If you have an emotional or upset wife, you might be adding ice to the cocktail without realizing it. I know you don’t mean to. You try to be a good husband. You work hard, provide, and sacrifice. But each night, your wife rolls away from you in bed and your kiss lands on her cheek, at best.
This article is for you if your wife has ever said these things:
- “You don’t have my back.”
- “Stop trying to fix me.”
- “You don’t get it.”
Sound familiar?
Then keep reading.
The Part You Don’t Know You’re Playing
I know a husband who worked long days for years.
- He took pride in sacrificing so his family could have a good life.
- He never wanted his wife to worry about money.
- He worked nonstop to provide a bigger home, reliable cars, and even a hot tub.
- Whenever problems came up, he handled them so she could relax.
- He told himself this pace would only last until he made his big break and could retire
One afternoon, he came home from work and found his wife crying.
“I’m just so lonely,” she said.
He was angry.
He did not want to come home to an upset wife.
Wasn’t he giving her the dream life?
She had comfort.
Security.
Freedom.
Deep down, he felt jealous of how much freedom she had.
He also felt deeply disrespected that she couldn’t appreciate the future he was building.
His response was typical of most men.
- He explained.
- He justified.
- He defended himself.
He didn’t want to be blamed for how she felt.
But this only pushed her further away.
That’s the part he played and didn’t even know it.
His upset wife eventually stopped opening up to him.
They felt like roommates, not lovers.
Your Upset Wife Does Not Want “The Map”
“THE MAP” explains away your wife’s feelings and gives her instructions on how to feel better.
You probably give your upset wife “THE MAP” unintentionally.
- It makes her feel unheard.
- It makes her feel unseen.
- It is like handing a boiling lobster the instruction manual for the stove.
Men naturally love maps.
We see systems, patterns, and outcomes.
When a man feels confused, hand him a map.
Watch that backfire with your upset wife.
She wants to be met where she is, not to understand why she is.
A grounded man doesn’t hand his upset wife “THE MAP” because he’s ok with uncomfortable feelings.
He doesn’t see negative emotions as a problem to fix.
A grounded man:
- Trusts his intentions
- Has clarity
- Acts deliberately
- Stays calm
- Knows his value
Your upset wife does not want your explanations.
She wants you to notice her emotions without defending yourself or trying to fix how she feels.
Your Upset Wife Needs To Feel Your Emotional Strength
If your wife can’t emotionally vomit into a bucket now and then, she feels overwhelmed.
You need to be a STRONG bucket for her.
If her disapproval weakens you, if her eye roll shakes you, or her withdrawal collapses you, she can’t feel your emotional strength.
Women move toward safety and away from weakness.
If your emotional well-being depends on her, she cannot fully trust you with the deeper things she feels.
Often, when you are annoyed with your upset wife, she is doing something you would never allow yourself to do.
- Maybe she sleeps in.
- Maybe she talks too much.
- Maybe she enjoys life more freely.
Your resentment often comes from what you suppress in yourself.
You criticize her behavior because part of you envies the freedom she allows herself.
Her actions are making you realize how you treat the part of yourself that you hold back.
If you want to keep holding it back, great!
But if you are secretly jealous of the freedoms your wife seems to have, it can be a calling to stop suppressing them in yourself.
Don’t brush past this concept.
If your upset wife triggers you, notice what part of yourself she may be expressing that you have pushed down in yourself.
How do you treat that part of yourself?
That’s how your wife feels treated by you.
Maybe that part of you needs love.
Or maybe that part of you needs a voice.
You don’t have to act on it, but you can let it wash over you.
You can roll with its punches instead of trying to numb it out.
It’s better to say “I’m angry” and then not act on it than to try to stomach the anger.
How a Grounded Husband Brings the Spark Back
Most men unknowingly plug their emotional charger into their wives.
This drains her.
You need self-reliance and male support to stop depending on your wife to give you good feelings.
When you are validated by another man, you won’t be as defensive with your wife.
Unplug your emotional dependence on her and plug into strong male relationships.
This is how attraction naturally builds with your wife.
When you are around masculine men, it rubs off on you.
Feminine is attracted to masculine; no stronger force pulls her in.
I’ll Help You Rebuild Your Marriage Step By Step
Let’s get you secure in yourself so you can show your upset wife empathy and support.
I want you to:
- Be grounded in your unique masculine blueprint
- Set clear boundaries
- Live from your values
- Lead with calm confidence
- Be irresistible to women
Have you had man-to-man mentorship before?
It will change your life.
