When your marriage is failing, it can feel like being stuck on a runaway train heading straight for a concrete wall, and you have no idea how to hit the brakes. This article and video give three steps to maximize your chances of saving your relationship.
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It’s a lonely season when Google is the only person you can turn to when your marriage is suffering.
You’re completely alone, trying to fix problems with your wife that you have no idea how to fix.
But you don’t have to feel alone.
I connect men into a brotherhood where they share sage old wisdom unfiltered.
Here is some of that wisdom…
When Your Marriage Is Failing, Take These 3 Steps
Step 1: Don’t do what you feel like doing
When your relationship is struggling, doing what you feel like doing almost always makes matters worse.
Do you feel like begging? Don’t.
Want to get her a dozen roses? Don’t.
Think it’s time for an ultimatum or a letter declaring your undying love? Don’t.
Everything done out of separation just feels needy to her.
There is a time to boldly and confidently declare your wants, but at this point of marriage collapse, you have way too much fear and anxiety in your blood for your actions not to reek of desperation.
Step 2: Come to terms that the marriage cannot be worked on.
We can only work on one thing, and that is ourselves.
The “relationship” is what happens when you are around her.
It’s a natural result of what you are like, mixed with what she is like.
Take responsibility for your 50% and only work on YOU.
You need to grow the biggest pair of balls you’ve ever had and let the version of the relationship you’ve been feeding in your head go.
That means dropping the idea that she’s a total bitch or that she’s your “one and only”.
When your marriage is failing, it’s easy to assume that if you stop fighting for the relationship, it will end.
Or maybe you fear she’ll run off with the neighbor or forget all about you.
These are all fear-based assumptions that are simply not true.
I see it all the time… men who NEED the relationship to work end up divorced.
What we want in life can never be created from a place of fear, demanding, or chasing.
If your wife smells any of that on you, she’s out.
It feels controlling and unloving to her.
Things like love, affection, and a deep relationship cannot be white-knuckled into existence.
Trying to “work on the relationship” is the same as trying to fly a kite when there is no wind.
No amount of fixing or tweaking the kite will allow it to soar until there is wind.
Being a man of momentum who is unshakable in himself, has a specific purpose he’s passionate about, and fearlessly creates the experiences he loves in life is the wind your relationship needs.
Step 3: Let her come to you.
Your wife can’t come to you if you’re not standing somewhere solid for her to join.
Want her to be happy? Figure out how to be happy yourself.
Want her to respect you? Show her respect.
I know your deepest desire is to give your failing marriage the best chance for survival.
To be chosen, desired, and sought after again, you’ll need to give her choices.
Instead of chasing her, you need to back off.
Back off from needing to know “why” and back off from trying to fix it.
If you’re full of anger, resentment, expectations, and gloom, it’s a low bar for her to join you at.
Invite her to a juicy, interesting, exciting way of doing life by living it now, even if she doesn’t join.
The man who keeps checking over his shoulder to see if she’s responding still reeks of desperation.
Here’s the “ya but” I hear from men: “Ya but Garrett, being apart too much is what got us here. My situation is unique. I think we need to grow closer and spend more time together to rebuild our connection.”
That sounds logical, but the numbers do not lie.
I never see my clients save their marriages by spending more time with their wife once she’s said the words “I need space”, “I can’t keep doing this”, or “I want a divorce”.
What you can do is invite her into awesome things you love doing AFTER giving her at least 3-6 months of space.
Backing off for a few weeks isn’t enough time when your marriage is failing.
If you’ve been married for over 25 years, you’ll probably have to give space for 12-24 months.
This is not a race.
You didn’t get her overnight; you won’t be getting out of it overnight.
Progress needs to be slow and steady for her to trust it.
You want to build desire in her.
Let’s be honest.
The real reason you want to spend more time with her right now is that you’re in a panic when apart.
She can sense that you are leaning on her to settle your panic.
This makes you feel like another kid to take care of…that’s not attractive!
Your Next Step If Your Marriage Is Failing
When your marriage is failing, it’s not the time to try random tricks and hacks to save it.
Imagine thousands of men worldwide who have already been in your situation.
Think how valuable it would be if they all came together to share what has worked and what hasn’t worked in creating a great marriage.
Over the years, these men would accumulate a wealth of wisdom to share.
Here’s my secret: the wisdom of these men is what you gain in my private coaching!
You’re not going to learn principles I made up.
I’m passing wisdom on to you from the knowledge of countless mentors and men around the world.
Save yourself years of frustration by reaching out.
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