If trust or emotional connection is thin in your marriage, it’s going to feel uncomfortable when your wife stays out late with her friends. This article is for the man who finds himself lying awake in bed at 2:00 A.M, worried about why his wife still isn’t home.
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Ben’s Wife Spent Most Weekends Out Late With Friends
Ben couldn’t sleep.
Each hour that passed added to his anxiety.
His wife had gone out with friends that evening, and by midnight, Ben was worried something was wrong.
He didn’t know where she was and had already sent a few texts.
“Hey, where are you?”
“?”
“???”
No response.
Another message. Still nothing.
His mind starts racing. He feels it in his chest. Sleep isn’t happening tonight.
Then he hears a car pull up.
It’s not hers.
A few seconds later, the front door opens. It’s his wife. She came home in an Uber.
She walks straight to the bathroom. Ben follows her.
“Why were you out so late?”
She turns and pushes back.
“Why do you have to be so controlling? I was just out with friends.”
Ben presses again.
“Then why the Uber?”
“We were drinking. I didn’t want to drive.”
He leaves the room.
He feels better now that his wife is home, but it’s really bothering him that this has been happening weekend after weekend.
When Your Wife Stays Out Late With Friends, It’s For A Reason
When your wife stays out late with friends and shows no regard for how you feel about it, she is starting to resent the person she has become in the relationship.
She wants relief from everything the household demands of her.
Freedom to dream of a new or different life.
She feels that when she’s around people who don’t need something from her.
This is called the dissolutionment stage of a marriage that’s headed for divorce.
It’s moments like this, when you’re lying alone in bed at 2:00 A.M, that it’s really easy to take her actions personally.
But if you sit with your feelings, you’ll realize just how much of your sense of well-being has been orbiting around your wife the last few years, specifically in the sex department.
She has known it for years.
The pressure of needing to keep you happy and herself feels exhausting.
It’s feminine nature to seek escape, rather than try to fix the issue when she feels pressure.
That’s why telling her she can’t stay out late or that she always needs to answer your calls usually doesn’t land well with her in the dissolutionment stage.
All she smells in those demands is that you need HER to make your feelings better.
And that role is the EXACT thing she’s about ready to cut out of her life so she can feel like she can breathe again.
When Your Wife Stays Out Late, It’s Your Wake-Up Call
It can feel like your wife’s behaviour is causing all your suffering.
And I know a passionate romp under the sheets and sharing a coffee is probably all it would take for you to feel close again, but not for her.
For your wife, there is layer upon layer of things that have built up between you two over the years.
Slogging through it all in counseling or therapy is hardly ever a good idea when your marriage is in the dissolusionment stage.
The only path forward that can bring intimacy and closeness back is for you to rebuild your life into a version 2.0 that brings your spark back.
You have to become a man who stops trying to fix his wife or make her be someone different so that you can feel better in the relationship.
The only way to unplug from her being your main source of well-being is to find it within yourself.
Trust me, you haven’t lost it.
What happens is your thoughts become the clouds that block your internal sun.
Here’s Your Next Step
No amount of demanding, arguing, begging, or trying to rationalize with your wife is going to make her want to stay home in bed with you.
Playing the victim just gives her the ick.
There is an ENERGY a man brings to the relationship when he’s grounded, calm, deliberate, and happy.
If your wife stays out late, then you should be texting me, or the men in my community at 2:00 A.M., not her.
Start by reaching out.
We’ll have a Confidence Call over Zoom or phone, and I’ll show you how my Masculine Confidence Framework can help you become the man you need to be to lead your marriage back to love and intimacy.
