There’s no vaccine for the roommate wife syndrome. Most couples think they are immune on their wedding day. But a decade or two later, the symptoms emerge. Loss of sexual chemistry… ghosts in passing.. the household is running, but your wife feels like a friend, not a lover. This article helps you understand male and female sexuality so you can bring the spark back.
How Men Sexually Desire Women
Roommates don’t have sex.
That’s the biggest symptom of roommate wife syndrome.
You are best friends
You get along great.
But sexual intimacy is what separates lovers from roommates.
Men and women are opposites in how they mentally process data.
The same is true when it comes to sexual attraction.
Men love when women are:
- Fun
- Exuberant
- Full of life
- Sparkly
- Sweet
- Soft
- Receptive
- Motherly towards cute things
Those attributes add warmth and connection to your relationship with her.
It’s her inner beauty, and it amplifies her outward beauty.
But what makes you feel sexual attraction for her?
The answer is simple: She’s pretty.
All that makes nature beautiful flows through her body.
It’s her curves, her hair, her scent, her soft skin, and it’s dam cute.
Your sexual attraction is based on how her body warms your heart.
But when roommate wife syndrome sets in, her body looks tired.
She doesn’t glow.
The light goes out from her eyes.
How Women Sexually Desire Men
Occasionally, I’ll ask women which movie character they find HOT or ATTRACTIVE.
The results always intrigue me.
90% of the time, it’s not the big muscular handsome-looking guy.
You know who gets her sex drive going?
It’s the renegade, the one who doesn’t give a shit, the one who could be dangerous if he let himself.
He has some mystery to him, evident by his scars.
But he’s strong enough to provide safety.
He keeps his dangerous side in check.
Notice this has nothing to do with his looks!
The rare 10% who find the big muscular guy attractive choose the muscular guy who has mystery, courage, and self-control.
A woman will call a random guy “creepy” or “inappropriate” if he touches her.
But she daydreams about a different man ripping her clothes off.
Why does she want it from one man, but not the other?
The answer is mind-numbingly simple: For the one man, she feels a sexual attraction.
Thank goodness women have a 1-100 point system for attraction.
1 is a total creep.
100 is her knight in shining armor.
Muscles might gain you 5 points.
A handsome face? maybe 10.
Most of your attractive points come from your ENERGY towards life.
When your wife has roommate wife syndrome, your ENERGY is what changes everything.
And right now, familiarity is all she’s feeling.
Why Routines Create Roommate Wife Syndrome
The opposite of energy is a flat line.
Like a heartbeat monitor when you have no pulse.
When you get into predictable routines with your wife, the spark dies, roommate wife syndrome kicks in, and intimacy dries up.
But what has really dried up is YOUR passion for life.
When was the last time you did something fun for yourself?
When was the last time you jumped on a plane and explored a place you’ve always wanted to see?
You’ve been orbiting your life around your wife and family for so long, you’ve lost touch with what makes you interesting and full of life.
You’ve had your nose to the grindstone as a provider for so long that you think that is your life.
Boring!
No wonder roommate wife syndrome crept in, you have zombie husband syndrome.
Feminine is a mirror.
She’s showing you what it’s like to hang out with you.
What I know is you don’t even like hanging out with yourself right now.
It’s time to stop waiting for permission and start breaking some routines.
Reach out to an old buddy and go on an adventure.
Get that spark back in your eye.
Stop trying to smooth everything over, afraid to ruffle your wife’s feathers.
Be playful.
Tease her.
Don’t react to her drama; be amused by it.
Then, watch your wife get the spark back!
How To Cure Roommate Wife Syndrome For Good
Here’s what WON’T cure roommate wife syndrome:
- Big muscles
- Combining your hair just right
- Beating up bad guys
- Working 80-hour weeks so she can have a good life
A woman’s sexuality lives in her body, not her head.
That means trying to convince her to change might change her brain, but it doesn’t get her juices going.
She has to FEEL a change.
There is no such thing as being a good enough husband that she wants to have passionate sex with you.
Her body is pulled toward your masculine energy when you’re vibrant, present, and unfazed by her shifting moods.
If you break the connection with her heart while being playful, it only turns her off.
A woman feels safe when she can open herself up to you without fearing rejection, defensiveness, resentment, or pissiness.
That safety is very different from the familiarity and complacency that creates roommate wife syndrome.
It’s about her feeling comfortable opening up, knowing you won’t try to fix her or make her feel crazy.
For your wife to sexually desire you, she needs to feel your resilience to her chaos.
She needs to feel your deep grounding in who you are and what you’re creating in life.
A hot woman will have scads of guys drooling after her.
She could have any one of them she chooses.
A man, on the other hand, has to BE something before she will notice him as a sexual partner.
Who are you BEING?
Being her roommate or lover is your choice, not hers.
She is simply responding to what you’re choosing in life.
If you think getting this stuff sorted on your own is a good idea, I have news for you – that’s a LONG, windy road.
You don’t have to waste any more time trying to figure this stuff out alone.
I’ll help you stop playing small, stop waiting for others to change, and start making bold decisions that bring the spark back.