When your relationship feels rocky, things like your wife’s guy friends will feel threatening to your marriage. Here’s a story to help you understand why trying to control your wife’s behaviours doesn’t fix the deeper issues that are eroding her respect for you.
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It’s August.
Friday, 3:29 PM to be exact.
David gets home from work early for the first time in months.
His wife’s co-worker’s car is parked in his driveway.
Why was he over?
Something didn’t feel right.
David walks into his house.
He hears the TV on in the other room.
After setting his lunchbox down in the kitchen, he enters his bedroom.
David’s wife is shocked that he’s there.
“Why are you home so early? Get out! We’re watching a movie!” She shouts.
Seeing his wife and her coworker sitting on his bed watching a movie freezes him.
His blood runs cold, and his hands shake.
Part of David wants to strangle the other guy, kick him out, and demand answers.
But his wife’s guy friends have been a touchy topic in the past.
David goes back to his truck and leaves the property before he does something he regrets.
His gut feels like it’s been stabbed by a knife, and he wants to puke.
What did he just see, and what would be the right way to handle it?
In that moment, he felt something he didn’t expect.
He felt sorry for his wife.
Their relationship had become strained that summer.
He cried.
They hadn’t had sex in weeks.
He felt abandoned, betrayed, and missed the connection they used to have.
David became determined to get to the bottom of whatever was wrong in his marriage.
How David Tried To Fix His Marriage
David’s wife was waiting for him when he returned home.
She didn’t say anything about having her co-worker over.
When David brings it up, she flips it back on him.
“He’s just a friend, and we were just watching a movie, what’s your problem??” She defends.
But David wasn’t buying it.
“I don’t want you to ever have him over again, do you understand?” He replied.
“In fact, I don’t want you ever talking to him again, either.”
Setting the boundary felt good.
But David’s wife just rolled her eyes.
“Ok, fine, but I hate that you are so controlling,” she said.
What Happened To David’s Marriage
Fast forward a few months.
David’s wife told him that she didn’t love him anymore and that she needed space.
This is when many guys reach out to me.
They have been trying to save their marriage by stopping their wife from doing anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.
But fear, jealousy, anxiety, and loneliness are a weak foundation to build your marriage on.
Your wife can smell those feelings all over you, and it drives a wedge between you both.
I want more for you.
You can set boundaries from self-worth, instead of insecurity, and gain respect.
Trust can be attracted through shared values and consistency rather than demanded.
Intimacy can be yours through polarity, instead of begging & hoping.
If you’re ready to stop trying to fix symptoms in your marriage and resolve the deeper issue causing them, reach out.
I guarantee you’ll feel better.
