I’m going to show you why wanting your wife to “get her shit together” won’t fix your marriage. If we’re honest with ourselves, the 2 areas men overlook in relationships are no surprise. Both of these areas involve us getting out of our heads and leaning into acceptance.
Areas Men Overlook In Relationships #1
A drop in our gut…
A tightness in our chest…
The hair on our neck bristling…
The unconscious husband misses these cues to be PRESENT and stop overthinking.Â
He sees the above feelings as “annoyances” caused by his wife.
Because of past experiences, we feel emotional reactions to what our wife is doing.
It’s not other people’s job to adjust to our triggers, nor us to theirs…doing so is a race to the bottom!
If we all dance to the beat of the most triggered, insecure person in the room, THAT person is setting the bar for how people live.
We can raise the bar for how people live by taking responsibility for our triggers and by building a new relationship with our traumas.
This improves our marriage because it takes the pressure off our wife to be responsible for our well-being.Â
Love sets free.
Loves accepts others for how they are.
If we want to receive that kind of love we need to give that kind of love.
The purpose of masculinity is to pioneer uncertainty…To create something new in the face of chaos.
A friend of mine categorized all his anxious feelings as his “frizzle”.
“Frizzle” Always Means One Thing: The Opportunity To Create Something NEW
What did Columbus feel before sailing for the New World? Frizzle.
Before Lewis and Clark embarked on exploring the new far West, they felt Frizzle.
When Neal Armstrong crawled in a rocket to pioneer the moon exploration, he experienced Frizzle.
Your relationship has “new” areas to penetrate with your calm, brave, courageous self-confidence.
NEW areas in your relationship are trying to evolve through Frizzle.
Frizzle doesn’t inform us what needs to change in our wife, it shows us where a NEW frontier in the relationship is calling for our courage.
Areas Men Overlook In Relationships #2
We men tend to overlook the fact that our wife is evolving, changing, and constantly going through a metamorphosis.
We THINK we know who we married, what our wife prefers, how she will respond, and that her wedding day promises are still how she feels today.
This version of her only lives in our heads.
In my blog, “Menopause: What Men Need To Know (But Nobody Is Saying)” I interviewed Men’s coach Charlie McKeever.
Charlie shared a shocking insight: No man can escape menopause, it’s coming!
We all agree puberty changed us into an entirely different person.
The shift of a woman changing from being reproductive to not being reproductive is just as dynamic.
In his book, “Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants” Elliott Katz describes how our wife will go through at least 5 different versions of herself over a lifetime.
When we react to the version of our wife we have in our head instead of seeking to understand the REAL woman standing before us, our wife feels like we don’t value her heart.
To maintain an intimate marriage, we need to approach our wife like we’re getting to know a new person.
What To Do Next For Your Relationship As A Man
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The areas men overlook in relationships or common but not that difficult to face once we understand them.
I’ll be glad to help you find your clarity.
Stay grounded brother,
Garrett Prettyman
