Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: marriage intimacy

  • Kiss Porn Goodbye — What Worked For Me

    Kiss Porn Goodbye — What Worked For Me

    Let’s talk about what it really takes to kiss porn goodbye. This isn’t about making you feel bad.

    It’s not about what’s right or wrong. It’s about not letting anything have control over you.

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    Why I Decided to Kiss Porn Goodbye

    For years, I leaned on porn like a crutch.

    Over and over, I tried to break the habit.

    When my marriage fell apart, I finally got tired of giving my energy to images and videos of women who didn’t love me.

    I wanted something REAL.

    A REAL girl, dripping with desire, craving my touch, and caring about me.

    The truth is, if we say “yes” to fake lovers, by default, we’re saying “no” to the real deal.

    Porn didn’t just kill my time, it drained my confidence to look my wife in the eye with nothing to hide.

    It softened my leadership, fearful I would be found out.

    It disconnected me from my partner by making me defensive about my integrity.

    These behaviors destroyed our sex life.

    Like a bottomless pit that takes but never gives back, porn left me drained of my vitality.  

    It rewired my brain to think I had created a real, loving, connection in my life when I hadn’t created one at all.

    But I wanted to feel alive again.

    I wanted to stop hiding, stop numbing, and kiss porn goodbye for good.

    So here’s what actually worked for me:

    1: I Changed What Horniness Meant

    Feeling horny isn’t a problem.

    You’re supposed to feel attracted to naked women and erotic play.

    You are not broken for waking up with a raging hard-on.

    These are not things to suppress, or make your wife’s responsibility to manage!

    It’s power. It’s drive.

    Old me thought, “I need to release this tension.”

    New me? “This tension is fuel to create, build, and lead.”

    That mindset shift alone made me want to hold my power and love what that tension feels like in my body.

    2: I Defined My Values—In Writing

    Not just in my head. On paper.

    “I’m a man who only gives his amazing sexuality to real women, with real emotions, real problems, real connection.”

    That became my filter.

    Not shame. Not fear. Not web browser filters.

    Just a HIGHER standard for what I give my amazing sexuality to.

    Fake cam girls aren’t good enough.

    A lady I’ll never meet or have a real connection with is a non-option.

    I started seeing myself as a PRIZE not available to the lowest bidder.

    I started valuing REAL intimacy over FAKE intimacy and seeing MYSELF as the creator of it.   

    3: I Stopped Outsourcing My Power

    Accountability partners, app blockers, guilt trips, praying…

    They didn’t work for me long-term.

    Why?

    Because they relied on things OUTSIDE me for accountability.

    What finally worked?

    Holding myself to my own INTERNAL standards…even when no one was watching.

    Living to my INTERNAL standards produced feelings of self-respect, integrity, and confidence.

    I have to wake up with myself for the rest of my life.

    I love being able to look at myself in the mirror with pride.

    I value this feeling MORE than then the “quick fix” porn offered.

    Until you find something you value MORE than what porn offers, its chains will hold you prisoner.

    That’s my challenge for you.

    What will you not settle for less than?

    4: I Transmuted My Energy

    I didn’t try to shut off my sex drive.

    I redirected it into my relationships, my work, my health, my mission.

    Porn was a dead-end.

    Real life? Real connection? Real creation?

    That takes all the balls I’ve got.

    The feeling of intense, ragging horniness without release became something I looked forward to.

    I remind myself, “This is what it feels like when I’m powerful enough to create something I never otherwise would have had the stamina to create.”

    I practice breathing up the front of my body, pulling that power away from my balls and into my eyes and mind.

    It gives me a mental edge.

    It makes my face bright and potent.  

    Ladies are drawn to my pheromones.

    I have the energy for adventure, and to stay present when my partner needs me to be her rock.

    If you want MORE money, MORE love, MORE freedom, you can’t make sexually sedated, limp-dick efforts.

    You have to face whatever terrifies you the most.

    The thing that’s blocking your cash flow or best life.

    If you are going to bed with blue balls, then you are not facing big enough problems during the day that scare the shit out of you.

    What You Can Do Next If You Want To Kiss Porn Goodbye

    If porn is stealing your energy, your focus, your fire…

    You don’t need more shame or regret.

    It’s 100% possible to kiss porn goodbye and become a man you’re proud of.

    Not because someone told you to.

    But because you finally chose to.

    The masculine confidence framework I take men through gets you in touch with your inner power.

    Until you stop letting things outside you control you, you’ll keep trying to shut off the very thing you need to sit with.

    You’ll keep holding things outside you (like your wife) responsible for the tension in your body.

    This is YOUR tension, YOUR body.

    Being able to sit with tension is how great men move through life creating “impossible” things.

    Would you like to be that kind of man?

  • If I Give Her Space, Won’t We Drift Apart?

    If I Give Her Space, Won’t We Drift Apart?

    If your wife asks you to give her space, it didn’t come out of nowhere. By the time she gets to that point, she’s already been emotionally detaching for months—maybe even years. And most men don’t realize it until it’s too late.

    Today, we’re going deeper into the three stages of detachment a woman goes through before she ends a relationship.

    If you don’t catch it early, you’ll find yourself blindsided when she finally says, “I need space.”

    I’m not talking about the kind of “space” where she’s just tired tonight, I’m talking about when she’s considering divorce.

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    1. Emotional Detachment

    This is the first and most subtle stage—and also the easiest to miss.

    Emotional detachment begins when she stops feeling seen, heard, or valued in the relationship.

    Her emotional needs aren’t being met, and over time, her heart starts to close off.

    This doesn’t happen overnight.

    She used to share her thoughts, feelings, and worries with you, but now? She keeps them to herself.

    Bringing up the little things no longer happens because she’s already convinced herself you won’t understand.

    At this stage, you might notice:

    • She’s less engaged in conversations.
    • She stops initiating affection or spending quality time.
    • She’s quick to get irritated over small things.
    • She begins focusing more on her friends, work, or hobbies—anything but you.

    2. Spiritual Detachment

    Once she emotionally detaches, she starts seeing a future without you.

    This is when she stops believing in “us.”

    Women stay in relationships when they feel a deep sense of trust and emotional safety—not just physically, but spiritually.

    When that’s gone, she starts to imagine what life would be like without you.

    She stops picturing you in her future and instead, envisions her life alone or with someone who actually listens when she talks about her day.

    Signs of spiritual detachment include:

    • She stops making long-term plans with you.
    • She avoids deep conversations about the future.
    • She doesn’t care to argue anymore—because she’s already mentally checking out.
    • She’s indifferent to your efforts to “fix” things.

    3. Physical Detachment

    By the time she physically detaches, she’s already gone in her mind.

    Her body follows what her heart has been feeling for months or years.

    This is when she stops wanting to be touched, avoids intimacy, and might even move into another room—or out of the house entirely.

    At this stage, if you try to force closeness, it only reinforces her belief that you don’t understand her.

    She sees it as pressure, not love—kind of like when a salesman follows you around a store even after you’ve said, “I’m just looking.”

    What physical detachment looks like:

    • She stops wanting to be intimate or withdraws from sex.
    • She recoils from physical touch.
    • She prefers to be alone rather than spend time together.
    • She starts sleeping separately—or expresses a desire to move out.

    Don’t Fear Drifting Apart— Give Her Space

    Most men react to their wife’s withdrawal by chasing her harder.

    They try to fix things, talk it out, or prove their love through desperate gestures.

    But that only makes things worse.

    Instead of chasing, you need to shift your focus inward.

    • Detach from needing her validation. If your happiness depends on her affection, she will feel pressured and suffocated.
    • Rebuild your sense of self. Who are you without the marriage? What makes you excited about life outside of her?
    • Respect the space she needs. Giving her space isn’t about losing her—it’s about creating an opportunity for her to miss you.

    The Bottom Line: Give Her Space, Gain Clarity

    If she’s asking for space, it’s because she feels overwhelmed by pressure—whether from the relationship or from her own emotions.

    Your job isn’t to fix it right now.

    Your job is to become the kind of man who is steady, secure, and capable of standing strong, even when things feel uncertain.

    I go deeper into this in my book, How High-Achieving Men In Their 40s Can Restore Passionate Intimacy With Their Wife of 18 Plus Years.

    You can grab a free copy HERE.

    Breathe.

    Trust the process.

    You got this.

    Garrett Prettyman