Has your love tank been on fumes for a while? If so, it’s time to take a hard look at your options. This article covers 2 mistakes men make when feeling unloved. As a bonus, I’ll also tell you exactly how to get your attractive mojo back when rekindling affection with your closed-off wife.
Mistake #1
Exerting stress, anxiety, complaints, and despair towards things outside our control is a lose-lose.
I get it.
Love & affection feel amazing!
But when the morning cuddles stop, we’re suddenly reliant on our own ability to create a sense of being valued.
We step out of our manly power when we lose sleep, agonize, and bang our heads on the wall over stuff we have no control over!
This concept isn’t new.
The stoics of old like Marcus Aurelius warned us that things outside our control are things we shouldn’t worry about.
How our wife feels about us is 100% outside our control.
I know what your man brain is thinking…“If we fix our issues, she’ll desire me again!”
No brother, “fixing our issues” has never saved a marriage, but “fixing” our own insecurities has!
What we want in life rarely comes through the door we thought it would.
Spending large amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy over our wife’s lack of desire will do nothing for improvement.
In fact, the guy who is most attractive to your wife is the guy who isn’t attached to specific outcomes.
A man who complains about his job, his wife, his government, lack of sex, or anything outside his control is a powerless man.Â
Mistake #2
Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D wrote a great article, “Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” where she warns us what’s only inside our zone of influence is still mostly out of our control.
Directing our focus, thoughts, energy, and time towards something only within our zone of influence is a path to disempowerment.
No amount of influence will ever control someone else 100%.
Humans are not robots.
Other people have their own brains and end up doing what they want.
This one is sticky since sometimes we can influence someone to be different.
This is more the exemption than the rule though.
If we apply massive amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to influence others to be what we want, we’re putting ourselves at their mercy.
Being at the mercy of others is a powerless, unhappy place to be as a man.Â
How To Get Your Mojo Back
Did the sun ever complain, chase you down, or demand attention for its sunsets to be attractive?
Has the sun ever postponed an amazing sunset because nobody was giving it appreciation?
No, the sun is just doing what it does and at some point, a bystander looks up and says, “Wow, that’s an amazing sunset!”.
This is what you become when you stop attaching to outcomes and only focus on what’s in your zone of control.
Things like maintaining happiness right to the end, money, and living an unchained life ensue when we pour as much energy as possible into things 100% inside our control.
This kind of man steps into his full power by no longer keeping others accountable for his happiness or shine he puts off.
95% of men choose to not focus on what’s directly inside their control because doing so requires a hard look at our “ya buts”.
- Ya but, if I ask for sex, she’ll reject me
- Ya but, if I change jobs, I’ll lose my retirement
- Ya but, I can’t open my marriage and have sex with other women, my wife will hate me
- Ya but, I can’t move, my kids have friends here
Those “Ya buts” are what confident men choose to face when life isn’t providing what they want.
Everything we have in life we’ve chosen.
We chose our wife…We chose our home…We chose our car.
When those things are frustrating us, we’re living with what WE chose.
We can always choose a NEW response, attitude, mindset, or tone.
We can make NEW choices when we face our “Ya Buts”
A man who remains unrattled by focusing on what’s in his control is no wimp and is very attractive to women!
The saying is true, “You have to let her go to get her back”
REALLY let her go, I might add.
If you’re struggling to be this kind of man who operates in his zone of control or has been limiting his life with“ya buts” then reach out.
My Masculine Confidence Framework coaching package is exactly what you need to re-wire your brain to stop making these 2 mistakes men make when feeling unloved.
Take full power of what’s inside your control brother by booking a free “Get Grounded Now” consultation.
Fair warning though – being coached through my masculine confidence framework 1:1 is a reassuringly higher-priced investment.
If you’re on a tight budget, consider gaining your mojo through my group course, “The Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence“.
Much Love,
Garrett Prettyman