Why she’s pulling away from intimacy is usually not what you think. Let’s unpack the key difference between sexual neediness and attractive desire—a common cause.
This is the third in my series of 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets.
Secret# 3: End Sexual Neediness – The Pungent Wife Repellent.
(Use These Links To See Secrets One & Two)
Matthew’s Advances Fell Flat
The sun was out, the weather was perfect, and Matthew felt good.
If the sky stayed clear, he’d finish painting the house.
Even better, his wife, Amy, would be home soon from her graveyard shift.
They had plans—coffee together, a rare moment of connection after ten days of barely seeing each other.
But Matthew wasn’t just excited for coffee.
He was horny.
The thought of getting tangled up with Amy before they left made him smile.
Then Amy walked in.
No hello.
No eye contact.
Just walked right past him.
Matthew followed her into the bedroom, hopeful.
She let out a deep sigh.
He stepped behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and groped.
Amy stepped away.
She walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
Why She’s Pulling Away Isn’t What You Think
Thirty minutes later, Matthew and Amy sat in silence at a coffee shop.
Matthew was irritated—he’d had his mind set on sex, and it hadn’t happened.
Amy was even quieter than usual.
Trying to fill the dead air, Matthew talked about his plans to finish painting.
Then he noticed it—a tear running down Amy’s face.
“Why are you crying, Amy?” he asked, setting his coffee down.
Amy stared off.
“Come on, Matthew. You should know me well enough by now. I shouldn’t have to say.”
Matthew replayed the morning in his mind.
What had he missed?
Amy finally broke the silence. “I need you to care about me.”
Her voice was as cold as her untouched coffee.
Matthew was stumped—and annoyed!
Didn’t he just try to have sex with her an hour ago?
Didn’t that prove he cared?
“Maybe you just need some sleep,” he suggested.
Amy shook her head, eyes narrowing. “I don’t need you to tell me what to do.”
Matthew clenched his jaw.
His patience was thin.
“This is BS,” he thought.
Arms crossed, determined to defend himself, he snapped: “Well, I do care about you, so I don’t know what your problem is.”
Amy turned her face away, as another tear ran down her cheek.
💡 Pro Tip: If Matthew had simply said, “I hear you. What else are you feeling?” he could’ve stopped this crash before it happened.
A woman’s words aren’t a conclusion—they’re the tip of the iceberg to something else she’s feeling.
How Matthew Made Matters Worse
That evening, Matthew was feeling better.
The house painting had gone great.
But he was also horny as hell.
Amy had been sleeping most of the day.
Now, she was curled up in bed.
Matthew stepped out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, and slid under the sheets next to her.
He started kissing her.
She barely responded.
“Come on, Amy. I’m gonna sleep like shit if we don’t have sex.”
Amy sighed.
That long, exhausted sigh Matthew had grown to hate.
“Okay, fine. Just do your thing.”
This was the kind of sex they had been having lately.
Matthew hated it.
Amy hated it.
But what Matthew didn’t get was that his need to relieve his horniness was all Amy could feel from him.
💡 Pro Tip: Your wife wants to feel your sexual desire—not your sexual neediness. There is a difference!
If you don’t understand why she’s pulling away, it’s time to notice the energy you bring to the room.
How Matthew Fixed the Intimacy Issues in His Marriage
If your marriage is like Matthew’s, there are some things you need to STOP doing, like:
⌠Needing to be right.
⌠Using her as an outlet to get off.
⌠Constantly needing her to explain herself.
⌠Desperately needing to be chosen.
⌠Trying to force her to “get clear.”
That conversation Matthew and Amy had at the coffee stand?
That could have led to an intimate moment.
Matthew only needed to hold space for Amy to sort out her feelings with him.
Instead, he reacted—and she shut down.
That’s why she had tears running down her face.
Never mistake this cue.
If your woman’s eyes get glossy, she wants to open up—if only you could handle it.
Thankfully, Matthew realized this cycle would destroy his marriage and got help.
He found a mentor who helped men navigate these waters.
And that’s when everything changed.
He stopped letting his horniness override his awareness of how Amy was feeling.
He learned to create a connection in moments that used to trigger his defensiveness.
Amy felt his presence again.
She felt his sexual desire—not his sexual neediness.
And that’s when intimacy started to flow naturally.
There was only ONE THING that had prevented this for Matthew—his sense of well-being had been tied to Amy’s reactions instead of his own self-assurance.
Your Next Step You Can’t Afford To Miss
It’s impossible to hold space for another if you don’t have rock-solid self-assurance.
The confidence you display when your wife pulls back is what attracts her to get close again.Â
You can gain the same attractive masculine energy Matthew achieved in our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.
Join an amazing group of men and learn to lead intimacy in marriage with confidence!
If you’re ready to break free from frustration, rebuild attraction, and restore the deep, passionate intimacy you once had with your wife, then it’s time to step up.
My eBook, How High-Achieving Men In Their 40s Can Restore Passionate Intimacy With Their Wife of 18+ Years, is your guide to making it happen.
Inside, I walk you through the exact mindset shifts, strategies, and actions you need to take to lead with presence, strength, confidence, and clarity.
Get your copy today and start leading your marriage with presence, power, and purpose
The masculine confidence framework I teach men is no joke.
I guarantee your gains are worth the effort.
Much love brother,
Garrett Prettyman