Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: Navigating Marital Challenges

  • 2 Mistakes Men Make When Feeling Unloved

    2 Mistakes Men Make When Feeling Unloved

    Has your love tank been on fumes for a while? If so, it’s time to take a hard look at your options. This article covers 2 mistakes men make when feeling unloved. As a bonus, I’ll also tell you exactly how to get your attractive mojo back when rekindling affection with your closed-off wife.

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    Rekindling Affection: 2 Mistakes Men Make When Feeling Unloved

    Mistake #1 

    Exerting stress, anxiety, complaints, and despair towards things outside our control is a lose-lose. 

    I get it. 

    Love & affection feel amazing!

    But when the morning cuddles stop, we’re suddenly reliant on our own ability to create a sense of being valued. 

    We step out of our manly power when we lose sleep, agonize, and bang our heads on the wall over stuff we have no control over! 

    This concept isn’t new.

    The stoics of old like Marcus Aurelius warned us that things outside our control are things we shouldn’t worry about.

    How our wife feels about us is 100% outside our control. 

    I know what your man brain is thinking…“If we fix our issues, she’ll desire me again!”

    No brother, “fixing our issues” has never saved a marriage, but “fixing” our own insecurities has!  

    What we want in life rarely comes through the door we thought it would.

    Spending large amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy over our wife’s lack of desire will do nothing for improvement. 

    In fact, the guy who is most attractive to your wife is the guy who isn’t attached to specific outcomes. 

    A man who complains about his job, his wife, his government, lack of sex, or anything outside his control is a powerless man. 

    Mistake #2 

    Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D wrote a great article, “Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” where she warns us what’s only inside our zone of influence is still mostly out of our control.

    Directing our focus, thoughts, energy, and time towards something only within our zone of influence is a path to disempowerment.

    No amount of influence will ever control someone else 100%. 

    Humans are not robots. 

    Other people have their own brains and end up doing what they want.

    This one is sticky since sometimes we can influence someone to be different. 

    This is more the exemption than the rule though. 

    If we apply massive amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to influence others to be what we want, we’re putting ourselves at their mercy.

    Being at the mercy of others is a powerless, unhappy place to be as a man. 

    How To Get Your Mojo Back

    Did the sun ever complain, chase you down, or demand attention for its sunsets to be attractive?

    Has the sun ever postponed an amazing sunset because nobody was giving it appreciation?

    No, the sun is just doing what it does and at some point, a bystander looks up and says, “Wow, that’s an amazing sunset!”.

    This is what you become when you stop attaching to outcomes and only focus on what’s in your zone of control.

    Things like maintaining happiness right to the end, money, and living an unchained life ensue when we pour as much energy as possible into things 100% inside our control.

    This kind of man steps into his full power by no longer keeping others accountable for his happiness or shine he puts off.

    95% of men choose to not focus on what’s directly inside their control because doing so requires a hard look at our “ya buts”.

    • Ya but, if I ask for sex, she’ll reject me
    • Ya but, if I change jobs, I’ll lose my retirement
    • Ya but, I can’t open my marriage and have sex with other women, my wife will hate me
    • Ya but, I can’t move, my kids have friends here

    Those “Ya buts” are what confident men choose to face when life isn’t providing what they want. 

    Everything we have in life we’ve chosen. 

    We chose our wife…We chose our home…We chose our car. 

    When those things are frustrating us, we’re living with what WE chose. 

    We can always choose a NEW response, attitude, mindset, or tone.

    We can make NEW choices when we face our “Ya Buts”

    A man who remains unrattled by focusing on what’s in his control is no wimp and is very attractive to women!

    The saying is true, “You have to let her go to get her back”

    REALLY let her go, I might add. 

    If you’re struggling to be this kind of man who operates in his zone of control or has been limiting his life with“ya buts” then reach out. 

    My Masculine Confidence Framework coaching package is exactly what you need to re-wire your brain to stop making these 2 mistakes men make when feeling unloved.

    Take full power of what’s inside your control brother by booking a free “Get Grounded Now” consultation.

    Fair warning though – being coached through my masculine confidence framework 1:1 is a reassuringly higher-priced investment.

    If you’re on a tight budget, consider gaining your mojo through my group course, “The Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence“.

    Much Love, 

    Garrett Prettyman

  • Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her…Yet

    Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her…Yet

    When our wife emotionally and sexually withdraws, we can find ourselves in the depths of despair and heartache. We feel suffocated under the weight of painful emotions. Self-doubt gnaws at our core, eroding any remnants of confidence we once had. In the darkness of a sexless marriage, there’s a flicker of hope. Our hope to overcome this anguish is to realize we need to rebuild our shattered confidence before intimacy can return. Are you resentful that you ended up in a sexless marriage? Well, don’t blame her…Yet. Allow the story below to be your roadmap back to confidence and intimacy.

    Chris’s Sexless Marriage

    Meet Chris.

    Chris is known for his remarkable kindness and always going the extra mile to please others. 

    He has a gentle soul, and conflict is his sworn enemy. 

    He would do anything to avoid confrontation, believing that maintaining harmony in all aspects of life is paramount!

    Chris’s marriage to his wife, Sarah, started off blissfully. 

    They were deeply in love and seemed to have a fairytale relationship. 

    As time passed, Sarah began to feel a growing disconnect. 

    Chris’s unwavering niceness became suffocating, and his fear of conflict prevented open communication between them.

    Rather than leading an emotional connection with Sarah, Chris would walk on eggshells hoping to not upset her.

    In their intimate life, Chris’s insatiable sexual neediness further strained their relationship.

    He constantly sought validation and reassurance, often pressuring Sarah for physical intimacy. 

    His desperation for connection had unintentionally pushed Sarah away, and she no longer felt the same attraction she once had.

    Sarah longed for a partner who could stand up for himself, express his desires and needs, and engage in honest conversations. 

    She craved a sense of balance, where both partners were able to communicate their feelings openly, even if it meant occasional disagreements.

    Feeling the growing distance, Sarah contemplated the state of their marriage. 

    She realized that if things continued as they were, both of them would suffer. 

    Sarah knew deep down that Chris’s innate kindness was genuine, but it was overshadowed by his fear of conflict and his inability to assert himself.

    She wanted to feel attracted to Chris, but an unexplainable pressure kept her from feeling anything but disgust whenever she was around him.

    Though she hated to think of it, Sarah knew deep down the only way she could have the relationship she wanted was to leave Chris. 

    Lack of Confidence, The Cause Nice Guys Overlook

    Jump forward 24 months.

    Chris and Sarah’s marriage had only worsened. 

    Sarah had come to terms that she didn’t want to be with Chris and told him she wanted a divorce. 

    Chris was devastated. 

    Determined to change, he embarked on a journey of self-improvement.

    Chris sought mentorship to explore his own insecurities and learn healthier ways of expressing his needs

    Through self-reflection and guidance, he began to strike a balance between being kind and standing up for himself. 

    He discovered that true strength lies not in avoiding conflicts but in being unshakable in his self-esteem, boundaries, and personal values. 

    Over time, the dynamic between Chris and Sarah started to shift! 

    Their conversations became more honest and open, as they learned to communicate their desires and concerns without reacting from a place of neediness, insecurity, or fear. 

    Chris’s newfound self-assuredness and willingness to engage in constructive dialogue reignited the spark in their relationship.

    As they grew together, Chris learned the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between kindness and assertiveness. 

    He discovered that true intimacy blossoms when both partners can express their needs, engage in open dialogue, and face conflicts with love and respect.

    If Chris could summarize with one word the most basic skill he had to learn to re-gain attractiveness it would be this: CONFIDENCE

    Your Chance To Restore Intimacy

    Did the story of Chris & Sarah sound familiar brother?

    Learn the key building blocks to become an attractive, happy, CONFIDENT man who women can’t resist in the Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.

    Watch this video for a sneak peek into the benefits men are gaining in this course!

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    Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her…Yet

    If you’re action-orientated, serious about making permanent changes in your mojo, relationships, sex life, and work life, (and have a sense of humor) then you should join this course.

    Visit our registration page to save your spot!

    Over the years, I’ve appreciated the research into intimacy Esther Perel has done.

    In her article, “Are Taboos Holding Your Relationship Back?” she reminds us how familiarity breeds loss of desire.

    Let this truth relax your anxious mind that when something NEW comes out of you, something NEW will come out of the relationship.

    Have A Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her… Focus On Being A Man You’re Proud Of

    Your love story can take a new turn.

    Your relationship can be stronger and more passionate than ever before when you stop trying to please her and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence.

    You can learn how to give her space without losing her.

    The confidence course isn’t the only place I’m teaching men how to regain their attractive confidence while in a sexless marriage.

    In my coaching, I mentor men personally through my masculine confidence framework.

    Book a FREE Get Grounded Now consultation if you’re interested in 1:1 mentorship.

    See you on the other side brother, 

    Garrett Prettyman

  • Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Breakdown in Modern Marriages

    Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Breakdown in Modern Marriages

     

    This article is about a masculine identity crisis plaguing many men and why this breakdown is creating frustration in marriages.

    The struggle to feel desirable when our wife or girlfriend isn’t being affectionate can be painful.

    We tend to think, “If only she would warm up to me, everything would feel better!”

    I realize this logically makes sense.

    Heck, if we’re thirsty and someone gives us water the problem is solved.

    Or is it?In the video below, relationship coach Mark Drezga and I explain the masculine identity crisis in more detail.

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    Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Factor In The Breakdown of Modern Marriages

    Having An Identity

    Having an identity is a normal part of developing from a child into an adult.

    Without an identity, nothing sets us apart from the crowd.

    In fact, identity, or “ego” is necessary to have a perceptive consciousness.

    Notice how a child doesn’t seem to have awareness of how they’re impacting their surroundings.

    As a child matures, he/she develops more consciousness in tandem with having a sense of self or “ego”.

    Many times it’s during this childhood-adult transition that the masculine identity crisis sets in.

    The Masculine Identity Crisis

    To be joined to something as one, you first have to be separate from it.

    There’s No..

    • love without pain
    • happiness without sadness
    • excitement without fear

    This is the world of polarity we live in.

    As a man’s sexual nature develops, it’s easy to look at women and think, “I need sex… Women can give me sex!! ..Therefore I must GET sex from a woman.”

    With this mindset, a man starts adjusting his identity to what he thinks will be more attractive to women.

    Maybe the girl he likes hates onions so he starts hating onions too.

    Maybe she speaks poorly of a specific stereotype of men so he abandons that trait in himself.

    Play this out over a long period, and the masculine identity crisis is formed.

    The man is trying to be more like her instead of letting himself be the polar opposite.

    What’s the problem with this you might ask?

    Well, it’s not just one problem, there are two problems actually…

    1. The moment a woman isn’t warm, sexual, and affectionate towards a man in a masculine identity crisis he feels massive amounts of frustration. He resents her because he feels he’s owed for all he’s sacrificed!

    2. One of the main reasons his woman isn’t feeling attracted to him is he’s too smooth, pleasing, malleable, and unclear on who he is, what he stands for, and where he’s going in life.

    Resolving The Masculine Identity Crisis

    “Opposites attract” is the golden ticket here.

    To attract a female, be a man!

    Hang out with men.

    Talk how men talk.

    Stop trying to, “not be like those guys”.

    In fact, the more you hang out with mature men, the more you’ll act like a mature man.

    Females have a sedative effect on men.

    If we spend too much time with our partner, we start acting more feminine.

    Taking The Next Step

    Sometimes we don’t have a clear sense of who we are because of an underlying insecurity.

    Other times it’s our fear of loneliness or low self-esteem that causes us to have no polarizing identity.

    This is where I come in.

    Men who go through my “Masculine Confidence Framework” learn how to have rock-solid values, firm boundaries, mojo, and a clear life direction.

    If you’re ready to make massive strikes in your confidence and maturity as a man, fill out my “Get Grounded Now” form for a free consultation.

    I tried for decades to figure this stuff out on my own.

    Nothing changed until I set aside a few years to be mentored by men with experience.

    Save yourself years of frustration and reach out.

    Be grounded brother,

    Garrett Prettyman

  • Unhappy Wife: 5 Necessities To Change

    Unhappy Wife: 5 Necessities To Change

    I’m going to teach you 5 basic necessities for happiness. Many of us were misled into believing our wife’s happiness was our responsibility. If your thought is, “But I’m married to an unhappy wife, I just want her to be happy!” then keep reading. 

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    Unhappy Wife – 5 Necessities To Change

    Our Expectations Of Our Wife

    We like to imagine how life would be “in a perfect world”.

    “Perfect” would include a loving, sweet, affectionate, beautiful woman waiting for us at the door when we come home. 

    She’d be wearing a sexy outfit and holding freshly baked cinnamon rolls. 

    Fun and laughter would fill our evening with her!

    By night, things would get steamy under the sheets.

    Sounds like a great fantasy! 

    Then there’s reality. 

    She…

    • Is mad at your mom
    • Spends more time off with her friends than at home
    • Never initiates sex
    • Says “Stop trying to fix me” whenever you try to connect
    • Is never happy
    • Is cold, dismissive, and says you need to show her more love
    • Keeps bringing up your past mistakes

    Men I coach learn a universal fact after a few sessions: Female energy is a flood without a strong masculine frame to direct it. 

    In other words, if her “mess” is affecting how YOU feel, it means you’re driving in her lane, not your own lane of well-being and happiness.

    Unhappy Wife: 5 Necessities To Change

    There are five necessities for happiness:

    1. Safety
    2. Variety
    3. Connection
    4. Contribution
    5. Growth  

    The old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do” won’t work because words can’t erase what it’s like to BE around us.

    You cannot “give” your wife safety… But you can BE safe.

    You cannot “give” your wife connection… But you can BE connecting. 

    In other words, you provide these things by BEING them. 

    YOU get to have strong boundaries for your own safety. 

    YOU get to take responsibility for your own growth. 

    There’s a natural order on this planet: Masculine energy leads. 

    Your wife gets to enjoy the ride as you solidify an amazing, inspiring, deeply connecting life for yourself. 

    The cool part is, you get to enjoy this life regardless of what she’s doing.

    If you have an unhappy wife, you can be a man who invites her to a better place by example. 

    In the article, “You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Happiness” Dr. Danielle Dowling reminds us other people’s happiness is NOT our responsibility.

    Happiness by example is the ONLY way to light the path forward for your wife to follow.

    Build an amazing life that makes you happy no matter what she does.

    Feeling unsure of how to be a confident, direct, emotional lighthouse with an unhappy wife?

    Fill out my Contact Form to schedule a free consultation.

    Do it for yourself.

    Do it for your family. 

    You got this brother,

    Garrett Prettyman

  • Blow-Up With Wife: 3 Mistakes To Avoid

    Blow-Up With Wife: 3 Mistakes To Avoid

    Our relationship can feel like it’s spiraling out of control when our feelings are at the mercy of our wife’s emotions. Our thoughts can feel urgent: “had blow-up with wife… must resolve now…Why, why why is she doing this??” I’m going to share 3 mistakes to watch out for.

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    Blow-Up With Wife: 3 Mistakes To Avoid

    Blow-Up With Wife: How Tom Handled It

    Tom’s head was spinning. 

    The last 20 minutes with his wife Jessica had gone horribly wrong. 

    They had taken a quick weekend vacation. 

    She had seemed a little “off” at the hotel that morning. 

    On the drive home, something imploded in her. 

     “I don’t feel appreciated or loved by you…I need you to give me more verbal affirmation“, Jessica complained.

    Tom thought to himself, “Well if you want to be told you’re sweet maybe you should act sweet”. Even though he didn’t say this out loud, Jessica could sense he was thinking it. 

    “But I do love you. Just look at all I do for us to have a nice house and dependable income. I’m always nice to you and have never hit you are done anything abusive”, Tom argued.

    “You never kiss me unless we’re having sex”, Jessica snapped back. 

    Lately, this was true. 

    Jessica had put on a few pounds. 

    She had been getting more cranky and moody.

    These were all turn-offs for Tom. 

    He felt kissing her would be rewarding her moody behavior. 

    Tom said, “Ok fine. I’ll stop kissing during sex if you don’t like it.”

    “That’s not the point. Just, never mind. You never get it!!”, She replied.

    Jessica was crying now. She turned away and refused to talk. 

    Tom felt stumped. 

    Now what?

    3 Mistakes Tom Made

    1. Tom tried countering each of Jessica’s objections with a solution. 

    All he needed to do was affirm her own emotions back to her. 

    The issue is never what your wife brings up in the moment.

    I know, this doesn’t make sense…

    Men bring up something because it’s the issue at hand.

    Think of the female brain like a pot.

    She’s been collecting bits and pieces in this pot for a while.

    At some point, she realizes the bits and pieces mixed together stink.

    She’ll pull one piece out and say that is why the pot stinks.

    The reality is, it’s a combination of many pieces that stink.

    So whether she’s complaining about the dishwasher not being loaded, your love language, or the way you laughed when she tripped, her issue is not with that specific thing.  

    2. By Tom withholding praise from his wife he was lowering the bar for her behaviors. 

    Women grow towards what’s praised or honored. 

    Men grow towards what’s respected or what feels like freedom.

    Here’s a concept that’s hard for men to grasp:

    We set the bar for our wife’s behavior by praising her before she’s reached it.

    Want a wife who is sweet and kind?

    Praise her for being sweet and kind.

    Want a loving affectionate wife?

    Praise her for loving. 

    When you demonstrate this kind of high regard for her she grows towards it. 

     3. Tom’s thinking stunk. 

    Our feelings come from our perceptions. 

    All Tom needed to do was relax in his sense of well-being to regulate his own triggers.

    This would have created an energy of understanding and empathy toward Jessica. 

    Our wife can always smell what we think. 

    Women’s sixth sense is keen and we can’t talk our way out of something we’ve behaved ourselves into.

    When a man is relaxed in his self-worth and innate value, he doesn’t sink into despair or confusion when his wife is having “a moment”.

    He can remain present in a strong, loving way.

    When we provide this kind of emotional leadership, she will sift through all the smelly pieces in her “pot” and get them sorted on her own.

    In the end, you’re still there.

    You’re calm.

    You’re “with her”.

    This is a unique masculine gift a woman needs to let herself flow into her soft, feminine state. 

    Tom needed to realize his feelings (like confusion and frustration) were coming from his thinking, not his wife’s complaints. 

    I wish I could tell you Tom learned from his mistakes and turned his relationship around.

    He did not.

    Tom assumed his wife was crazy and continued to criticize her reactions.

    He went from “blow-up with wife” to “divorced” within 6 months. 

    This was the wake-up call Tom needed to finally get some help.

    Having mentorship from an experienced man changed everything forward for Tom.

    He became the man he always knew he could be.

    It was too late for his marriage but not too late to create amazing relationships going forward. 

    How You Can Avoid Tom’s Mistakes

    There’s an effective process I take men through.

    Your brain gets rewired.

    Your perceptions shift and you become a happy, confident, emotionally-online man. 

    This is the kind of man who can lead a woman through her emotions with ease. 

    He’s grounded and solid in his values and holds to his integrity. He knows what he wants and he knows how to create it. 

    If I offered you a brand new house for a $100, would you jump on it? The value my coaching offers is no different. The Masculine Confidence Framework I teach is priceless. It’s been refined and improved through many years of working with men. It’s going to have a positive effect on your next 30 years. Do it for your family. Do it for you. You won’t regret it. That’s a promise. Fill Out this form to schedule a FREE consultation.

    Much love brother,

    Garrett Prettyman