Sexless marriages… women’s moods… irrational behavior… it’s easy to get frustrated with ladies! This article takes a peek under the hood of feminine affection and reveals why her sensual desire seems so fickle at times.
Feminine Love Is Mostly Narcissistic
I’m not trying to bash women when I say their love is mostly narcissistic.
And guess what?
Sexless marriages are not women’s fault.
You wanting sex when she doesn’t, doesn’t make her the one with the problem.
But yes, your wife’s sexuality is narcissistic.
Click HERE to watch a short video by Esther Perel.
Esther has been studying infidelity and sex in long-term relationships for many years.
If you’re thinking, “Narcissistic, that’s toxic!” Don’t pull the eject lever yet, brother.
Feminine and masculine are polar opposites.
A LOT of how women work will seem backward to how you are wired.
When I was a young boy going through puberty, I fantasized how my man parts could make a girl fall in love with me if I let her see it fully erect.
Real life was a wake-up call.
You and I both know that when a woman is not turned on, your hard-on does not make her want you.
Why?
Because her intimate desire only orbits around how SHE feels, not how you feel.
I’ve learned to accept that what a woman loves when she is turned on is not what turns her on.
But there’s a secret!
Her biology turns on from specific masculine traits.
And those traits aren’t your manhood hanging between your legs, your bank account, or your car.
There are two kinds of experiences she needs for her body to desire your physical intimacy.
On the one hand, she needs to sense you as a grounded, secure, confident, protective, and competent man. One who keeps her safe when she’s emotionally, physically, and mentally the most vulnerable. You have full control over this!
On the other hand, SHE needs to feel connected, desirable, attractive, and delicious all on her own totally separate from you. You have no control over this.
As Esther Perel says, “A woman who cannot make love to herself cannot receive love from others”.
And, that’s where we men get frustrated…
We see her spiraling into coldness and moods, and wish we could shake her out of it.
So what should men in sexless marriages do?
Your demands won’t help, but your sensitivity to how she must feel can.
Especially In Sexless Marriages, Women’s Love Is Sensitive
Think of your partner’s affection like a bubble.
In the early stages of a relationship, everything was soft and yummy.
Her love grew like a soft, thin, delicate bubble filled with affection and desire.
Then she got her period.
You left the toilet seat up.
The bubble started to pop.
But you kissed, made up, made love, all was good again, right?
Wrong.
Sex makes a man feel more connected, but no amount of lovemaking can resolve buried feelings in your wife.
Women are responders in their nature.
Responders to her FEELINGS.
And what did we do with those feelings?
We explained them away.
Defended our point of view.
Or avoided them altogether, hoping they would go away.
They didn’t.
Her feelings festered in her.
They rotted.
Now she feels gross each time we walk by.
See why so many couples end up in sexless marriages?
There is a better way to handle this dynamic.
It starts with understanding how men and women are different.
Women Are Like Cats, Men Are Like Dogs
Corey Wayne came up with the cat/dog analogy to compare men to women.
I love this point of view because it’s so relatable!
Both species make good pets.
Both can be affectionate.
Cats are more elusive, though.
Cats won’t obey, purr, sit still, or “stay” unless they feel like it.
Dogs are very loyal and are quick to forget about yesterday.
Cats are always suspicious of your intentions and only come close when they feel the right vibes with you.
Dogs are ready to pick up the fun right where they left off, regardless of how bad the day was.
Can you relate to any of these experiences with your partner?
In sexless marriages, the woman is mirroring back to the man how it feels to be around him.
She doesn’t plan it out.
Her body does this automatically.
If you’re showing up 100% as the confident, MAN in the relationship who is inspired, fulfilled, outcome non-dependent, and happy, then this is just how she’s going to be with you.
However, most men are walking on eggshells, trying to make her happy, and sacrificing themselves instead of staying in their masculine frame when the marriage is struggling.
If the latter version sounds like you, then your marriage has hope.
When you change for the better, she will probably respond very positively to that.
Sexless Marriages Call For A Clear Masculine Frame
Masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I teach a Confidence Course that will get you thinking, responding, and talking like a grounded, attractive man.
Learning how to be masculine in relationships will completely change your sex life, work life, and social life!
If you’re ready to pull out the big guns and fully rewire your brain for life-long transformation, consider my 1:1 mentorship.
My private coaching will be the most life-changing investment you’ve ever made for yourself.
Sexless marriages are the perfect place for men to get the biggest results from doing this work.
Forging masculinity in the total absence of feminine support and affection is the only way it sticks.
Make good use of this time, brother,