Masculine Confidence Framework

Category: Attraction

This section contains Empowering blog articles are for men passionate about creating attraction with their cold, dismissive, or withdrawn wife.

  • How To Make Your Wife Want You Again

    How To Make Your Wife Want You Again

    I’ll show you how to make your wife want you again by becoming a version 2.0 of yourself. Women respond to the energy you bring into the relationship. Below is a video with examples from the TV show “Vikings” to illustrate the kind of energy your wife can’t resist.

    Focus On Causes, Not Symptoms

    Every day, I speak to men in a desperate spot. 

    They sincerely want to save their failing marriage, but everything they do seems to backfire.  

    I know how easy it is to hyper-focus on everything that’s “wrong” in your relationship.

    You’ll assume what’s “wrong” is preventing your marriage from turning around. 

    The problem with this approach is you’re trying to resolve symptoms, not causes. 

    • Lack of affection/no sex
    • Poor communication
    • Blaming attachment styles
    • Love language frustrations
    • Emotional coldness/withdrawal
    • Her inability to be respectful or do self-improvement

    The list above is symptoms, not root causes.

    I say it all the time, “Love covers a multitude of sins”.

    When your wife feels attracted to you, she overlooks the annoyances (and so do you).

    The level of personal happiness and fulfillment you feel outside of marriage determines how you’ll eventually feel inside the marriage.

    The degree to which you can create an amazing life without your wife determines the degree to which you can create one with her.

    If you’re not emotionally secure enough to let her go, you’re not emotionally secure enough to have her. 

    These are the kinds of insecurities and root causes that cripple a relationship. 

    How To Make Your Wife Want You Again If She Wants Space

    If your wife wants space, that means she doesn’t want to manage your needs for you.

    She’s tired.

    She wants to feel a SPARK when she’s around you, not obligation.

    Watch my video below to see how a woman’s feelings change when her man gets his spark back. 

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    How To Make Your Wife Want You Again

    One of the most effective ways to attract a woman is to let her go. 

    She wants to have the freedom to CHOOSE you.

    How do you give her that freedom?

    By letting her have the option to NOT choose you.

    A man without an inspiring life mission will see his wife as his source of happiness.

    She becomes his purpose for living. 

    You can’t let her go if you can’t imagine living an amazing life without her. 

    I know this seems backwards.

    You probably think your inability to live an amazing life without her is proof of your love for her.

    But it’s the opposite for her.

    Your partner is not wired to be responsible for her happiness AND yours. 

    A huge burden is lifted off her shoulders when you have a life that’s so energizing that your spark, charisma, excitement, joy, and inspiration are full regardless of what she does.

    How A Viking Reattracted His Lover

    In the video, I point out how Rollo wallows in his self-pity, victim mindset, and lack of purpose.

    These behaviours make Siggy lose her attraction for him. 

    Rolo blames his brother, his ex-lover, the gods’, and everyone else for his life. 

    For a time, he tries to demand respect and love from others.

    This quickly makes his situation worse.

    I realize this story is made up, but it mirrors what I see with men I work with. 

    Again and again, I’ve seen my client’s wife circle back after he gets clear, excited, and motivated by his positive future to the point that he lovingly lets her go.

    These men grew until they:

    • No longer resisted the divorce process.
    • No longer needed to “be right”.
    • No longer needed her mood be different for him to be ok.
    • Could unshakably trust in his own ability to create the experiences he wanted.
    • Accepted that she is on her own journey of personal growth and is progressing at her own pace.
    • Stopped “fighting for the marriage.”

    In the video, Siggy suddenly became re-attracted to Rollo because his spark brought energy to the relationship.

    That’s the opposite of needing the relationship to give him energy.

    She wanted to feel ALIVE. 

    Women move towards what makes her feel ALIVE.

    You get to take the lead and demonstrate what feeling alive looks like. 

    Your partner is wired to respond to the energy you bring into your relationship.

    Your vibe, tone, and look in our eyes do all the talking.

    How To Get Your Wife Back If Your Spark Is Gone

    Getting your wife back won’t happen until you get your spark back.

    When I take a man through my Masculine Confidence Framework, I’m giving him the foundation for who HE is.

    I give you clarity on HOW to be YOURSELF your relationship.

    You’ll emerge from this framework with personalized, unflappable self-trust and inner security.

    You read that right. 

    YOUR masculine frame is not going to consist of the same values or operating principles as the next guy. 

    My coaching challenges YOUR pain points, YOUR perspectives, and YOUR excuses. 

    An interesting study revealed how high testosterone doesn’t necessarily equal high female attraction.

    What the researchers discovered was that low levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) had more of an appealing effect on women than high testosterone did.

    You don’t need to be more “macho” for your wife to want you.

    You need to be more comfortable in your own skin, more OK, and more relaxed to face what needs to be faced.

    If you’re ready to have your brain rewired so you can make decisions quickly, know how to be with feminine emotions, and live as a man with an inspiring purpose, then let’s talk.

    I promise you’ll gain clarity on how to make your wife want you again without being fake or manipulative.

  • She Said, “Is Sex All You Think About?” – How To Respond

    She Said, “Is Sex All You Think About?” – How To Respond

    I think every man’s wife or girlfriend, at some point, has said, “Is sex all you think about? It feels like a misunderstanding… a booby trap… a negative assault on a positive thing. Well, keep reading. I’ll show how to defuse your partner’s landmine questions.

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    She Said, “Is Sex All You Think About?” – How To Respond

    “Is Sex All You Think About?”

    Make no apology for being male! 

    Reflect on the history of humanity spanning thousands of years.

    Since the beginning, women have been attracted to men with a sex drive.

    She’s been love-sick for the man who gives her children.

    Ladies have chased men simply because they are men.

    Thanks to men’s insatiable drive for physical intimacy, the human race has not gone extinct.

    How cool is that? 

    When a woman says to me, “Is sex all you think about?” I smile and say, yup!

    Sex opens a man’s heart.

    It makes him care.

    Sex is the portal through which men gain emotional connection and bonding. 

    This is how we’re supposed to be wired; there is nothing wrong with it!

    With annoyance, your partner might say, “Is sex all you think about?”

    But that’s a reflection of her mood, not you.

    It’s that simple.

    Her statement isn’t a judgment call; it’s a testimony of her feelings.

    The secret is not to get defensive.

    Don’t give her a lecture on how men need sex.

    This is a time to hear her feelings, not her words.

    It’s Not Personal When She Says, “Is Sex All You Think About?”

    Accusations won’t affect you if you know who you really are.

    If you take other people’s complaints personally, something happens in your subconscious.

    Part of you feels repressed, needing outside validation.

    This creates a split in your personality.

    That split feels like loneliness, depression, lack of motivation, and despair.

    If you try to close the gap by making the other person understand your intentions, you’re not actually healing the split.

    To keep your personality whole and secure, do one thing: Stop letting other people decide what is acceptable or unacceptable about you! 

    There’s a toxic mindset among a lot of men these days. 

    The mindset is that men in their natural form are chauvinistic, patriarchal pigs who need to change for women to want them.

    This is not true.

    At your core, you are a provider.

    There is nothing “toxic” about that.

    You’ll often hear me say, “There are some things we get to know as men that are best not to share with women”.

    Here’s the irony: What I’m sharing in this article is one of those things.

    The masculine error is when we get so focused on success and providing that we are not fully present in the moment.

    That’s what she feels when she says, “Is sex all you think about”?

    To her, your drive for intimacy seems poorly timed.

    The present moment isn’t sexual for her, and it feels like you’re not tuned into that.

    We men with logical brains can foresee probable outcomes. 

    When your child wants to eat candy for lunch, they may not understand why you won’t let them.

    Explaining, “Just because something tastes good, doesn’t mean it’s good for you”  won’t resolve the child’s FEELINGS for candy.

    Sometimes you’ll foresee that your wife’s train (opinions) will wreck further down the track. 

    But her perspectives are based on feelings, not foresight.

    If you try to use logic to help her see this, her feelings will feel neglected.

    Keep logic to yourself, and simply offer her your curiosity and empathy. 

    Being A Man On A Feminine Planet

    Nature is feminine… Weather is feminine… Seasons are feminine… there’s no escaping it!

    At every turn, you will be challenged by the changes feminine brings.

    If you are confident in your sexuality, you won’t feel insulted when your wife or girlfriend complains about it.

    But do you feel insulted?

    If so, you might have a split within yourself…a part of you still looking for outside validation.

    Every man fears being seen as a sexual predator.

    To not feel like a predator, he looks for his partner’s approval to express his sexuality.

    That’s not what I’m talking about.

    This is something deeper.

    A part of you that feels like your sexuality is to much, to dirty, or not good enough for women to love it.

    That can be healed in my masculine confidence framework.

    Sexual shame leaks out by needing validation that your sexuality is ok.

    Women are a hurricane of emotions, ideas, creativity, and life. 

    Her feminine chaos of feelings needs your strong emotional framework. 

    That framework feels weak if her complaints bring out your defensiveness.

    Online influencer Teal Swan wrote a great article on masculine containment if you want more information on what it means to have a masculine frame.

    Being a woman’s husband isn’t too far off from being her father. 

    Some women reject this masculine frame and become her own man. 

    These masculine ladies won’t feel sexual polarity with men who are strong, secure, clear-thinking, driven, or unapologetic.

    The reason is simple: she doesn’t need a man. 

    Sadly, a woman stuck in her masculine will be riddled with tension, exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, and burnout.

    Women tend to be softer and feminine when YOU stay in your masculine energy.

    Being the man you need to be is the only thing you can control.

    How To Be A Secure Man When She Says, “Is Sex All You Think About?”

    You can transform from being a guy who rattles off an 18-point logic list when your partner rolls her eyes to becoming a man of inner confidence and charisma, who wears a slight smirk even on rainy days.  

    To be a woman’s frame, you first need to have your OWN frame. 

    That’s what I’m teaching men how to do.

  • How To Make Your Wife Love You Again

    How To Make Your Wife Love You Again

    As a newlywed, the title, “How To Make Your Wife Love You Again,” never would’ve grabbed your attention. A few years, bills, and kids later, it can feel like the #1 issue in your life. This article uncovers two mindsets to change if you want genuine intimacy and attraction from your wife.

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    How To Make Your Wife Love You

    Natural Love Vs Forced Love

    You want to make your wife love you.

    But you don’t want forced love.

    You want natural love.

    A girl who craves you all on her own.

    Maybe you’re thinking, “Shouldn’t she love me for who I am?”

    Nope. 

    She doesn’t owe you anything.

    Nobody does.  

    “But she vowed to be my wife! She promised!”

    Doesn’t matter. 

    She can’t force herself to love you.  

    The sooner you drop the lies from society and fairy tales, the happier you’ll be!

    Your happiness is KEY for her to feel natural desire for you again.  

    Your wife is a female, so she will always act on her FEELINGS.  

    Confused why that matters?

    Because if your wife makes YOU feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesirable, you have an attraction problem, not a love problem.

    Attraction is a FEELING.

    Feelings are not created by fixing anything.

    Your male brain doesn’t want to accept this as true.

    Your brain has questions for her:

    • Why won’t you be affectionate?
    • Why won’t you have more sex with me?
    • Why won’t you respect me?
    • Why won’t you be sweet and romantic?
    • Why won’t you open up?

    Solving the “why” problem won’t bring attraction back.

    Funny how you would NEVER use all those “why” statements on a first date to come off as attractive.

    Yet it’s your go-to when your partner pulls back.

    For me, those “why” statements are how I sound when I’m responding from fear, anxiety, and insecurity.

    Those are the deeper feelings we need to face within ourselves.

    What helps is a new way of thinking about them.

    Mindset shift #1: Realize things like affection, love, sex, and intimacy are things that ensue but cannot be pursued.

    That means you can’t work on intimacy to improve intimacy.

    You can’t work on attraction to have attraction.

    Attraction is a natural result of how it feels to be around you.

    Many dictators have demanded obedience and loyalty.

    It’s a logical approach to force something to happen.

    But the commitment of their followers is never fervent.

    Leaders who ATTRACT their followers gain true loyalty.

    Females are RESPONDERS to the vibe in the room. 

    Think of feminine love, affection, and desire like the moon. 

    Without a light source, there is no moonlight. 

    You are her light source. 

    You need to find your inner happiness if you want to make your wife love you again.

    What do you love about yourself?

    Are you showing yourself the priority, appreciation, and care that you would like from your wife?

    It’s easy to think that helping with the dishes or doing more chores will make her feel attraction for you again.

    But your partner isn’t drawn to your actions.

    She is drawn to how you behave while you do those things.

    • We’re you looking for approval?
    • Did you do the dishes with strings attached?
    • Did you work hard all week, then expect to be rewarded with sex?

    The vibe you put out while you’re doing these things is what she responds to, not the action itself! 

    This doesn’t mean you should stop unclogging the toilet or mowing the lawn. 

    Do those things for your OWN sense of integrity, no need for her to reciprocate.  

    She will sense when you stop doing things with a vibe of expectation towards her and start BEING a man who enjoys living up to his own standards he has for himself. 

    Make Your Wife Love You Again By Not Chasing Her

    The most effective way to push a woman out of your life is to chase her. 

    I know you’re thinking, “I thought women want to be pursued.“?

    This is true.

    Women WANT to be pursued.

    Give her that pursuit, and she loses the WANT.

    Keeping her wanting is the secret to attraction!

    You know what comes along with wanting? DESIRE.

    Warning! This is one of those things you get to know as a man, but it will backfire if you share it with your wife.

    In her emotional brain, it will never make sense to her.

    Just ask yourself this: how often has placating to your wife’s perspectives helped your sex life?

    Exactly.

    Adjusting your responses to her whims gave you a friend-zoned, sexless marriage, didn’t it?

    To make your wife love you again, you’ll need to trust in the principles of attraction.

    Trying to align with her feminine perspectives has been lowering her attraction for you all along.

    It’s time to let her experience a new you.

    One who doesn’t need to make momma happy for him to be happy.

    Needing Her Support Turns Her Off

    Women are wired to show up to the finish line and feel ALIVE, celebrating with you in your accomplishments. 

    Hand-holding, support along the way, and being your emotional tampon during the race is a mothering role.

    Your lover is not going to sign up for that. 

    Needing a mommy to support you won’t make your wife love you again; It just makes you feel like another kid to take care of. 

    The support and encouragement you need must come from men. 

    A lot of us sought mothering energy from our wives through sex! 

    We used sex to validate ourselves as being successful men. 

    We saw our ability to give her an orgasm as the feminine approval we desperately needed.

    The more secure you get, the less you’ll need her validation.

    That’s when her desire for intimacy grows. 

    Mindset shift #2: Stop holding others responsible for how you feel. Instead, take responsibility for the vibe you put out. 

    I’ve known women who broke up with their previous partner because “all he wanted was sex” 

    But now she’s having tons of sex with her new lover.

    What’s different?

    Here’s what changed: The new lover doesn’t go sour when she’s not in the mood. 

    If she pulls away from his touch, he doesn’t pester her or mope. 

    He loves her intimacy, but doesn’t NEED her intimacy.

    He doesn’t compete with her phone for attention.

    His life is interesting and full of adventure.

    That kind of man is a LOT more interesting than TVs, phones, or the neighbor.

    He kisses her in the morning with zero expectations that she will reciprocate.

    He prioritizes himself so he can BRING energy to the relationship instead of trying to GET energy from it.  

    She understands she doesn’t have to provide anything for him to feel empowered.

    This kind of self-reliance to happiness is attractive!

    Don’t expect her to start ripping your clothes off.

    She’ll start making small bids for a deeper connection.

    She’ll linger around you more, ask how your day went, and be more comfortable with you being close to her again.

    Make Your Wife Love You Again By Ending Sexual Neediness

    There’s a specific process I went through to build my security from the inside out. 

    Some of my old mindsets needed to be rewired. 

    Some of my values had to be rewritten! 

    Building a new, version 2.0 inner man is like undergoing surgery. 

    Cutting out false ideas and challenging your old beliefs is bloody work. 

    I personally sought mentorship from men who had what I wanted.

    In my coaching, you’ll gain a deep understanding of the enduring principles and perspectives held by these individuals.

    If you’re ready to stop blaming your wife for how you feel and start living like a powerful, clear-thinking, masculine man, then reach out! 

  • How To Polarize Your Wife (The Secret To Attraction)

    How To Polarize Your Wife (The Secret To Attraction)

    Knowing how to polarize your wife can dramatically improve your sex life. Many men have destroyed attraction with their wife or girlfriend by trying to make her happy. But organic attraction? It comes from polarity. This article gives two examples of how to polarize your wife without coming off like an asshole.

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    How To Polarize Women (The Secret To Attraction)

    What Is Polarity?

    If your marriage is sexless or the passion has faded, a lack of healthy polarity is many times at fault.

    Polarity creates heat, a spark, and energy.

    Walking across carpet charges you with positive ions.

    Touch something that grounds you, and the charge is released with a SPARK.

    Masculine is polarizing to feminine.

    Have you ever put batteries into a flashlight backward?

    The flashlight didn’t work, did it…

    Installing flashlight batteries backward joins negative/negative and positive/positive, which equals no opposing forces of polarity.

    Have you ever spent a day trying to fix the taillights on a trailer?

    90% of trailer light issues are because the trailer lost GROUNDING to the truck.

    Lights only work when they’re grounded!

    Your wife’s attraction won’t be hot if you’re not her grounding rod.

    By taking responsibility for your emotions (while letting her have her own), you’re remaining in your own “pole” – like a grounding rod.

    Polarity is easy to understand when you see it in the context of political or egalitarian views.

    Psychologist and author Jordan Peterson makes a polarizing statement: “Men and women are not the same, and won’t be.”

    Polarity isn’t about being disagreeable or stubborn.

    It’s about staying relaxed in your truth, zone, frame, or pole, regardless of how others feel about it.

    It’s the opposite of being a people pleaser or avoiding conflict.

    How To Polarize Your Wife Again, Again, and Again

    Even if you put batteries in a flashlight correctly, they lose charge over time.

    For your wife, attraction is not a one-and-done event!

    Each morning, she starts her day like a closed flower.

    A clean slate.

    A woman who is turned “off” in the sex department.

    Her environment needs to feel safe, trustable, and relaxing for her to “bloom open” to feeling sexual and affectionate.

    There are two things women need to feel the passionate spark of polarity:

    1. She needs to feel safe. She feels safe when you are secure, consistent, and relaxed with her emotions.

    If you raise your voice, defend your intentions, or dismiss how she’s feeling as irrational, you won’t feel safe to her.

    Being her calm grounding rod when she spins out is how she feels polarity.

    There’s another kind of polarity she feels too…

    2. She needs to embody a range of emotions. A woman feels fully “opened” when she feels both positive AND negative emotions within herself.

    A polarizing male is a man who evokes both positive emotions (like happiness, joy, excitement) AND negative emotions (like fear, sadness, and anxiety) from women

    Knowing how to polarize your wife, again and again, means you know how to keep pushing the edge where you’re playing it safe.

    Women get bored when everything is smooth sailing.

    She wants to experience feelings that are new and fresh.

    Why again and again?

    For the same reason you want sex again and again.

    How To Polarize Your Wife With Your Vibe

    What I’m about to share can blow up in your face.

    The actions you’re about to read are only effective for a man who has massive amounts of self-confidence, self-security, and is emotionally steady.

    This is because your TONE, VIBE, and CHARISMA do all the polarizing, not the specific actions or words below.

    If you’re not in a secure, happy place right now, tuck the knowledge you’re about to read away for future use.

    After you’ve done more personal development around your sense of well-being, you can put these tips into practice.

    In a dating scenario, start polarizing your woman by the end of the first date (or for sure by the 2nd).

    You do this by flat-out disagreeing with something she says.

    You don’t have to be a dick about it.

    Simply state, “I don’t agree with you on that”.

    In a long-term relationship, a neg like, “That dress does not look good on you babe, please go change” would be polarizing.

    You’re showing STRENGTH by not losing your cool or trying to please her.

    Think of polarizing like seasoning on a steak… too much ruins it!

    You only need to polarize your wife once a month or so to keep things spicy.

    Don’t even put it on the calendar!

    The point is to have the kind of character that genuinely isn’t afraid of her emotions.

    Creating Attractive Polarity

    Here’s a paradox: you can’t attract women.

    Say what??

    Here’s why: She’s already into you (or not).

    You POLARIZE women so those who are NOT attracted leave.

    If a woman is not attracted to you, there’s nothing you can do to change that.

    But if you’re like I was, you know deep down the kind of man you’ve been the last few years isn’t the real you.

    You’ve…

    • Stopped spending time with your friends
    • Let her make most of the decisions
    • Abandoned what you want to “keep the peace”
    • Tiptoe around her, trying not to upset her
    • Revolve your schedule around when she’s available
    • Use every moment alone with her to try to “turn her on”

    Does that sounds like you?

    Then it’s time to get back to being your free, confident, happy self and discover if she’s attracted to that guy!

    The crux of being a polarizing male is this: You show no fear of upsetting your partner.

    BUT.

    Yes, there’s a big BUT lol…

    BUT, many men are already upsetting their wives, and this is NOT polarizing her.

    There’s a big difference between a secure, confident, edgy man who isn’t afraid of his wife’s emotions vs a needy, desperate, insecure man who’s pissing his wife off.

    My masculine confidence framework rewires your brain so you can consistently respond to chaotic feminine energy with a slight smile on your face.

    For years, I tried to make women happy, and it left me in the friend zone with girls I loved and even a marriage that turned sexless.

    It wasn’t until I let women off the hook for how I feel and faced my fear, insecurity, and sexual neediness that things turned around for me.

    Ready to get off the bench and start making permanent changes to your masculine confidence and frame?

    The men in my coaching programs blow me away with the progress they make!

    Yesterday I was chatting with a client who’s nearing the end of my program.

    He’s relaxed, thinking clearly, has a big grin on his face, and loves the romance he’s brought back into his life.

    Your future is not dependent on what women think of you!

    A switch that flipped for this man was taking responsibility to show himself the love he had been expecting from his wife for so many years.

    He started making choices for his own well-being.

    Women can’t help but be attracted to a man living life on his terms!

    I’ll help you clarify those terms.

  • Does Your Wife Make You Feel Unloved?

    Does Your Wife Make You Feel Unloved?

    When you feel unloved, it’s tempting to pout, get angry, or blame feminism. It’s hard when your love tank is running on fumes. If that’s you, let’s take a hard look at your options. There are some mistakes men tend to make when they feel unloved that only push love further away.

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    Rekindling Affection: 2 Mistakes Men Make When Feeling Unloved

    Take The Focus Off Her If You Feel Unloved

    Taking the focus off your wife might sound illogical.

    If your wife makes you feel unloved, shouldn’t she step up and be more loving?

    You miss her flirty looks and admiration.

    Her touch makes you feel special.

    But complaining or demanding love doesn’t create love.

    You can’t control your wife to make her sweeter and more loving.  

    Exerting stress, anxiety, complaints, and despair towards things outside your control is a lose-lose. 

    I get it. 

    Love & affection feel amazing!

    But when the morning cuddles stop, and you feel unloved, you’re suddenly reliant on your own love.

    You’re stepping out of your manly power when you lose sleep, agonize, and bang your head on the wall over stuff you have no control over! 

    This concept isn’t new.

    The stoics of old like Marcus Aurelius warned that things outside your control are things you shouldn’t worry about.

    How your wife feels is 100% outside your control. 

    I know what your man brain is thinking…“If we fix our issues, she’ll desire me again!”

    No brother, “fixing issues” has never saved a marriage… but “fixing” your own insecurities can!  

    YOU are always 100% in YOUR control.

    Spending large amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy over your wife’s lack of desire will do nothing for improvement. 

    In fact, the guy who is most attractive to your wife is the guy who isn’t attached to specific outcomes. 

    A man who complains about his job, wife, government, lack of sex, or anything outside his control is a powerless man.

    Her attraction is awakened by a man who maintains his power by not playing the victim.  

    If You Feel Unloved, Focus On What’s In Your Control

    Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D wrote a great article, “Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” reminding us that the things in our zone of influence are still mostly beyond our control.

    Directing your focus, thoughts, energy, and time towards something only within your zone of influence drains you.

    Your love tank is already low.

    It’s time to fill it.

    Not from her, but by engaging in things that ENERGIZE you.

    Things that put you in a better mood and make you happy.

    No amount of influence will ever control someone else 100%. 

    Humans are not robots. 

    Other people have their own brains and end up doing what they want.

    This one is sticky since sometimes you can influence someone to be different. 

    This is more the exception than the rule, though. 

    If you apply massive amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to influence others to be what you want, you’re putting yourself at their mercy.

    It’s not pleasant when you feel unloved, but you need to think like a CREATOR (the opposite of a victim).

    There are some rules of attraction you should know about.

    Want love? Be loving.

    Want respect? Then respect.

    Want trust? Then trust.

    Your marriage reaches a stalemate if you wait for her to stop making you feel unloved.  

    How To Get Your Mojo Back

    Did the sun ever complain, chase you down, or demand attention for its sunsets to be attractive?

    Has the sun ever postponed an amazing sunset because nobody gave it appreciation?

    No, the sun is just doing what it does, and at some point, a bystander looks up and says, “Wow, that’s an amazing sunset!”

    This is what you become when you stop attaching to outcomes and only focus on what’s in your zone of control.

    Things like maintaining happiness right to the end, money, and living an unchained life appear when you pour as much energy as possible into things 100% inside your control.

    This kind of man steps into his full power by no longer keeping others accountable for his happiness or the shine he puts off.

    And that’s dam attractive – the opposite of chasing love!

    95% of men choose not to focus on what’s directly inside their control because doing so requires a hard look at their “ya buts”.

    • Ya but, if I ask for sex, she’ll reject me
    • Ya but, if I change jobs, I’ll lose my retirement
    • Ya but, I can’t open my marriage and have sex with other women, my wife will hate me
    • Ya but, I can’t move, my kids have friends here

    Those “Ya buts” are what confident men choose to face when life isn’t providing what they want. 

    Everything you have in life you’ve chosen. 

    You chose your wife…You chose your home…You chose your car. 

    When those things are frustrating, you’re living with what YOU chose. 

    You can always choose a NEW response, attitude, mindset, or tone.

    You can make NEW choices when you face your “Ya buts.“

    A man who remains unrattled by focusing on what’s in his control is no wimp and is very attractive to women!

    The saying is true, “You have to let her go to get her back.”

    REALLY let her go, I might add.

    This sounds so paradoxical when you feel unloved.

    Everything in you wants to tell her to get her shit together.

    But that’s not love, it’s desperation.  

    If you’re struggling to be the kind of man who operates in his zone of control or has been limiting his life with“ya buts,” then reach out. 

    My coaching is exactly what you need to rewire your brain so you can attract what you want.

  • Sexless Marriages: Why She Won’t Touch You

    Sexless Marriages: Why She Won’t Touch You

    Sexless marriages… women’s moods… irrational behavior… it’s easy to get frustrated with ladies! This article takes a peek under the hood of feminine affection and reveals why her sensual desire seems so fickle at times.

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    Sexless Marriage: Unraveling The Fragile And Elusive Erotic Desire Of Women

    Feminine Love Is Mostly Narcissistic

    I’m not trying to bash women when I say their love is mostly narcissistic.

    And guess what?

    Sexless marriages are not women’s fault.

    You wanting sex when she doesn’t, doesn’t make her the one with the problem.

    But yes, your wife’s sexuality is narcissistic.

    Click HERE to watch a short video by Esther Perel.

    Esther has been studying infidelity and sex in long-term relationships for many years.

    If you’re thinking, “Narcissistic, that’s toxic!” Don’t pull the eject lever yet, brother.

    Feminine and masculine are polar opposites.

    A LOT of how women work will seem backward to how you are wired.

    When I was a young boy going through puberty, I fantasized how my man parts could make a girl fall in love with me if I let her see it fully erect.

    Real life was a wake-up call.

    You and I both know that when a woman is not turned on, your hard-on does not make her want you.

    Why?

    Because her intimate desire only orbits around how SHE feels, not how you feel.

    I’ve learned to accept that what a woman loves when she is turned on is not what turns her on.

    But there’s a secret!

    Her biology turns on from specific masculine traits.

    And those traits aren’t your manhood hanging between your legs, your bank account, or your car.

    There are two kinds of experiences she needs for her body to desire your physical intimacy.

    On the one hand, she needs to sense you as a grounded, secure, confident, protective, and competent man. One who keeps her safe when she’s emotionally, physically, and mentally the most vulnerable. You have full control over this!

    On the other hand, SHE needs to feel connected, desirable, attractive, and delicious all on her own totally separate from you. You have no control over this.

    As Esther Perel says, “A woman who cannot make love to herself cannot receive love from others”. 

    And, that’s where we men get frustrated…

    We see her spiraling into coldness and moods, and wish we could shake her out of it.

    So what should men in sexless marriages do?

    Your demands won’t help, but your sensitivity to how she must feel can.

    Especially In Sexless Marriages, Women’s Love Is Sensitive

    Think of your partner’s affection like a bubble.

    In the early stages of a relationship, everything was soft and yummy.

    Her love grew like a soft, thin, delicate bubble filled with affection and desire.

    Then she got her period.

    You left the toilet seat up.

    The bubble started to pop.

    But you kissed, made up, made love, all was good again, right?

    Wrong.

    Sex makes a man feel more connected, but no amount of lovemaking can resolve buried feelings in your wife.

    Women are responders in their nature.

    Responders to her FEELINGS.

    And what did we do with those feelings?

    We explained them away.

    Defended our point of view.

    Or avoided them altogether, hoping they would go away.

    They didn’t.

    Her feelings festered in her.

    They rotted.

    Now she feels gross each time we walk by.

    See why so many couples end up in sexless marriages?

    There is a better way to handle this dynamic.

    It starts with understanding how men and women are different.

    Women Are Like Cats, Men Are Like Dogs

    Corey Wayne came up with the cat/dog analogy to compare men to women.

    I love this point of view because it’s so relatable!

    Both species make good pets.

    Both can be affectionate.

    Cats are more elusive, though.

    Cats won’t obey, purr, sit still, or “stay” unless they feel like it.

    Dogs are very loyal and are quick to forget about yesterday.

    Cats are always suspicious of your intentions and only come close when they feel the right vibes with you.

    Dogs are ready to pick up the fun right where they left off, regardless of how bad the day was.

    Can you relate to any of these experiences with your partner?

    In sexless marriages, the woman is mirroring back to the man how it feels to be around him.

    She doesn’t plan it out.

    Her body does this automatically.

    If you’re showing up 100% as the confident, MAN in the relationship who is inspired, fulfilled, outcome non-dependent, and happy, then this is just how she’s going to be with you.

    However, most men are walking on eggshells, trying to make her happy, and sacrificing themselves instead of staying in their masculine frame when the marriage is struggling.

    If the latter version sounds like you, then your marriage has hope.

    When you change for the better, she will probably respond very positively to that.

    Sexless Marriages Call For A Clear Masculine Frame

    Masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I teach a Confidence Course that will get you thinking, responding, and talking like a grounded, attractive man.

    Learning how to be masculine in relationships will completely change your sex life, work life, and social life!

    If you’re ready to pull out the big guns and fully rewire your brain for life-long transformation, consider my 1:1 mentorship.

    My private coaching will be the most life-changing investment you’ve ever made for yourself.

    Sexless marriages are the perfect place for men to get the biggest results from doing this work.

    Forging masculinity in the total absence of feminine support and affection is the only way it sticks.

    Make good use of this time, brother,

  • Polarize Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy

    Polarize Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy

    Your wife’s primal sexual passions are activated when you polarize her desire. And the level of pleasure you can experience with her is proportional to the level of uncomfortable feelings you can face. This article is about how to polarize her desire by holding still under emotional tension (even when it feels uncomfortable).

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    Polarizing Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy

    Polarize Her Desire At The Right Time

    Your relationship is like a garden.

    Trying to sprout beans in the dead of winter is a fool’s run.

    If your wife is asking for space, this is the wrong time to apply the advice you’re about to read.

    Go read my post, “How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her” to get clear on what you can do instead.

    If your relationship is in the daily grind, feels mundane, or needs a jump-start, keep reading!

    Playful Tension Will Polarize Her Desire

    Men are attracted to beauty.

    Women are attracted to strong safety.

    It’s not your ability to beat up bad guys or wrestle tigers that I’m talking about.

    When I say, “strong safety,” I’m talking about how you handle emotions.

    • When you’re direct instead of beating around the bush, your woman knows you can handle someone’s verbal assaults on her
    • When you step up and sort the schedule, decide where to eat, and have a plan for the day, she feels like she can trust you to take the wheel when she needs a break
    • When she sees you can stay present even when she’s being emotional, she knows you can control your impulses (which builds trust)
    • When you listen to her accusations without getting defensive, she knows you don’t just care about yourself, you care about her too

    Holding strong under emotional tension will polarize her desire towards you.

    This means FACING the conversations, the conflicts, and the emotional messiness of relationships, not avoiding it.

    And sometimes she just needs your humor to guide her out of her complicated world of overanalysis and feelings.

    There can be no sense of erotic play without the energy of tension!

    One thing to notice is when you “leak” energy instead of letting it build.

    Bouncing your leg releases energy.

    So does talking fast, looking away, or laughing.

    I’m not saying you should never laugh, but notice when you laugh because something is funny vs trying to deflect energy.

    Letting energy build between you and your partner makes her skin tingle.

    Get playful with that energy, and it increases her sexual pull towards you.

    Leaking energy communicates that you can’t handle her and won’t polarize her desire.

    A woman will struggle to let herself go in the bedroom with a man she feels can’t handle her.

    How I Failed & Succeeded At Building Playful Tension

    As I’m typing this, I’m on a plane.

    An old man just walked down the aisle towards me.

    He noticed my blanket had fallen into the aisle.

    With a very somber face, he picked it up and placed it on the seat next to me.

    His frustration was thick in the air, so I laughed and said, “Oops!”

    The old man glared back, unimpressed.

    Here’s why my laugh was unnecessary: I was chuckling because I was uncomfortable with his sour emotion.

    Other people’s emotions are not mine to manage!

    He can have his sour emotion; it’s not my job to deal with that for him.

    So hey, I’m a recovering nice guy just like you.

    The nice guy goes through his day trying to smooth out the emotional tension that other people create.

    Even though that story was an example of what NOT to do when allowing tension to build, I do have success stories too 🙂

    The other day, I was on a date with an attractive woman.

    She talked…A LOT.

    One thing I’ve learned about women is that they only talk a lot to people they like, so I took it as a compliment.

    So I..

    • Stayed present
    • Held eye contact
    • Teased her a little and felt the tension building between us
    • Held the tension
    • Didn’t laugh it away, bounce my leg, or change the topic
    • I stayed present and let the tension build between us

    In fact, I slowed down and stayed facing her, letting her be the first to break eye contact.

    Holding energy like this is porn to women.

    I watched it polarize her desire for me.

    You could cut the sexual tension between us with a knife.

    A few hours later, we were at her place, making hot love in the bedroom.

    Women crave to let go! To expand. To be taken.

    Her body can’t do that if she senses your energy is nervous, flighty, or needy.

    It takes inner confidence to sit with tension.

    She’s turned on by the emotional strength it takes to hold tension.

    Two Ways To Hold Tension That Builds Sexual Desire

    1. Breathe into your balls to relax.

    2. Develop the mindset of a confident man.

    Breath work can be as simple as pulling your stomach out when you inhale.

    I like to picture that I’m inflating my balls when I inhale.

    This kind of deep breathing grounds and relaxes our bodies.

    Any time we have constriction in our body, we’re blocking our energy flow.

    Masculine energy is open, relaxed, and broad.

    It should feel unopoligetic, but present and tuned into the moment.

    That undistracted presence is what polarizes her desire for intimacy.

    Masculinity coaches G.S Youngblood and Doctor Greg Wells both teach how daily breathwork can increase your resilience to stress and regulate your nervous system.

    Make breathing your #1 priority when feeling tension or anxiety building between you and your partner.

    Don’t try to figure out what to say to her, just keep facing her while taking deep breaths.

    Let your silence build positive tension.

    Breathing is always in the PRESENT.

    Being in the NOW displays that you can stop to open your heart, even though everything else in life is calling for your attention.

    Developing the mindset of a confident man is more of a process.

    Most of what’s taught to us in movies and culture leads us to think others are making us feel how we feel.

    A confident man understands what he feels is his own creation based on his current perspective.

    Your power is that you can choose a new perspective when your feelings get buzzing.

    In my story above, I could have thought, “Why won’t this woman shut up? She’s been talking for a solid hour!!”

    Or, I could decide to think, “Women talk to guys they like. This is a compliment.”

    Same situation.

    Different mindset.

    The Next Step To Polarizing Her Desire

    This article is just the tip of the iceberg.

    I teach men a whole lot more when I take them through my private coaching program.

    Re-wiring your brain requires a serious commitment to change.

    Polarizing her desire is a natural byproduct of healthy self-esteem, grounded energy, and confident behaviors.

    I’m ready to meet your level of commitment.

  • Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    If you’ve been in a sexless marriage for a few months, you probably feel tremendous frustration. If it’s been years since you last made love with your wife, you probably feel like a used rag flushed down the toilet. Trying to explain to your wife the importance of sex only makes her shut down. There is a new way to approach sexless marriage to give it the best chance for success. But there are also 4 signs that she won’t change.

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    Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    What A Sexless Marriage Does To A Man

    A man who is not engaging in physical intimacy loses a part of his heart.

    Over time, his heart gets harder and harder.

    He’ll have less patience, less concern for others, and less empathy.

    Even the most stone-cold, brutal man can be melted by a loving woman’s touch.

    It’s like magic.

    Her affection draws out his care and desire to emotionally connect.

    It’s easy to blame your wife for how you feel.

    Without sex, your wife’s presence will feel annoying.

    Like she’s a vacuum to your energy.

    The almost cruel irony is that women don’t feel a desire for sexual intimacy with a man who is annoyed by her!

    Welcome to the sexless marriage, where a standoff occurs, each waiting for the other to give them what they need.  

    Women are often the first to give in.

    She’ll compromise by having “obligation sex”.

    Obligation sex isn’t the satisfying, intimate sex the man wants, so the problem only worsens.

    She blames him for not being deeply connected to her, and he blames her for not being sexually passionate.

    She grows to resent herself for engaging in obligation sex, and takes that off the table too.

    How To Bring Passion Back To A Sexless Marriage

    The man has to go first to bring passion back to a sexless marriage.

    He has to behave with the same empathy, care, and love he would naturally give if he was getting sex.

    Why does the man have to go first?

    Because masculine is a leader.

    Leaders go first.

    But let’s say you’ve already become this man.

    You are offering emotional connection, safety, and trust in the relationship with no strings attached.

    Here are 4 signs she won’t change:

    1. Despite being non-defensive about your intentions, she’s constantly criticizing them

    2. Even though you’ve been showing her appreciation, she’s full of contempt and holds you in low regard

    3. You’re taking responsibility for your wrongs, but she is always defensive and blames you for how she feels

    4. You’ve learned how to manage your reactions and set a calm, safe tone, but she still stone-walls and gives the silent treatment.

    I didn’t make these 4 signs up to know if your sexless marriage is doomed.

    The Gottman Research Institution calls these 4 signs, “The 4 Horsman,” signifying the end of a marriage.

    You cannot talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into.

    • Non-defensiveness
    • Responsiveness
    • Emotional calm
    • High regard for her struggles

    Those are all ATTITUDES, not declarations or conversations.

    You’ll never know if you gave your sexless marriage its best shot to thrive until you master these behaviors.

    Don’t expect the “new you” to immediately make her want to have sex with you.

    These things take time.

    Your marriage lost it’s sexual polarity slowly; it can only come back slowly.

    A rough rule of thumb for marriage recovery is at least one month for each year you’ve been together.

    After that, if she’s still exhibiting the 4 signs above, she may never change.

    Sexual affection is a fragile thing in the female world.

    Keep in mind, there are also hormonal and physical issues your wife may be struggling with.

    Read my post on peri-menopause as an example. 

    The “success gauge” to focus on is this: Are you showing up as the man you want to be, and have you been doing it for an extended period of time despite being in a sexless marriage? 

    If You’re In A Sexless Marriage, Do This Next

    What it means to be “masculine” in relationships is very blurred in our Western society.

    Getting crystal clear on the kind of man you need to be in your relationship is essential to knowing if you gave your marriage the best chance for survival.

    The only time a man can make permanent growth in his confidence and self-reliance to happiness is during a season of zero feminine support.

    A sexless marriage is painful, but you can use this time to your advantage.

  • Why She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

    Why She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

    How many times has your wife said, “stop trying to fix me,” and you weren’t even trying to fix her? Every man experiences this. It can be so confusing! I’ll break down what’s happening. It really boils down to how men and women process emotions differently.

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    Why She Says “Stop Trying To Fix Me” (Even Though You’re Not)

    Your Wife Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me” When She Needs Your Presence

    Men have one emotional goal: To feel free from emotions.

    For us, freedom from emotions equals peace and happiness.

    Men and women feel the same emotions.

    But for the guy, our immediate instinct is to figure out how to make uncomfortable feelings go away.

    Our male brain searches for the shortest path back to happiness, and then we feel an undeniable urge to take that path.

    Think of it like stepping outside and realizing it’s cold.

    Feeling cold makes you miserable, so you put a coat on.

    Problem fixed!

    You’re free from feeling miserable, so now you’re happy again.

    But for women, their happiness comes from swimming around in a range of feelings.

    It makes her feel ALIVE.

    Just listen in on a group of ladies having coffee sometime.

    Nothing is solved; only feelings are shared.

    And I’ve never heard a lady say to another lady, “Stop trying to fix me”.

    She finds it more meaningful to talk about the FEELING than the problem.

    A present man sets the “problem” aside in his mind.

    He tunes into his feelings.

    He tunes into her feelings.

    Without trying to change them, he offers presence and empathy.

    Your Wife Wants To Feel An Emotional Range

    Feminine craves to feel the “swoosh” of going from down to up…This means she first has to go down.. and possibly sideways… then possibly down some more… then do a hard left.. then go back up…(maybe).

    But “up” for her isn’t always to a feeling of happiness.

    She might want to feel the “up” of voicing how cold she feels until every fiber of her body (and all bystanders) are fully engrossed in the magnitude of the cold she’s experiencing.

    The “experience” of being cold might be all she wants to process for the moment.

    If you try to change that feeling, she’ll probably say, “Stop trying to fix me”.

    You coming along and offering your answer to her problem is just a slap to her face.

    She lives in a constant world of feelings.

    Feelings are her identity.

    You make her feel broken when you try to explain how her feelings could be different.

    Just look at the movies women love.

    There’s death, birth, heartbreak, scandal, and happy-ever-after all in the same film.

    Your wife wants to feel it ALL.

    How To NOT Fix Her When She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

    Here’s a real-life example that will make your wife say, “Stop trying to fix me”.

    Let’s say she wears high heels every weekend.

    She comes home complaining of a blister on her toe every Sunday.

    Your male brain starts to analyze the problem.

    So you tell her, “Wear some different shoes next time“. 

    Wrong answer! 

    She’ll find more meaning in talking about how bad blisters hurt versus actually changing her shoes.

    “Ya blisters suck”, is the only thing she’s craving to hear from you.

    Here is the skill to learn: Be comfortable sitting with uncomfortable feelings.

    On the off chance she says, “I keep getting blisters, what do you think I should do?” then, by all means, dish out exactly what will fix the problem for her!

    If she doesn’t ask, keep the secret sauce to yourself. 

    The way women are wired is what it is.

    When she says, “stop trying to fix me,” she’s really saying, “Please understand how I feel, nothing else”.

    So long as we find ourselves attracted to these sexy creatures from Venus, acceptance is our only choice.

    Keep in mind how we men are wired seems just as strange to HER, so the trade-off is equal.

    How To Be A Man She Feels Safe Enough To Open Up To

    If you only listen to the “problem” every time your wife opens up, she’ll eventually stop sharing.

    She’ll say, “Stop trying to fix me,” when you try to have a conversation.

    At the same time, you don’t have to sit through every single feeling your wife throws at you.

    There are limits to what you allow yourself to endure.

    Suffering to make a woman happy is self-abuse.

    There’s a BIG difference between a woman spewing through her emotion with you, vs at you. 

    There are millions of people she can direct her cannon at, and the guy who gets her naked and gives her orgasms doesn’t need to be one of them.

    In fact, allowing her to take an immature tone with you in the name of “venting” might be why she’s no longer letting you get her naked.

    A self-respecting man sets the tone for the relationship by having clear limits on how he’s spoken to.

    It’s called having boundaries.

    Without boundaries, your wife will struggle to respect you.

    Your boundaries are not meant to protect how you feel.

    They are meant to protect what you VALUE.

    I help men do this every day.

  • Why Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

    Why Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

    When your wife is always unhappy or chronically upset, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing as a husband or father. There are 5 things you can change right now to bring some joy back into your relationship. Just watch the video below or keep reading.

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    Unhappy Wife – 5 Necessities To Change

    Failed Expectations: A Source Of Unhappiness

    We like to imagine how life would be “in a perfect world”.

    “Perfect” includes a loving, sweet, affectionate, beautiful woman waiting for you at the door when you come home. 

    She’s wearing a sexy outfit and holding freshly baked cinnamon rolls. 

    Fun and laughter fill your evening with her!

    By night, things get steamy under the sheets.

    Sounds like a great fantasy! 

    Then there’s reality. 

    She…

    The girl you married has an imagined “perfect world, too”.

    Reality has dashed that dream.

    That’s why your wife is always unhappy.

    You’re a constant reminder that life isn’t the fairytale she hoped for.

    Men I coach learn a universal fact after a few sessions: Female energy is a flood without a strong masculine frame to direct it. 

    In other words, if her emotions are affecting how YOU feel, it means you’re driving in her lane, not your own lane of well-being and happiness.

    5 Things To Change If Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

    There are five necessities for happiness:

    1. Safety
    2. Variety
    3. Connection
    4. Contribution
    5. Growth  

    If both you and your wife are always unhappy, you’re in a stalemate.

    Somebody has to lead by example so the other can follow.

    Feminine is wired to be a responder.

    Masculine is wired to be an initiator.

    A conversation, date night, or new house can’t erase what it’s like to BE around you.

    When you start to BE different, your wife starts to respond differently.

    You cannot “give” your wife safety… but you can BE safe.

    You cannot “give” your wife connection… but you can BE connecting. 

    In other words, you provide these things by BEING them. 

    Explaining, demanding, and arguing about them is not BEING them.

    Your wife gets to enjoy the ride as you solidify an amazing, inspiring, deeply connecting life for yourself – one that changes your attitude.  

    And the cool part is, you get to enjoy this life regardless of how she responds.

    Even if your wife is always unhappy, it’s not your responsibility to make her happy… BUT, you can be a man who invites her to a better place. 

    Dr. Danielle Dowling drives this principle home in the article, “You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Happiness“.

    If you need your wife to be happy so you can be happy, you are co-dependent on her.

    That’s a hard clash with what Hollywood shows us in movies.

    Happiness by example is the ONLY way to light the path forward for your wife to follow.

    Build an amazing life that makes you happy no matter what she does.

    Feeling unsure of how to be a confident, direct, emotional lighthouse if your wife is always unhappy?

    I got you.