This article sheds light on why good women leave good men even after many years together. I’m not some guru. What you read in this article is my own contemplation. I could be dead wrong. What do you think? Tell me in the comments!
Good Women Leave Good Men Without The Right Kind Of Love
There are 3 types of love.
- EROS: Romantic, sexual love
- AGAPE: Caring love
- PHILEO: Family bonding love
The world is filled with honest, good-intending, devoted, loving men who care deeply for their partner.
Men are straight shooters when it comes to love.
Either we always had a “thing” for a specific woman, or we didn’t.
Once a girl wins our heart, our love is permanent.
Just like our preference for the shirt we liked 10 years ago.
In my experience, something binds inside us guys when we “fall in love” with a woman.
Our eros & agape literally fuse together.
That means our romantic love and our caring love for her transcend life’s circumstances.
All of us men know what it’s like to care deeply for a woman and feel our primal urge to protect, care, provide, and give pleasure even if she doesn’t give two hoots about us.
It’s a kind of love that doesn’t even need to be reciprocated by her.
A Man’s Love Rarely Stops When She Doesn’t Love Him Back
Masculine love becomes unconditional towards a woman once eros and agape fuse together.
Even if our partner becomes the devil, rejects us, or has an affair, we still care for her on a primal level.
We don’t like what she’s doing, we prefer she change, but we still love her.
I know in my life, I can look back and still feel caring, romantic love for all the women I’ve fallen in love with (even if they never loved me in return).
Once Eros and Agape bind in us towards a woman, we can end up tolerating very toxic or unhealthy behaviors from her unless we have clear standards around what kinds of people we allow into our lives.
For this reason, it’s imperative to have clear boundaries around who we commit to regardless of how we feel.
Female Love Is Different Software
I don’t think eros and agape bind in a woman.
She feels them independently, one from the other.
This is my personal observation at least.
Women seem to have a binding of agape and philo which manifests as her mothering instincts for her family.
One could argue when a woman falls for a man, it’s more intense than we experience it.
But a woman’s eros (sexual) love for a man is fragile.
Eros, the erotic love, is based on how she feels RIGHT NOW.
It comes and goes.
What doesn’t come and go for her is the family bonding and caring love.
Even when a wife divorces her husband, she still feels bonded to him.
But the sexual attraction is long gone.
And you?
You’ll still get turned on by her.
When a woman loses her eros (sexual) love for her partner, she’s out.
Are you starting to see why good women leave good men?
The husband and wife are not bad people, but they need to feel all 3 versions of love.
And each has a different idea of what those versions are.
Good Women Leave Good Men When They Lose Erotic Love
Why do women lose erotic love?
It’s not because you’re ugly or because you snore.
Her erotic love is a result of feeling like you understand and can handle her emotions.
This is the polar opposite of men.
Men feel erotic love based on how beautiful she is (inside and out).
When your wife says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” she is saying feelings of eros (erotic) love are gone for her.
That’s why good women leave good men.
Her closed-off body is a physical representation of how her heart feels in the relationship.
This is really frustrating for us guys.
It feels like an injustice.
We thought getting married brought some kind of permanency to love.
The truth is, her love for us was always fragile.
In her article, “The Initiation of Relationship Anxiety,” Sheryl Finn explains what a woman is grappling with when she wants to end the relationship.
Your wife or girlfriend is experiencing the same instinct to RUN as we would if faced with a feral lion.
These are HER fears, HER wounds, and HER path to walk as an evolving person.
A woman is faithful to one thing: her feelings.
With this information, our male brains want to know ONE thing: WHY.
WHY did her feelings change?
Why can’t she feel sexual desire for me?
But this is the wrong question to ask.
Instead, ask yourself WHAT you will do next.
Trying to change your wife’s “why” has a 100% failure rate.
It’s like chasing a shadow…
Why do we like one fruit and not another?
Why do we prefer coffee with cream or without?
There is no reasoning behind these desires; they just are.
Don’t let this fact depress you.
Since she’s in a constant state of change, she can change back to loving you again.
Ironically, we men have a similar complex that prevents us from committing to “good women”.
For guys, we’ll choose the pretty girl over the hideous girl every time (even if the hideous girl would have been a way better partner).
The pretty girl “awakens” a care in us we don’t otherwise experience through Eros.
Loving her body isn’t enough in a long-term relationship.
That’s another reason why good women leave good men – eros love alone feels too shallow for her.
Both men and women are equally irrational when it comes to erotic love.
Both chase a version that is more a fairytale than reality.
But it’s still a necessity, and can’t be minimized.
How To Build Erotic Love With Your Wife
If you love a woman and she’s not on board with reciprocating your love, then you need to show self-respect and let her go.
Yup, you’ll still love her.
You’ll still find her attractive.
But erotic love is not built by chasing her.
It’s counterintuitive, but letting her go is what she will find most attractive.
A mature, happy, self-reliant, loving man develops his own standards to live up to.
Meeting those standards is what makes him feel good about himself.
You can hold the perfect frame for feminine love to grow by creating trust, safety, connection, and leadership.
Hold those standards for yourself, then let the pieces fall where they may.
We men have to learn to trust in the processes, not the immediate results.
The fragile, fleeting, ever-changing eros love of a woman sometimes takes hold in the space we create.
Sometimes it does not.
We create this space because of who we love to be, not because of how she responds to it.
Our intentions, values, and desires are something for us to live up to for our own sense of honor, not to win her approval.
Here’s the bottom line: The reason why good women leave good men is that her feelings changed, and thus her loyalty changed.
You can only take responsibility for your tone, vibe, and masculine energy.
The rest is up to her.
Forget Why Good Women Leave Good Men & Focus On Yourself
I teach men how to be the kind of confident, loving, grounded, emotionally available guy women feel drawn to.
Not to win the girl, but so that he can look at himself in the mirror with respect.
I show you how to be happy and think clearly, independent of what your partner throws at you.
Your state of well-being is no longer attached to her moods or fleeting desires.
Being a good man isn’t enough to maintain erotic attraction in a long-term relationship.
But a man who doesn’t lean on his wife’s emotions to feel ok about himself is.
I show you how to be more secure, so you feel back in control.