Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: Saving Marriage

  • How To Make Your Wife Love You Again

    How To Make Your Wife Love You Again

    Trying to make your wife love you again is like trying to control the weather. You can DO all the right things. SAY all the right stuff. In the end, her feelings are what they are. So what is in your control? Even though you can’t control her feelings, you can control whether you are the kind of man women are attracted to.

    What Women Need To Feel In Love 

    A few days ago, Google directed a man to my blog because he had a heartfelt question.

    His question was, “Can you make your wife love you again?”

    No doubt his story is much like yours or mine.

    He remembers when his wife used to respond affectionately to his touch.

    She would smile when he entered the room.

    Her love motivated him to work hard at his job and remain committed to the relationship.

    But over the years, something changed.

    Now, a small peck on her cheek annoys her.

    Placing his hand on her leg makes her tense up.

    He’s met with excuses when he tries to initiate sex with her.

    He hoped this was just a phase, but over the months, it has only gotten worse.

    Today, he’s wondering if she will ever love him enough to engage in the intimate, respectful, nurturing relationship he craves to have with her.

    You see, even if you DO all the right things in your relationship, if you make your wife feel disconnected, pressured, or criticized, you can kiss intimacy goodbye.

    Without a consistent experience of emotional safety and connection with you, she won’t feel safe enough to expose her intimate side.

    Building Connection, Trust, & Emotional Safety With Your Wife

    We men tend to focus on what needs to change about our wives for the relationship to work.

    Who she is helps us decide if the relationship is worth our effort or not.

    But we don’t realize that a lot of how she is comes as a reaction to what it’s like to be around us.

    If we defend, explain, or try to use logic to fix her emotions whenever she shares something with us, it communicates that we are insecure in ourselves.

    It also communicates that we can’t see past our own discomfort to connect with her feelings.  

    This makes us feel boyish and like a powerless victim to her.

    It should go without saying that being a victim or acting boyish isn’t the path to building a better connection with your wife. 

    Criticizing her moods, arguing, walking on eggshells, or being resentful doesn’t help either. 

    If we take a closer look at ourselves, we might find even deeper issues.

    Issues such as…

    • Feeling like a failure
    • Aversion to conflict
    • A knee-jerk response to people-please
    • Doing things with hidden expectations

    These deeper personal issues are what you need to resolve to have a meaningful emotional connection with your wife. 

    This connection is critical in a long-term relationship.

    Without it, she won’t be able to trust herself to be soft and affectionate around you.   

    What’s 100% In Your Control Right Now?

    There are 3 zones in life… 

    1. What’s out of our control
    2. What’s under our influence
    3. What’s in our control

    Happiness, confidence, clear boundaries, and mojo only come from staying focused on things 100% in your control.

    Your wife’s feelings are under your influence, not under your control.

    Whenever I speak to a man who is frustrated, lonely, upset, rejected, or in panic mode, it’s because he’s been focusing on things that are either out of his control or only under his influence.

    When I’m coaching a man who doesn’t know what to do next in his relationship (limbo) it’s usually because he hasn’t forged an internal masculine frame that is 100% in his control.

    Our masculine frame is our blueprint to follow!

    Although this sounds like simple advice, many of us didn’t know HOW to build a masculine frame that is 100% in our control before our marriage called for it.

    A Call To Confidence

    If you have a blueprint or a compass to follow, you will always know how to respond to things like being rejected for sex, marriage limbo, or the uncertainty of her feelings.

    Hint: Her feelings are not your compass.

    Last year, a man we’ll call John, joined one of my group courses where I teach my masculine confidence framework.

    John was down in the dumps.

    He and his wife hadn’t had sex in many months.

    His wife was unsure if she could continue in their marriage of 25+ years.

    6 weeks into the course, everything changed for John!

    He learned how to have his own compass to follow even when his wife was withdrawn or emotional.

    He learned how to give her emotional space without walking on eggshells around her.

    The result?

    Her passion for him returned!

    To this day, they are both loving a brand new version of their marriage!

    In my coaching, I train you to forge an internal locus of control. 

    This means you learn how to respond from the inside out instead of the outside in. 

    Being this kind of non-reactive man who can be comfortable in his own skin is the only version of yourself your wife can fall back in love with.

    Would you like help identifying the underlying issues that are keeping your marriage stuck?

  • What To Do If Your Marriage Is Failing

    What To Do If Your Marriage Is Failing

    When your marriage is failing, it can feel like being stuck on a runaway train heading straight for a concrete wall, and you have no idea how to hit the brakes. This article and video give three steps to maximize your chances of saving your relationship.

    YouTube player
    Men Who Saved Their Marriage Took These 3 Steps

    It’s a lonely season when Google is the only person you can turn to when your marriage is suffering. 

    Many men can relate.

    You’re completely alone, trying to fix problems with your wife that you have no idea how to fix.

    But you don’t have to feel alone.

    I connect men into a brotherhood where they share sage old wisdom unfiltered.

    Here is some of that wisdom…

    When Your Marriage Is Failing, Take These 3 Steps

    Step 1: Don’t do what you feel like doing

    When your relationship is struggling, doing what you feel like doing almost always makes matters worse.

    Do you feel like begging? Don’t.

    Want to get her a dozen roses? Don’t.

    Think it’s time for an ultimatum or a letter declaring your undying love? Don’t. 

    Everything done out of separation just feels needy to her.

    There is a time to boldly and confidently declare your wants, but at this point of marriage collapse, you have way too much fear and anxiety in your blood for your actions not to reek of desperation. 

    Step 2: Come to terms that the marriage cannot be worked on.

    We can only work on one thing, and that is ourselves.

    The “relationship” is what happens when you are around her.

    It’s a natural result of what you are like, mixed with what she is like.

    Take responsibility for your 50% and only work on YOU.

    You need to grow the biggest pair of balls you’ve ever had and let the version of the relationship you’ve been feeding in your head go.

    That means dropping the idea that she’s a total bitch or that she’s your “one and only”.

    When your marriage is failing, it’s easy to assume that if you stop fighting for the relationship, it will end.

    Or maybe you fear she’ll run off with the neighbor or forget all about you.

    These are all fear-based assumptions that are simply not true.

    I see it all the time… men who NEED the relationship to work end up divorced.  

    What we want in life can never be created from a place of fear, demanding, or chasing.

    If your wife smells any of that on you, she’s out.

    It feels controlling and unloving to her.

    Things like love, affection, and a deep relationship cannot be white-knuckled into existence.

    Trying to “work on the relationship” is the same as trying to fly a kite when there is no wind.

    No amount of fixing or tweaking the kite will allow it to soar until there is wind.

    Being a man of momentum who is unshakable in himself, has a specific purpose he’s passionate about, and fearlessly creates the experiences he loves in life is the wind your relationship needs. 

    Step 3: Let her come to you.

    Your wife can’t come to you if you’re not standing somewhere solid for her to join.

    Want her to be happy? Figure out how to be happy yourself.

    Want her to respect you? Show her respect.

    I know your deepest desire is to give your failing marriage the best chance for survival.

    To be chosen, desired, and sought after again, you’ll need to give her choices.

    Instead of chasing her, you need to back off.

    Back off from needing to know “why” and back off from trying to fix it.

    If you’re full of anger, resentment, expectations, and gloom, it’s a low bar for her to join you at.

    Invite her to a juicy, interesting, exciting way of doing life by living it now, even if she doesn’t join.

    The man who keeps checking over his shoulder to see if she’s responding still reeks of desperation.

    Here’s the “ya but” I hear from men: “Ya but Garrett, being apart too much is what got us here. My situation is unique. I think we need to grow closer and spend more time together to rebuild our connection.”

    That sounds logical, but the numbers do not lie.

    I never see my clients save their marriages by spending more time with their wife once she’s said the words “I need space”, “I can’t keep doing this”, or “I want a divorce”.

    What you can do is invite her into awesome things you love doing AFTER giving her at least 3-6 months of space.

    Backing off for a few weeks isn’t enough time when your marriage is failing.

    If you’ve been married for over 25 years, you’ll probably have to give space for 12-24 months.

    This is not a race.

    You didn’t get her overnight; you won’t be getting out of it overnight.

    Progress needs to be slow and steady for her to trust it.

    You want to build desire in her.

    Real, hot desire.

    Let’s be honest.

    The real reason you want to spend more time with her right now is that you’re in a panic when apart.

    She can sense that you are leaning on her to settle your panic.

    This makes you feel like another kid to take care of…that’s not attractive!

    Your Next Step If Your Marriage Is Failing

    When your marriage is failing, it’s not the time to try random tricks and hacks to save it.

    Imagine thousands of men worldwide who have already been in your situation.

    Think how valuable it would be if they all came together to share what has worked and what hasn’t worked in creating a great marriage.

    Over the years, these men would accumulate a wealth of wisdom to share.

    Here’s my secret: the wisdom of these men is what you gain in my private coaching!

    You’re not going to learn principles I made up.

    I’m passing wisdom on to you from the knowledge of countless mentors and men around the world.

    Save yourself years of frustration by reaching out.