Why Won’t She Let The Past Go?

A client working to improve his marriage recently asked me, “Why won’t she let the past go”?

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This article addresses how to deal with a wife or girlfriend who keeps bringing up the past.

The quote, “Do it right the first time so you never have to do it again” rings true for most men.

There’s nothing more satisfying than checking something off as complete…For good!

So it is understandable when we feel frustrated that our spouse brings up past issues.

Re-hashing the past can get under our skin when…

1. We’re made out as the “bad guy” even though we’ve apologized many times for the part we played.
2. She tells a version of the past that doesn’t accurately reflect our true intention or perspective of what happened.
3. We see there is absolutely nothing that can be done about what happened in the past

Why Won’t She Let The Past Go If We’ve Already Hashed Through It Many Times?

Your wife or girlfriend isn’t crazy.

There are 2 very logical reasons why she keeps bringing up the past.

1. She wants to feel seen, loved and cared for RIGHT NOW
2. She wants to feel your unflappable emotional safety, understanding, and solid masculine core AGAIN AND AGAIN

She doesn’t want to feel our confidence, leadership, and unflappable emotional safety just one time; She LOVES to feel it again, and again, and again, AND AGAIN…

When she’s in emotional turmoil and pain, she can’t get enough of you when you’re:

• Curious about her experience  
• Still present with her
• Unshakable in your attitude
• A lighthouse through her uncertainty
• Empathetic to her state of feelings

Men like physical intimacy again and again; Whereas women like emotional intimacy again and again.

So bringing up the past is a way for her to feel the strength and consistency of your love over and over again!

How You Can Make Going Down Memory Lane With Her Positive

If we get defensive, critical, or lose our cool when our wife brings up the past we are leading a negative experience.

The same applies if we become quiet, withdrawn, or numb.

Her bringing up the past is a cry for love.

Imagine she is drowning in an ocean crying out for us to toss her a life vest.

If we stand on shore explaining to her why she’s overreaching, why she doesn’t have the story straight, or why she should just get over it, she will stop respecting us.

Women don’t want to be sexual with men they don’t respect, so how you handle this directly affects her desire to be intimate with you.   

Around session 3 of my masculine confidence framework, my clients develop the ability to handle their wife’s drama with newfound confidence.

This skill is essential to feel confident in how you lead conversations with her, where in the past it might have turned into an argument or drama.

Most of us guys didn’t realize that her desire to feel our balls of brass and heart of gold comes through her complaints or bringing up the past.

You can be a different kind of man going forward. 

You know my Masculine Confidence Framework is for you if…

• Your moods change when your wife’s moods change
• You find yourself arguing about the same stuff over and over
• You shut down or numb out to survive her chaos
• You’ve been hoping things will improve but years have gone by and she doesn’t even know if she loves you now

Fill out my Get Grounded Now Consultation Form if you would like to discuss how to move forward in this program.

Be grounded brother,

Garrett Prettyman

Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.

Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.

Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™