Masculine Confidence Framework

Category: Her Space

This section contains blog articles to help men know how to respond when their wife needs space or want separation.

5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love In Marriage
If you want a long-term relationship, you need to understand the crucial stages to lasting love. I usually show men a few slides when they reach out for a consultation. They help you understand the stages every marriage goes through. I put the slides in this article so you can see what I mean! I go even more in-depth in the video below.

5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love In Marriage

Many men want a better marriage, but they feel alone and uncertain about what to do.

It seems like every conversation and promise to improve only digs them into a deeper hole.

But talk with other men and you’ll quickly realize we’re all in the same boat, experiencing similar relationship dynamics.

I want to give full credit to Dr. Jed Diamond for introducing me to the 5 crucial stages to lasting love.

Based on my marriage and the many men I’ve helped, I’ve adjusted these stages to what I’ve seen most guys (and myself) experience.

I’ve also added more information about what women specifically experience when they’re questioning if they married the wrong man.

The 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love

Here are the 5 seasons I see every marriage go through:
1. New Relationship Season
2. Monogamous Season
3. Bonded Partner Season
4. Disillusionment Season
5. Long-Term Love Season
It’s important to recognize which season you’re in so you can make the right choices.

Each of these seasons needs something different to add spark and love back into the relationship.

For example, giving your partner flowers in the monogamous season will warm her heart.

But in the disillusionment season, flowers won’t do much for her.

This is why you can’t apply random Instagram dating advice to a marriage of 15 years.

Another example is having a date night.

Date nights in the monogamous season will make your wife feel close to you, even if all you do is show up to the date.

By the bonded partner season, you’d better know how to lead an emotional connection with her on that date, or it won’t do much for your marriage.

Her fears started the day you first met and will continue to evolve.

It’s in her nature.

Fears like, “Where is this going?” and “Am I good enough?”

Allison Armstrong compares women’s need for reassurance to that of a strainer… everything you pour in drains out.
- Did you love her yesterday?
- Did you connect with her yesterday?
- Did you show leadership yesterday?
In her world, all of that is gone today like water through a strainer.

Whatever you created with her TODAY is all she has to ride on.

How The 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love Unfold

A new relationship season swamps your brain in dopamine.

That’s the first of the 5 crucial stages to lasting love.

This stage is easy!

A simple touch or eye gaze feels electric and sensual.

However, women feel a lot more fear daily than men do.

When you start getting affectionate with a girl you like, she soon wants to know, “What are we?”.

Most guys settle her fear by assuring her he’s no longer pursuing other girls.

Making her your girlfriend calms her relationship anxiety for a few years at most.

Eventually, she brings up her next fear: “Are we going to tie the knot?”

We men tend to keep resolving her fears as they come up.

After the proposal, we address where we’ll live, if we’ll have kids, if we’ll have chickens, etc.

Once we put a ring on her finger and settle all these fears, most men start coasting through life.

We behave as if we can’t lose her.

By this point, you’re having lots of sex.

The release of oxytocin suppresses dopamine in your brain.

The result?

You feel like bonded family, not honeymoon lovers.

You tend to act more domesticated, abandoning the majority of your hobbies, friendships, and freedoms for her and the family.

You’re at your lowest point of attractiveness during this stage.

Many women have a midlife crisis at this point, since life feels like it isn’t going anywhere.

Welcome to the disillusionment stage, where both the husband and wife question if they married the wrong person.

Maybe that’s why you’re reading this now.

Disillusionment is the 4th step in the 5 crucial stages to lasting love.

You’re so close!

But this is the stage where divorce happens 75% of the time if the man doesn’t understand it.

Her 5 Stages Of Disillusionment

Here are the 5 stages I see women go through once they enter the disillusionment stage:
1. Self-Improvement Stage
2. Checking Out Stage
3. I’m Not In Love With You Stage
4. I Need Space Stage
5. I’m Done Stage
If you catch the signs of her disillusionment early, you have a much higher chance of saving the marriage.

But most of us totally missed the warning signs of the self-improvement stage
- She started doing more work around the house
- She tried initiating sex more
- Maybe she started going to therapy or the gym
It’s easy to think her self-improvement stage is just her finally getting her stuff figured out!

What’s really happening is she’s giving the marriage one last shot.

Her taking the lead in a relationship like this isn’t natural for her.

As a result, she often experiences burnout.

Once she burns out, she checks out.

The self-improvement stage is easy to miss since we think the marriage is improving by her making an effort

If you make no effort for your self-improvement during this time, your wife will enter the “checking out season”.

You’ll get obligation sex from her in the “checking out season”.

She’ll complain less, too.

That’s because women only complain when they care about things.

Her care is dropping.

The ship starts to sink fast once she checks out because not long after, she’ll say the words, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you“.

If you continue to be the same guy you’ve always been in the relationship, divorce is on the horizon.

The path to divorce starts with her entering the “I need space” season.

You’ll know she’s in the “I need space season” when:
- She doesn’t want you in the room when she changes
- She’s making plans or traveling without you
- She’s spending most weekends away from the house
- She’s sleeping separately or wanting her own place
Once you’ve heard the words, “I’m done,” there is only a 4% chance the marriage can be turned around without divorce being involved.

The time from the “self-improvement stage” to the “I’m done” stage is usually about 2 years.

I have met men where it took 10 years, but that isn’t the norm.

I also know several guys who were very confused by how passionate the sex was after she said, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”.

What’s happening is she’s trying to find release for the intense emotions boiling in her.

This is why we can’t use sex as a gauge for marriage repair.

What most of us experience over this time is “the ice queen”.

Her closed-off, icy moods are like a zombie version of who we knew our wife to be in years past.

How You Can Take Charge Of The 5 Crucial Stages To Lasting Love

Building a life around shared values is the only way you can lead a relationship out of the disillusionment season and into the lasting love season.

This does NOT mean you have long conversations about values to convince your wife to stay.

The tone in your voice, how you handle your emotions, staying connected to your wellbeing…That is how she FEELS your values.

There is deeper work to do.

Many coaches are only helping men go from point A to point B.

I do transformational coaching so that you can self-coach, self-source confidence, and be self-assured that you are making the right choice 100% of the time.

I compare it to teaching someone how to shop for food vs how to grow their own food…Which guy do you think will confidently survive an apocalypse?

If you’re ready to step up and lead the 5 crucial stages to lasting love, reach out.

I promise you’ll have a better sense of what to do after we talk.
March 25, 2024
She Said, “I’m Done”… Is The Marriage Really Over??
If your wife is unhappy in your marriage and she just said, “I’m done,” you’re probably wondering what that means and if there’s hope. Below is a story based on true events. If you can relate to the story, pay special attention to the two mistakes you do not want to make right now.

She Said, “I’m Done” – Is The Marriage Really Over?? 2 Mistakes To Avoid

She Said, “I’m Done” – The Honest Truth

When your wife said, “I’m done,” she meant it 100%.

I’ve interviewed many divorced women.

Here’s what they tell me…

When she said, I’m done,” she had been thinking about ending the marriage for at least the last two years.

You might feel blindsided, but it’s old news for her.

Here moods and irrational behaviors over the last few years?

To her, those were not immaturity or negativity.

They were calls for help.

I know hearing this isn’t what you want.

Trust me, feeling “done” is not what your wife wants to feel either.

She wishes she could feel how she used to feel towards you.

But she can’t find the feeling inside her.

Not right now.

Women find a sense of loyalty and honor in following their feelings.

For her, it feels like infidelity to stay in a relationship with someone she doesn’t have feelings for.

But think about it…

You’re over the current version, too.

You’ve both settled.

Placated.

You deserve better (and so does she).

The painful part is that you will have to let her go if she is to ever come back.

When you don’t honor her request to end the relationship, she feels you are against her, not for her.

No amount of trying harder will impress her at this point.

It’s too little too late for marriage counseling and date nights.

If you oppose her desire to separate, it sends the message that you don’t value her best interest or her feelings.

If you dismiss her words as not being serious, she’ll say things like, “You’re not hearing me”, “I hate that you always try to control me,” or “You’re not seeing me for who I am”.

For the woman, she’s thinking, “How could any self-respecting man stay with a woman who doesn’t love him or treat him well??”

She knows she hasn’t been a loving, affectionate, committed wife lately… and trust me, she hates herself for it.

As bleak as this sounds, there is hope!

Are you wondering what makes a woman circle back??

Just keep reading…

Michael & Tracy Meet A Crossroad

As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, casting a warm glow across the landscape, Michael and Tracy drove home from what should have been a memorable vacation.

However, the journey had turned sour, with tension steadily mounting between them.

Their bickering started over something trivial, but soon escalated into a heated argument about their future together.

Words were said that neither really meant, and emotions ran high for Michael when she said, “I’m done, I want a divorce.”

Stunned and hurt, Michael tried to keep his composure as he focused on the road.

He stole glances at Tracy, her tear-streaked face turned away from him.

He felt a growing sense of panic.

The weight of her words bore heavily on him, the thought of losing her causing his heart to ache.

Michael desperately wanted to get this tension resolved.

He pressed Tracy with questions like, “Why didn’t you say something sooner so we could have worked it out? Does everything I’ve sacrificed mean nothing to you? Why can’t you let me love you?”

They drove in silence for what felt like an eternity, each lost in their thoughts and struggling to find a way to bridge the divide that had grown between them.

The drive home, which should have been a time of bonding and sharing memories, had become a painful reminder of their crumbling 10-year relationship.

Later that night, as the world outside turned dark and quiet, Michael found himself unable to sleep.

He tossed and turned, his mind tormented by the memory of Tracy’s words.

Seeking a semblance of hope, he opened his laptop and started browsing Airbnb listings for their next vacation.

He presented his findings to Tracy with excitement, hoping to reignite their shared love for travel.

However, Tracy responded with fury, insisting that he wasn’t listening to her.

The confusion in Michael’s eyes mirrored the turmoil within him.

He couldn’t comprehend the sudden shift in her emotions.

Hadn’t she just snuggled up to him when they crawled into bed a few hours earlier?

Love and emotions are complex, and in the depths of Tracy’s heart, the turmoil was far from simple.

She felt torn, her emotions swirling in a tempest of hurt and longing.

The earlier cuddle had been a desperate attempt to hold on to the love they once had, to feel a fleeting connection amidst the chaos.

The pain and confusion intensified for Michael, unable to decipher the mixed signals he received.

He yearned for the woman he loved, yet he felt powerless to mend the shattered pieces of their relationship.

Over the next few weeks, Michael scheduled marriage counseling sessions, emailed his wife articles about relationship improvement, and had many long talks about “the relationship” with Tracy.

This only made matters worse.

Within 3 months, Tracy filed for divorce.

Don’t Press For “Why” If She Said, “I’m Done”

I said earlier that there are some mistakes you want to avoid.

Here’s the first: Don’t press your wife for…
- WHY she feels unattracted
- WHY she’s “done”
- Or WHY the marriage is crumbling.
I’m a man like you, and I know exactly why you want to know “why”… because you want to fix it!

Fixing “problems” in a relationship has never saved a marriage.

Problems are symptoms, not causes!

The root issue is that both you and your wife have a FEELING you don’t like.

You can’t wag a dog by wagging its tail.

A happy dog wags its own tail.

Two people building their own happiness apart from each other and then rejoining to SHARE in each other’s happy lives creates a healthy marriage.

Your wife’s happiness is her own journey to figure out.

Right now, your insecurities, fear of loneliness, anxiety, and lack of confidence are YOUR journey to figure out.

Behind 99% of unpleasant feelings is insecurity.

Resolving insecurity saves many marriages.

Take Sex Off The Table If She Said, “I’m Done”

This is the 2nd mistake that’s easy to make.

You think hot, passionate sex will make her love you gain.

Giving back rubs…teasing her erogenous zones… lighting candles…none of these acts of seduction will restore your wife’s desire for you!

Women only feel sexual desire when they feel attraction for you.

For her, attraction doesn’t come from long kisses and more lube.

Her attraction is like a flower.

With the right environment in place… the right sun, the right soil, the right timing, the right energy (a whole host of things) her attraction opens!

That’s why saving marriages is a game of inches, not a single act of undying love.

Right now, the soil in your marriage is a desert.

She can’t force herself to open to you sexually when she’s a parched flower.

So what sort of things does a woman need to feel attraction in a long-term relationship?

She needs to FEEL you have:
- Safety
- Trust
- Space
- Strength
- Adventure
- Excitement
- Mystery
- Emotional Range
- Value
- Relaxation
- Newness
- Heart
- Boundaries
- Self-Control
- Power
- Empathy
- Courage
…And that’s just the start.

Feel overwhelmed?

Don’t be.

You demonstrated these traits when you first met her…naturally!

They are already inside you.

Disappointment and resentment are making it hard to act on them.

But even if you demonstrate these traits 100% tonight, she won’t feel attraction until she feels them consistently over a long period of time.

Your marriage did not end up on the rocks overnight; you will not get the marriage back on track overnight.

When she said, “I’m done”, it was a cry for relief.

It could take 6 months… it could take 6 years.

Eventually her emotions calm down, the pain fades into the background, and the good memories rise back to the surface.

The question glaring in your face is: what are you going to do with this time?

Mark Manson’s article, “Why the Best Things in Life Must Be Let Go” explains how forcing what you want is akin to beating quicksand…resisting only expediates the end!

You can resist divorce all you want, but once she said, “I’m done,” that resistance won’t save the marriage.

Most of the men I know who saved their marriage had to first be ok with losing it.

How Things Turned Out For Michael

Despite a soul-crushing divorce, Michael’s determination to improve himself as a man kept him going.

He sought the mentorship of an old friend named Bill, who had already walked this road.

Bill helped Michael stay focused on what was 100% in his control.

Change seemed slow at first, but as the months went by, Michael felt a new kind of power growing in him.

The man he allowed himself to be in the marriage (sexually needy, defensive, irritated, and blameless) was nowhere close to the man he knew he was meant to be.

Michael’s confidence increased.

He walked taller.

His self-esteem came back.

Michael found he could relax his reactions when faced with feminine emotions and lead women out of their heads with his calm empathy.

In time, women took notice…Even his ex-wife!

By now, some time had passed since she said, “I’m done”

24 months to be exact.

And by now, Michael was a new man.

Tracy was also a new woman!

She realized after spending many months away from Michael that most of her hurt and pain was not because of him.

She, too, faced her own triggers and matured as a woman.

A new relationship formed between them.

It was like getting to know each other again for the first time.

What To Do Once You Let Her Go

I work with men every day to help them become the attractive, confident, happy man they love to be.

It’s only in seasons without feminine support that you reach your next level of maturity.

When you level up with your new mojo, women take notice.

Sometimes, that woman is your separated wife.

What we should have done the moment she said, “I’m done,” was take all our pain, anger, and sadness AWAY from the relationship and into our support group.

When guys start mentorship with me, the first thing they gain is access to is an incredible group of men who will support them no matter what.

Many men reach a point of growth where they realize the woman they once cherished may not align with their new, amazing life.

I help men get clear on their values, purpose, and mission so they have a clear answer to give their wife if…scratch that…WHEN she circles back.

Your story has no negative ending when you level up to being a confident, happy man who creates an amazing life!

I guarantee the best is yet to come when you use this time to grow as a man.

Let’s cool your frantic anxiety & give you the best shot for a marriage 2.0 even if she said, “I’m done”.
February 9, 2024
Does Your Wife Make You Feel Unloved?
When you feel unloved, it’s tempting to pout, get angry, or blame feminism. It’s hard when your love tank is running on fumes. If that’s you, let’s take a hard look at your options. There are some mistakes men tend to make when they feel unloved that only push love further away.

Rekindling Affection: 2 Mistakes Men Make When Feeling Unloved

Take The Focus Off Her If You Feel Unloved

Taking the focus off your wife might sound illogical.

If your wife makes you feel unloved, shouldn’t she step up and be more loving?

You miss her flirty looks and admiration.

Her touch makes you feel special.

But complaining or demanding love doesn’t create love.

You can’t control your wife to make her sweeter and more loving.

Exerting stress, anxiety, complaints, and despair towards things outside your control is a lose-lose.

I get it.

Love & affection feel amazing!

But when the morning cuddles stop, and you feel unloved, you’re suddenly reliant on your own love.

You’re stepping out of your manly power when you lose sleep, agonize, and bang your head on the wall over stuff you have no control over!

This concept isn’t new.

The stoics of old like Marcus Aurelius warned that things outside your control are things you shouldn’t worry about.

How your wife feels is 100% outside your control.

I know what your man brain is thinking…“If we fix our issues, she’ll desire me again!”

No brother, “fixing issues” has never saved a marriage… but “fixing” your own insecurities can!

YOU are always 100% in YOUR control.

Spending large amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy over your wife’s lack of desire will do nothing for improvement.

In fact, the guy who is most attractive to your wife is the guy who isn’t attached to specific outcomes.

A man who complains about his job, wife, government, lack of sex, or anything outside his control is a powerless man.

Her attraction is awakened by a man who maintains his power by not playing the victim.

If You Feel Unloved, Focus On What’s In Your Control

Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D wrote a great article, “Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” reminding us that the things in our zone of influence are still mostly beyond our control.

Directing your focus, thoughts, energy, and time towards something only within your zone of influence drains you.

Your love tank is already low.

It’s time to fill it.

Not from her, but by engaging in things that ENERGIZE you.

Things that put you in a better mood and make you happy.

No amount of influence will ever control someone else 100%.

Humans are not robots.

Other people have their own brains and end up doing what they want.

This one is sticky since sometimes you can influence someone to be different.

This is more the exception than the rule, though.

If you apply massive amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to influence others to be what you want, you’re putting yourself at their mercy.

It’s not pleasant when you feel unloved, but you need to think like a CREATOR (the opposite of a victim).

There are some rules of attraction you should know about.

Want love? Be loving.

Want respect? Then respect.

Want trust? Then trust.

Your marriage reaches a stalemate if you wait for her to stop making you feel unloved.

How To Get Your Mojo Back

Did the sun ever complain, chase you down, or demand attention for its sunsets to be attractive?

Has the sun ever postponed an amazing sunset because nobody gave it appreciation?

No, the sun is just doing what it does, and at some point, a bystander looks up and says, “Wow, that’s an amazing sunset!”

This is what you become when you stop attaching to outcomes and only focus on what’s in your zone of control.

Things like maintaining happiness right to the end, money, and living an unchained life appear when you pour as much energy as possible into things 100% inside your control.

This kind of man steps into his full power by no longer keeping others accountable for his happiness or the shine he puts off.

And that’s dam attractive – the opposite of chasing love!

95% of men choose not to focus on what’s directly inside their control because doing so requires a hard look at their “ya buts”.
- Ya but, if I ask for sex, she’ll reject me
- Ya but, if I change jobs, I’ll lose my retirement
- Ya but, I can’t open my marriage and have sex with other women, my wife will hate me
- Ya but, I can’t move, my kids have friends here
Those “Ya buts” are what confident men choose to face when life isn’t providing what they want.

Everything you have in life you’ve chosen.

You chose your wife…You chose your home…You chose your car.

When those things are frustrating, you’re living with what YOU chose.

You can always choose a NEW response, attitude, mindset, or tone.

You can make NEW choices when you face your “Ya buts.“

A man who remains unrattled by focusing on what’s in his control is no wimp and is very attractive to women!

The saying is true, “You have to let her go to get her back.”

REALLY let her go, I might add.

This sounds so paradoxical when you feel unloved.

Everything in you wants to tell her to get her shit together.

But that’s not love, it’s desperation.

If you’re struggling to be the kind of man who operates in his zone of control or has been limiting his life with“ya buts,” then reach out.

My coaching is exactly what you need to rewire your brain so you can attract what you want.
January 31, 2024
Why Good Women Leave Good Men
This article sheds light on why good women leave good men even after many years together. I’m not some guru. What you read in this article is my own contemplation. I could be dead wrong. What do you think? Tell me in the comments!

A Controversial Reason Why Women Leave Good Men

Good Women Leave Good Men Without The Right Kind Of Love

There are 3 types of love.
- EROS: Romantic, sexual love
- AGAPE: Caring love
- PHILEO: Family bonding love
The world is filled with honest, good-intending, devoted, loving men who care deeply for their partner.

Men are straight shooters when it comes to love.

Either we always had a “thing” for a specific woman, or we didn’t.

Once a girl wins our heart, our love is permanent.

Just like our preference for the shirt we liked 10 years ago.

In my experience, something binds inside us guys when we “fall in love” with a woman.

Our eros & agape literally fuse together.

That means our romantic love and our caring love for her transcend life’s circumstances.

All of us men know what it’s like to care deeply for a woman and feel our primal urge to protect, care, provide, and give pleasure even if she doesn’t give two hoots about us.

It’s a kind of love that doesn’t even need to be reciprocated by her.

A Man’s Love Rarely Stops When She Doesn’t Love Him Back

Masculine love becomes unconditional towards a woman once eros and agape fuse together.

Even if our partner becomes the devil, rejects us, or has an affair, we still care for her on a primal level.

We don’t like what she’s doing, we prefer she change, but we still love her.

I know in my life, I can look back and still feel caring, romantic love for all the women I’ve fallen in love with (even if they never loved me in return).

Once Eros and Agape bind in us towards a woman, we can end up tolerating very toxic or unhealthy behaviors from her unless we have clear standards around what kinds of people we allow into our lives.

For this reason, it’s imperative to have clear boundaries around who we commit to regardless of how we feel.

Female Love Is Different Software

I don’t think eros and agape bind in a woman.

She feels them independently, one from the other.

This is my personal observation at least.

Women seem to have a binding of agape and philo which manifests as her mothering instincts for her family.

One could argue when a woman falls for a man, it’s more intense than we experience it.

But a woman’s eros (sexual) love for a man is fragile.

Eros, the erotic love, is based on how she feels RIGHT NOW.

It comes and goes.

What doesn’t come and go for her is the family bonding and caring love.

Even when a wife divorces her husband, she still feels bonded to him.

But the sexual attraction is long gone.

And you?

You’ll still get turned on by her.

When a woman loses her eros (sexual) love for her partner, she’s out.

Are you starting to see why good women leave good men?

The husband and wife are not bad people, but they need to feel all 3 versions of love.

And each has a different idea of what those versions are.

Good Women Leave Good Men When They Lose Erotic Love

Why do women lose erotic love?

It’s not because you’re ugly or because you snore.

Her erotic love is a result of feeling like you understand and can handle her emotions.

This is the polar opposite of men.

Men feel erotic love based on how beautiful she is (inside and out).

When your wife says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” she is saying feelings of eros (erotic) love are gone for her.

That’s why good women leave good men.

Her closed-off body is a physical representation of how her heart feels in the relationship.

This is really frustrating for us guys.

It feels like an injustice.

We thought getting married brought some kind of permanency to love.

The truth is, her love for us was always fragile.

In her article, “The Initiation of Relationship Anxiety,” Sheryl Finn explains what a woman is grappling with when she wants to end the relationship.

Your wife or girlfriend is experiencing the same instinct to RUN as we would if faced with a feral lion.

These are HER fears, HER wounds, and HER path to walk as an evolving person.

A woman is faithful to one thing: her feelings.

With this information, our male brains want to know ONE thing: WHY.

WHY did her feelings change?

Why can’t she feel sexual desire for me?

But this is the wrong question to ask.

Instead, ask yourself WHAT you will do next.

Trying to change your wife’s “why” has a 100% failure rate.

It’s like chasing a shadow…

Why do we like one fruit and not another?

Why do we prefer coffee with cream or without?

There is no reasoning behind these desires; they just are.

Don’t let this fact depress you.

Since she’s in a constant state of change, she can change back to loving you again.

Ironically, we men have a similar complex that prevents us from committing to “good women”.

For guys, we’ll choose the pretty girl over the hideous girl every time (even if the hideous girl would have been a way better partner).

The pretty girl “awakens” a care in us we don’t otherwise experience through Eros.

Loving her body isn’t enough in a long-term relationship.

That’s another reason why good women leave good men – eros love alone feels too shallow for her.

Both men and women are equally irrational when it comes to erotic love.

Both chase a version that is more a fairytale than reality.

But it’s still a necessity, and can’t be minimized.

How To Build Erotic Love With Your Wife

If you love a woman and she’s not on board with reciprocating your love, then you need to show self-respect and let her go.

Yup, you’ll still love her.

You’ll still find her attractive.

But erotic love is not built by chasing her.

It’s counterintuitive, but letting her go is what she will find most attractive.

A mature, happy, self-reliant, loving man develops his own standards to live up to.

Meeting those standards is what makes him feel good about himself.

You can hold the perfect frame for feminine love to grow by creating trust, safety, connection, and leadership.

Hold those standards for yourself, then let the pieces fall where they may.

We men have to learn to trust in the processes, not the immediate results.

The fragile, fleeting, ever-changing eros love of a woman sometimes takes hold in the space we create.

Sometimes it does not.

We create this space because of who we love to be, not because of how she responds to it.

Our intentions, values, and desires are something for us to live up to for our own sense of honor, not to win her approval.

Here’s the bottom line: The reason why good women leave good men is that her feelings changed, and thus her loyalty changed.

You can only take responsibility for your tone, vibe, and masculine energy.

The rest is up to her.

Forget Why Good Women Leave Good Men & Focus On Yourself

I teach men how to be the kind of confident, loving, grounded, emotionally available guy women feel drawn to.

Not to win the girl, but so that he can look at himself in the mirror with respect.

I show you how to be happy and think clearly, independent of what your partner throws at you.

Your state of well-being is no longer attached to her moods or fleeting desires.

Being a good man isn’t enough to maintain erotic attraction in a long-term relationship.

But a man who doesn’t lean on his wife’s emotions to feel ok about himself is.

I show you how to be more secure, so you feel back in control.
January 31, 2024
How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her
By the time you’re asking how to give your wife space, your marriage is suffering pretty badly. You’ve already begged, pleaded, cried, demanded, and tried to be Prince Charming. The result? “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”… and, “I need space”. That was my experience at least. But after working with tons of men in struggling relationships, I’ve realized you and I are not alone. Let’s talk about how to give your wife space in a way that I see working best for my clients.

How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her

Why Your Wife Wants Space

Don’t worry about why.

Seriously, it’s a moving target.

And your questions are what moves it.
- Why can’t we work this out?
- Why didn’t you say something sooner?
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why are you being so cold?
- Why can’t we have sex?
Your questions about her lack of commitment and desire are what’s driving her need for space.

Keep pelting her with those, and you’ll lose her fast.

Needing to know “why” is a primal drive in men, so I get why you feel the urge.

But pretty much everything your urges are telling you right now will drive her right out of your life.

You don’t learn how to give your wife space by fixing problems with the marriage.

You learn how by detaching from her needing to change for you to be ok.

Women always sense your motives.

She can smell that motive a mile away.

Your unease, restlessness, and desperation stink so bad right now, she needs space from it.

Trying to sort why she needs space with her is like puking on the floor and then shoving her face in it to identify what bad food you ate… all while she’s sick with COVID.

This is NOT how you attract loving desire from your wife.

How To Give Your Wife Space Without Pushing Her Away

Don’t resist her need for space.

Set her free.

Your FEAR that she won’t return is what you and I need to have a talk about.

Build ANYTHING in life out of fear, and it will be subpar.

I explain how to give your wife space as if you have a fish on the line.

It’s not about how much line to let out before you lose the fish.

If you’ve ever hooked a big bass, you know to let the drag out so the line doesn’t snap.

The way to give your wife space without losing her is to loosen the drag.

You loosen the drag by living as a happily divorced man.

Many online influencers talk about their “5-step plan to get her back” or “the no contact rule” to get her back.

These tactics provide quick positive results IF you’ve only been dating or married for less than 24 months.

Long-term relationships are a whole different breed.

Your wife of many years won’t be fooled by games or tactics.

You’ve both grown apart over the years, and “no contact” would be more of the same.

When you let the drag out, it’s about releasing tension, not avoiding her.

In my book, I explain the 5 seasons every marriage goes through.

This helps you understand what your wife needs most during each season to remain attracted to you.

The biggest mistake you can make right now is to act on impulse, fear, and desperation instead of clarity, calmness, and self-reliance for your happiness.

Sobbing tears about how much she’s hurting you will only repulse her.

She craves spine.

A man who doesn’t need her validation.

A man who is secure enough to let her go.

Taking the high road like this is a choice.

It’s where you drop resentment, anger, and all your hate about how she’s acting.

If you want something to reel in, reel in that stuff.

You have to TRUST that taking the high road IS THE ONLY WAY to lead a relationship to a better place.

How To Give Your Wife Space In 4 Steps
1. Don’t get her flowers, declare your undying love, or try to get her turned on for sex
2. Don’t follow her around or phone her “just to check in”
3. Don’t track her, plan things for her to show up to, confide in your in-laws, or try to sway her friends (especially the in-laws)
4. Don’t have long conversations about the relationship, beg, convince, present your case for why this can be fixed, or try to buy her back with a new house or truck (I know guys who tried this!!).
If you do these things, you will be divorced within a few months.

What To Do With Yourself So You Don’t Lose Your Wife
1. Pour all your focus into improving yourself as a virile, purpose-filled, confident man who lives a life he loves.
2. Hold yourself to what makes you a high-value man by your own standards.
3. Use this opportunity to launch, create, or dive into something not practical to execute when tied to the time constraints of a relationship.
4. Share your needs, anxiety, loneliness, expectations, and attachment to outcomes with men. Men are your new source of validation, not her.
A man who respects himself won’t try to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with him.

If you don’t respect yourself, your wife never will either.

Here are the words of an attractive, confident man who respects himself:

“I understand you need space and feel uncertain about your feelings for me, sweetie. I’ll be glad to give you 4 months of separation. If after that time you don’t want to be with me, I’m prepared to let you go.“

This shows masculine energy by taking leadership of the situation.

It lifts a tremendous amount of PRESSURE off her by being the one who sorts out the logistics.

If I could summarize how to give your wife space in two words, it would be this: REMOVE PRESSURE.
- Pressure to stay
- Pressure to know how long she will need space
- Pressure to give you assurance
- Pressure by guilting her or trying to make her feel obligated
Any interaction you have with your wife during separation (no matter how small) is an opportunity to show her a whole new version of you.

A version that is inspired, fulfilled, happy, calm, and takes leadership.

A man who doesn’t pressure her for certainty or need any specific outcome to be ok.

Afraid Your Wife Will Have An Afair If You Back Off?

You will never fear any woman cheating on you if you have boundaries.

If she has an affair, you will simply execute your boundary.

Trying to manipulate situations to prevent a feared outcome is very indirect and repulsive to feminine.

And be honest, you don’t like being that guy anyway.

Focus on being the right man and let the wrong women sluff away.

My Masculine Confidence Framework Teaches You How To Give Your Wife Space

Without clarity, there can be no confidence.

Worrying and fretting about how to give your wife space without losing her is a life of walking on eggshells.

It’s not attractive.

Guy’s I coach dramatically speed up their evolution into being an attractive man who women don’t need space from.

In fact, you’ll be able to sit on the same couch and give her all the space she needs.

But right now, you’re new to this.

You should probably send her to her sister’s place or move her into the spare room so she can get immediate relief from your pressure.

Then you & I will dig into the deeper issues you need to face while she gets a break from the old you.

Understanding how to embody masculine traits, lead with confidence, and uphold strong personal standards will significantly transform your relationships with women.
January 31, 2024
Why Your Wife Is Always Unhappy
When your wife is always unhappy or chronically upset, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing as a husband or father. There are 5 things you can change right now to bring some joy back into your relationship. Just watch the video below or keep reading.

Unhappy Wife – 5 Necessities To Change

Failed Expectations: A Source Of Unhappiness

We like to imagine how life would be “in a perfect world”.

“Perfect” includes a loving, sweet, affectionate, beautiful woman waiting for you at the door when you come home.

She’s wearing a sexy outfit and holding freshly baked cinnamon rolls.

Fun and laughter fill your evening with her!

By night, things get steamy under the sheets.

Sounds like a great fantasy!

Then there’s reality.

She…
- Is mad at your mom
- Spends more time with her friends than at home
- Never initiates sex
- Says “Stop trying to fix me” whenever you try to connect
- Is never happy
- Is cold, dismissive, and says you need to show her more love
- Keeps bringing up your past mistakes
The girl you married has an imagined “perfect world, too”.

Reality has dashed that dream.

That’s why your wife is always unhappy.

You’re a constant reminder that life isn’t the fairytale she hoped for.

Men I coach learn a universal fact after a few sessions: Female energy is a flood without a strong masculine frame to direct it.

In other words, if her emotions are affecting how YOU feel, it means you’re driving in her lane, not your own lane of well-being and happiness.

5 Things To Change If Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

There are five necessities for happiness:
1. Safety
2. Variety
3. Connection
4. Contribution
5. Growth
If both you and your wife are always unhappy, you’re in a stalemate.

Somebody has to lead by example so the other can follow.

Feminine is wired to be a responder.

Masculine is wired to be an initiator.

A conversation, date night, or new house can’t erase what it’s like to BE around you.

When you start to BE different, your wife starts to respond differently.

You cannot “give” your wife safety… but you can BE safe.

You cannot “give” your wife connection… but you can BE connecting.

In other words, you provide these things by BEING them.

Explaining, demanding, and arguing about them is not BEING them.

Your wife gets to enjoy the ride as you solidify an amazing, inspiring, deeply connecting life for yourself – one that changes your attitude.

And the cool part is, you get to enjoy this life regardless of how she responds.

Even if your wife is always unhappy, it’s not your responsibility to make her happy… BUT, you can be a man who invites her to a better place.

Dr. Danielle Dowling drives this principle home in the article, “You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Happiness“.

If you need your wife to be happy so you can be happy, you are co-dependent on her.

That’s a hard clash with what Hollywood shows us in movies.

Happiness by example is the ONLY way to light the path forward for your wife to follow.

Build an amazing life that makes you happy no matter what she does.

Feeling unsure of how to be a confident, direct, emotional lighthouse if your wife is always unhappy?

I got you.
January 31, 2024
Menopause: What Men Need To Know To Save Their Marriage

Let’s talk about menopause: What men need to know can save a lot of frustration. This article is like receiving the puberty talk before your voice changes. It’s nice having a heads-up before everything in your life shifts. It’s also an uncomfortable topic that’s easy to put off. Further down is a video from a man who has successfully navigated menopause with his wife. Pay attention to his advice. Your marriage might depend on it.

Menopause: What Men Need To Know (But Nobody Is Saying)

At 9 years old, I loved technology.

I came across a Radio Shack ad for a control module.

It could turn on any appliance with a cord!

I wanted one.

I saved up that summer, went to Radio Shack, and bought the control module.

Feeling ecstatic was an understatement!

After I opened the box, I quickly realized I had been misguided.

Every outlet in the house had to be equipped with a receiver for the system to work.

I was so bummed.

The full system was way out of budget for a 9-year-old.

Why hadn’t the salesmen at Radio Shack informed me?

Why wasn’t the ad clear that upcoming purchases were necessary to use the module?

Men sat at your wedding who knew something shocking.

They watched you pledge your love to a woman… and they stayed silent.

You thought you were signing up for a lifetime of romantic intimacy with the exact woman who stood before you.

Maybe these men didn’t want to douse the spark in your eye.

Maybe they thought they were alone in their experience.

Here’s the shocking thing these men knew: Your wife would go through an unavoidable metamorphosis and become a totally different person… Menopause!

I’m calling in an expert to give us the facts straight.

In the video below, men’s coach Charlie McKeever shares how he saved his marriage from menopause.

Menopause – What Men Need To Know (But Nobody Is Saying)

Menopause: What Men Need To Know When She Acts Different

The stages leading up to menopause can be a 10-year span called perimenopause.

For most women, perimenopause starts in their mid-40s.

You might be thinking, “So what, her period gets irregular or something?”

Think again.

Remember how much your body changes going through puberty?

Imagine going through puberty again to have everything reversed.

That’s what it’s like for her.

Every man is well aware of how sensitive and changing a woman’s moods are when she’s on her period…

Underlying issues in your relationship she’s been sweeping under the rug boil over during this time.

Perimenopause challenges your standards, boundaries, and self-reliance to your own happiness in ways you’ve never been tested before.

She’ll need you to be confident and emotionally present, not for the weekend…FOR THE LONG HAUL!

Can Hormone Therapy Help Menopause Symptoms?

Hormone therapy can absolutely help your wife through her life transition.

So can supplements and being supportive.

If you feel like your marriage is in the throes of menopause, I encourage you to reach out to Charlie by clicking HERE. He can mentor you through the stages every man must learn while your wife goes through menopause.

Telling your wife she needs hormone therapy isn’t the magic pill.

She needs you to be the rock during this time of change.

Being a confident man who doesn’t seek his wife’s approval and leads the relationship is the type of man you should be, regardless.

Masculine finds purpose in momentum.

We like to see progress, goals reached, and checklists completed.

When you stop reacting to your wife, she feels huge relief.

As her moods change, you need to be steady.

You need a frame.

You need personal standards for yourself.

Menopause: What men need to know is that it’s not a matter of IF but WHEN.

Guys who have already become the rock in their relationships (before menopause strikes) won’t take her moods personally.

He won’t beg, argue, complain, or sulk when she’s having a bad day.

He’s understanding when she’s not down for sex.

He’s the lighthouse that leads her home.

That’s what a great man does for his wife.

January 31, 2024
Walkaway Wife: Why You Need To STOP Chasing Her

If you’ve been trying to get your walkaway wife back, I have news for you. The test results are in (and it’s stamped with a big “F”). Seventy percent of divorces are initiated by women. You know what that means? It means 70% of men were unable to stop the divorce. But you? You’re going to do the opposite of those 70%. Welcome to the 5% club, where marriages are saved. Not because you tricked your wife into staying, but because you used the laws of attraction and stopped chasing her.

Walkaway Wife: Why You Need To STOP Chasing Her

Men Everywhere Are Being Blindsided By Divorce

Most men never dreamed the girl they married would turn into a walkaway wife.

Disbelief. Horror. Panic.

Those juices surge through his veins like acid when he hears, “I’m going to leave you”.

Why is she leaving?

Why didn’t she bring this up sooner?

Can’t we go to marriage counseling and fix this?

A walkaway wife is as emotionally damaging as a gunshot wound.

But running around like a headless chicken never helps… And that’s EXACTLY what most men do.

They pull out all the stops.

They flood her with everything she loved while dating.

He cries, begs, pleads, argues, withdraws, and then writes the most passionate love letter of his life.

Do all those things, and you’ll join the 70% of men who never got their walkaway wife back.

You need to understand why she’s pulling away.

Then, how you should respond makes more sense.

Why Your Bride Has Turned Into A Walkaway Wife

24 months ago.

That’s how long ago she gave up and started imagining life without you.

Giving up felt like relief.

Like a huge weight lifted off her shoulders.

She opened herself up to get her needs met outside the marriage.

Not sexually, emotionally.

Work, friends, activities, weekend getaways, counseling… those became her new sources of emotional intimacy.

You, on the other hand, were oblivious while focused on surviving the daily grind.

>>>Fast forward to now.

She has already grieved the loss of the marriage.

An emotional bond has formed with others besides you.

She’s already cried until there were no more tears, and it was probably two summers ago.

That’s why she seems so cold and indifferent now.

Leaving you? That’s old news to her.

You feel like an ex-boyfriend or old business partner.

You, however, are NOWHERE near the same point as her.

This is fresh and raw.

You have a right to feel how you feel!

Any man would feel the same.

But acting on those feelings makes your walkaway wife want to rip the band-aid off.

Why You Need To STOP Chasing Her

I’ve worked with hundreds of men whose wives had one foot out the door.

I’ve never seen a walkaway wife return because he smothered her with his unbound love.

She’s not leaving because you don’t love her, so stop trying to prove it!

She’s leaving because she no longer feels attracted to you.

That’s what she means when she says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

It doesn’t matter if you still feel attracted to her.

In this critical moment of marriage collapse, nearly all primal instincts of the male brain push her away (if acted on).

You see, all her reasons for wanting to leave you are tied to a common female experience.

An experience that has less to do with you than she’ll adimit.

Michele Weiner-Davis explains it perfectly in her article “The Walkaway Wife Syndrom”

Right now, your wife genuinely thinks she has tried everything in her power to help you “wake up” and give her the deep emotional connection and sense of belonging she craves.

She did this by following her immature female instincts of arguing, complaining, giving obligation sex, and taking on more responsibilities than she could handle.

She thought being this way was an obvious cry for help.

But those behaviours don’t create a deep emotional connection with a man.

Any wonder she burned out?

It’s why she’s “done”.

If you try to chase her, it only makes her run away faster.

The Attractiveness Of Letting Go

Have you ever tried to catch a dog by chasing it?

I have.

Good luck!

When you BACK AWAY, the dog gets very curious about what you’re up to.

Run away from a dog, and it will be hot on your heels.

I know what you’re thinking.

“My wife is complaining that I haven’t been there for her. I need to close the gap, not back away!”

Man-to-man lesson 101: Never take a woman’s words as a factual repair manual. She is saying what she feels like, not what you should do about it.

Over the years, your wife has conceived a version of you in her head.

This version has hardened like concrete.

Only one thing melts that version of you from her brain: time.

In time, experiencing a new version of you will give her new feelings about you.

You need to give time and space for the old version to fade from her memory.

But if you try to become someone she wants, you’ll lose your attractive edge.

It’s time to go balls-to-the-wall and be the man you’ve always wanted to be.

Your #1 goal right now is to stop chasing her and start making bold, scary movements towards creating an amazing life YOU love.

Women act on their own internal pressure.

Just hearing your voice and seeing your face right now is external pressure.

That’s why space helps a walkaway wife forget what she grew to dislike about you.

ONLY NON-REACTIVE, PRESENT, SAFE ENERGY COMING FROM YOU CAN INFLUENCE HER INTERNAL PRESSURE IN A POSITIVE WAY.

Stop doing anything that feels like external pressure to her.

Hanging around her, inviting her to events, trying to guilt her into spending Christmas with you and the kids – that is all external pressure.

It shows you care when you step aside from blocking what she thinks she needs.

And what she needs right now is to have you fling the door wide open for her to walk out.

Only a man who is very secure in himself can do this.

The irony is that traits like security and confidence can only be built in the total absence of feminine support.

That’s what I teach men to develop when faced with a walkaway wife.

Your value and sense of well-being must no longer be attached to your wife’s validation.

Have A Walkaway Wife? Do This Now

Nothing is more effective in creating lasting change than man-to-man mentorship.

I challenge your thinking.

I give you new mindsets.

An open, deeper, authentic, confident version of yourself emerges.

You’ll stop chasing your walkaway wife and start being a man women walk towards.

Are you ready?

January 30, 2024