What I’m about to say might seem unrelated to why your wife holds onto the past, but hang in there. We’re going to navigate a dicey topic of husband/wife roles in modern marriages so you can look at your wife with new eyes. Below is a video explaining more.
A Shift In Husband/Wife Roles
The typical 1950s family model was what I grew up in.
The husband was the breadwinner and the wife ran the household.
I never saw my dad, grandpa, or great-grandpa ever change a diaper, wash a dish, or prepare a meal.
Both my mom, my grandma, and my great-grandma wouldn’t be caught dead fixing the roof or changing the oil in the car.
I assumed it was normal to have clear lines between what men do and what women do.
When I married a woman who was a strong, independent, career-driven feminist, I had a real wake-up call.
Turns out men can cook and women can change the oil…
What happened next for me was a masculine identity crisis as I struggled to know my value, place, and role as a husband.
I know many men are in this spot, feeling like his wife doesn’t need him.
Deep down, we also question why our wife is in our lives when we’re fully capable of managing the household on our own.
Even though our society likes to re-write gender roles, I’m going to show you how some roles can’t be changed.
Why Your Wife Holds Onto The Past
Feminine energy and masculine energy are two polar opposites that can’t be eradicated from our planet.
The reason why your wife holds onto the past is because of her biological makeup.
Most humans with ovaries are going to have feminine energy and most humans with balls are going to have masculine energy.
A human with ovaries is designed to take in, germinate, hold, and adsorb the energy around her like an oil spill kit.
In fact, she’s so well built for this, she can take in a man’s seed and germinate a new human from it.
Feminine energy is a POWERFUL receiver, seducer, enticer, and fertile garden ready for “seeds”.
What you plant in your wife WILL germinate, multiply, and be handed back to you 10-fold.
Holding onto the past is what she’s supposed to do.
Imagine being a sponge that adsorbs the vibe in the room everywhere you go…eventually, you would feel overwhelmed and need to vent.
Most of the time when our wife brings up the past, she’s just trying to let some pressure out so she doesn’t burst.
I love marriage expert Mark Gungor’s humorous take on this in his viral video, The Tale Of Two Brains.
Being The Masculine Role In Modern Marriages
The days of mowing the lawn to prove we’re a valuable husband are over.
The marker of a successful marriage is when the husband and wife value each other’s differences.
This is how babies are made…
This is how relationships are made…
A masculine role that cannot be rewritten is the gift of penetration.
Here’s what “penetration” looks like:
- Stepping FORWARD when others hesitate
- Making clear decisions
- Taking the high road
- Staying present during difficult emotions
- Challenging the status quo
- Breaking new ground in areas of finance, freedom, and relationships
- Playing the long game
- Having a specific life direction
- Being polarizing
- Planting seeds in receptive people (leadership)
One of the gifts our “penetration” brings to our relationships is we can close our mouths and penetrate our wife with our ears so she has a safe place to let some pressure out.
Many times, that pressure is going to be about stuff we thought was already resolved from the past.
In her world, the past will NEVER be resolved since it lives so vividly in her emotional memory bank.
What To Do When Your Wife Holds Onto the Past
If we get upset, argumentative, defensive, or hold a grudge towards our wife for holding into the past, our “penetration” is flaccid.
When we VALUE that feminine energy is a container for how we’ve impacted lives as we encounter them, we can learn something about ourselves.
I’ll stick my neck out and say that 80.7% of the time, the beef we have with our wife’s account of the past is we feel she’s not seeing what our intentions were.
A man who trusts his intentions can “penetrate” her version of the past with understanding, empathy, and connection and then LEAD her to the present moment where the past no longer exists.
A man who trusts his intentions can also learn by her account how he can be different going forward so his actions better represent his intentions.
Think of it like assuming we planted a straight row of corn, but when it germinates, we can see where the row wasn’t planted straight.
Feminine germinates what we plant, letting us see how it impacts people with more perspective.
This Is Your Call To Action
It’s time to get off the bus Gus.
Reading blogs and doom-scrolling YouTube is the shallow end of the pool.
The masculine confidence framework I coach men on will give you clarity about how to show up in your marriage with masculine energy.
How you’ve been operating has created the marriage you have.
Are you ready to have something better?
Fill out my Get Grounded Now form for a free consultation.
I promise you’ll leave the call with fresh fuel in your tank to be the husband, father, brother, son, and friend you’re proud of
Just as the reason why your wife holds onto the past is biological, your awesome gifts as a man will feel natural when you adopt them.
Much love brother,
Garrett Prettyman
Schedule your free Masculine Confidence Call and get tailored guidance using the Masculine Confidence Framework™.
Or, check out my free eBook on how to restore passionate intimacy.
Stay grounded, brother.
Garrett Prettyman
Founder of the Masculine Confidence Framework™
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