If you go looking for reasons you can’t trust your wife, you will find them.
If you go looking for reasons you can trust her, you’ll find those too.
We see what we look for.
We hear what we listen for.
But, if you just walked in on your wife with another man, you’re facing a breach of trust you can’t ignore.
That’s why I’m giving you 3 red flags to watch for when you’re left wondering if you can really trust your wife.
The Stress Of Uncertainty
My ‘99 F450 truck had a glitch.
All the gauges would randomly go to zero while driving.
It was probably a bad ground wire, but I never found it.
Road trips were extra stressful.
Is the engine overheating?
Is the gas tank empty?
Hard to know when you can’t trust the gauges!
In your marriage, trust takes years to build and can be shattered in seconds.
Once trust is broken, you’ll stress about things you never used to stress about.
Ask me how I know…
But here’s the thing—
Most men use their own insecurity, jealousy, or need for validation as the yardstick for deciding what’s ok and whats not ok.
That’s like using a gauge with a bad wire to decide if the engine is overheating.
Before you can decide if your wife is trustable, you need to get your guages grounded.
Having a fancy car, a big bank account, or sacrificing your life for the family doesn’t mean your wife owes you loyalty or respect.
Making money and remodeling the kitchen are things a great man can DO.
But your wife is wired to respond to who you are BEING while you do those great things.
If you’re full of fear, anger, or resentment, who you’re being is pushing her away.
Until you can BE a man who stays calm and can listen when your wife is emotional, she won’t respect you enough to act trustworthy to your standards.
But maybe you’ve grounded your guages.
Your non-reactive presence is creating a safe container for her to be open and honest with you.
Yet you’re still wondering if you can trust her.
If that’s you, here are 3 red flags to watch out for:
1. She never complains or vents to you
A woman experiences intense emotions ranging from bliss to horror throughout her day.
These feelings make up what she calls her heart.
If you defend, argue, or try to shut down her feelings, she will stop sharing her heart with you.
Guys think their marriage is making progress when things get smooth.
The opposite is true.
She’s keeping part of herself hidden when she never complains or vents to you.
When she can’t share her entire heart with you, it’s easy to start keeping secrets.
2. She freaks out if people talk behind her back
An open and honest person has nothing to hide.
They don’t have one Facebook for friends, another for family.
They don’t delete their browser history.
If your partner has a meltdown anytime she discovers others have talked about her behind her back, it can be a red flag.
Who cares what others say about you unless you have parts of your life you’re trying to hide?
By the way, If you are not leading by example with this, you are in no position to expect different from her.
Many men are deleting their browser history, then expecting their wives to not keep secrets.
Double standards don’t create trust.
Until you can be open and honest, you can’t expect that from her.
3. She never says sorry
A person can get so wrapped up in themselves that they lose all awareness of how they’re affecting others.
This can be a red flag.
At the same time, She doesn’t need to change how she lives her life just because you have triggers.
But if your wife cares about you, she will be understanding of how you feel and show remorse if her actions violate your shared values.
If You Can’t Trust Your Wife, Clarify Your Values
How can you be successful at a game with no rules?
You can’t.
There is no universal set of rules that creates fidelity or trust.
YOU get to decide them.
But most guys use their FEAR, INSECURITY, and JEALOUSY to decide their boundaries.
Acting on negative feelings will never create the life you want.
A chicken running around with it’s head cut off makes poor choices.
You have to get crystal clear on the life you want to build, the experiences you want to create, and your behaviors that will make that happen.
Until you do, there is no way to know your boundaries.
Giving Trust Is Required
If you wait to trust her until she is “trustable,” you’re preventing a vital half of the equation.
Yes, trust can be broken if you trust.
Your heart can be broken if you love.
That’s the risk in relationships.
One thing you can always trust with your woman is that she will be loyal to her feelings.
No vows will keep your woman true to a specific set of standards.
She doesn’t get a feeling of honor by holding true to her words like men do.
At the end of the day, she will always make her choices based on how she feels.
That’s ok.
It brings balance to an otherwise robotic, masculine world.
You get to choose how you will respond to her choices.
Since women’s feelings are easily influenced, the tone and vibe you bring to the room has a large effect on how she feels.
She doesn’t need you to make her happy.
She needs to feel that you have a soft front and a strong spine.
Your Next Step If You Can’t Trust Your Wife
My Masculine Confidence Framework gives YOU the spine she needs to feel safe with you.
You’ll learn how to have a soft front, so that she feels like she can share her delicate heart with you.
You’ll grow a strong spine so she feels protected and safe.
That’s the best recipe for a trusting relationship between a man and woman!
Are you ready to have a man in your corner to show you how?