Below, you’ll read two stories about what mansplaining is and how to manage it. The video below gives two additional stories for more insight. Mansplaining is simply offering unsolicited advice or using a demeaning tone with women. Ironically, when men “mansplain” to each other, the results can be positive.
How Tom “Mansplained” To Emily
The kitchen just got silent…
Tom’s mouth was open, but he held his words back.
His wife Emily was glaring at him with disapproval.
Tom wasn’t sure what he had said wrong.
“I have to push on the screwdriver so hard to remove the screws, my palm is starting to bruise!” Emily had complained moments ago.
Tom was unaware that the dishwasher door had been catching the countertop lately.
Emily had been removing it at least once a day to ensure a tight seal while it ran.
When Emily announced her hand was hurting, Tom glanced into the kitchen and saw she had used a phillips screwdriver to remove several torx bit screws.
Tom’s initial response to Emily’s complaint was, “Why are you using a Philips on a torx bit? To remove the door, you have to use a T10 bit!”
“I’ve removed this door 20 times, I don’t need you to “mansplain” to me how it’s done!” Emily replied.
This was the moment Tom was in right now.
He didn’t know what to say or how to respond without further upsetting Emily.
What Tom didn’t realize, is he was offering unsolicited advice when Emily was only trying to communicate frustration.
Tom could have asked her, “Do you want me to listen or give advice right now?”
Asking her would have shown respect rather than immediately assuming she was an idiot with screwdrivers.
How Billy “Mansplained” To Denise
Billy was in bed for the night.
His wife, Denise, was in the bedroom placing some outfits on hangers.
Denise told Billy, “It’s snowing, I’m worried I’ll be late for work in the morning. I’m going to leave extra early tomorrow in case the roads are bad”.
Although Billy was sleepy, he managed to mumble, “You’re worried about slow traffic when your habit of hitting the snooze button in the morning is more of the issue”
Denise went on to say, “I feel like work is expecting way too much of me lately, I think it’s time to tell my boss I can’t take on any more projects.
Billy was more awake now.
He got out of bed to use the master bathroom.
As he walked past Denise, he said, “You’re feeling overloaded at work because your sister was here all week and she didn’t lift a finger to help around the house the whole time”.
Denise looked at Billy and said, “Stop trying to explain my feelings to me, I just need you to listen!”
Billy shook his head and proceeded to the bathroom.
Moments later, he was walking back to the bed when Denise said, “Tada!”
Billy looked at Denise and saw her holding up a picture frame kit.
Earlier that summer, Denise had started a side hustle on Etsy of making custom frames for pictures.
“What’s so special about this picture frame?” Billy asked curiously.
“This one is made of foam, but looks like real wood! I’m going to use the table saw to etch grooves into the back so It can be glued to a backing board!” Emily replied.
Tom looked at Emily like he had just heard a 5-year-old announce she was going to swim across lake Erie.
With a tone of sarcasm, he said, “You’re only excited because you think using power tools makes you “cool” or something. Stand to the side when using the table saw, that thing likes to kick back”.
Denise stomped her foot and cried, “I’m not stupid! Stop mansplaining to me how I feel and how to do stuff!”
What Billy didn’t take into consideration is Denise had been using the table saw all summer and was quite familiar with it.
Billy’s tone felt demeaning to Denise when he assumed she would use the saw wrong.
Furthermore, Whenever Denise told Billy she felt a certain way, Billy invalidated her feelings by giving his opinion for WHY she felt how she did.
When Mansplaining Is Good
The fact that men and women communicate differently is old news.
But “different” isn’t necessarily bad..
Mansplaining never serves when directed to women.
Mansplaining CAN benefit when directed to MEN.
What women perceive as “mansplaining” is how we men speak to each other all the time.
For us guys, when someone speaks to us as if we know nothing, we take it as a challenge to step up our game.
For example, if you said to your buddy, “I’ll get to work on time despite the snow” and he replied with, “surrrre you willlll, watch those slick corners” your friend’s tone of doubt would feel like a CHALLENGE to surpass his expectation.
Not so for women.
Our tone of doubt feels to her like we think she’s an idiot.
When we explain WHY she has feelings, she feels like we’ve invalidated her feelings.
What’s happening is we’re blowing on the coals of her own self-doubt, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy she’s already struggling with.
If we offer our wife unsolicited advice, it feels to her like we don’t believe she’s capable of using her own brain.
What If My Wife Really Is An Idiot?
The right thing, spoken to the wrong person, is the wrong thing to say.
If a person was dying at the scene of an accident, screaming, “You’re screwed!!” would not serve.
Comforting the dying while saying, “It’s going to be ok” is the right thing to do.
Take your logic, trajectory, “truth” and observations to the men in your mastermind group.
Show your wife respect by letting her have her own feelings and ideas.
See that your wife is doing the best she can and that is the only bar she needs to reach.
Whenever she asks for your logic, give it to her 100% but keep unsolicited advice to yourself.
If she tells you how she’s feeling and you really, really, want to point out “why” you can always say, “Honey, do you want me to listen right now or give my advice?”
She’ll let you know which she needs.
The truth is, we men tend to be logically aware and women tend to be more emotionally aware – so we both can seem like “idiots” from the other’s perspective.
Put your “Mansplaining” Through Your Masculine Framework
Many men today are uncertain about what it means to be masculine in a world where gender equality is the norm.
Without a masculine framework, core values, boundaries, and decisive leadership, your relationship will lose sexual polarity.
The masculine confidence framework I teach men will give you the clarity you need to show up to any situation with women attractively and confidently.
Reach out if you would like a free consultation about being mentored 1:1.
Click HERE to book our call.
I promise our chat will leave you thinking more clearly.
Stay grounded brother,
Garrett Prettyman
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
Leave a Reply