I want you to know that masculine leadership is sexy even if your wife is a very alpha, driven person. That’s secret# 5 in my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) This article is not for the controlling jackass who bosses his wife around or treats women with disrespect. Quite opposite. The tips you’re about to learn ARE for the man who mistakenly thought letting his wife wear the pants in the relationship would make her happy. Even if your wife has a stubborn streak, deep down, she feels leadership is sexy.
Why Kate Was Unhappy In Her Marriage
Kate looked up from her phone and asked, “What do you want for dinner?”
Travis almost didn’t hear her.
He was lost in his laptop, browsing new real estate listings.
“I don’t care. Whatever is easy”, Travis replied with a smile.
Kate said, “We have some leftover meatloaf. Or I could do a casserole”.
Travis’s eyes stayed on his computer.
He had no idea Kate was seeking his masculine leadership.
He was more interested in the new listing he just found.
“Whatever you want, honey. If one of those is near the front of the fridge, just warm that up”, he suggested.
“Think we could watch a nature show tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Or we could go for a drive and look at Christmas lights!”, Amy said with enthusiasm.
“Maybe”, Travis mumbled as he tried to cut and paste an address from his web browser.
Kate’s voice got serious, “I just think we need to prioritize making efforts for our relationship.”
“Huh?”, Travis said, confused.
Kate’s face got emotional.
Her throat tightened as she said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us. I always have to fight alone”.
Travis tried to make sense of how the conversation went from dinner to prioritizing their relationship.
He felt himself getting angry.
“Kate, you’re a strong, independent woman. You love plowing your own way through life. The battles you fight, you bring on yourself”, he scolded disapprovingly.
Hearing this did not sit well with Kate.
Kate began walking out of the room.
In a frustrated tone, she turned around and said, “Never mind.”
Travis heard her walk into their bedroom and close the door.
About an hour later, his mind was still foggy as he tried to process his conversation with Kate.
He felt a little resentful that she didn’t make him anything to eat.
While he warmed up some meatloaf in the microwave, he could hear a nature show coming from the TV in their bedroom.
Yay!
Dinner in bed would be fun.
Travis brought his plate to bed and nestled next to Kate.
She fell asleep moments later.
He finished the episode by himself.
This wasn’t the fun, connected, sexy evening he had hoped for.
Masculine Leadership Is Sexy, Management Is Not
Each time Kate brought up a question, Travis tried to avoid leadership by putting the choice back on her.
Management is a form of damage control.
You’ll never be responsible for damage if other people make the choices!
In the business world, a manager has one job: Use the systems in place to keep the show going.
The leader of a company looks broad range.
A leader ensures effort is spent on the right problems based on where he wants the company to go.
Without leadership, managers can end up straightening chairs on a sinking Titanic, assuming effort=success.
You’ll win the battle but lose the war.
The same applies to your marriage.
Here are the replies Travis gave his wife in the story above:
- “I don’t care”
- Whatever is easy”
- “Whatever you want honey”
- “Maybe”
- “Huh?”
Do those sound like words of leadership to you?
Those replies were attempts to put out small fires.
That’s what managers do.
Even the strongest, most independent, business-minded woman wants to relax.
Her sexuality goes offline if she isn’t relaxed.
Leadership allows her to relax and step out of the guessing game.
She can’t do that with a manager.
Every time Kate bounced options off Travis, she wanted him to make a choice.
She wanted to relax in his masculine leadership.
Travis didn’t step up, and that’s when her emotions changed from “What do you want to eat?” to “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us”.
Your wife wants the GOOD feeling of knowing she just gave you something you really wanted.
Saying, “Just warm up whatever happens to be the fridge” robs her of that good feeling.
It’s very selfish to not know what you want
How Travis Could Have Shown Masculine Leadership
Especially for guys married to strong, independent women, letting her make the choices in the house feels easy.
Deep down, these men are afraid she won’t like him if he faces her strong will.
He’s afraid that saying what he really thinks will just be used against him.
Here’s how Travis could have lead Sexy, FUN leadership:
- “Meatloaf sounds great! Let’s have that.”
- “No, we can’t look at Christmas lights tonight. We will next weekend. It will be fun!”
- “You feel like you’re fighting all your battles alone? I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting. Let’s talk about it after I get out of the shower tonight when I’m not distracted.”
A unique difference between masculine leadership vs feminine leadership is that masculine leadership is CONSISTENTLY based on values, boundaries, and standards, NOT emotions.
Your leadership is still a gift even if she protests with comments like, “I don’t want meatloaf. I’d rather have a casserole.”
Here’s why: She didn’t know what she wanted until you did.
Feminine energy finds her truth when contained by strong masculine leadership
Just as a river can’t reach the ocean without river banks, feminine can’t know what she wants or where she’s going until she encounters your clear choices
In her article, “What Every Man Should Know About Women,” Author and mentor Teal Swan reveals how women live in constant fear.
A woman’s fear is biologically woven into who she is as a feminine person.
Strong independent women get tired of fending for themselves, but will struggle to let their armor down if they don’t feel safe.
When a man consistently “contains” his wife’s emotions by taking ownership of the situation, it provides the woman with a sense of safety.
Travis and Kate: A Few Months Later
Travis had a mind-jolting insight into the obvious: What he was doing wasn’t working.
He confided his frustrations with another man whom he respected.
Once a week, they would meet at a local diner to talk about what was happening in Travis’s marriage.
This wasn’t a time for complaining about their wives.
These were times to connect and get clear on how to create trust and safety using masculine leadership.
Travis began to realize most of his frustrations with Kate came from his own ways of thinking about her.
When Travis’s mentor spoke to him man-to-man, everything made sense.
Leadership and confidence weren’t something he had to go find, they were things he needed to stop holding back.
Travis went on to create an intimate, fun-filled relationship with Kate.
His only regret was that he let himself suffer for so many years before seeking the mentorship of an experienced man.
How To Grow Your Masculine Leadership Right Now
I take genuine, successful men through a field-tested process of masculine confidence development.
Plant your feet on the solid ground of your values, boundaries, and personal standards by committing to this work.
You’ll feel good stepping up as a natural leader in your relationship.
Masculine leadership is sexy, and your wife wants to experience it.
