Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: Men’s mental health

4 Critical Steps To Healing A Broken Heart After Your Wife Walks Away
Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away happens in stages. Men are affected by heartbreak differently than women, so the steps to heal are a little different. This article and the video below will help you take the right steps to feeling better.

The Pain Of Heartbreak

Loss of appetite.

Tears.

Inability to sleep.

Feeling like a used rag flushed down the toilet.

Nausea.

Shortness of breath.

What a man goes through when the woman he loves divorces him is no joke.

Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away is possible if you follow time-proven steps.

Why Should Healing A Broken Heart After Your Wife Walks Away Be The Focus?

When we’re suffering from the loss of our marriage, we men tend to hyper-focus on ONE thing…getting our wife back!

We think if we could get our wife back, all our suffering would end and the world would feel like a happy place again.

However, making our wife want to be with us is out of our control.

We will get stuck in grief for years if we focus on things we can’t control.

The other problem with focusing on getting our runaway wife back is it leaves us feeling like a powerless victim.

You know a man feels like a powerless victim when he…
- Complains about his situation
- Blames others for the choices he “had” to make
- Defends why his pain is “different” from what other men face
- Argues and raises his voice
- Focuses on all the negative things that make his situation seem “unchangeable.”
- Always brings up his ex in conversation to point out that she left him and why the relationship could’ve been fixed
Many songs have been written about men who pined for a woman who stopped loving him until he died.

Is that any way to live?

Misery puts a dark cloud over life itself.

Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away is 100% in our control, and that is why we must focus on it.

You know a man is staying focused on what’s 100% in his control when he…
- Sees the cup as half full instead of half empty
- Can clearly describe what his bright, amazing, love-filled future will look like
- Stops acting urgent
- No longer holds others responsible to change for his life to be amazing
- Bravely makes BIG, BOLD choices to create what he wants (even if nobody else approves)
- Doesn’t allow fear, loneliness, or desperation to dictate the choices he makes
- Takes full responsibility for how he feels without holding others liable
4 Steps To Healing A Broken Heart After Your Wife Walks Away

1. Come to terms with your denial of reality.

During a marriage, it’s best if we focus on the positives of our partner. However, after divorce, it’s time to notice what was not positive about our wife. We can easily romanticize her, which perpetuates our suffering. Coming to terms with reality means accepting that she isn’t all the amazing things we thought she was. We need to believe that we deserve better. A self-respecting man will not throw himself at a woman who clearly does not love him. The reality we must accept is that she no longer loves us, and clinging to her prevents the love we want from coming into our lives.

2. Go alone in nature and unload all your anger.

We will not be able to heal if we try to suppress our emotions. Go out in nature (far away from people) and fully unload all your anger about the relationship ending. Feel the anger from your head to your toes. An emotion that isn’t fully experienced can fester for decades, keep us stuck, and lead to PTSD. You might find the anger shifts to grief, regret, or resentment. Whatever emerges, get it all out. The goal is to let our body naturally heal by progressing through a whole range of emotions.

3. Grab a journal and vent all your “if onlys” and all the things you wish you could have made your wife understand.

When our wife leaves us, our brain will stew and stew on it, analyzing every angle, desperate to find a fix. Mental exhaustion ensues. It leaves us dazed. We can hardly function at our normal capacity. Use your laptop or journal to unload everything in your brain. Write out all your “if onlys”, “what ifs”, and everything you want to explain to your ex. Do not send her any of your epiphanies! Our subconscious can’t tell if we’re using paper or her as a sounding board. Using paper (instead of her) provides relief as if she were there to listen & understand our perspective.

4. Let yourself grieve the loss

Letting go and grieving the loss of the relationship is the hardest part. Some call this stage “the lament.” A lament is to mourn what we lost, grieve what will never be, and let go of the story we’ve been clinging to. Hanging onto our suffering does not prove our love for her! I’ve found self-love meditations to be very healing during this stage, along with doing shadow work. It’s important to build a support system during this time, preferably with men who understand your pain and can empathize with how it feels.

Your Personal Guide To Heal A Broken Heart

Acceptance is the only path to having a meaningful, happy life, even when life hands us lemons.

Once we reach acceptance, we can look forward and create a new chapter that’s BETTER than the one we just closed.

In my book, “A Man’s Vital Guide To Healing Grief” I give a blueprint you can follow to put your broken heart back together and reach acceptance.

I’ve had my heart broken more than once.

In my book, I wrote down every step I took to recover so you can have a clear path to follow.

You know this book will help if you…
- Wake up at night in a panic that your wife is gone
- Feel miserable when you see other couples kiss or hold hands
- Cannot imagine yourself ever attending a wedding again
- Have lost your will to keep going
- Feel everything (even your job) is pointless
Chapter 9 provides a link to get a FREE copy of my “healing loneliness” meditations, along with videos and digital resources.

Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away can be hindered if we keep holding onto the pain.

It’s paradoxical, but letting go of the pain feels like letting go of her.

Part of us doesn’t want to let go, because it feels like we’re giving up or letting her off the hook.

I help you overcome problems like this (and many more) in my book.

Click HERE to get a copy.

Reach out if you want personal guidance.
August 2, 2024
STOP Tiptoeing Around Your Wife
Tiptoeing around your wife makes her feel like she has to fend for herself. This damages her sense of security in the relationship. A grounded, confident husband makes her feel safe by being direct. Here’s a story to help you understand what tiptoeting around your wife looks like so you can avoid it.

Why You Need To STOP Tiptoeing Around Your Wife

The Negative Effects Of Being Indirect

Gerald felt torn.

He sat in the hot tub with his wife, Susan.

She looked intently at him for an answer.

He didn’t know what to say.

Part of him knew if he spoke plainly, all hell would break loose from her.

The other part of him knew his tactics of tiptoeing around questions had been getting under her skin lately.

There was a part of Susan Gerald dreaded.

He had named this part of her “the dragon”.

Although he had never admitted this term to Susan, she instinctively knew he saw part of her this way.

Susan’s “dragon” was a cold, dismissive, angry, and moody personality that usually surfaced around her period.

For years, Gerald managed to keep Susan’s “dragon” asleep by not disturbing the peace when she was on edge.

He was a black-belt master at adjusting his responses based on how he felt she would react.

Adjusting your responses is typical when you’re tiptoeing around your wife.

You’re putting feelers out to see how she takes it before saying your truth.

Susan wasn’t the only one Gerald used this tactic with.

Customers, family members, in-laws… Gerald could smooth over anything with anyone.

Gerald’s Indirect Answers Made His Wife Lose Respect

Over the last few months, Gerald’s indirect behaviors made Susan feel very unsupported in the marriage.

She struggled to respect him because she never knew where he stood.

Her complaints were:
- I don’t feel like you have my back
- You always try to fix me
- I can’t trust you
- I don’t feel heard
- You make everything about you
As Gerald and Susan sat in the hot tub, Gerald opened his mouth to speak.

Susan immediately sensed he was going to walk on eggshells.

She stopped him mid-sentence.

“See! You always do this!!” Susan said.

Gerald tried to backpedal with a logical excuse.

It only dug him into a deeper hole.

Sound familiar?

It’s easy to try to be blameless while tiptoeing around your wife.

Susan wasn’t having it.

“Just tell me, did you or did you not tell your mom exactly why we won’t be going to their place for Thanksgiving?” She asked.

Gerald knew he hadn’t been direct with his mom… He didn’t want to piss her off either. Gerald had given his mom a list of excuses why they wouldn’t be there for the holiday…

He tried to explain himself, then Susan cut him off again:

“I’m done. I’m done with you never having any backbone… I don’t even feel like I can stay in this relationship.”

Garald’s marriage was on a razor’s edge from divorce.

What Susan desperately needed was to feel safe, protected, and contained in the marriage.

Without masculine “containment“, women feel they don’t have a champion in their corner, and you feel like you’re tiptoing around your wife.

How To Stop Tiptoeing Around Your Wife

Throw out everything you thought you knew about how marriage works.

You need to get back to the basics of what it means to be masculine, so the natural attraction with feminine can happen.

Tiptoeing around your wife?

It feels feminine to her.

That’s why it lowers attraction.

I’m not saying buy a truck or play more sports.

That’s not what makes you masculine.

Being masculine is about being sure, grounded, firm, present, and clear.

When we work on your inner confidence, you become that man naturally.

You need confidence to stop tiptoeing around your wife.

Fear of conflict, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment… there’s always a fear driving people-pleasing.

There’s always a fear behind being overly agreeable.

That fear puts your wife into a state of fight or flight.

I teach you how to THINK differently about your fears.

You become solid in yourself and less bothered by how your wife responds to you.

You’ll be able to open your heart to her when you used to shut down.

What you used to avoid you’ll face head-on.

Your wife will be less reactive with your fear out of the room.
January 30, 2024
Your Wife Loves You But Isn’t In Love: How To Bring Afffection Back
When your wife loves you but isn’t in love with you, it shakes you to your core. The desperation. The fear. The loneliness. I’ve been there. I’ve been the guy up at 3:00 AM searching Google on how to save your marriage. At some point, you realize this isn’t about saving your marriage. This is about saving yourself. Here’s a true story from another man who didn’t let his wife’s loss of feelings destroy his life.

Marriage Without Masculine Confidence Is Doomed

It’s 3:00 Am.

Josh can’t sleep.

His wife, Marcia, is working a graveyard shift.

He’s alone in bed.

Something Marcia said before she left for work really bothers him.

“I don’t feel in love with you anymore. I mean, I still love you, like a really good friend, but I don’t want to have sex anymore.”

What does it even mean when your wife says she loves you but isn’t in love with you??

Josh still has feelings for his wife and can’t imagine living in a sexless marriage.

He feels desperate to bring affection back, the cuddles, and the sexy Sunday mornings.

But he’s not sure where to start.

He feels like he’s done everything a great husband should do.

He’s always quick to agree with her and never pressures her with his views or opinions.

She’s a very strong, independent woman, and he always appreciates her for being that way.

On the outside, Josh seems easy-going.

But on the inside, he feels like Marcia’s withdrawal is unfair.

He hopes that leaving little clues about what bothers him will make Marcia change.

Like when she takes trips without him.

Or when she’s at work all night and he sleeps alone.

He would never openly say what bothers him; he doesn’t want to create conflict.

Instead, he cleverly slips in snide comments about her trips, hoping it will discourage her.

He’ll make sarcastic jokes about being home alone, hoping she’ll feel bad for him.

That’s how Josh drops bread crumbs instead of speaking openly and honestly.

When Marcia messes up, Josh never gets angry.

But he does give her a look that says, “You’re being dumb.”

When she’s not in the mood for sex, he won’t say anything negative… but he gets mopey, hoping she’ll have sympathy.

Josh is unaware that his indirect behaviours are not helping to bring affection back into his relationship.

To Marcia, it’s a huge turn-off when he beats around the bush, trying not to offend her.

Deep down, Josh is insecure about facing conflict.

Marcia senses this.

She would feel more secure in the relationship if he was more secure in himself to be direct with her.

When your wife loves you but isn’t in love, she’s struggling to relax into her feminine state, where she can feel affection with you.

She needs your masculine confidence to feel safe enough to relax.

Not just physically relax, but to emotionally relax and open her heart.

This is the deeper connection feminine needs that awakens her desire for physical closeness and intimacy.

Masculine Confidence Polarizes Your Wife’s Feminine Attraction Towards You

Josh thinks he’s doing everything a great husband should do for his wife!
- He prioritizes her pleasure, ensuring she orgasms first
- He’s always agreeable
- He sacrifices time with friends, leisure activities, and solo adventures to be with her on the weekends
- He works really hard at his job and always puts food on the table
- He’s remodeled the bathroom and put new carpet in the house, trying to make her happy
Josh feels resentful, knowing he’s done so much without Marcia reciprocating

For all he’s sacrificed, shouldn’t she at least show him some affection?

But these actions won’t bring affection back.

Josh’s efforts with strings attached make Marcia feel manipulated.

Maybe that’s why your wife loves you but isn’t in love with you.

To her, you feel like another kid to take care of.

Another child with needs she has to meet.

And your smoldering resentment for all you’ve done only makes her feel like she needs space from it all.

Lead By Example When Your Wife Loves You But Isn’t In Love

Josh never buys himself anything nice, but he secretly hopes his wife will.

Snacks, a new shirt, renting a movie, going in nature, or planning a fun trip – those are things he wants, but he never actually asks for.

Instead, he broods over his expectations not being met.

He waits in frustration for his wife to meet his needs.

There are things Marcia secretly hopes Josh will do for her, too.

She thinks Josh should know her well enough to take charge when she’s overwhelmed.

That he should be able to buy her an outfit she likes or know what book she wants for her birthday.

Both of them are suffering from a lack of experiences they think the other is responsible for.

This is what happens when a relationship loses masculine/feminine polarity.

You get stuck in a stalemate.

The Google Search History That Nearly Ended Josh’s Marriage

Here Josh was… Spending the wee hours of the morning watching YouTube videos about how to save your marriage.

He found one guy who seemed to have solid advice.

Josh found his website and eBook.

Yikes!

The eBook cost $7.99.

Screw that!

Josh went back to watching free self-help YouTube videos.

Then another hour slipped by as he found some porn.

The next morning, Josh woke up exhausted from little sleep.

He left for work.

Nothing changed in his life.

When he got home, Marcia was beside herself.

She pointed to the computer screen and then to the browser history.

“Have you been watching porn?” She demanded.

“No!” Josh studderd, knowing he was caught red-handed.

“Well, how do you explain the browser history?” She said, furious.

Josh made up a story, blaming family members who stayed with them.

Marcia believed the lie, but Josh knew this wasn’t over.

Here’s a video with perspective on why masculine confidence is magnetic when your wife loves you but isn’t in love with you:

She Doubting Her Feelings For You? Masculine Confidence Is Vital

What To Do When Your Wife Loves You But Isn’t In Love

When your wife loves you but isn’t in love, the relationship is over.

Not your future relationship with her, your old relationship with her.

It’s time for marriage 2.0.

And marriage 2.0 won’t happen until you start turning pages in the next amazing chapter of your life.

You have to launch into this new chapter knowing you’ll be ok even if your wife doesn’t join.

This is how you create an INVITATION into something better.

It’s how you bring affection back through attraction.

She has to get to know you all over again.

She has to fall in love with you again.

Josh’s pain in his marriage got so bad that he finally broke down and spent $7.99 on the eBook.

This was the first time he had ever invested in himself.

If felt strange, like he needed someone’s permission.

This was a turning point.

Josh gave himself permission to prioritize his own development.

Making himself a priority felt good!

Soon, he did something he never thought he would: He hired a life coach.

It cost over $10k.

His business saw a 30% boost in profits as a result.

Josh continued to invest in himself, spending over $50k in personal development over the next 24 months.

He showed up to the coaching sessions consistently.

He followed through on the homework.

The personal work rewired his brain.

The results of investing in himself were off the charts.

With a new mindset toward life, a community of men who had his back, and balls of brass, he boldly faced his fears.
- His property portfolio doubled.
- His business brought in over a million in sales.
- He manifested a job that covered all his coaching investments and an additional $50k as a down payment on his dream house.
His relationship with women became sensual, deep, and meaningful.

And most importantly, Josh’s sense of well-being and love for life flowed out to others.

Josh has to pinch himself each morning when he looks out the window.

He’s actually living his dream life TODAY!

Marcia didn’t like his new life.

And that gave Josh clarity.

No more settling.

No more trying to smile while he hurt on the inside.

The new woman who came into his life in this new chapter loved the life he built.

They SHARED important values that kept the relationship strong.

For many of my clients, this “new woman” was a new version of their wife.

New things start coming out of her when new things start coming out of you.

Sounds too good to be true?

Well, it’s a true story.

Your Next Step To Bring Affection Back Into Your Marriage

Nothing outside Josh changed.

He still lives on the same planet as he always has.

What changed is that Josh became a confident husband, brother, employer, son, and leader.

Why is it that we men want a priceless marriage but struggle to invest in ourselves?

Waiting for your wife to improve is a never-ending wait.

Show her a new you before it’s too late.

Work on your own lack of self-worth, low self-esteem, and dependency on others for joy and love – and let that magnetism do all the attracting.

This is about securing YOUR amazing future.

Before you can bring affection back into your marriage, you have to put yourself first.

Reach out.
January 29, 2024
How To Survive Your Wife’s Affair And Restore Trust
When my wife’s affair finally surfaced, I wasn’t blindsided. The signs had been growing for months. But nothing prepares you for the moment suspicion becomes reality. That fleeting rush of “I knew it!” wears off, replaced by a deep sense of betrayal. But honestly, you’re more angry with her affair partner than her. You feel gutted, but you still love her. You said you would leave if she ever cheated, but now you stand to lose too much. It feels like only she can soothe the pain by ending her affair and loving you again. Here’s how I survived my wife’s affair and how to restore shattered trust.

The Day My Wife’s Affair Came Out

My Saturday in August started as usual.

Stacks of bookwork needed my attention.

Self-employment meant wearing the hats of five employees.

It had done it for years, working 80-plus-hour weeks until winter.

But this summer was different.

The few times I was home, my wife acted as if I didn’t exist.

She hadn’t wanted sex in weeks.

She would go out with friends and not come home for days.

Today, my wife was home.

I spent the morning being mopey about the lack of sex.

I tried to imply how I felt without actually saying it.

After dropping a few complaints (hoping she would catch my drift and want sex or to stay home more), I sat down at my desk to do the bookwork.

What happened next changed my entire life.

She sat down on the couch beside me and said, “I have feelings for someone else, and it’s turned into an emotional affair.”

I wasn’t good at being direct back then.

My slide comments were easy to misinterpret, but there was no mistaking her words.

She went on to say, “It’s only been an emotional affair, but it’s going to turn physical soon. I’m going to leave you for this new relationship.”

Even though I had my suspicions for months, reality was a dagger to my heart.
- I felt raped, used, and rejected
- I cried for days
- I stopped eating
- I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks
- My will to live left me
My wife’s affair tore me apart, making everything we had built together seem pointless.

Fast Forward To Now:
- I’ve created a life I love!
- I live location-independently
- I spend part of the year deep in the mountains
- Cedar trees, creeks, fireplaces, and coffee are all normal parts of my day
- I create a deep connection anytime I want it
- I have several homes in different states
- I have the passionate love, sex, intimacy, and relationships I want
- I am no longer dependent on women to feel good
- I am no longer addicted to porn
- I experience the things I love every day!
This is my list of things I highly value, which is why I’m sharing it.

They are things I used to look to my wife to give me (or help build).

Today, I am self-relient to creating what I value.

Developing self-reliance is necessary to survive your wife’s affair.

You have to detach from her being your source of well-being or your only path to creating what you want.

Watch this video to learn more key attributes I had to develop to put myself back together after my wife’s affair came out.

How I Got My Happiness Back After My Wife’s Affair

6 Steps To Survive Your Wife’s Affair
- Step 1: STOP old behaviors that make you depend on her
- Step 2: Grieve the loss of your imagined future with her
- Step 3: Develop new mindsets that increase your self-esteem
- Step 4: Develop new behaviors that make you feel proud of yourself
- Step 5. Develop new ways of communicating that lead deeper connection
- Step 6. Look forward to what you are creating, and invite others to join
In my eBook The Devastated Man’s Marriage 1st Aid Revival Pack, I list 26.5 things to immediately STOP doing when your wife cheats or has an affair.

If you don’t stop these things, you will remain a victim of your wife’s choices and destroy any chances for reconciliation.

Stop things like:
- Checking her phone.
- Tracking her location.
- Begging, bargaining, pleading.
- Trying to win her back with flowers and love notes.
New Mindsets To Reduce The Pain

If your wife shows genuine remorse for her affair, your marriage can be healed.

But your relationship will worsen if you let your stinkin’ thinkin’ run unchecked.

Here are some new mindsets to adopt:
- Your FEAR of divorce (not divorce itself) will PREVENT a new, better relationship from developing. Divorce papers don’t keep people apart, and marriage certificates don’t keep them together. If your wife is leaning towards divorce, let her go. It’s the most attractive thing you can do.
- She didn’t cheat because you’re a bad husband. Drop that thought now, it stinks. An affair is a CHOICE. It was HER choice. You can be the worst husband in the world, and she can still choose to NOT cheat on you.
- Don’t view your wife as a monster set on destroying you. She’s trying to do what she thinks will make her happy, not what will hurt you. She really is doing what she thinks is best based on what she values. It only adds to your resentment and anger if you expect more than that from her. See how your pain comes from your expectations, not her actions? If you start to believe your wife is doing the best she can with the brain she has, you prevent contempt from creeping in.
- Clarify your values and boundaries. Write down the consequences for those boundaries being crossed. Your boundaries are NOT meant to control her. They should NOT be created out of fear, anxiety, or insecurity. They are intended to define the borders of what YOU want to experience and what YOU will do next when they are violated.
- Let her feel the sting of her choices.
Reconcile Your Marriage by Changing How You Communicate

If your wife has shown remorse for her affair, you need to lead a more emotionally intimate relationship going forward.

Don’t try to get your marriage back to how it used to be, that’s what got you here.

It’s time for a whole new way of interacting with your partner.
- Use statements, not questions.
- Listen for emotion words when she talks. Connect with those emotion words.
- Don’t defend, explain, justify, or get defensive about your intentions.
- Do more listening than talking.
- Talk your frustrations out with your male support group, not her family or friends.
You lead a deeper connection by using your ears, not your mouth.

Invite Your Wife Into A Better Future By Living It

The imagined future you had with your wife is over.

But your amazing future is still an option.

You will never convince her of how awesome it will be by explaining it; you have to live it.
- Get laser-focused on your life mission beyond your wife and family.
- Lean into what makes you uncomfortable or where you’ve been playing small.
- Know exactly what your amazing future smells, tastes, feels, and sounds like.
- Say “hell yes” to what aligns with your amazing future and “hell no” to what doesn’t.
- Take action for the life you want without holding your wife responsible for it to happen.
Your Wife’s Affair Broke Trust… Here’s How To Heal It

There are two sides to trust.

On the one side, she needs to be trustworthy.

On the other side, you need to extend trust.

Remove either, and your relationship doesn’t have trust.

Making your wife trustworthy is not in your control.

Trust in yourself is in your control.

So is…
- Trust in your intentions.
- Trust in your ability to create a happy day.
- Trust that you can manage your own emotions.
- Trust in your ability to detach from her moods.
- Trust in the value you bring to relationships
If you focus on the side of trust that you can’t directly control, insecurity and doubt will haunt you.

You’ll know she is worthy of your trust when she shows true remorse for her affair.

But the ground rules established by a couple to define fidelity vary greatly.

Don’t assume your wife has the same values you do around fidelity.

To be successful at any sport, everyone needs to know the rules.

The rules help everyone know how to win.

If you use rules to avoid having your own insecurities triggered, you’ve picked the wrong rules.

It’s a race to the bottom when the most insecure person in the room decides what’s ok.

From a calm, secure place, clearly define with your partner what constitutes cheating and what doesn’t.

Frame How She Can Show That She Is Trustworthy

It’s a masculine trait to establish frames.

Frames define when something starts and when it ends.

Frames also put a limit on something.

1. Frame what behaviours your wife can show that would regain your trust.

2. Frame how long you need her to do this.

3. Frame how you plan to manage your own insecurities, fears, and anxiety going forward.

Maybe you need your wife to let you see her phone anytime you want for the next few months.

Or maybe you need her to stop doing overnight stays with friends.

The point isn’t to force her to be trustworthy; it’s to notice how willing she is to make an effort.

If she isn’t willing to make an effort, her side of the trust is gone.

This is what happened for me, so I lovingly removed myself from my wife’s life.

I could do this with clarity because I knew my values and boundaries.

That gave me certainty about how to move forward.

I went from being willing to chop my arm off to save my marriage to boldly standing on my operating principles to create the life I want.

Personal Guidance To Survive Your Wife’s Affair

My relationship ran on fumes for years.

We were both stuck in a loop of resentment and dashed expectations towards each other.

The work I do with men breaks the toxic cycles that will destroy your marriage.

I teach you how to handle ANY situation with your wife with calm, deliberate wisdom and clarity.

Feminine is drawn to this like a magnet!

It’s the opposite of being indirect and passive.

Ready to have a man in your corner to show you the ropes?
January 27, 2024