When you feel unloved, it’s tempting to pout, get angry, or blame feminism. It’s hard when your love tank is running on fumes. If that’s you, let’s take a hard look at your options. There are some mistakes men tend to make when they feel unloved that only push love further away.
Take The Focus Off Her If You Feel Unloved
Taking the focus off your wife might sound illogical.
If your wife makes you feel unloved, shouldn’t she step up and be more loving?
You miss her flirty looks and admiration.
Her touch makes you feel special.
But complaining or demanding love doesn’t create love.
You can’t control your wife to make her sweeter and more loving.
Exerting stress, anxiety, complaints, and despair towards things outside your control is a lose-lose.
I get it.
Love & affection feel amazing!
But when the morning cuddles stop, and you feel unloved, you’re suddenly reliant on your own love.
You’re stepping out of your manly power when you lose sleep, agonize, and bang your head on the wall over stuff you have no control over!
This concept isn’t new.
The stoics of old like Marcus Aurelius warned that things outside your control are things you shouldn’t worry about.
How your wife feels is 100% outside your control.
I know what your man brain is thinking…“If we fix our issues, she’ll desire me again!”
No brother, “fixing issues” has never saved a marriage… but “fixing” your own insecurities can!
YOU are always 100% in YOUR control.
Spending large amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy over your wife’s lack of desire will do nothing for improvement.
In fact, the guy who is most attractive to your wife is the guy who isn’t attached to specific outcomes.
A man who complains about his job, wife, government, lack of sex, or anything outside his control is a powerless man.
Her attraction is awakened by a man who maintains his power by not playing the victim.
If You Feel Unloved, Focus On What’s In Your Control
Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D wrote a great article, “Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” reminding us that the things in our zone of influence are still mostly beyond our control.
Directing your focus, thoughts, energy, and time towards something only within your zone of influence drains you.
Your love tank is already low.
It’s time to fill it.
Not from her, but by engaging in things that ENERGIZE you.
Things that put you in a better mood and make you happy.
No amount of influence will ever control someone else 100%.
Humans are not robots.
Other people have their own brains and end up doing what they want.
This one is sticky since sometimes you can influence someone to be different.
This is more the exception than the rule, though.
If you apply massive amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to influence others to be what you want, you’re putting yourself at their mercy.
It’s not pleasant when you feel unloved, but you need to think like a CREATOR (the opposite of a victim).
There are some rules of attraction you should know about.
Want love? Be loving.
Want respect? Then respect.
Want trust? Then trust.
Your marriage reaches a stalemate if you wait for her to stop making you feel unloved.
How To Get Your Mojo Back
Did the sun ever complain, chase you down, or demand attention for its sunsets to be attractive?
Has the sun ever postponed an amazing sunset because nobody gave it appreciation?
No, the sun is just doing what it does, and at some point, a bystander looks up and says, “Wow, that’s an amazing sunset!”
This is what you become when you stop attaching to outcomes and only focus on what’s in your zone of control.
Things like maintaining happiness right to the end, money, and living an unchained life appear when you pour as much energy as possible into things 100% inside your control.
This kind of man steps into his full power by no longer keeping others accountable for his happiness or the shine he puts off.
And that’s dam attractive – the opposite of chasing love!
95% of men choose not to focus on what’s directly inside their control because doing so requires a hard look at their “ya buts”.
- Ya but, if I ask for sex, she’ll reject me
- Ya but, if I change jobs, I’ll lose my retirement
- Ya but, I can’t open my marriage and have sex with other women, my wife will hate me
- Ya but, I can’t move, my kids have friends here
Those “Ya buts” are what confident men choose to face when life isn’t providing what they want.
Everything you have in life you’ve chosen.
You chose your wife…You chose your home…You chose your car.
When those things are frustrating, you’re living with what YOU chose.
You can always choose a NEW response, attitude, mindset, or tone.
You can make NEW choices when you face your “Ya buts.“
A man who remains unrattled by focusing on what’s in his control is no wimp and is very attractive to women!
The saying is true, “You have to let her go to get her back.”
REALLY let her go, I might add.
This sounds so paradoxical when you feel unloved.
Everything in you wants to tell her to get her shit together.
But that’s not love, it’s desperation.
If you’re struggling to be the kind of man who operates in his zone of control or has been limiting his life with“ya buts,” then reach out.
My coaching is exactly what you need to rewire your brain so you can attract what you want.