This article is about a masculine identity crisis plaguing many men and why this breakdown is creating frustration in marriages.
The struggle to feel desirable when your wife or girlfriend isn’t being affectionate can be painful.
You’ll tend to think, “If only she would warm up to me, everything would feel better!“
I realize this logically makes sense.
But what if needing your wife to change is what’s keeping her (and you) stuck?
If sex is the only thing that makes you feel valuable, it’s time to get back to the roots of what it means to be a man.
In the video below, relationship coach Mark Drezga and I explain how a masculine identity crisis is leaving men uncertain about what they’re supposed to provide in modern marriages.
Without An Identity, There Can Be No Intimacy
To be intimately joined to something, you first have to be separate from it.
If your entire life has merged with your wife’s, you don’t have a clear identity.
Having an identity is a normal part of developing from a child into an adult.
Without an identity, nothing sets you apart from the crowd.
In fact, identity (ego) is necessary to have a perceptive consciousness.
Notice how a child doesn’t seem to have awareness of how they impact their surroundings.
As a child matures, he/she develop more consciousness in tandem with having a sense of self (ego).
Many times, it’s during this childhood-adult transition that the masculine identity crisis sets in.
His sex drive makes him want a lover, so he tries to make himself into what he thinks women want.
The Masculine Identity Crisis In Modern Marriages
Every man is born with a drive to provide.
It doesn’t have to be money.
Time, protection, help – there are countless things men provide.
Things men can DO are the most common (Like mowing the lawn or shoveling snow off the driveway).
The masculine identity crisis sets in when a man thinks DOING THINGS is the only way he can provide.
We live in a time where women can do most anything without their man’s help.
There was no corporate ladder or city transit system 1,000 years ago.
Back then, if you could chop firewood and fix a roof, you were her knight in shining armor.
But many men feel lost now, feeling like their wives don’t need them to provide anything.
This threatens his very purpose.
Is it any wonder suicide runs 4x higher with men vs women?
The Masculine Identity Crisis Forces Men To Find Emotional Purpose
There was a time when your purpose was to kill a buffalo for winter.
Why? Because your wife couldn’t.
Feeling needed by your wife is important for men!
We need to feel like what we provide is highly valued.
Our modern society is set up so women can provide for themselves whatever they need.
But one thing women will always need from men is emotional polarity.
She won’t feel this polarity if you always try to please her, agree with her, and make her happy, hoping that will make her like you.
This is how the masculine identity crisis is formed.
She hates onions, so you say you don’t like them too.
She hates a specific stereotype of men, so you hate on them too.
Play this out over the long haul, and you lose your own identity.
Your wife will lose her sexual desire for you.
She needs to feel emotional polarity.
Being her girlfriend with a beard destroys that polarity.
Having emotional purpose means you value the emotional element you bring to the relationship.
- Being steady and nonreactive
- Facing uncomfortable feelings with empathy and curiosity
- Tuning into the current moment without trying to change it
Those are examples of having an emotional purpose that is masculine, not feminine.
Resolving The Masculine Identity Crisis
To attract a female, be a man!
Hang out with men.
Talk how men talk.
Stop trying to “not be like those guys”.
In fact, the more you hang out with mature men, the more you’ll act like a mature man.
Females have a sedative effect on men.
If you spend too much time with your partner, you’ll start acting more feminine.
When you stop trying to provide by only DOING things, you’ll find a new identity in how you can BE while you are doing those things.
To resolve the masculine identity crisis, start placing your sense of value into the attitude you bring, not your actions.
Attitudes like:
- Stabilty
- Clarity
- Disernment
- Playfulness
- Leadership
Taking The Next Step To Feeling Like A Valuable Man
Even if your wife is a CEO who mows her own lawn, she will never be able to channel the VIBE of masculinity day after day, year after year.
You were built not to burn out from routine daily efforts.
Why do you think Edison spent YEARS trying to figure out how to make a light bulb?
Because masculine thrives on the PROCESS of exploration!
Most ladies would have given up after the first 300 tries.
She’s wired to love the RESULTS of exploration.
Not you.
You can show up steady, grounded, deliberate, and intentional again and again for your entire life, loving the process.
You can feel the timeless value you bring to relationships when you get crystal clear on what you value and how that man behaves.
I help men every day find their inner code to live by that feminine will always be drawn to.
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
Leave a Reply