This article sheds light on why women leave good men who could have been a great partner for her. The opinions below are purely my own observations so I welcome your feedback! I am by no means a guru who can win the affection of any woman I want. I’ve been cheated on, divorced, and left by women I love multiple times. I’m in the trenches with you, learning to be the man I’m proud of.
Three Kinds Of Love
– EROS is romantic love we feel for a sexual partner
– AGAPE is the love we choose to have because of our values.
– PHILEO is the love we feel for our siblings, pets, or friends.
The world is filled with honest, good-intending, devoted, loving men who care deeply for their partner.
Men are straight shooters when it comes to love.
Either we always had a “thing” for a specific woman, or we didn’t.
Once a girl wins our heart, our love is permanent.
In my experience, something binds inside us guys when we “fall in love” with a woman.
Our eros & agape literally fuse together.
In other words, our romantic love and our caring love for her transcends life’s circumstances.
We see past her shortcomings & desire to be one with her.
All of us men know what it’s like to care deeply for a woman and feel our primal urge to protect, care, provide, and give pleasure even if she doesn’t give two hoots about us.Â
A Man’s Love Rarely Stops When She Doesn’t Love Him Back
Masculine love becomes unconditional towards a woman once eros and agape fuse together.Â
Even if our partner becomes the devil, rejects us, or has an affair, we still care for her on a primal level.
We may not like what she’s doing, we would prefer she changes, but we still love her.
I know in my life, I can look back and still feel caring, romantic love for all the women I’ve fallen in love with (even if they never loved me in return).
Once Eros and Agape bind in us towards a woman, we can end up tolerating very toxic or unhealthy behaviors from her unless we have clear standards around what kinds of people we allow into our lives.
For this reason, it’s imperative as a man to have clear boundaries around who we commit to regardless of how we feel.
Female Love Is Different Software
I don’t think eros and agape bind in a woman.
She feels them independently one from the other.
This is my personal observation at least.
Women seem to have a binding of agape and philo which manifests as her mothering instincts for her family.
One could argue when a woman falls for a man, it’s more intense than we experience it.
But a woman’s eros love for a man is fragile.
Her erotic love is based on how she feels RIGHT NOW.
Her sexual desire is based on how she feels RIGHT NOW.
When a woman loses her eros love for her partner, she might stay with him for a time, but it’s on borrowed time. Â
Is Loss Of Eros Why Women Leave Good Men?
When A woman says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” what she is saying is she no longer feels Eros love for us.
The reason why women leave good men is she no longer feels eros love for him.
This is really frustrating for us guys.
Our brains analyze the recipe, and if the ingredients don’t result in the pie we planned for, it feels like an injustice.
Many of us made the mistake of thinking if we married a woman it would bring some kind of permanency to her loving us.
The truth is, her love for us was always fragile.
In her article, “The Initiation of Relationship Anxiety” Sheryl Finn explains what a woman is grappling with when she wants to end the relationship.
Our wife or girlfriend is experiencing the same instinct to RUN as we would if faced with a feral lion.
These are HER fears, HER wounds, and HER path to walk as an evolving person.
A woman is faithful to one thing: her feelings.
With this information, our male brains want to know ONE thing: WHY.
WHY did her feelings change?
Trying to sort out the “why” is like chasing a shadow…It’s always slightly illusive.
Why do we like one fruit and not another?
Why do we prefer coffee with cream or without?
There is no reasoning behind these desires, they just are.
What’s not illusive is knowing when her feelings change, what she is faithful to will also change.
Don’t let this fact depress you.
Since she’s in a constant state of change, she can change back to loving us again too.
Ironically, we men have a similar complex that prevents us from committing to “good women”.
For guys, we’ll choose the pretty girl over the hideous girl every time (even if the hideous girl would have been a way better partner).
The pretty girl “awakens” a care in us we don’t otherwise experience through Eros.
How To Ignite The Eros Love
If you love a woman and she’s not on board with reciprocating your love, then you need to show self-respect and let her go.
It’s counterintuitive, but this is the kind of man women find attractive.
A mature, happy, self-reliant, potently-loving male develops his own standards to live up to.
Having standards is very important to maintaining a sense of well-being regardless of what the women in our life are doing.
We can hold the perfect frame for feminine love to bloom by creating trust, safety, connection, and leadership.
From there, the pieces fall where they do.
We men have to learn to trust in the processes, not the immediate results.
The fragile, fleeting, ever-changing eros love of a woman sometimes takes hold in the space we create.
Sometimes it does not.
We create this space because of who we love to be, not because of how she responds to it.
Our intentions, values, and desires are something for us to live up to for our own sense of honor, not to win her approval.
The bottom line is this: The reason why women leave good men is because her feelings changed and thus her loyalty changed. We can take responsibility for our tone, vibe, and masculine energy.The rest is up to her.Â
Lay Aside The Reason Why Women Leave Good Men & Focus On Yourself
I teach men how to be the kind of confident, loving, grounded, emotionally available guy women feel drawn to.
In my masculine confidence framework, you learn how to be happy and think clearly independent of what your partner throws at you.
Your state of well-being is no longer attached to her moods or fleeting desires.
I show you what to do with your feelings so you feel back in control.
Fill out my “Get Grounded Now” form and let’s have a chat to see if this masculine development is right for you.Â
Much love brother,
Garrett Prettyman
