I’m going to show you why it’s so dam attractive when you lead your wife without controlling her.
Leadership is a unique masculine gift, and it’s about giving people choices.
Feminine leadership is about drawing people in through relationships, beauty, or receptivity.
See the difference?
Society teaches that men and women are equals.
It says pointing out differences is “racist” and therefore BAD.
But your marriage will fail without masculine leadership being different from feminine leadership.
That statement I just made will offend many people.
It can push them into the streets to protest for something that nobody can even give them… Their SELF-WORTH.
This is because somewhere along the line, we as a culture have forgotten where our value lies.
We think others can give us value or take it from us.
Value is something nobody can take from you because your value does not lie OUTSIDE you. Your value lies INSIDE who you’re BEING.
When I talk about masculinity and femininity, it has nothing to do with who is better, more powerful, more valuable, or equal.
When I say “masculine leadership,” this in no way implies that women are “less than.”
There are basic rules to our universe:
- What goes up must come down
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
- What you resist will persist
- Polarity creates attraction
A battery needs a positive and a negative post to power electronics.
Without this polarity, your car couldn’t have lights or a radio.
Neither the positive nor the negative post is better than the other.
But both posts are opposites!
If you want to lead your wife without controlling her, you must value how she is your opposite.
Masculine Leadership Feels Safe To Feminine
A car only needs one steering wheel to reach its destination.
When the driver knows where he’s going, he’s confident at the wheel.
When he’s confident at the wheel, everyone onboard can relax.
You can be the feminine energy in your relationship if you want.
Some men feel most alive when they are the flowing, soft, receptive, nurturing partner.
Other men feel most alive when they are clear, direct, logical, and creators of action towards definite plans and a definite purpose.
Many people try to shoot down the latter man because he makes them feel uncomfortable about their own state of inaction or their own lack of purpose.
What the clear, logical man is actually doing is providing masculine leadership.
Feminine leads by drawing things in.
She draws things into her life through beauty, receptivity, relationships, and emotions.
That’s why her Instagram post gets 10k likes, and yours gets 3 (it’s mostly her looks drawing them in).
You lead by what you create.
She leads by what she exposes (like her feelings, looks, etc.)
When you lead your wife without controlling her, she feels free to express her femininity.
She feels free to lead how she’s meant to.
That’s why it’s so dam attractive to her.
Bossing People Around Is Not Leadership
The bully thinks he knows how to lead.
So does the dictator and micromanager.
And we tend to copy the leadership of those we grew up under.
It’s easy to think of leadership as being in charge.
The guy who calls the shots.
The one who bull-dogs his way through life.
But telling people what to do or what we want is not leading them, it’s trying to control them.
Dictating is highly effective but short-lived.
There’s no loyalty, no love, only fear.
Bossing people around doesn’t lead them because you’re trying to push them.
Leaders are out in front.
They go first.
They live by example.
Then they offer choices for others to join.
Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her By Offering Choices
Let’s say you and your wife are in the kitchen.
She just said something rude or hurtful.
1. Get curious about how she must feel to make such a rude comment. Lead her to that feeling by suggesting a few feelings you think she might be having. Let her choose the feeling that’s most accurate for her.
2. State how it makes you feel to hear her rude comment rather than sweeping it under the rug. Masculine leadership stays present even with uncomfortable feelings.
3. Lead her to the next step by offering it. If you yell, argue, or shut down, you are leading her to do the same. Never underestimate the power of mirroring neurons in the brain! She feels invited to act how you are acting. She may not always choose it, but hold that bar for both of you.
Another great way to lead your wife without controlling her is to simply say what’s next.
It makes her feel like you’re at the wheel of the car.
Say what your plan is for the day.
Before you disappear into the garage for a project, say you are disappearing into the garage to work on a project.
Even your kids need this kind of leadership.
Let’s say you took them to the park.
You decide it’s time to go.
A leader would say: “Almost time to go! Do you want to get in the car in 5 minutes or in 10 minutes?”
A dictator would say: “Get in the car, we’re leaving!”
The same rules apply to your wife, even if she’s a strong, independent woman.
Giving her choices helps her relax.
Even strong women love to relax.
Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her By Holding The Wheel
If a car had a steering wheel for each passenger, the destination would never be reached.
Hell, if a car had no steering wheel or GPS guidance system, the destination would never be reached.
Your marriage is that car.
Your marriage will not work unless someone is at the wheel.
I was the man who abandoned the driver’s seat of my marriage because my wife was complaining about my “driving” (and lack of “driving”).
I decided to let her have a turn rather than step up.
She seemed good at planning the weekends, making the phone calls, setting the boundaries, and initiating hard conversations, so I never did.
This feels like pressure to a woman.
It suffocates her.
She’ll love you, but not feel in love with you.
She’ll jump onto someone else’s car as soon as it comes along.
If your marriage is struggling, removing pressure is the most effective way to save the relationship.
Masculine leadership feels like a huge load lifted off her shoulders.
It will feel natural for you.
You already have deep values and a unique masculine archetype that you can lead from.
But you might be disconnected from them right now.
I’ll help you stop holding back your awesome masculine gifts with a renewed clarity of who you are.
How To Become The Natural Leader Your Wife Loves
Everything I teach is time-tested and very relatable for men.
You’ll be shocked at how many issues men face that are exactly like yours.
Most of the transformation happens in your mind.
You have a narrative running that needs to be challenged and reframed.
I want you to feel invincible, clear, and strong in your marriage.
Your wife does too.
This work won’t just benefit you; it benefits your family and those closest to you.
Let’s jump on a call, and I’ll explain how it all works.
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
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