Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: Marriage Advice for Men

How To Respond When Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex
The rejection you feel when your wife doesn’t want sex can cut deep.

It’s confusing, even painful, to wonder why the woman you love doesn’t seem to want your affection anymore.

She’ll say things like, “Is sex all you think about?” if you try to push past her objections.

The truth is, long before your wife feels safe to get naked with you physically, she needs to feel safe getting naked with you emotionally.

In this article, I share how I had to find my inner confidence and stop taking my wife’s rejections personally.

Masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I dive deeper in this video so you know how to respond when your wife doesn’t want sex.

How To Gain REAL Confidence When She Stops Being Intimate

Build Your Confidence When Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex

When your wife doesn’t want sex, ANY response made from desperation or insecurity will prevent her from wanting sex with you.

She’s just not drawn to guys who react to her because they feel hurt.

It’s around session 2 of my masculine confidence framework when my clients have a hard dose of reality to swallow: For years, they’ve been taking sex in their marriage for granted.

If you compare marriage to a pond, and lack of intimacy to an alligator, the alligator has been there the whole time.

This means your marriage could have gone sexless ages ago.

You’ve been obliviously basking in the sun by an alligator-filled pond each time you had sex.

You behaved in ways that could trigger those alligators, and didn’t even know it.

How do the alligators come alive?
- By explaining her feelings away
- Ranting about your day without asking about hers
- Expecting her to think like you do
- Having an attitude you would never show to your friends or coworkers
- Always having an explanation for why something is not your fault
Once the alligators come out, sex is off the table.

Can you blame her?

Can you get turned on while swimming through alligator-infested waters?

But hey, you didn’t know better.

Alligator ignorance is bliss.

I call this having “oblivious” confidence.

When you’re “obviously” confident, you didn’t know you were feeding the alligators every time you complained or ignored your wife’s feelings.

You didn’t know it made her feel unsafe to be around you.

Now that your wife doesn’t want sex, you’re seeing reality for the first time.

When I teach guys how I gained confidence when my wife stopped being intimate, I’m teaching CONSCIOUS confidence.

A conscious man is fully aware of what he stands to lose, but stays present and steady.

He doesn’t fall apart when he realizes he’s been feeding alligators that make her feel unsafe.

There is a level of ACCEPTANCE he has for where she is without taking it personally.

Conscious Confidence Is Only Born Through Suffering

I grew up in a very conservative Mennonite (Form of Amish) church with a 0% divorce rate.

We were a private community completely separate from society.

We didn’t have TVs or radios, and we were only permitted to marry within the Mennonite community.

Courtship was practiced instead of dating (think of courting akin to only dating someone you’ve already decided you will marry).

My happy, self-assured, cocky-self crumbled when I first asked a girl for courtship and she refused my offer.

This was a point where I could have developed conscious confidence, but I didn’t.

With my mojo in the toilet, I fell into victimhood.

Needless to say, I attracted zero lovers for several years.

Eventually, I got enough spark back that it caught my future wife’s eye.

Since divorce was unheard of in ultra-conservative Mennonite churches nationwide, the thought never crossed my mind that I could be divorced.

Fast forward 10 years.

My wife and I were no longer part of the Mennonite community.

I found myself holding divorce papers that I didn’t want to sign.

My suffering this time was rock bottom for me.

It’s only from this place of deflated ego that “conscious” confidence is born.

Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex, She Wants Leadership

My time as a Mennonite let me see firsthand how when a man leads with confidence, the right woman will follow, and the relationship thrives like it’s supposed to.

When you stop reacting to your wife and start RESPONDING with leadership, something awakens in her.

It’s what you feel when she puts on that cute red dress.

My masculine confidence coaching program is your ticket to a better, stronger, more intimate marriage.

It’s a culmination of experienced men who have been in your shoes.

We men tend to hang onto the last shred of our ego before finally reaching out for help.

Don’t wait until all hope is lost to turn your marriage around.

Take action for your self-development NOW.

Stubbornly holding out to save a dollar saves nothing (ask me how I know).
February 20, 2024
Why Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen

When your wife says you don’t listen, she’s often reacting less to your listening and more to the way you respond. I’m sure you mean well with your response. But there is a difference between what men and women see as a good response. Often, your response will feel like mansplaining to her. Below, you’ll read two stories about what mansplaining is and how to manage it. The video below gives two additional stories for more insight. Mansplaining is simply offering unsolicited advice or using a demeaning tone with women. Ironically, when men “mansplain” to each other, the results can be positive.

Is Mansplaining Bad??

If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, You Might Be Mansplaining

“I’m pushing so hard on this screwdriver, my palm is bruised!” Emily complained to her husband Tom.

Tom was unaware that the dishwasher door had been catching the countertop lately.

Emily removed it at least once a day to ensure a tight seal.

Tom glanced at Emily’s hands.

She was using a Phillips screwdriver… to remove a torx bit screw.

“Why are you using a Philips on a torx bit? Tom Asked.

Before she could answer, he said, “You need a T10 bit to remove that screw!”

“I’ve removed this door 20 times, I don’t need you to mansplain to me how it’s done!” Emily replied.

Tom didn’t mean to mansplain.

He thought he was being helpful.

What Tom didn’t realize was that he was offering unsolicited advice.

Emily was just trying to communicate frustration.

Tom could have asked her, “Do you want me to listen or give advice right now?”

Asking her would have shown respect rather than immediately assuming she didn’t know how to use a screwdriver.

When your wife says you don’t listen, she might just be trying to communicate frustration.

And what do you do?

You don’t hear the frustration; you only see the problem.

How Billy “Mansplained” To Denise

Billy was in bed for the night.

His wife, Denise, was in the bedroom folding clothes.

Denise told Billy, “It’s snowing. I’m worried I’ll be late for work in the morning. I’ll leave extra early in case the roads are bad”.

Billy was sleepy, but he managed to mumble, “You’re worried traffic will make you late? You hitting the snooze button is more of a concern.”

Denise seemed a little bothered by this.

But after a moment, she said, “I just feel like work is expecting way too much of me lately. I think it’s time to tell my boss I can’t take on any more projects”.

Billy was more awake now.

He got out of bed to use the master bathroom.

As he walked past Denise, he said, “You’re feeling overloaded at work because your sister was here all week and she didn’t lift a finger to help around the house”.

Denise looked at Billy, “Stop trying to explain my feelings to me, I just need you to listen!”

Billy shook his head and proceeded to the bathroom.

Moments later, he was back in bed when Denise said, “Tada!”

She held up a picture frame.

Earlier that summer, Denise started a side hustle.

She sold custom picture frames on Etsy.

“What’s so special about this picture frame?” Billy asked curiously.

“This one is made of foam, but looks like real wood! I’ll etch grooves in the back with the table saw. That way, the backerboard stays put. Emily replied.

Tom looked at Emily like a 5-year-old had announced she was going to swim across Lake Erie.

With a tone of sarcasm, he said, “You’re only excited because you think using power tools makes you ‘cool” or something. Stand to the side when using the table saw, that thing likes to kick back”.

Denise stomped her foot and cried, “I’m not stupid! Stop mansplaining to me how I feel and how to do stuff!”

What Billy didn’t take into consideration was that Denise had been using the table saw all summer and was quite familiar with it.

Billy’s tone felt demeaning.

Not his words, his tone.

His words weren’t much better though.

Each time Denise told Billy her feelings, Billy invalidated her feelings by saying WHY she had them.

If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, Check Your Tone

Men and women communicate differently.

This is old news.

But “different” isn’t necessarily bad..

Mansplaining never serves when directed to women.

Mansplaining CAN benefit when directed to MEN.

So don’t drop the skill altogether!

What women perceive as “mansplaining” is how we men speak to each other all the time.

For us guys, when someone speaks to us as if we know nothing, we take it as a challenge to step up our game.

If you said to your buddy, “I’ll get to work on time despite the snow,” and he replied with, “surrrre you willlll, watch those slick corners,” your friend’s tone of doubt would feel like a CHALLENGE to surpass his expectation.

Not so for women.

To her, your tone of doubt makes her feel like an idiot.

It’s the tone that made her feel that way, not the words themselves.

When you explain WHY she has feelings, she feels like you’ve invalidated her feelings.

Like coals in a fire, she has her own self-doubt and insecurities.

Your tone can blow on those coals, heating them up.

If you offer your wife unsolicited advice, it can feel like you don’t believe in her abilities.

If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, Stop Talking

The right thing, spoken at the wrong time, is the wrong thing to say.

If you screamed, “You’re screwed” at an accident, it wouldn’t help.

Take your logical “truth” and observations to the men in your mastermind group.

They can handle your facts without feeling invalidated.

When your wife opens up, she is trying to let you see how she feels.

She isn’t asking you to help her understand why she feels how she does.

She doesn’t even need you to change how she feels.

Show your wife respect by letting her have her own feelings and ideas.

See that your wife is doing the best she can.

Whenever she asks for your logic, give it to her 100%.

Keep unsolicited advice to yourself.

If she tells you her feelings and you really, really, want to point out “why,” you can always say, “Honey, do you want me to listen right now or give my advice?”

She’ll let you know which she needs.

The truth is, men tend to be logically aware, and women tend to be emotionally aware

We can easily feel unheard by the other because of our different perspectives.

Your Next Step To Being A Better Listener

Many men today are uncertain about what it means to be masculine.

Without a masculine framework, core values, boundaries, and decisive leadership, your relationship will lose sexual polarity.

The masculine confidence framework gives you the clarity to show up to any situation with women attractively and confidently.

There are old patterns you operate by that you can’t even see.

When your wife says you don’t listen, she’s mirroring yourself back to you.

What does that mean?

It means there are parts of yourself you are not listening to.

Improving your relationship with yourself always improves your relationships with others.

February 13, 2024
How To Make Your Wife Love You Again
As a newlywed, the title, “How To Make Your Wife Love You Again,” never would’ve grabbed your attention. A few years, bills, and kids later, it can feel like the #1 issue in your life. This article uncovers two mindsets to change if you want genuine intimacy and attraction from your wife.

How To Make Your Wife Love You

Natural Love Vs Forced Love

You want to make your wife love you.

But you don’t want forced love.

You want natural love.

A girl who craves you all on her own.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Shouldn’t she love me for who I am?”

Nope.

She doesn’t owe you anything.

Nobody does.

“But she vowed to be my wife! She promised!”

Doesn’t matter.

She can’t force herself to love you.

The sooner you drop the lies from society and fairy tales, the happier you’ll be!

Your happiness is KEY for her to feel natural desire for you again.

Your wife is a female, so she will always act on her FEELINGS.

Confused why that matters?

Because if your wife makes YOU feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesirable, you have an attraction problem, not a love problem.

Attraction is a FEELING.

Feelings are not created by fixing anything.

Your male brain doesn’t want to accept this as true.

Your brain has questions for her:
- Why won’t you be affectionate?
- Why won’t you have more sex with me?
- Why won’t you respect me?
- Why won’t you be sweet and romantic?
- Why won’t you open up?
Solving the “why” problem won’t bring attraction back.

Funny how you would NEVER use all those “why” statements on a first date to come off as attractive.

Yet it’s your go-to when your partner pulls back.

For me, those “why” statements are how I sound when I’m responding from fear, anxiety, and insecurity.

Those are the deeper feelings we need to face within ourselves.

What helps is a new way of thinking about them.

Mindset shift #1: Realize things like affection, love, sex, and intimacy are things that ensue but cannot be pursued.

That means you can’t work on intimacy to improve intimacy.

You can’t work on attraction to have attraction.

Attraction is a natural result of how it feels to be around you.

Many dictators have demanded obedience and loyalty.

It’s a logical approach to force something to happen.

But the commitment of their followers is never fervent.

Leaders who ATTRACT their followers gain true loyalty.

Females are RESPONDERS to the vibe in the room.

Think of feminine love, affection, and desire like the moon.

Without a light source, there is no moonlight.

You are her light source.

You need to find your inner happiness if you want to make your wife love you again.

What do you love about yourself?

Are you showing yourself the priority, appreciation, and care that you would like from your wife?

It’s easy to think that helping with the dishes or doing more chores will make her feel attraction for you again.

But your partner isn’t drawn to your actions.

She is drawn to how you behave while you do those things.
- We’re you looking for approval?
- Did you do the dishes with strings attached?
- Did you work hard all week, then expect to be rewarded with sex?
The vibe you put out while you’re doing these things is what she responds to, not the action itself!

This doesn’t mean you should stop unclogging the toilet or mowing the lawn.

Do those things for your OWN sense of integrity, no need for her to reciprocate.

She will sense when you stop doing things with a vibe of expectation towards her and start BEING a man who enjoys living up to his own standards he has for himself.

Make Your Wife Love You Again By Not Chasing Her

The most effective way to push a woman out of your life is to chase her.

I know you’re thinking, “I thought women want to be pursued.“?

This is true.

Women WANT to be pursued.

Give her that pursuit, and she loses the WANT.

Keeping her wanting is the secret to attraction!

You know what comes along with wanting? DESIRE.

Warning! This is one of those things you get to know as a man, but it will backfire if you share it with your wife.

In her emotional brain, it will never make sense to her.

Just ask yourself this: how often has placating to your wife’s perspectives helped your sex life?

Exactly.

Adjusting your responses to her whims gave you a friend-zoned, sexless marriage, didn’t it?

To make your wife love you again, you’ll need to trust in the principles of attraction.

Trying to align with her feminine perspectives has been lowering her attraction for you all along.

It’s time to let her experience a new you.

One who doesn’t need to make momma happy for him to be happy.

Needing Her Support Turns Her Off

Women are wired to show up to the finish line and feel ALIVE, celebrating with you in your accomplishments.

Hand-holding, support along the way, and being your emotional tampon during the race is a mothering role.

Your lover is not going to sign up for that.

Needing a mommy to support you won’t make your wife love you again; It just makes you feel like another kid to take care of.

The support and encouragement you need must come from men.

A lot of us sought mothering energy from our wives through sex!

We used sex to validate ourselves as being successful men.

We saw our ability to give her an orgasm as the feminine approval we desperately needed.

The more secure you get, the less you’ll need her validation.

That’s when her desire for intimacy grows.

Mindset shift #2: Stop holding others responsible for how you feel. Instead, take responsibility for the vibe you put out.

I’ve known women who broke up with their previous partner because “all he wanted was sex”

But now she’s having tons of sex with her new lover.

What’s different?

Here’s what changed: The new lover doesn’t go sour when she’s not in the mood.

If she pulls away from his touch, he doesn’t pester her or mope.

He loves her intimacy, but doesn’t NEED her intimacy.

He doesn’t compete with her phone for attention.

His life is interesting and full of adventure.

That kind of man is a LOT more interesting than TVs, phones, or the neighbor.

He kisses her in the morning with zero expectations that she will reciprocate.

He prioritizes himself so he can BRING energy to the relationship instead of trying to GET energy from it.

She understands she doesn’t have to provide anything for him to feel empowered.

This kind of self-reliance to happiness is attractive!

Don’t expect her to start ripping your clothes off.

She’ll start making small bids for a deeper connection.

She’ll linger around you more, ask how your day went, and be more comfortable with you being close to her again.

Make Your Wife Love You Again By Ending Sexual Neediness

There’s a specific process I went through to build my security from the inside out.

Some of my old mindsets needed to be rewired.

Some of my values had to be rewritten!

Building a new, version 2.0 inner man is like undergoing surgery.

Cutting out false ideas and challenging your old beliefs is bloody work.

I personally sought mentorship from men who had what I wanted.

In my coaching, you’ll gain a deep understanding of the enduring principles and perspectives held by these individuals.

If you’re ready to stop blaming your wife for how you feel and start living like a powerful, clear-thinking, masculine man, then reach out!
February 9, 2024
What To Do If Your Wife Annoys You

Your wife annoys you by knowing how to push your buttons just right. She questions your intentions or complains when you’re doing the best you can. What if I told you this only happens when you have buttons to push? I’m going to show you how to use your triggers and buttons to be a more loving, confident man.

Guys: How To Spot What Needs Improvement In Your Relationship

Listen To Your Body When Your Wife Annoys You

A drop in your gut…

A tightness in your chest…

The hair on your neck bristling…

The unconscious husband misses these cues.

He’s so caught up in REACTING that he doesn’t even notice his fists are clenched.

With practice, you direct your focus to your body when your wife annoys you.

Instead of trying to think out how to answer, you can use the cues in your body.

A tight chest means take a deep breath.

A clenched fist means relax your hands and shake them out.

You see, what your wife needs most in this moment isn’t your brilliant answer or justifications.

She needs to feel your love in ONE form: PRESENCE.

Presence is fully tuned into what your body is doing.

It’s fully tuned into what her body is doing.

You’re not getting sucked into the conversation or adding to the drama.

“But she’s making me angry!” You might say.

Yes, when your wife annoys you, it can piss you off or make you want to retreat.

But she’s not doing this to you; your thoughts and feelings are doing this to you.

It’s not your wife’s job to adjust herself around YOUR triggers because they are YOURS.

If everyone on the planet danced around the triggers of the most insecure person, it would be a race to the bottom.

You can raise the bar.

Feel your body, not your raging thoughts.

Your neck might be getting tense, or your face might be getting tight.

Relax it.

That’s your only job.

The Hidden Gift When Your Wife Annoys You

The purpose of masculinity is to pioneer uncertainty… to create something new in the face of chaos.

A friend of mine categorized all his anxious feelings as his “frizzle”.

“Frizzle” always means one thing: the opportunity to create something NEW

What did Columbus feel before sailing for the New World? Frizzle.

Before Lewis and Clark embarked on exploring the new Far West, they felt Frizzle.

When Neal Armstrong crawled into a rocket to pioneer the moon exploration, he experienced Frizzle.

Your relationship has “new” areas to penetrate with your calm, brave, courageous self-confidence.

The hidden gift is you have no clue where you need to grow until your wife annoys you.

NEW areas in your relationship are trying to evolve through Frizzle.

Frizzle doesn’t inform you what needs to change in your wife.

It informs you where a NEW frontier in your relationship is calling for your courage and presence.

How To Be A More Secure Man

Not sure how to be the stable masculine energy in your relationship who doesn’t need validating by outside factors?

I didn’t know how either.

Then another man taught me the ropes.

All I can say is WOW!

There is a whole new level of relationship with your wife that you are missing out on.

I want you to have a BETTER relationship, MORE intimacy, and STRONGER self-esteem.

Do you want that for yourself too?

January 31, 2024