Trying to make your wife love you again is like trying to control the weather. You can DO all the right things. SAY all the right stuff. In the end, her feelings are what they are. So what is in your control? Even though you can’t control her feelings, you can control whether you are the kind of man women are attracted to.
What Women Need To Feel In Love
A few days ago, Google directed a man to my blog because he had a heartfelt question.
His question was, “Can you make your wife love you again?”
No doubt his story is much like yours or mine.
He remembers when his wife used to respond affectionately to his touch.
She would smile when he entered the room.
Her love motivated him to work hard at his job and remain committed to the relationship.
But over the years, something changed.
Now, a small peck on her cheek annoys her.
Placing his hand on her leg makes her tense up.
He’s met with excuses when he tries to initiate sex with her.
He hoped this was just a phase, but over the months, it has only gotten worse.
Today, he’s wondering if she will ever love him enough to engage in the intimate, respectful, nurturing relationship he craves to have with her.
You see, even if you DO all the right things in your relationship, if you make your wife feel disconnected, pressured, or criticized, you can kiss intimacy goodbye.
Building Connection, Trust, & Emotional Safety With Your Wife
We men tend to focus on what needs to change about our wives for the relationship to work.
Who she is helps us decide if the relationship is worth our effort or not.
But we don’t realize that a lot of how she is comes as a reaction to what it’s like to be around us.
If we defend, explain, or try to use logic to fix her emotions whenever she shares something with us, it communicates that we are insecure in ourselves.
It also communicates that we can’t see past our own discomfort to connect with her feelings.
This makes us feel boyish and like a powerless victim to her.
It should go without saying that being a victim or acting boyish isn’t the path to building a better connection with your wife.
Criticizing her moods, arguing, walking on eggshells, or being resentful doesn’t help either.
If we take a closer look at ourselves, we might find even deeper issues.
Issues such as…
- Feeling like a failure
- Aversion to conflict
- A knee-jerk response to people-please
- Doing things with hidden expectations
These deeper personal issues are what you need to resolve to have a meaningful emotional connection with your wife.
This connection is critical in a long-term relationship.
Without it, she won’t be able to trust herself to be soft and affectionate around you.
What’s 100% In Your Control Right Now?
There are 3 zones in life…
- What’s out of our control
- What’s under our influence
- What’s in our control
Happiness, confidence, clear boundaries, and mojo only come from staying focused on things 100% in your control.
Your wife’s feelings are under your influence, not under your control.
Whenever I speak to a man who is frustrated, lonely, upset, rejected, or in panic mode, it’s because he’s been focusing on things that are either out of his control or only under his influence.
When I’m coaching a man who doesn’t know what to do next in his relationship (limbo) it’s usually because he hasn’t forged an internal masculine frame that is 100% in his control.
Our masculine frame is our blueprint to follow!
Although this sounds like simple advice, many of us didn’t know HOW to build a masculine frame that is 100% in our control before our marriage called for it.
A Call To Confidence
If you have a blueprint or a compass to follow, you will always know how to respond to things like being rejected for sex, marriage limbo, or the uncertainty of her feelings.
Hint: Her feelings are not your compass.
Last year, a man we’ll call John, joined one of my group courses where I teach my masculine confidence framework.
John was down in the dumps.
He and his wife hadn’t had sex in many months.
His wife was unsure if she could continue in their marriage of 25+ years.
6 weeks into the course, everything changed for John!
He learned how to have his own compass to follow even when his wife was withdrawn or emotional.
He learned how to give her emotional space without walking on eggshells around her.
The result?
Her passion for him returned!
To this day, they are both loving a brand new version of their marriage!
In my coaching, I train you to forge an internal locus of control.
This means you learn how to respond from the inside out instead of the outside in.
Being this kind of non-reactive man who can be comfortable in his own skin is the only version of yourself your wife can fall back in love with.
Would you like help identifying the underlying issues that are keeping your marriage stuck?
