on your inner confidence, you become that man naturally.

You need confidence to stop tiptoeing around your wife.

Fear of conflict, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment… there’s always a fear driving people-pleasing.

There’s always a fear behind being overly agreeable.

That fear puts your wife into a state of fight or flight.

I teach you how to THINK differently about your fears.

You become solid in yourself and less bothered by how your wife responds to you.

You’ll be able to open your heart to her when you used to shut down.

What you used to avoid you’ll face head-on.

Your wife will be less reactive with your fear out of the room.
January 30, 2024
How To Deal With A Cold, Distant, Upset Wife
2 Ways Youâ€™re Turning Your Wife Off Without Realizing It

If you have an emotional or upset wife, you might be adding ice to the cocktail without realizing it. I know you don’t mean to. You try to be a good husband. You work hard, provide, and sacrifice. But each night, your wife rolls away from you in bed and your kiss lands on her cheek, at best.

This article is for you if your wife has ever said these things:
- “You don’t have my back.”
- “Stop trying to fix me.”
- “You don’t get it.”
Sound familiar?

Then keep reading.

The Part You Don’t Know You’re Playing

I know a husband who worked long days for years.
- He took pride in sacrificing so his family could have a good life.
- He never wanted his wife to worry about money.
- He worked nonstop to provide a bigger home, reliable cars, and even a hot tub.
- Whenever problems came up, he handled them so she could relax.
- He told himself this pace would only last until he made his big break and could retire
One afternoon, he came home from work and found his wife crying.

“I’m just so lonely,” she said.

He was angry.

He did not want to come home to an upset wife.

Wasn’t he giving her the dream life?

She had comfort.

Security.

Freedom.

Deep down, he felt jealous of how much freedom she had.

He also felt deeply disrespected that she couldn’t appreciate the future he was building.

His response was typical of most men.
- He explained.
- He justified.
- He defended himself.
He didn’t want to be blamed for how she felt.

But this only pushed her further away.

That’s the part he played and didn’t even know it.

His upset wife eventually stopped opening up to him.

They felt like roommates, not lovers.

Your Upset Wife Does Not Want “The Map”

“THE MAP” explains away your wife’s feelings and gives her instructions on how to feel better.

You probably give your upset wife “THE MAP” unintentionally.
- It makes her feel unheard.
- It makes her feel unseen.
- It is like handing a boiling lobster the instruction manual for the stove.
Men naturally love maps.

We see systems, patterns, and outcomes.

When a man feels confused, hand him a map.

Watch that backfire with your upset wife.

She wants to be met where she is, not to understand why she is.

A grounded man doesn’t hand his upset wife “THE MAP” because he’s ok with uncomfortable feelings.

He doesn’t see negative emotions as a problem to fix.

A grounded man:
- Trusts his intentions
- Has clarity
- Acts deliberately
- Stays calm
- Knows his value
Your upset wife does not want your explanations.

She wants you to notice her emotions without defending yourself or trying to fix how she feels.

Your Upset Wife Needs To Feel Your Emotional Strength

If your wife can’t emotionally vomit into a bucket now and then, she feels overwhelmed.

You need to be a STRONG bucket for her.

If her disapproval weakens you, if her eye roll shakes you, or her withdrawal collapses you, she can’t feel your emotional strength.

Women move toward safety and away from weakness.

If your emotional well-being depends on her, she cannot fully trust you with the deeper things she feels.

Often, when you are annoyed with your upset wife, she is doing something you would never allow yourself to do.
- Maybe she sleeps in.
- Maybe she talks too much.
- Maybe she enjoys life more freely.
Your resentment often comes from what you suppress in yourself.

You criticize her behavior because part of you envies the freedom she allows herself.

Her actions are making you realize how you treat the part of yourself that you hold back.

If you want to keep holding it back, great!

But if you are secretly jealous of the freedoms your wife seems to have, it can be a calling to stop suppressing them in yourself.

Don’t brush past this concept.

If your upset wife triggers you, notice what part of yourself she may be expressing that you have pushed down in yourself.

How do you treat that part of yourself?

That’s how your wife feels treated by you.

Maybe that part of you needs love.

Or maybe that part of you needs a voice.

You don’t have to act on it, but you can let it wash over you.

You can roll with its punches instead of trying to numb it out.

It’s better to say “I’m angry” and then not act on it than to try to stomach the anger.

How a Grounded Husband Brings the Spark Back

Most men unknowingly plug their emotional charger into their wives.

This drains her.

You need self-reliance and male support to stop depending on your wife to give you good feelings.

When you are validated by another man, you won’t be as defensive with your wife.

Unplug your emotional dependence on her and plug into strong male relationships.

This is how attraction naturally builds with your wife.

When you are around masculine men, it rubs off on you.

Feminine is attracted to masculine; no stronger force pulls her in.

I’ll Help You Rebuild Your Marriage Step By Step

Let’s get you secure in yourself so you can show your upset wife empathy and support.

I want you to:
- Be grounded in your unique masculine blueprint
- Set clear boundaries
- Live from your values
- Lead with calm confidence
- Be irresistible to women
Have you had man-to-man mentorship before?

It will change your life.
January 26, 2024
How To Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her
I’m going to show you why it’s so dam attractive when you lead your wife without controlling her.

Leadership is a unique masculine gift, and it’s about giving people choices.

Feminine leadership is about drawing people in through relationships, beauty, or receptivity.

See the difference?

Society teaches that men and women are equals.

It says pointing out differences is “racist” and therefore BAD.

But your marriage will fail without masculine leadership being different from feminine leadership.

That statement I just made will offend many people.

It can push them into the streets to protest for something that nobody can even give them… Their SELF-WORTH.

This is because somewhere along the line, we as a culture have forgotten where our value lies.

We think others can give us value or take it from us.

Value is something nobody can take from you because your value does not lie OUTSIDE you. Your value lies INSIDE who you’re BEING.

When I talk about masculinity and femininity, it has nothing to do with who is better, more powerful, more valuable, or equal.

When I say “masculine leadership,” this in no way implies that women are “less than.”

There are basic rules to our universe:
- What goes up must come down
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
- What you resist will persist
- Polarity creates attraction
A battery needs a positive and a negative post to power electronics.

Without this polarity, your car couldn’t have lights or a radio.

Neither the positive nor the negative post is better than the other.

But both posts are opposites!

If you want to lead your wife without controlling her, you must value how she is your opposite.

Masculine Leadership Feels Safe To Feminine

A car only needs one steering wheel to reach its destination.

When the driver knows where he’s going, he’s confident at the wheel.

When he’s confident at the wheel, everyone onboard can relax.

You can be the feminine energy in your relationship if you want.

Some men feel most alive when they are the flowing, soft, receptive, nurturing partner.

Other men feel most alive when they are clear, direct, logical, and creators of action towards definite plans and a definite purpose.

Many people try to shoot down the latter man because he makes them feel uncomfortable about their own state of inaction or their own lack of purpose.

What the clear, logical man is actually doing is providing masculine leadership.

Feminine leads by drawing things in.

She draws things into her life through beauty, receptivity, relationships, and emotions.

That’s why her Instagram post gets 10k likes, and yours gets 3 (it’s mostly her looks drawing them in).

You lead by what you create.

She leads by what she exposes (like her feelings, looks, etc.)

When you lead your wife without controlling her, she feels free to express her femininity.

She feels free to lead how she’s meant to.

That’s why it’s so dam attractive to her.

Bossing People Around Is Not Leadership

The bully thinks he knows how to lead.

So does the dictator and micromanager.

And we tend to copy the leadership of those we grew up under.

It’s easy to think of leadership as being in charge.

The guy who calls the shots.

The one who bull-dogs his way through life.

But telling people what to do or what we want is not leading them, it’s trying to control them.

Dictating is highly effective but short-lived.

There’s no loyalty, no love, only fear.

Bossing people around doesn’t lead them because you’re trying to push them.

Leaders are out in front.

They go first.

They live by example.

Then they offer choices for others to join.

How To Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her

Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her By Offering Choices

Let’s say you and your wife are in the kitchen.

She just said something rude or hurtful.

1. Get curious about how she must feel to make such a rude comment. Lead her to that feeling by suggesting a few feelings you think she might be having. Let her choose the feeling that’s most accurate for her.

2. State how it makes you feel to hear her rude comment rather than sweeping it under the rug. Masculine leadership stays present even with uncomfortable feelings.

3. Lead her to the next step by offering it. If you yell, argue, or shut down, you are leading her to do the same. Never underestimate the power of mirroring neurons in the brain! She feels invited to act how you are acting. She may not always choose it, but hold that bar for both of you.

Another great way to lead your wife without controlling her is to simply say what’s next.

It makes her feel like you’re at the wheel of the car.

Say what your plan is for the day.

Before you disappear into the garage for a project, say you are disappearing into the garage to work on a project.

Even your kids need this kind of leadership.

Let’s say you took them to the park.

You decide it’s time to go.

A leader would say: “Almost time to go! Do you want to get in the car in 5 minutes or in 10 minutes?”

A dictator would say: “Get in the car, we’re leaving!”

The same rules apply to your wife, even if she’s a strong, independent woman.

Giving her choices helps her relax.

Even strong women love to relax.

Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her By Holding The Wheel

If a car had a steering wheel for each passenger, the destination would never be reached.

Hell, if a car had no steering wheel or GPS guidance system, the destination would never be reached.

Your marriage is that car.

Your marriage will not work unless someone is at the wheel.

I was the man who abandoned the driver’s seat of my marriage because my wife was complaining about my “driving” (and lack of “driving”).

I decided to let her have a turn rather than step up.

She seemed good at planning the weekends, making the phone calls, setting the boundaries, and initiating hard conversations, so I never did.

This feels like pressure to a woman.

It suffocates her.

She’ll love you, but not feel in love with you.

She’ll jump onto someone else’s car as soon as it comes along.

If your marriage is struggling, removing pressure is the most effective way to save the relationship.

Masculine leadership feels like a huge load lifted off her shoulders.

It will feel natural for you.

You already have deep values and a unique masculine archetype that you can lead from.

But you might be disconnected from them right now.

I’ll help you stop holding back your awesome masculine gifts with a renewed clarity of who you are.

How To Become The Natural Leader Your Wife Loves

Everything I teach is time-tested and very relatable for men.

You’ll be shocked at how many issues men face that are exactly like yours.

Most of the transformation happens in your mind.

You have a narrative running that needs to be challenged and reframed.

I want you to feel invincible, clear, and strong in your marriage.

Your wife does too.

This work won’t just benefit you; it benefits your family and those closest to you.

Let’s jump on a call, and I’ll explain how it all works.
January 25, 2024