Tag: Personal Growth

  • Being a Man Who Defies the Odds

    Being a Man Who Defies the Odds

    I get goosebumps and feel instant respect for a man who defies all odds and creates what he wants.

    A man who doesn’t play small.

    A man who looks at the odds stacked against him and moves forward anyway.

    I wasn’t born into wealth.

    No silver spoon.

    No handouts.

    Everything I have, I built with my own two hands.

    At 12 years old, I spent an entire summer busting my ass doing yard work for neighbors until I made my first $100.

    Then I reinvested it.

    I bought better tools, worked faster, and made more.

    By my late 20s, I’d rolled several million through my company.

    And I did it despite the odds:

    • A recession
    • Living in a town where most people made $20K a year
    • My wife’s affair and a brutal divorce
    • Heavy state taxes and red tape
    • People criticizing my success, calling me an “evil business owner”

    You know what? It didn’t even matter.

    Because I was too busy doing the work.

    I wasn’t sitting around worrying about whether it was supposed to be possible, I was too busy making it happen.

    2008? One of my best years.

    I didn’t even realize there was a recession until people told me.

    COVID? Another great year.

    While the world locked itself inside, my crews and I were out doing clean-ups for wildfire prevention (even when the state threatened to arrest us).

    A Man Who Defies The Odds Takes Action NOW

    Fear makes you second-guess yourself.

    It convinces you to hesitate when you should be moving.

    But here’s the truth: The right time to act is always NOW.

    I want to introduce you to a client of mine.

    Let’s call him Chuck.

    Chuck is a go-big or go-home kind of guy.

    Hard worker.

    No excuses.

    He thought he had masculinity figured out.

    He had the truck.

    The military background.

    The paycheck.

    But at home? Different story.

    Over the years, an emotional gap grew between him and his wife.

    Like a lot of us, he was successful everywhere…except in his marriage.

    She started pulling away.

    He figured as long as they still had sex, things were fine.

    She didn’t see it that way.

    Because to a woman, a relationship isn’t worth it unless there’s emotional safety, a heart-to-heart connection, and a man who knows his value independent of her moods.

    Right before Christmas, she filed for divorce.

    Chuck was wrecked.

    But even through the pain, he made a decision: He was gonna do the work.

    Not just to save his marriage, but to become the man he was always meant to be in his relationships.

    The Light Switch Flipped

    A few sessions in, something clicked.

    I asked him what changed.

    He said:

    “I realized I can accept that my wife no longer loves me… or I can keep wishing it was different and keep suffering.”

    Boom.

    That was it.

    Clarity.

    Clarity about what he’s worth. Clarity about his standards. Clarity about who he gives his value to.

    And once that switch flipped?

    Everything changed.

    Suddenly, he had the power to create an emotional connection with anyone, anytime.

    Now? Women blush when he talks to them.

    Not because he’s running some kind of game, but because they feel seen in a way most men never learn.

    And get this…Chuck lost everything in a matter of weeks. His home, his wife, his dogs, his future plans.

    If that wasn’t enough reason to give up, wildfires hit California.

    Instead of throwing in the towel, he got to work fighting fires with his crew while still pressing forward in his personal development with me.

    What Are You Waiting For?

    Chuck is a man who defies the odds.

    He’s putting in the work while pulling long shifts, rebuilding his life, and starting over from scratch.

    I asked him what he’d tell another man who’s waiting for the right time to act.

    He said: “Life is short, and hard sometimes. So make the decision to be the man you want to be. Be the hero of your own story. Get educated, do the work, and change your life faster than trying to figure it out alone.”

    That, my friend, is the mindset of a man who refuses to be a victim.

    Chuck owns his power now.

    He told me, “The power to be sad or happy is mine, and no one else’s. Anxiety tells you you’re unprepared for what’s happening. The books, the coaching, the work—it gave me the tools to be ready.”

    Phew! That gives me tears.

    Those are the words of a champion.

    He’s walking, head high, through his right of passage to join the ranks of great men.

    A man who defies the odds and takes action is the kind of man I love working with.

    Are you that kind of man?

    If so, we should talk.

  • Heal Your Mother Wounds To Increase Masculine Confidence

    Heal Your Mother Wounds To Increase Masculine Confidence

    This article reveals two sides of mother wounds in men and how to mature these insecurities into confidence.

    The video below is longer than usual but goes deeper into what causes mother wounds in boys.

    YouTube player
    How To Turn Mommy Issues Into James Bond Confidence

    The Mother Wounds Of The Absent Mom

    When your mom abandons you or barely pays attention to you as a kid, you learn to act out just to get noticed.

    You might resort to teasing her, disagreeing with her, or flat-out disobeying.

    Feminine attention feels like love, even if her attention was only while she was punishing you for misbehaving.

    Now you’re grown up.

    You have a wife, and your mother wounds are going to wreak havoc on your marriage.

    Do you “poke the bear” when you want some love from your wife instead of being direct?

    If so, the mother wounds of the absent mom might be in you.

    Another side effect of an unavailable or absent mother is that you’ll avoid vulnerability.

    You’ll close off emotionally or objectify women.

    Your feelings as a kid were ignored, so you learned to stomach them

    If you can hide your heart, you can’t be hurt, right?

    Well, being emotionally disconnected, “poking the bear”, or objectifying your wife to get her riled up so you feel loved won’t feel loving to her.

    If your relationship is struggling and you want to regain your wife’s affection, you’ll have to resolve your mother wounds.

    Hugh Hefner’s mother kept him at arm’s reach as a kid.

    When you grow up without the trusting, strong, supporting love of the feminine, you’ll distrust it.

    You’ll develop a wall towards feminine care to protect your vulnerability.

    When you lack a healthy connection with your mom, you tend to objectify women or de-personalize them to make sense of the world.

    That’s what Hugh Hefner did.

    He went on to create Playboy Magazine and to build his Playboy mansion.

    But every girlfriend he had said he was shallow.

    He kept his heart closed.

    He lived as a man with the mother wounds of an absent mom.

    The Mother Wounds Of The Orbiting Mom

    When your mom is overly focused on you, it creates mother wounds that are the exact opposite of those caused by an absent mother.

    Instead of objectifying women, you expect them to be latched onto you.

    The child of a mom who makes him the center of her world thinks everything revolves around him.

    He thinks others are responsible for how he feels.

    Elvis Presley is a great example.

    Elvis’s mom was so enmeshed with him, he could hardly face life once she passed away.

    Out of Elvis’s crippling loneliness, he married Priscilla, expecting her to take the role of “mommy” after his mom passed away.

    The marriage of Elvis and Priscilla ended in divorce.

    Elvis sang of his loneliness right up to his last days as he tried to cope with the hole his mom’s death left in his heart.

    When a child is worshiped by their mother, they don’t know how to live without that support.

    A Mom Who Believes in Her Son Creates A Secure Man

    There’s a balance between the absent or orbiting mom, called the supportive mom.

    She believes in his dreams, desires, and ambitions.

    Her support grows his trust in himself and towards the feminine.

    How is this different then the orbiting mom who creates mother wounds?

    When he fails or messes up, she points him to men for help.

    She is not his umbilical cord; other men are.

    When you seek guidance from men, you reduce your reliance on femininity for well-being and courage.

    Unless you’re secure in yourself, you can’t give your wife love without it being needy.

    A great example of this kind of security is the James Bond character.

    • James Bond stays in his own emotional lane, no matter what others are doing
    • He’s deliberate with his movements and doesn’t match women’s energy when he interacts with them
    • James Bond holds steady eye contact, is playful, and is in touch with his heart

    Women can sense when you have a heart, feelings, and experiences, but you CHOOSE not to act on them impulsively!

    A natural attraction occurs when you stay in our own frame around the changing whims of feminine and when you don’t need her to coddle you.

    Even if your mom didn’t believe in you, the mother wounds can be healed when you surround yourself with men who believe in you.

    How To Turn Your Mother Wounds Into Confidence

    As a boy, you looked to others to tell you if you did things right, if you were fast, smart, or funny.

    It doesn’t matter if you had an attentive or absent mother; you’re an adult now.

    You get to define your masculine frame and stop acting from mother wounds.

    Below is an image of what a masculine frame looks like.

    Masculine Frame

    Without a strong INTERNAL frame to contain your behaviours, you’ll feel weak and soft to women.

    My guess is you don’t like being flimsy or wishy-washy any more than she does.

    You can heal your mother wounds and gain this frame when you rewrite some of your core beliefs.

    Right now, you look at life with assumptions (core beliefs) you don’t even know you have.

    There are new mindsets to learn.

    New clarifications to form about your identity as a man.

    This kind of deep work doesn’t happen in one or two sessions.

    Most guys see a permanent change after about 6 months of doing the deep work.

    I’ll be vulnerable and say I was not one of those 6-month guys; it took me 4 years!

    This stuff can’t be rushed or forced; it takes commitment.

    Are you a committed man who’s ready to change how you’ll show up in relationships over the next 20-30 years?