By the time you’re asking how to give your wife space, your marriage is suffering pretty badly. You’ve already begged, pleaded, cried, demanded, and tried to be Prince Charming. The result? “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”… and, “I need space”. That was my experience at least. But after working with tons of men in struggling relationships, I’ve realized you and I are not alone. Let’s talk about how to give your wife space in a way that I see working best for my clients.
Why Your Wife Wants Space
Don’t worry about why.
Seriously, it’s a moving target.
And your questions are what moves it.
- Why can’t we work this out?
- Why didn’t you say something sooner?
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why are you being so cold?
- Why can’t we have sex?
Your questions about her lack of commitment and desire are what’s driving her need for space.
Keep pelting her with those, and you’ll lose her fast.
Needing to know “why” is a primal drive in men, so I get why you feel the urge.
But pretty much everything your urges are telling you right now will drive her right out of your life.
You don’t learn how to give your wife space by fixing problems with the marriage.
You learn how by detaching from her needing to change for you to be ok.
Women always sense your motives.
She can smell that motive a mile away.
Your unease, restlessness, and desperation stink so bad right now, she needs space from it.
Trying to sort why she needs space with her is like puking on the floor and then shoving her face in it to identify what bad food you ate… all while she’s sick with COVID.
This is NOT how you attract loving desire from your wife.
How To Give Your Wife Space Without Pushing Her Away
Don’t resist her need for space.
Set her free.
Your FEAR that she won’t return is what you and I need to have a talk about.
Build ANYTHING in life out of fear, and it will be subpar.
I explain how to give your wife space as if you have a fish on the line.
It’s not about how much line to let out before you lose the fish.
If you’ve ever hooked a big bass, you know to let the drag out so the line doesn’t snap.
The way to give your wife space without losing her is to loosen the drag.
You loosen the drag by living as a happily divorced man.
Many online influencers talk about their “5-step plan to get her back” or “the no contact rule” to get her back.
These tactics provide quick positive results IF you’ve only been dating or married for less than 24 months.
Long-term relationships are a whole different breed.
Your wife of many years won’t be fooled by games or tactics.
You’ve both grown apart over the years, and “no contact” would be more of the same.
When you let the drag out, it’s about releasing tension, not avoiding her.
In my book, I explain the 5 seasons every marriage goes through.
This helps you understand what your wife needs most during each season to remain attracted to you.
The biggest mistake you can make right now is to act on impulse, fear, and desperation instead of clarity, calmness, and self-reliance for your happiness.
Sobbing tears about how much she’s hurting you will only repulse her.
She craves spine.
A man who doesn’t need her validation.
A man who is secure enough to let her go.
Taking the high road like this is a choice.
It’s where you drop resentment, anger, and all your hate about how she’s acting.
If you want something to reel in, reel in that stuff.
You have to TRUST that taking the high road IS THE ONLY WAY to lead a relationship to a better place.
How To Give Your Wife Space In 4 Steps
- Don’t get her flowers, declare your undying love, or try to get her turned on for sex
- Don’t follow her around or phone her “just to check in”
- Don’t track her, plan things for her to show up to, confide in your in-laws, or try to sway her friends (especially the in-laws)
- Don’t have long conversations about the relationship, beg, convince, present your case for why this can be fixed, or try to buy her back with a new house or truck (I know guys who tried this!!).
If you do these things, you will be divorced within a few months.
What To Do With Yourself So You Don’t Lose Your Wife
- Pour all your focus into improving yourself as a virile, purpose-filled, confident man who lives a life he loves.
- Hold yourself to what makes you a high-value man by your own standards.
- Use this opportunity to launch, create, or dive into something not practical to execute when tied to the time constraints of a relationship.
- Share your needs, anxiety, loneliness, expectations, and attachment to outcomes with men. Men are your new source of validation, not her.
A man who respects himself won’t try to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with him.
If you don’t respect yourself, your wife never will either.
Here are the words of an attractive, confident man who respects himself:
“I understand you need space and feel uncertain about your feelings for me, sweetie. I’ll be glad to give you 4 months of separation. If after that time you don’t want to be with me, I’m prepared to let you go.“
This shows masculine energy by taking leadership of the situation.
It lifts a tremendous amount of PRESSURE off her by being the one who sorts out the logistics.
If I could summarize how to give your wife space in two words, it would be this: REMOVE PRESSURE.
- Pressure to stay
- Pressure to know how long she will need space
- Pressure to give you assurance
- Pressure by guilting her or trying to make her feel obligated
Any interaction you have with your wife during separation (no matter how small) is an opportunity to show her a whole new version of you.
A version that is inspired, fulfilled, happy, calm, and takes leadership.
A man who doesn’t pressure her for certainty or need any specific outcome to be ok.
Afraid Your Wife Will Have An Afair If You Back Off?
You will never fear any woman cheating on you if you have boundaries.
If she has an affair, you will simply execute your boundary.
Trying to manipulate situations to prevent a feared outcome is very indirect and repulsive to feminine.
And be honest, you don’t like being that guy anyway.
Focus on being the right man and let the wrong women sluff away.
My Masculine Confidence Framework Teaches You How To Give Your Wife Space
Without clarity, there can be no confidence.
Worrying and fretting about how to give your wife space without losing her is a life of walking on eggshells.
It’s not attractive.
Guy’s I coach dramatically speed up their evolution into being an attractive man who women don’t need space from.
In fact, you’ll be able to sit on the same couch and give her all the space she needs.
But right now, you’re new to this.
You should probably send her to her sister’s place or move her into the spare room so she can get immediate relief from your pressure.
Then you & I will dig into the deeper issues you need to face while she gets a break from the old you.
Understanding how to embody masculine traits, lead with confidence, and uphold strong personal standards will significantly transform your relationships with women.