Fair warning: I’m about to get graphic. This article is specifically for the husband whose wife has grown repulsed by him finishing during sex. I know firsthand how insecurities and triggers can be born when our spouse’s desire dims. When she shamed you for ejaculating, the most vulnerable part of who you are was denied acceptance. In the safe, private groups I mentor, many men have confessed to experiencing this painful type of rejection. I’ll share two ways women lose sexual desire so you can better understand what’s happening. I help men get a new perspective so they can confidently lead their relationships
Lovers Paradise:
She lay comfortably naked on a fuzzy blanket by the fireplace.
Her skin was soft and warm from soaking in the bath…
As Sam’s hands spread lotion up her freshly shaved legs, Heather closed her eyes.
Starting at her toes and working his way up, he could feel her leg muscles relax.
Heather’s legs spread slightly more open.
Gently, he rubbed the sides of her hips, then pushed his palm from her lower tummy straight up to her chest then back down.
She arched.
Her curves partly shadowed by the flickering fire.
Sam placed his palms on either side of her belly button, holding steady pressure.
He could see she was getting wet.
Sam brushed her labia as he slid his hands back down the insides of her legs.
Suddenly, her legs wrapped around him and she pulled him in closer.
Heather’s hands started unbuttoning Sam’s pants.
She looked at him and with begging eyes pleaded “put it inside me“.
A while later, their passionate writhing had Sam cumming.
Heather used her fingers to spread his juices all over her in ecstasy.
She smiled and said “I love having you all over me”
Same Lover A Few Years Later:
Imagine the same scenario as before.
This time though, some candles are burning and soft music is playing.
After Sam massaged her muscles into jello, he touched her lips with his finger and leaned in for a kiss.
As their lips touched, tears started pouring out of Heather’s eyes and running down her cheeks. “I feel nothing,” she said, then got up and walked out of the room.
The next weekend Sam and Heather both lay in bed kissing and cuddling.
As desire grew, Sam slipped his hard manhood inside her.
They arched together.
Soon both Heather and Sam started to orgasm at the same time.
After Sam came, Heather’s face held a look of disgust.
“Now I’m going to be leaking your juices for an entire day… This is GROSS!” Heather snapped.
She rolled out of bed to shower.
When she came back, she crawled into bed facing the wall with her back to Sam and went to sleep.
This was happening more and more lately.
The month prior, Sam had pulled out and finished on her chest. She recoiled with the same tone of repulsion at that time too.
She used to love it when he orgasmed…Now she hated it.
WTF Changed?
Sam was baffled by how his wife had grown repulsed by him finishing.
Was he doing something wrong?
Why did Heather go from loving everything about his sexual nature years ago to recoiling in disgust now?
The answer is both simple and complex.
The short explanation is women’s sexuality “opens” and “closes”. (Hint: This is not because of a wrong sex position or lube)
Men’s desire for sex goes up and down depending on how long it’s been since he’s engaged in it.
There’s one constant to be relied on with men: The longer it’s been since he’s had sex, the more strongly he can feel desire.
Women are not wired this way. A “closed” Woman can go decades without desire.
When a woman is “closed” your morning wood makes you a pervert in her opinion.
If she’s “opened” she can’t keep her hands out of your pants.
When she shamed you for ejaculating, it spoke more about who SHE is than about who you are.
In her book “Open Her” Karen Brody describes 7 masculine archetypes that “open” women.
She talks about two ways women lose respect and sexual desire for a man.
Those two ways are:
- When we have sex with her even when she’s been treating us poorly.
- When we follow through on having sex when her body is not responding positively to our touch (obligation sex).
Let’s look at the first point: Engaging in sex when she’s treated us poorly. (And yes, shaming us for cumming is treating us poorly.)
Having sex with her when she’s been treating us badly is like rewarding a dog for shitting on the floor.
Subconsciously, our wife will think to herself, “He has no standards… why should I be anything better?”
She won’t even realize she’s thinking this, but the seed grows over time.
A man who respects himself doesn’t see sex as something he gets when he’s “lucky”.
He doesn’t see sex as a “reward” for doing what she wants around the house.
For the confident, attractive man sex is never transactional.
A man with high self-esteem sees himself as the prize.
Sex is his gift.
He is the one who takes sex off the table, not her.
There is a reversal of leadership when the woman becomes the gatekeeper of intimacy in the marriage.
This doesn’t mean we, “try to get even” by withholding sex when she’s been nasty.
It means we lovingly lead her to something besides sex when we crawl in bed that night and clearly communicate why.
Many times, this just means having an honest conversation where we do more listening than talking.
Now let’s look at the second point: Following through with sex when she’s allowing, “obligation sex”.
Let’s say you’re horny, but She’s not really in the mood.
She pulls down her panties and says, “ok do your thing“.
This is not an invitation to prove you have magical powers to turn her on.
This is a time to demonstrate your self-worth and pull those panties back up, kiss her forehead, and say, “Good night sweetie” (wink, wink).
You’re cool.
You’re non-needy.
You don’t settle for less than the best.
Until a man can show this self-value for himself, SHE won’t be able to feel respect for him.
The Bigger Issues At Play When She Shamed You For Ejaculating
Your wife is always going to push you to your edge of personal growth through challenge.
Few of us would be looking to address our own insecurities or low self-worth if women were perfect angels who blindly coddled and gave us blow-jobs constantly.
Everyone feels like a king when between the legs of a horny women.
But the king is made on the battlefield, not in the bedroom.
When she shames us for ejaculating, it’s calling us to know our boundaries and trust our inherent worth as a man. Rejection means nothing about you, it’s an expression of how SHE feels.
This raises a question we must personally answer: WHY are we giving our gifts to someone who doesn’t want them?
The key to knowing what to do next will be found in exploring that “why”.
How To Grow Your Balls Back After She Shamed You For Ejaculating
Has your partner brought you to the end of your wits? Good. You’re in the battlefield where kings are made. I help men in the battlefield become kings every day. If you’re ready to address the deeper issues that were going on when she shamed you for ejaculating, then let’s talk. Fill out my “Get Grounded Now” form to schedule a FREE 60-minute consultation. You’ll be glad you did. That’s a promise
Stay strong brother,
Garrett Prettyman
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
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