Tag: Strengthening Marital Bonds for Men

  • Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her…Yet

    Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her…Yet

    Are you pointing a finger at your wife for your sexless marriage? Don’t blame her until you take a hard look in the mirror, brother. When your wife emotionally and sexually withdraws, you can find yourself in the depths of despair and heartache. I know a sexless marriage wasn’t what you signed up for. But wallowing in resentment and blame doesn’t create intimacy. Let Chris’s story below be your roadmap back to confidence and intimacy.

    How Did Chris End Up In A Sexless Marriage?

    Meet Chris.

    Chris is known for his remarkable kindness and for always going the extra mile to please others. 

    He has a gentle soul, and conflict is his sworn enemy. 

    He would do anything to avoid confrontation and prides himself on being a peacemaker.

    Chris’s marriage to his wife, Sarah, started off blissfully. 

    They were deeply in love and seemed to have a fairytale relationship. 

    As time passed, Sarah began to feel a growing disconnect. 

    Chris’s unwavering niceness became suffocating, and his fear of conflict prevented open communication between them.

    Rather than leading an emotional connection with Sarah, Chris would walk on eggshells, hoping not to upset her.

    In their intimate life, Chris’s insatiable sexual neediness further strained their relationship.

    He constantly sought validation and reassurance, often pressuring Sarah for physical intimacy. 

    His desperation for connection had unintentionally pushed Sarah away, and she no longer felt the same attraction she once had.

    Sarah longed for a partner who could stand up for himself, express his desires and needs, and engage in honest conversations. 

    She craved a sense of balance, where both partners were able to communicate their feelings openly, even if it meant occasional disagreements.

    Feeling the growing distance, Sarah contemplated the state of their marriage. 

    She realized that if things continued as they were, both of them would suffer. 

    Sarah knew deep down that Chris’s innate kindness was genuine, but it was overshadowed by his fear of conflict and his inability to assert himself.

    She wanted to feel attracted to Chris, but an unexplainable pressure kept her from feeling anything but disgust whenever she was around him.

    Though she hated to think of it, Sarah knew deep down that the only way she could have the relationship she wanted was to leave Chris. 

    Does Avoiding Conflict Lead To A Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her If She’s Turned Off By It

    Chris’s wife wasn’t trying to punish him by withholding intimacy.

    Even she felt confused why her body shut down around him.

    Jump forward 24 months.

    Chris and Sarah’s marriage only worsened. 

    Sarah had come to terms that she didn’t want to be with Chris and told him she wanted a divorce. 

    Chris was devastated. 

    Determined to change, he embarked on a journey of self-improvement.

    Chris sought mentorship to explore his own insecurities and learn healthier ways of expressing his needs

    Through self-reflection and guidance, he began to strike a balance between being kind and standing up for himself. 

    He discovered that true strength lies not in avoiding conflicts but in being unshakable in his self-esteem, boundaries, and personal values. 

    Over time, the dynamic between Chris and Sarah started to shift!

    Chris was living from a more masculine frame, and it evoked something primal in Sarah.

    Their conversations became more honest and open as they learned to communicate their desires and concerns without reacting from a place of neediness, insecurity, or fear. 

    Chris’s newfound self-assuredness and willingness to engage in constructive dialogue reignited the spark in their relationship.

    As they grew together, Chris learned the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between kindness and assertiveness. 

    He discovered that intimacy blossoms when his vibe feels safe and grounded.

    Sarah felt comfortable sharing her feelings with him again.

    In a word, it was Chris’s newfound confidence with emotions that drew her in.

    Your Chance To Restore Intimacy

    Did the story of Chris & Sarah sound familiar?

    Learn the key building blocks to become an attractive, happy, CONFIDENT man who women can’t resist in the Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.

    Watch this video for a sneak peek into the benefits men are gaining in this course!

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    Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her…Yet

    If you’re action-oriented, serious about making permanent changes in your mojo, relationships, sex life, and work life (and have a sense of humor), then you should join this course.

    Over the years, I’ve appreciated the research into intimacy Esther Perel has done.

    In her article, “Are Taboos Holding Your Relationship Back?” she reminds us how familiarity breeds loss of desire.

    Let this truth relax your anxious mind that when something NEW comes out of you, something NEW will come out of the relationship.

    Have A Sexless Marriage? Don’t Blame Her… Focus On Being A Man You’re Proud Of
    Your love story can take a new turn.

    Your relationship can be stronger and more passionate than ever when you stop trying to please her and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence.

    You can learn how to give her space without losing her.

    You can use a season of no intimacy to dig deeper into being a more self-reliant man.

    Why?

    Because feminine can’t help but be attracted to a self-reliant, confident man!

    And hey, you know that feels good:)

    In my coaching, I can give you highly personalized guidance to rebuild your attractive masculine energy.

  • Sexless Marriages: Why She Won’t Touch You

    Sexless Marriages: Why She Won’t Touch You

    Sexless marriages… women’s moods… irrational behavior… it’s easy to get frustrated with ladies! This article takes a peek under the hood of feminine affection and reveals why her sensual desire seems so fickle at times.

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    Sexless Marriage: Unraveling The Fragile And Elusive Erotic Desire Of Women

    Feminine Love Is Mostly Narcissistic

    I’m not trying to bash women when I say their love is mostly narcissistic.

    And guess what?

    Sexless marriages are not women’s fault.

    You wanting sex when she doesn’t, doesn’t make her the one with the problem.

    But yes, your wife’s sexuality is narcissistic.

    Click HERE to watch a short video by Esther Perel.

    Esther has been studying infidelity and sex in long-term relationships for many years.

    If you’re thinking, “Narcissistic, that’s toxic!” Don’t pull the eject lever yet, brother.

    Feminine and masculine are polar opposites.

    A LOT of how women work will seem backward to how you are wired.

    When I was a young boy going through puberty, I fantasized how my man parts could make a girl fall in love with me if I let her see it fully erect.

    Real life was a wake-up call.

    You and I both know that when a woman is not turned on, your hard-on does not make her want you.

    Why?

    Because her intimate desire only orbits around how SHE feels, not how you feel.

    I’ve learned to accept that what a woman loves when she is turned on is not what turns her on.

    But there’s a secret!

    Her biology turns on from specific masculine traits.

    And those traits aren’t your manhood hanging between your legs, your bank account, or your car.

    There are two kinds of experiences she needs for her body to desire your physical intimacy.

    On the one hand, she needs to sense you as a grounded, secure, confident, protective, and competent man. One who keeps her safe when she’s emotionally, physically, and mentally the most vulnerable. You have full control over this!

    On the other hand, SHE needs to feel connected, desirable, attractive, and delicious all on her own totally separate from you. You have no control over this.

    As Esther Perel says, “A woman who cannot make love to herself cannot receive love from others”. 

    And, that’s where we men get frustrated…

    We see her spiraling into coldness and moods, and wish we could shake her out of it.

    So what should men in sexless marriages do?

    Your demands won’t help, but your sensitivity to how she must feel can.

    Especially In Sexless Marriages, Women’s Love Is Sensitive

    Think of your partner’s affection like a bubble.

    In the early stages of a relationship, everything was soft and yummy.

    Her love grew like a soft, thin, delicate bubble filled with affection and desire.

    Then she got her period.

    You left the toilet seat up.

    The bubble started to pop.

    But you kissed, made up, made love, all was good again, right?

    Wrong.

    Sex makes a man feel more connected, but no amount of lovemaking can resolve buried feelings in your wife.

    Women are responders in their nature.

    Responders to her FEELINGS.

    And what did we do with those feelings?

    We explained them away.

    Defended our point of view.

    Or avoided them altogether, hoping they would go away.

    They didn’t.

    Her feelings festered in her.

    They rotted.

    Now she feels gross each time we walk by.

    See why so many couples end up in sexless marriages?

    There is a better way to handle this dynamic.

    It starts with understanding how men and women are different.

    Women Are Like Cats, Men Are Like Dogs

    Corey Wayne came up with the cat/dog analogy to compare men to women.

    I love this point of view because it’s so relatable!

    Both species make good pets.

    Both can be affectionate.

    Cats are more elusive, though.

    Cats won’t obey, purr, sit still, or “stay” unless they feel like it.

    Dogs are very loyal and are quick to forget about yesterday.

    Cats are always suspicious of your intentions and only come close when they feel the right vibes with you.

    Dogs are ready to pick up the fun right where they left off, regardless of how bad the day was.

    Can you relate to any of these experiences with your partner?

    In sexless marriages, the woman is mirroring back to the man how it feels to be around him.

    She doesn’t plan it out.

    Her body does this automatically.

    If you’re showing up 100% as the confident, MAN in the relationship who is inspired, fulfilled, outcome non-dependent, and happy, then this is just how she’s going to be with you.

    However, most men are walking on eggshells, trying to make her happy, and sacrificing themselves instead of staying in their masculine frame when the marriage is struggling.

    If the latter version sounds like you, then your marriage has hope.

    When you change for the better, she will probably respond very positively to that.

    Sexless Marriages Call For A Clear Masculine Frame

    Masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I teach a Confidence Course that will get you thinking, responding, and talking like a grounded, attractive man.

    Learning how to be masculine in relationships will completely change your sex life, work life, and social life!

    If you’re ready to pull out the big guns and fully rewire your brain for life-long transformation, consider my 1:1 mentorship.

    My private coaching will be the most life-changing investment you’ve ever made for yourself.

    Sexless marriages are the perfect place for men to get the biggest results from doing this work.

    Forging masculinity in the total absence of feminine support and affection is the only way it sticks.

    Make good use of this time, brother,

  • The Consequences of Being a ‘Yes’ Man in Marriage

    The Consequences of Being a ‘Yes’ Man in Marriage

    There are consequences to being a ‘yes’ man to avoid conflict with your wife. There are consequences to being a ‘no’ man, too. I’ll show you what the middle ground looks like that your marriage needs to succeed.

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    The Consequences of Being a ‘Yes’ Man in Marriage

    Shallow Connection: One Of The Consequences Of Being A ‘Yes’ Man

    When you constantly agree with your spouse, YOUR feelings get neglected.

    When you neglect your own feelings and desires, you’re robbing your relationship of authenticity.

    Want real love?

    Real connection?

    Real intimacy?

    Then you have to be real.

    I know what you’re thinking, “It always blows up if I don’t agree with her!”

    Here’s my response: So what?

    The consequences of being a ‘yes’ don’t appear until way down the road.

    A deep connection in marriage is lost.

    So is deep intimacy.

    Trust is the foundation for a deeper connection with your partner.

    When you always agree with her, she can’t trust you.

    And, let’s be real, constantly saying “yes” brews some major resentment on our part too.

    When you don’t express your honest perspectives and are not willing to put your foot down in the name of courage, you come off as weak and fake to your partner.

    This chips away at the trust and love in your relationship, making it harder to repair.

    In her interview on 60 Minutes, best-selling author and shame researcher Brene Brown points something out. She says when we start going with the flow, we destroy the ability for there to be creativity, connection, and leadership.

    The result is a stale marriage.

    It’s one of the consequences of being a ‘yes’ man.

    And I don’t want you to live in dry relationship like that.

    The Consequences of Being a ‘Yes’ Man Is Two-Fold

    By being true to yourself and communicating openly with your wife, you show her that you respect and value her.

    You don’t have to disagree with your wife to not be a ‘Yes” man.

    It means you don’t NEED her to agree with you.

    See the difference?

    But here’s a warning!

    Before you unload Pandora’s box of how you feel with your partner, understand this: If you’re coming from a place of desperation, neediness, or lack of happiness, the timing is all wrong.

    It’s also bad timing when your wife is “wanting space” or “loves you but isn’t in love with you”.

    Her need for space can be one of the consequences of being a ‘yes’ man.

    She wants to relax with someone who has a spine, not someone who always caters to her.

    When she needs space, that’s not a time to open up to her; it’s a time to open up to yourself.

    Clarify who you are, where you’re going, and why that matters for your own sake.

    Speaking your truth from a place of inner security leads to a deeper level of relationship when your wife is all in.

    On the other hand, speaking your truth out of FEAR or insecurity when she pulls back drives a wedge between you.

    How To Have The Spine She Needs

    If you don’t want the consequences of being a ‘yes’ man in your marriage, prioritize honesty and authenticity while taking responsibility to calm your fears and insecurities.

    This ensures that your relationship stays strong, based on trust and mutual respect.

    If right now your marriage is in limbo, reach out.

    I’ve helped many men get their relationship back to where vulnerability and deeper connection thrive.

  • Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    If you’ve been in a sexless marriage for a few months, you probably feel tremendous frustration. If it’s been years since you last made love with your wife, you probably feel like a used rag flushed down the toilet. Trying to explain to your wife the importance of sex only makes her shut down. There is a new way to approach sexless marriage to give it the best chance for success. But there are also 4 signs that she won’t change.

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    Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    What A Sexless Marriage Does To A Man

    A man who is not engaging in physical intimacy loses a part of his heart.

    Over time, his heart gets harder and harder.

    He’ll have less patience, less concern for others, and less empathy.

    Even the most stone-cold, brutal man can be melted by a loving woman’s touch.

    It’s like magic.

    Her affection draws out his care and desire to emotionally connect.

    It’s easy to blame your wife for how you feel.

    Without sex, your wife’s presence will feel annoying.

    Like she’s a vacuum to your energy.

    The almost cruel irony is that women don’t feel a desire for sexual intimacy with a man who is annoyed by her!

    Welcome to the sexless marriage, where a standoff occurs, each waiting for the other to give them what they need.  

    Women are often the first to give in.

    She’ll compromise by having “obligation sex”.

    Obligation sex isn’t the satisfying, intimate sex the man wants, so the problem only worsens.

    She blames him for not being deeply connected to her, and he blames her for not being sexually passionate.

    She grows to resent herself for engaging in obligation sex, and takes that off the table too.

    How To Bring Passion Back To A Sexless Marriage

    The man has to go first to bring passion back to a sexless marriage.

    He has to behave with the same empathy, care, and love he would naturally give if he was getting sex.

    Why does the man have to go first?

    Because masculine is a leader.

    Leaders go first.

    But let’s say you’ve already become this man.

    You are offering emotional connection, safety, and trust in the relationship with no strings attached.

    Here are 4 signs she won’t change:

    1. Despite being non-defensive about your intentions, she’s constantly criticizing them

    2. Even though you’ve been showing her appreciation, she’s full of contempt and holds you in low regard

    3. You’re taking responsibility for your wrongs, but she is always defensive and blames you for how she feels

    4. You’ve learned how to manage your reactions and set a calm, safe tone, but she still stone-walls and gives the silent treatment.

    I didn’t make these 4 signs up to know if your sexless marriage is doomed.

    The Gottman Research Institution calls these 4 signs, “The 4 Horsman,” signifying the end of a marriage.

    You cannot talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into.

    • Non-defensiveness
    • Responsiveness
    • Emotional calm
    • High regard for her struggles

    Those are all ATTITUDES, not declarations or conversations.

    You’ll never know if you gave your sexless marriage its best shot to thrive until you master these behaviors.

    Don’t expect the “new you” to immediately make her want to have sex with you.

    These things take time.

    Your marriage lost it’s sexual polarity slowly; it can only come back slowly.

    A rough rule of thumb for marriage recovery is at least one month for each year you’ve been together.

    After that, if she’s still exhibiting the 4 signs above, she may never change.

    Sexual affection is a fragile thing in the female world.

    Keep in mind, there are also hormonal and physical issues your wife may be struggling with.

    Read my post on peri-menopause as an example. 

    The “success gauge” to focus on is this: Are you showing up as the man you want to be, and have you been doing it for an extended period of time despite being in a sexless marriage? 

    If You’re In A Sexless Marriage, Do This Next

    What it means to be “masculine” in relationships is very blurred in our Western society.

    Getting crystal clear on the kind of man you need to be in your relationship is essential to knowing if you gave your marriage the best chance for survival.

    The only time a man can make permanent growth in his confidence and self-reliance to happiness is during a season of zero feminine support.

    A sexless marriage is painful, but you can use this time to your advantage.