Masculine Confidence Framework

Category: Attraction

This section contains Empowering blog articles are for men passionate about creating attraction with their cold, dismissive, or withdrawn wife.

How To Make Your Wife Love You Again
As a newlywed, the title, “How To Make Your Wife Love You Again,” never would’ve grabbed your attention. A few years, bills, and kids later, it can feel like the #1 issue in your life. This article uncovers two mindsets to change if you want genuine intimacy and attraction from your wife.

How To Make Your Wife Love You

Natural Love Vs Forced Love

You want to make your wife love you.

But you don’t want forced love.

You want natural love.

A girl who craves you all on her own.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Shouldn’t she love me for who I am?”

Nope.

She doesn’t owe you anything.

Nobody does.

“But she vowed to be my wife! She promised!”

Doesn’t matter.

She can’t force herself to love you.

The sooner you drop the lies from society and fairy tales, the happier you’ll be!

Your happiness is KEY for her to feel natural desire for you again.

Your wife is a female, so she will always act on her FEELINGS.

Confused why that matters?

Because if your wife makes YOU feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesirable, you have an attraction problem, not a love problem.

Attraction is a FEELING.

Feelings are not created by fixing anything.

Your male brain doesn’t want to accept this as true.

Your brain has questions for her:
- Why won’t you be affectionate?
- Why won’t you have more sex with me?
- Why won’t you respect me?
- Why won’t you be sweet and romantic?
- Why won’t you open up?
Solving the “why” problem won’t bring attraction back.

Funny how you would NEVER use all those “why” statements on a first date to come off as attractive.

Yet it’s your go-to when your partner pulls back.

For me, those “why” statements are how I sound when I’m responding from fear, anxiety, and insecurity.

Those are the deeper feelings we need to face within ourselves.

What helps is a new way of thinking about them.

Mindset shift #1: Realize things like affection, love, sex, and intimacy are things that ensue but cannot be pursued.

That means you can’t work on intimacy to improve intimacy.

You can’t work on attraction to have attraction.

Attraction is a natural result of how it feels to be around you.

Many dictators have demanded obedience and loyalty.

It’s a logical approach to force something to happen.

But the commitment of their followers is never fervent.

Leaders who ATTRACT their followers gain true loyalty.

Females are RESPONDERS to the vibe in the room.

Think of feminine love, affection, and desire like the moon.

Without a light source, there is no moonlight.

You are her light source.

You need to find your inner happiness if you want to make your wife love you again.

What do you love about yourself?

Are you showing yourself the priority, appreciation, and care that you would like from your wife?

It’s easy to think that helping with the dishes or doing more chores will make her feel attraction for you again.

But your partner isn’t drawn to your actions.

She is drawn to how you behave while you do those things.
- We’re you looking for approval?
- Did you do the dishes with strings attached?
- Did you work hard all week, then expect to be rewarded with sex?
The vibe you put out while you’re doing these things is what she responds to, not the action itself!

This doesn’t mean you should stop unclogging the toilet or mowing the lawn.

Do those things for your OWN sense of integrity, no need for her to reciprocate.

She will sense when you stop doing things with a vibe of expectation towards her and start BEING a man who enjoys living up to his own standards he has for himself.

Make Your Wife Love You Again By Not Chasing Her

The most effective way to push a woman out of your life is to chase her.

I know you’re thinking, “I thought women want to be pursued.“?

This is true.

Women WANT to be pursued.

Give her that pursuit, and she loses the WANT.

Keeping her wanting is the secret to attraction!

You know what comes along with wanting? DESIRE.

Warning! This is one of those things you get to know as a man, but it will backfire if you share it with your wife.

In her emotional brain, it will never make sense to her.

Just ask yourself this: how often has placating to your wife’s perspectives helped your sex life?

Exactly.

Adjusting your responses to her whims gave you a friend-zoned, sexless marriage, didn’t it?

To make your wife love you again, you’ll need to trust in the principles of attraction.

Trying to align with her feminine perspectives has been lowering her attraction for you all along.

It’s time to let her experience a new you.

One who doesn’t need to make momma happy for him to be happy.

Needing Her Support Turns Her Off

Women are wired to show up to the finish line and feel ALIVE, celebrating with you in your accomplishments.

Hand-holding, support along the way, and being your emotional tampon during the race is a mothering role.

Your lover is not going to sign up for that.

Needing a mommy to support you won’t make your wife love you again; It just makes you feel like another kid to take care of.

The support and encouragement you need must come from men.

A lot of us sought mothering energy from our wives through sex!

We used sex to validate ourselves as being successful men.

We saw our ability to give her an orgasm as the feminine approval we desperately needed.

The more secure you get, the less you’ll need her validation.

That’s when her desire for intimacy grows.

Mindset shift #2: Stop holding others responsible for how you feel. Instead, take responsibility for the vibe you put out.

I’ve known women who broke up with their previous partner because “all he wanted was sex”

But now she’s having tons of sex with her new lover.

What’s different?

Here’s what changed: The new lover doesn’t go sour when she’s not in the mood.

If she pulls away from his touch, he doesn’t pester her or mope.

He loves her intimacy, but doesn’t NEED her intimacy.

He doesn’t compete with her phone for attention.

His life is interesting and full of adventure.

That kind of man is a LOT more interesting than TVs, phones, or the neighbor.

He kisses her in the morning with zero expectations that she will reciprocate.

He prioritizes himself so he can BRING energy to the relationship instead of trying to GET energy from it.

She understands she doesn’t have to provide anything for him to feel empowered.

This kind of self-reliance to happiness is attractive!

Don’t expect her to start ripping your clothes off.

She’ll start making small bids for a deeper connection.

She’ll linger around you more, ask how your day went, and be more comfortable with you being close to her again.

Make Your Wife Love You Again By Ending Sexual Neediness

There’s a specific process I went through to build my security from the inside out.

Some of my old mindsets needed to be rewired.

Some of my values had to be rewritten!

Building a new, version 2.0 inner man is like undergoing surgery.

Cutting out false ideas and challenging your old beliefs is bloody work.

I personally sought mentorship from men who had what I wanted.

In my coaching, you’ll gain a deep understanding of the enduring principles and perspectives held by these individuals.

If you’re ready to stop blaming your wife for how you feel and start living like a powerful, clear-thinking, masculine man, then reach out!
February 9, 2024
How To Polarize Your Wife (The Secret To Attraction)
Knowing how to polarize your wife can dramatically improve your sex life. Many men have destroyed attraction with their wife or girlfriend by trying to make her happy. But organic attraction? It comes from polarity. This article gives two examples of how to polarize your wife without coming off like an asshole.

How To Polarize Women (The Secret To Attraction)

What Is Polarity?

If your marriage is sexless or the passion has faded, a lack of healthy polarity is many times at fault.

Polarity creates heat, a spark, and energy.

Walking across carpet charges you with positive ions.

Touch something that grounds you, and the charge is released with a SPARK.

Masculine is polarizing to feminine.

Have you ever put batteries into a flashlight backward?

The flashlight didn’t work, did it…

Installing flashlight batteries backward joins negative/negative and positive/positive, which equals no opposing forces of polarity.

Have you ever spent a day trying to fix the taillights on a trailer?

90% of trailer light issues are because the trailer lost GROUNDING to the truck.

Lights only work when they’re grounded!

Your wife’s attraction won’t be hot if you’re not her grounding rod.

By taking responsibility for your emotions (while letting her have her own), you’re remaining in your own “pole” – like a grounding rod.

Polarity is easy to understand when you see it in the context of political or egalitarian views.

Psychologist and author Jordan Peterson makes a polarizing statement: “Men and women are not the same, and won’t be.”

Polarity isn’t about being disagreeable or stubborn.

It’s about staying relaxed in your truth, zone, frame, or pole, regardless of how others feel about it.

It’s the opposite of being a people pleaser or avoiding conflict.

How To Polarize Your Wife Again, Again, and Again

Even if you put batteries in a flashlight correctly, they lose charge over time.

For your wife, attraction is not a one-and-done event!

Each morning, she starts her day like a closed flower.

A clean slate.

A woman who is turned “off” in the sex department.

Her environment needs to feel safe, trustable, and relaxing for her to “bloom open” to feeling sexual and affectionate.

There are two things women need to feel the passionate spark of polarity:

1. She needs to feel safe. She feels safe when you are secure, consistent, and relaxed with her emotions.

If you raise your voice, defend your intentions, or dismiss how she’s feeling as irrational, you won’t feel safe to her.

Being her calm grounding rod when she spins out is how she feels polarity.

There’s another kind of polarity she feels too…

2. She needs to embody a range of emotions. A woman feels fully “opened” when she feels both positive AND negative emotions within herself.

A polarizing male is a man who evokes both positive emotions (like happiness, joy, excitement) AND negative emotions (like fear, sadness, and anxiety) from women

Knowing how to polarize your wife, again and again, means you know how to keep pushing the edge where you’re playing it safe.

Women get bored when everything is smooth sailing.

She wants to experience feelings that are new and fresh.

Why again and again?

For the same reason you want sex again and again.

How To Polarize Your Wife With Your Vibe

What I’m about to share can blow up in your face.

The actions you’re about to read are only effective for a man who has massive amounts of self-confidence, self-security, and is emotionally steady.

This is because your TONE, VIBE, and CHARISMA do all the polarizing, not the specific actions or words below.

If you’re not in a secure, happy place right now, tuck the knowledge you’re about to read away for future use.

After you’ve done more personal development around your sense of well-being, you can put these tips into practice.

In a dating scenario, start polarizing your woman by the end of the first date (or for sure by the 2nd).

You do this by flat-out disagreeing with something she says.

You don’t have to be a dick about it.

Simply state, “I don’t agree with you on that”.

In a long-term relationship, a neg like, “That dress does not look good on you babe, please go change” would be polarizing.

You’re showing STRENGTH by not losing your cool or trying to please her.

Think of polarizing like seasoning on a steak… too much ruins it!

You only need to polarize your wife once a month or so to keep things spicy.

Don’t even put it on the calendar!

The point is to have the kind of character that genuinely isn’t afraid of her emotions.

Creating Attractive Polarity

Here’s a paradox: you can’t attract women.

Say what??

Here’s why: She’s already into you (or not).

You POLARIZE women so those who are NOT attracted leave.

If a woman is not attracted to you, there’s nothing you can do to change that.

But if you’re like I was, you know deep down the kind of man you’ve been the last few years isn’t the real you.

You’ve…
- Stopped spending time with your friends
- Let her make most of the decisions
- Abandoned what you want to “keep the peace”
- Tiptoe around her, trying not to upset her
- Revolve your schedule around when she’s available
- Use every moment alone with her to try to “turn her on”
Does that sounds like you?

Then it’s time to get back to being your free, confident, happy self and discover if she’s attracted to that guy!

The crux of being a polarizing male is this: You show no fear of upsetting your partner.

BUT.

Yes, there’s a big BUT lol…

BUT, many men are already upsetting their wives, and this is NOT polarizing her.

There’s a big difference between a secure, confident, edgy man who isn’t afraid of his wife’s emotions vs a needy, desperate, insecure man who’s pissing his wife off.

My masculine confidence framework rewires your brain so you can consistently respond to chaotic feminine energy with a slight smile on your face.

For years, I tried to make women happy, and it left me in the friend zone with girls I loved and even a marriage that turned sexless.

It wasn’t until I let women off the hook for how I feel and faced my fear, insecurity, and sexual neediness that things turned around for me.

Ready to get off the bench and start making permanent changes to your masculine confidence and frame?

The men in my coaching programs blow me away with the progress they make!

Yesterday I was chatting with a client who’s nearing the end of my program.

He’s relaxed, thinking clearly, has a big grin on his face, and loves the romance he’s brought back into his life.

Your future is not dependent on what women think of you!

A switch that flipped for this man was taking responsibility to show himself the love he had been expecting from his wife for so many years.

He started making choices for his own well-being.

Women can’t help but be attracted to a man living life on his terms!

I’ll help you clarify those terms.
February 9, 2024
Does Your Wife Make You Feel Unloved?
When you feel unloved, it’s tempting to pout, get angry, or blame feminism. It’s hard when your love tank is running on fumes. If that’s you, let’s take a hard look at your options. There are some mistakes men tend to make when they feel unloved that only push love further away.

Rekindling Affection: 2 Mistakes Men Make When Feeling Unloved

Take The Focus Off Her If You Feel Unloved

Taking the focus off your wife might sound illogical.

If your wife makes you feel unloved, shouldn’t she step up and be more loving?

You miss her flirty looks and admiration.

Her touch makes you feel special.

But complaining or demanding love doesn’t create love.

You can’t control your wife to make her sweeter and more loving.

Exerting stress, anxiety, complaints, and despair towards things outside your control is a lose-lose.

I get it.

Love & affection feel amazing!

But when the morning cuddles stop, and you feel unloved, you’re suddenly reliant on your own love.

You’re stepping out of your manly power when you lose sleep, agonize, and bang your head on the wall over stuff you have no control over!

This concept isn’t new.

The stoics of old like Marcus Aurelius warned that things outside your control are things you shouldn’t worry about.

How your wife feels is 100% outside your control.

I know what your man brain is thinking…“If we fix our issues, she’ll desire me again!”

No brother, “fixing issues” has never saved a marriage… but “fixing” your own insecurities can!

YOU are always 100% in YOUR control.

Spending large amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy over your wife’s lack of desire will do nothing for improvement.

In fact, the guy who is most attractive to your wife is the guy who isn’t attached to specific outcomes.

A man who complains about his job, wife, government, lack of sex, or anything outside his control is a powerless man.

Her attraction is awakened by a man who maintains his power by not playing the victim.

If You Feel Unloved, Focus On What’s In Your Control

Anna Katharina Schaffner, Ph.D wrote a great article, “Understanding the Circles of Influence, Concern, and Control” reminding us that the things in our zone of influence are still mostly beyond our control.

Directing your focus, thoughts, energy, and time towards something only within your zone of influence drains you.

Your love tank is already low.

It’s time to fill it.

Not from her, but by engaging in things that ENERGIZE you.

Things that put you in a better mood and make you happy.

No amount of influence will ever control someone else 100%.

Humans are not robots.

Other people have their own brains and end up doing what they want.

This one is sticky since sometimes you can influence someone to be different.

This is more the exception than the rule, though.

If you apply massive amounts of mental, emotional, and physical energy trying to influence others to be what you want, you’re putting yourself at their mercy.

It’s not pleasant when you feel unloved, but you need to think like a CREATOR (the opposite of a victim).

There are some rules of attraction you should know about.

Want love? Be loving.

Want respect? Then respect.

Want trust? Then trust.

Your marriage reaches a stalemate if you wait for her to stop making you feel unloved.

How To Get Your Mojo Back

Did the sun ever complain, chase you down, or demand attention for its sunsets to be attractive?

Has the sun ever postponed an amazing sunset because nobody gave it appreciation?

No, the sun is just doing what it does, and at some point, a bystander looks up and says, “Wow, that’s an amazing sunset!”

This is what you become when you stop attaching to outcomes and only focus on what’s in your zone of control.

Things like maintaining happiness right to the end, money, and living an unchained life appear when you pour as much energy as possible into things 100% inside your control.

This kind of man steps into his full power by no longer keeping others accountable for his happiness or the shine he puts off.

And that’s dam attractive – the opposite of chasing love!

95% of men choose not to focus on what’s directly inside their control because doing so requires a hard look at their “ya buts”.
- Ya but, if I ask for sex, she’ll reject me
- Ya but, if I change jobs, I’ll lose my retirement
- Ya but, I can’t open my marriage and have sex with other women, my wife will hate me
- Ya but, I can’t move, my kids have friends here
Those “Ya buts” are what confident men choose to face when life isn’t providing what they want.

Everything you have in life you’ve chosen.

You chose your wife…You chose your home…You chose your car.

When those things are frustrating, you’re living with what YOU chose.

You can always choose a NEW response, attitude, mindset, or tone.

You can make NEW choices when you face your “Ya buts.“

A man who remains unrattled by focusing on what’s in his control is no wimp and is very attractive to women!

The saying is true, “You have to let her go to get her back.”

REALLY let her go, I might add.

This sounds so paradoxical when you feel unloved.

Everything in you wants to tell her to get her shit together.

But that’s not love, it’s desperation.

If you’re struggling to be the kind of man who operates in his zone of control or has been limiting his life with“ya buts,” then reach out.

My coaching is exactly what you need to rewire your brain so you can attract what you want.
January 31, 2024
Sexless Marriages: Why She Won’t Touch You

Sexless marriages… women’s moods… irrational behavior… it’s easy to get frustrated with ladies! This article takes a peek under the hood of feminine affection and reveals why her sensual desire seems so fickle at times.

Sexless Marriage: Unraveling The Fragile And Elusive Erotic Desire Of Women

Feminine Love Is Mostly Narcissistic

I’m not trying to bash women when I say their love is mostly narcissistic.

And guess what?

Sexless marriages are not women’s fault.

You wanting sex when she doesn’t, doesn’t make her the one with the problem.

But yes, your wife’s sexuality is narcissistic.

Click HERE to watch a short video by Esther Perel.

Esther has been studying infidelity and sex in long-term relationships for many years.

If you’re thinking, “Narcissistic, that’s toxic!” Don’t pull the eject lever yet, brother.

Feminine and masculine are polar opposites.

A LOT of how women work will seem backward to how you are wired.

When I was a young boy going through puberty, I fantasized how my man parts could make a girl fall in love with me if I let her see it fully erect.

Real life was a wake-up call.

You and I both know that when a woman is not turned on, your hard-on does not make her want you.

Why?

Because her intimate desire only orbits around how SHE feels, not how you feel.

I’ve learned to accept that what a woman loves when she is turned on is not what turns her on.

But there’s a secret!

Her biology turns on from specific masculine traits.

And those traits aren’t your manhood hanging between your legs, your bank account, or your car.

There are two kinds of experiences she needs for her body to desire your physical intimacy.

On the one hand, she needs to sense you as a grounded, secure, confident, protective, and competent man. One who keeps her safe when she’s emotionally, physically, and mentally the most vulnerable. You have full control over this!

On the other hand, SHE needs to feel connected, desirable, attractive, and delicious all on her own totally separate from you. You have no control over this.

As Esther Perel says, “A woman who cannot make love to herself cannot receive love from others”.

And, that’s where we men get frustrated…

We see her spiraling into coldness and moods, and wish we could shake her out of it.

So what should men in sexless marriages do?

Your demands won’t help, but your sensitivity to how she must feel can.

Especially In Sexless Marriages, Women’s Love Is Sensitive

Think of your partner’s affection like a bubble.

In the early stages of a relationship, everything was soft and yummy.

Her love grew like a soft, thin, delicate bubble filled with affection and desire.

Then she got her period.

You left the toilet seat up.

The bubble started to pop.

But you kissed, made up, made love, all was good again, right?

Wrong.

Sex makes a man feel more connected, but no amount of lovemaking can resolve buried feelings in your wife.

Women are responders in their nature.

Responders to her FEELINGS.

And what did we do with those feelings?

We explained them away.

Defended our point of view.

Or avoided them altogether, hoping they would go away.

They didn’t.

Her feelings festered in her.

They rotted.

Now she feels gross each time we walk by.

See why so many couples end up in sexless marriages?

There is a better way to handle this dynamic.

It starts with understanding how men and women are different.

Women Are Like Cats, Men Are Like Dogs

Corey Wayne came up with the cat/dog analogy to compare men to women.

I love this point of view because it’s so relatable!

Both species make good pets.

Both can be affectionate.

Cats are more elusive, though.

Cats won’t obey, purr, sit still, or “stay” unless they feel like it.

Dogs are very loyal and are quick to forget about yesterday.

Cats are always suspicious of your intentions and only come close when they feel the right vibes with you.

Dogs are ready to pick up the fun right where they left off, regardless of how bad the day was.

Can you relate to any of these experiences with your partner?

In sexless marriages, the woman is mirroring back to the man how it feels to be around him.

She doesn’t plan it out.

Her body does this automatically.

If you’re showing up 100% as the confident, MAN in the relationship who is inspired, fulfilled, outcome non-dependent, and happy, then this is just how she’s going to be with you.

However, most men are walking on eggshells, trying to make her happy, and sacrificing themselves instead of staying in their masculine frame when the marriage is struggling.

If the latter version sounds like you, then your marriage has hope.

When you change for the better, she will probably respond very positively to that.

Sexless Marriages Call For A Clear Masculine Frame

Masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I teach a Confidence Course that will get you thinking, responding, and talking like a grounded, attractive man.

Learning how to be masculine in relationships will completely change your sex life, work life, and social life!

If you’re ready to pull out the big guns and fully rewire your brain for life-long transformation, consider my 1:1 mentorship.

My private coaching will be the most life-changing investment you’ve ever made for yourself.

Sexless marriages are the perfect place for men to get the biggest results from doing this work.

Forging masculinity in the total absence of feminine support and affection is the only way it sticks.

Make good use of this time, brother,

January 31, 2024
Polarize Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy
Your wife’s primal sexual passions are activated when you polarize her desire. And the level of pleasure you can experience with her is proportional to the level of uncomfortable feelings you can face. This article is about how to polarize her desire by holding still under emotional tension (even when it feels uncomfortable).

Polarizing Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy

Polarize Her Desire At The Right Time

Your relationship is like a garden.

Trying to sprout beans in the dead of winter is a fool’s run.

If your wife is asking for space, this is the wrong time to apply the advice you’re about to read.

Go read my post, “How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her” to get clear on what you can do instead.

If your relationship is in the daily grind, feels mundane, or needs a jump-start, keep reading!

Playful Tension Will Polarize Her Desire

Men are attracted to beauty.

Women are attracted to strong safety.

It’s not your ability to beat up bad guys or wrestle tigers that I’m talking about.

When I say, “strong safety,” I’m talking about how you handle emotions.
- When you’re direct instead of beating around the bush, your woman knows you can handle someone’s verbal assaults on her
- When you step up and sort the schedule, decide where to eat, and have a plan for the day, she feels like she can trust you to take the wheel when she needs a break
- When she sees you can stay present even when she’s being emotional, she knows you can control your impulses (which builds trust)
- When you listen to her accusations without getting defensive, she knows you don’t just care about yourself, you care about her too
Holding strong under emotional tension will polarize her desire towards you.

This means FACING the conversations, the conflicts, and the emotional messiness of relationships, not avoiding it.

And sometimes she just needs your humor to guide her out of her complicated world of overanalysis and feelings.

There can be no sense of erotic play without the energy of tension!

One thing to notice is when you “leak” energy instead of letting it build.

Bouncing your leg releases energy.

So does talking fast, looking away, or laughing.

I’m not saying you should never laugh, but notice when you laugh because something is funny vs trying to deflect energy.

Letting energy build between you and your partner makes her skin tingle.

Get playful with that energy, and it increases her sexual pull towards you.

Leaking energy communicates that you can’t handle her and won’t polarize her desire.

A woman will struggle to let herself go in the bedroom with a man she feels can’t handle her.

How I Failed & Succeeded At Building Playful Tension

As I’m typing this, I’m on a plane.

An old man just walked down the aisle towards me.

He noticed my blanket had fallen into the aisle.

With a very somber face, he picked it up and placed it on the seat next to me.

His frustration was thick in the air, so I laughed and said, “Oops!”

The old man glared back, unimpressed.

Here’s why my laugh was unnecessary: I was chuckling because I was uncomfortable with his sour emotion.

Other people’s emotions are not mine to manage!

He can have his sour emotion; it’s not my job to deal with that for him.

So hey, I’m a recovering nice guy just like you.

The nice guy goes through his day trying to smooth out the emotional tension that other people create.

Even though that story was an example of what NOT to do when allowing tension to build, I do have success stories too 🙂

The other day, I was on a date with an attractive woman.

She talked…A LOT.

One thing I’ve learned about women is that they only talk a lot to people they like, so I took it as a compliment.

So I..
- Stayed present
- Held eye contact
- Teased her a little and felt the tension building between us
- Held the tension
- Didn’t laugh it away, bounce my leg, or change the topic
- I stayed present and let the tension build between us
In fact, I slowed down and stayed facing her, letting her be the first to break eye contact.

Holding energy like this is porn to women.

I watched it polarize her desire for me.

You could cut the sexual tension between us with a knife.

A few hours later, we were at her place, making hot love in the bedroom.

Women crave to let go! To expand. To be taken.

Her body can’t do that if she senses your energy is nervous, flighty, or needy.

It takes inner confidence to sit with tension.

She’s turned on by the emotional strength it takes to hold tension.

Two Ways To Hold Tension That Builds Sexual Desire

1. Breathe into your balls to relax.

2. Develop the mindset of a confident man.

Breath work can be as simple as pulling your stomach out when you inhale.

I like to picture that I’m inflating my balls when I inhale.

This kind of deep breathing grounds and relaxes our bodies.

Any time we have constriction in our body, we’re blocking our energy flow.

Masculine energy is open, relaxed, and broad.

It should feel unopoligetic, but present and tuned into the moment.

That undistracted presence is what polarizes her desire for intimacy.

Masculinity coaches G.S Youngblood and Doctor Greg Wells both teach how daily breathwork can increase your resilience to stress and regulate your nervous system.

Make breathing your #1 priority when feeling tension or anxiety building between you and your partner.

Don’t try to figure out what to say to her, just keep facing her while taking deep breaths.

Let your silence build positive tension.

Breathing is always in the PRESENT.

Being in the NOW displays that you can stop to open your heart, even though everything else in life is calling for your attention.

Developing the mindset of a confident man is more of a process.

Most of what’s taught to us in movies and culture leads us to think others are making us feel how we feel.

A confident man understands what he feels is his own creation based on his current perspective.

Your power is that you can choose a new perspective when your feelings get buzzing.

In my story above, I could have thought, “Why won’t this woman shut up? She’s been talking for a solid hour!!”

Or, I could decide to think, “Women talk to guys they like. This is a compliment.”

Same situation.

Different mindset.

The Next Step To Polarizing Her Desire

This article is just the tip of the iceberg.

I teach men a whole lot more when I take them through my private coaching program.

Re-wiring your brain requires a serious commitment to change.

Polarizing her desire is a natural byproduct of healthy self-esteem, grounded energy, and confident behaviors.

I’m ready to meet your level of commitment.
January 31, 2024
Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change
If you’ve been in a sexless marriage for a few months, you probably feel tremendous frustration. If it’s been years since you last made love with your wife, you probably feel like a used rag flushed down the toilet. Trying to explain to your wife the importance of sex only makes her shut down. There is a new way to approach sexless marriage to give it the best chance for success. But there are also 4 signs that she won’t change.

Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

What A Sexless Marriage Does To A Man

A man who is not engaging in physical intimacy loses a part of his heart.

Over time, his heart gets harder and harder.

He’ll have less patience, less concern for others, and less empathy.

Even the most stone-cold, brutal man can be melted by a loving woman’s touch.

It’s like magic.

Her affection draws out his care and desire to emotionally connect.

It’s easy to blame your wife for how you feel.

Without sex, your wife’s presence will feel annoying.

Like she’s a vacuum to your energy.

The almost cruel irony is that women don’t feel a desire for sexual intimacy with a man who is annoyed by her!

Welcome to the sexless marriage, where a standoff occurs, each waiting for the other to give them what they need.

Women are often the first to give in.

She’ll compromise by having “obligation sex”.

Obligation sex isn’t the satisfying, intimate sex the man wants, so the problem only worsens.

She blames him for not being deeply connected to her, and he blames her for not being sexually passionate.

She grows to resent herself for engaging in obligation sex, and takes that off the table too.

How To Bring Passion Back To A Sexless Marriage

The man has to go first to bring passion back to a sexless marriage.

He has to behave with the same empathy, care, and love he would naturally give if he was getting sex.

Why does the man have to go first?

Because masculine is a leader.

Leaders go first.

But let’s say you’ve already become this man.

You are offering emotional connection, safety, and trust in the relationship with no strings attached.

Here are 4 signs she won’t change:

1. Despite being non-defensive about your intentions, she’s constantly criticizing them

2. Even though you’ve been showing her appreciation, she’s full of contempt and holds you in low regard

3. You’re taking responsibility for your wrongs, but she is always defensive and blames you for how she feels

4. You’ve learned how to manage your reactions and set a calm, safe tone, but she still stone-walls and gives the silent treatment.

I didn’t make these 4 signs up to know if your sexless marriage is doomed.

The Gottman Research Institution calls these 4 signs, “The 4 Horsman,” signifying the end of a marriage.

You cannot talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into.
- Non-defensiveness
- Responsiveness
- Emotional calm
- High regard for her struggles
Those are all ATTITUDES, not declarations or conversations.

You’ll never know if you gave your sexless marriage its best shot to thrive until you master these behaviors.

Don’t expect the “new you” to immediately make her want to have sex with you.

These things take time.

Your marriage lost it’s sexual polarity slowly; it can only come back slowly.

A rough rule of thumb for marriage recovery is at least one month for each year you’ve been together.

After that, if she’s still exhibiting the 4 signs above, she may never change.

Sexual affection is a fragile thing in the female world.

Keep in mind, there are also hormonal and physical issues your wife may be struggling with.

Read my post on peri-menopause as an example.

The “success gauge” to focus on is this: Are you showing up as the man you want to be, and have you been doing it for an extended period of time despite being in a sexless marriage?

If You’re In A Sexless Marriage, Do This Next

What it means to be “masculine” in relationships is very blurred in our Western society.

Getting crystal clear on the kind of man you need to be in your relationship is essential to knowing if you gave your marriage the best chance for survival.

The only time a man can make permanent growth in his confidence and self-reliance to happiness is during a season of zero feminine support.

A sexless marriage is painful, but you can use this time to your advantage.
January 31, 2024
Why She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

How many times has your wife said, “stop trying to fix me,” and you weren’t even trying to fix her? Every man experiences this. It can be so confusing! I’ll break down what’s happening. It really boils down to how men and women process emotions differently.

Why She Says “Stop Trying To Fix Me” (Even Though You’re Not)

Your Wife Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me” When She Needs Your Presence

Men have one emotional goal: To feel free from emotions.

For us, freedom from emotions equals peace and happiness.

Men and women feel the same emotions.

But for the guy, our immediate instinct is to figure out how to make uncomfortable feelings go away.

Our male brain searches for the shortest path back to happiness, and then we feel an undeniable urge to take that path.

Think of it like stepping outside and realizing it’s cold.

Feeling cold makes you miserable, so you put a coat on.

Problem fixed!

You’re free from feeling miserable, so now you’re happy again.

But for women, their happiness comes from swimming around in a range of feelings.

It makes her feel ALIVE.

Just listen in on a group of ladies having coffee sometime.

Nothing is solved; only feelings are shared.

And I’ve never heard a lady say to another lady, “Stop trying to fix me”.

She finds it more meaningful to talk about the FEELING than the problem.

A present man sets the “problem” aside in his mind.

He tunes into his feelings.

He tunes into her feelings.

Without trying to change them, he offers presence and empathy.

Your Wife Wants To Feel An Emotional Range

Feminine craves to feel the “swoosh” of going from down to up…This means she first has to go down.. and possibly sideways… then possibly down some more… then do a hard left.. then go back up…(maybe).

But “up” for her isn’t always to a feeling of happiness.

She might want to feel the “up” of voicing how cold she feels until every fiber of her body (and all bystanders) are fully engrossed in the magnitude of the cold she’s experiencing.

The “experience” of being cold might be all she wants to process for the moment.

If you try to change that feeling, she’ll probably say, “Stop trying to fix me”.

You coming along and offering your answer to her problem is just a slap to her face.

She lives in a constant world of feelings.

Feelings are her identity.

You make her feel broken when you try to explain how her feelings could be different.

Just look at the movies women love.

There’s death, birth, heartbreak, scandal, and happy-ever-after all in the same film.

Your wife wants to feel it ALL.

How To NOT Fix Her When She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

Here’s a real-life example that will make your wife say, “Stop trying to fix me”.

Let’s say she wears high heels every weekend.

She comes home complaining of a blister on her toe every Sunday.

Your male brain starts to analyze the problem.

So you tell her, “Wear some different shoes next time“.

Wrong answer!

She’ll find more meaning in talking about how bad blisters hurt versus actually changing her shoes.

“Ya blisters suck”, is the only thing she’s craving to hear from you.

Here is the skill to learn: Be comfortable sitting with uncomfortable feelings.

On the off chance she says, “I keep getting blisters, what do you think I should do?” then, by all means, dish out exactly what will fix the problem for her!

If she doesn’t ask, keep the secret sauce to yourself.

The way women are wired is what it is.

When she says, “stop trying to fix me,” she’s really saying, “Please understand how I feel, nothing else”.

So long as we find ourselves attracted to these sexy creatures from Venus, acceptance is our only choice.

Keep in mind how we men are wired seems just as strange to HER, so the trade-off is equal.

How To Be A Man She Feels Safe Enough To Open Up To

If you only listen to the “problem” every time your wife opens up, she’ll eventually stop sharing.

She’ll say, “Stop trying to fix me,” when you try to have a conversation.

At the same time, you don’t have to sit through every single feeling your wife throws at you.

There are limits to what you allow yourself to endure.

Suffering to make a woman happy is self-abuse.

There’s a BIG difference between a woman spewing through her emotion with you, vs at you.

There are millions of people she can direct her cannon at, and the guy who gets her naked and gives her orgasms doesn’t need to be one of them.

In fact, allowing her to take an immature tone with you in the name of “venting” might be why she’s no longer letting you get her naked.

A self-respecting man sets the tone for the relationship by having clear limits on how he’s spoken to.

It’s called having boundaries.

Without boundaries, your wife will struggle to respect you.

Your boundaries are not meant to protect how you feel.

They are meant to protect what you VALUE.

I help men do this every day.

January 31, 2024
Why Your Wife Is Always Unhappy
When your wife is always unhappy or chronically upset, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing as a husband or father. There are 5 things you can change right now to bring some joy back into your relationship. Just watch the video below or keep reading.

Unhappy Wife – 5 Necessities To Change

Failed Expectations: A Source Of Unhappiness

We like to imagine how life would be “in a perfect world”.

“Perfect” includes a loving, sweet, affectionate, beautiful woman waiting for you at the door when you come home.

She’s wearing a sexy outfit and holding freshly baked cinnamon rolls.

Fun and laughter fill your evening with her!

By night, things get steamy under the sheets.

Sounds like a great fantasy!

Then there’s reality.

She…
- Is mad at your mom
- Spends more time with her friends than at home
- Never initiates sex
- Says “Stop trying to fix me” whenever you try to connect
- Is never happy
- Is cold, dismissive, and says you need to show her more love
- Keeps bringing up your past mistakes
The girl you married has an imagined “perfect world, too”.

Reality has dashed that dream.

That’s why your wife is always unhappy.

You’re a constant reminder that life isn’t the fairytale she hoped for.

Men I coach learn a universal fact after a few sessions: Female energy is a flood without a strong masculine frame to direct it.

In other words, if her emotions are affecting how YOU feel, it means you’re driving in her lane, not your own lane of well-being and happiness.

5 Things To Change If Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

There are five necessities for happiness:
1. Safety
2. Variety
3. Connection
4. Contribution
5. Growth
If both you and your wife are always unhappy, you’re in a stalemate.

Somebody has to lead by example so the other can follow.

Feminine is wired to be a responder.

Masculine is wired to be an initiator.

A conversation, date night, or new house can’t erase what it’s like to BE around you.

When you start to BE different, your wife starts to respond differently.

You cannot “give” your wife safety… but you can BE safe.

You cannot “give” your wife connection… but you can BE connecting.

In other words, you provide these things by BEING them.

Explaining, demanding, and arguing about them is not BEING them.

Your wife gets to enjoy the ride as you solidify an amazing, inspiring, deeply connecting life for yourself – one that changes your attitude.

And the cool part is, you get to enjoy this life regardless of how she responds.

Even if your wife is always unhappy, it’s not your responsibility to make her happy… BUT, you can be a man who invites her to a better place.

Dr. Danielle Dowling drives this principle home in the article, “You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Happiness“.

If you need your wife to be happy so you can be happy, you are co-dependent on her.

That’s a hard clash with what Hollywood shows us in movies.

Happiness by example is the ONLY way to light the path forward for your wife to follow.

Build an amazing life that makes you happy no matter what she does.

Feeling unsure of how to be a confident, direct, emotional lighthouse if your wife is always unhappy?

I got you.
January 31, 2024
Why Sex Won’t Save Your Marriage
I’m here to warn you that sex won’t save your marriage when your wife asks for space or says she’s done. This is part six in my series of 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR & FIVE) Here’s secret #6: Sex isn’t a gauge for marriage repair.

I’ve coached many men who’s wife gave in for sex towards the end of their marriage.

The physical intimacy made matters WORSE.

Here desire to leave was only amplified.

That’s why sex won’t save your marriage.

She’s not a dude.

She needs something very different.

Let’s look at how the relationship got to this point so you understand.

Why Sex Isn’t A Gauge For Marriage Repair

How Relationships Tend To Start

Nick and Christine met in the spring.

Nick’s sense of humor and carefree energy enticed Christine.

Christine’s strong will and enthusiasm for life refreshed Nick.

Banter was easy.

They were fun and playful together.

Their teasing and joking moved to a deeper connection within a few weeks.

By fall, they had small spats, but nothing a tussle under the sheets couldn’t fix.

Their relationship grew over the following months.

This felt like more than a casual encounter for Nick.

He wanted to commit to Christine for the long haul.

Nick and Christine:
- Married and bought a house.
- Got a dog, chickens, and a duck
- Dedicated themselves to their careers to fund their dreams
- Enjoyed domestic life together
- Delighted in intimate sex regularly
As the years went by, Christine no longer responded as positively to Nick’s sarcasm or witty comments.

His teasing used to get her all hot and bothered.

Now, it seemed to annoy and frustrate her.

Tonight, Nick hoped he could get her aroused.

Christine lay in bed, playing a game on her phone.

Nick spooned up to her.

She glanced up and said, “Don’t do that. Is sex all you think about?“

He pressed his lips to her neck, hoping to change her mind.

Christine pulled away.

“We’ve only had sex like once this month,” Nick complained.

“I need some emotional foreplay before I feel turned on,” Christine shot back.

Emotional foreplay… this was a term Nick hated to hear.

It sounded like BS as far as he was concerned.

Nick felt sure a lack of intimacy was the only problem in their relationship.

He had no clue that sex won’t save your marriage.

His mind raced.

Did they need to put sex on the calendar?

Did Christine need to go to therapy?

Going long periods without sex felt lonely for Nick.

More sexual intimacy seemed like the perfect fix for their problems!

Nick had been complaining about this to Christine for over a year.

He felt like she was ruining their marriage by keeping her legs closed.

Why Sex Won’t Save Your Marriage Of Many Years

For the first few years of marriage, sex just happens.

Hurts and dashed expectations haven’t accumulated yet.

A woman can’t simply shake off what’s eating at her.

In a long-term relationship, your wife needs more than kisses and passion.

She needs all 4 layers of intimacy (mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical).

That’s why sex won’t save your marriage if you’ve been together for a long time.

It’s easy to ignore this.

You just want to get to the good part where everyone climaxes!

There’s no avoiding the underlying issues if you want to bring intimacy back.

One of the hardest things for a man is to open his heart without sex.

Dam, it’s hard.

But that’s what you need to do right now.

Because your wife’s body opens to your heart, not your hard on.

You need to behave as a man who’s getting plenty of sex.

Do Women Always Lose Desire For Sex In Marriage?

For your wife, wanting sex and wanting sex with you are two different things.

Husbands worldwide have been shocked to discover their wife was having an affair while their marriage was sexless.

He assumed she had lost her sex drive.

What you need to know is that women are an extension of Mother Nature.

She is constantly leaving one season and moving into another.

The same is also true of her sexuality.

In my book, I explain the five different seasons your relationship goes through.

I also explain what you can do to ignite her passion at each stage.

For example, a date in stage 2 will get her juices going.

By stage 3, you’d better know how to lead a deeper connection on that date, or it will end flat.

In short, your masculine energy needs to mature as she moves into each stage.

Masculine is always attractive to feminine, but not when he’s acting immature.

Mature masculinity can give her space without taking it personally.

He can celebrate when she has a fun day with her friends, even if he wasn’t along.

She needs to feel you can celebrate her right where she is.

A man who can enjoy where his wife is right now feels attractive to her.

He knows how to lead the 4 levels of intimacy, especially emotional intimacy.

When he does, his presence feels like a magnet she can’t resist.

Sex Won’t Save Your Marriage, But Here’s What Can

Here are 5 goals to restore passionate intimacy in your marriage:
1. Consistently live up to your standards and boundaries for yourself (and feel good about it)
2. Let her moods (and your triggers) wash over you without reacting to them
3. Choose a mindset of high regard whenever your wife doesn’t make sense
4. Live like a happily divorced man
5. Remain calm and unperturbed when she tests you.
Notice that being more agreeable and helping with dishes is not on the list.

Your wife only complains about these things when her emotional love tank is empty.

Feminine only shows her rough emotions to those she WANTS to trust and respect.

In all honesty, women tend to keep the full range of their emotions hidden from you in the early stages of a relationship.

Even she struggles to see what’s attractive about the storms she feels.

If your wife of many years suddenly opens Pandora’s box of emotions with you, get happy!

She wants to feel safe with you again.

She’s testing to see how you respond, hoping you’ll respond in a way she can respect.

How Nick Saved His Marriage

Nick’s story is one of hope.

He learned happiness comes from within you, not from others.

He joined a group of men who were intentional about being more loving, confident, and emotionally skilled.

These men helped Nick understand that the lack of sex was an invitation to meet Christine where she was.

He learned to lead emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy with her by learning how to lead it in himself.

These experiences softened Christine.

She started opening up.

She wanted to spend more time with him.

After a few months, their sex was the best they had ever had.

On its own, sex won’t save your marriage, but how Nick handled it sure can!

How You Can Address Underlying Issues In Your Marriage

There isn’t enough space in these articles to give you what you need.

You need someone to actively engage with.

The work of becoming the man you want to be is a deep dive.

It’s intense.

I’m up for the challenge, are you?

This could be the best thing you’ve ever done for your relationship and family.
January 31, 2024
Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)
I want you to know that masculine leadership is sexy even if your wife is a very alpha, driven person. That’s secret# 5 in my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) This article is not for the controlling jackass who bosses his wife around or treats women with disrespect. Quite opposite. The tips you’re about to learn ARE for the man who mistakenly thought letting his wife wear the pants in the relationship would make her happy. Even if your wife has a stubborn streak, deep down, she feels leadership is sexy.

Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

Why Kate Was Unhappy In Her Marriage

Kate looked up from her phone and asked, “What do you want for dinner?”

Travis almost didn’t hear her.

He was lost in his laptop, browsing new real estate listings.

“I don’t care. Whatever is easy”, Travis replied with a smile.

Kate said, “We have some leftover meatloaf. Or I could do a casserole”.

Travis’s eyes stayed on his computer.

He had no idea Kate was seeking his masculine leadership.

He was more interested in the new listing he just found.

“Whatever you want, honey. If one of those is near the front of the fridge, just warm that up”, he suggested.

“Think we could watch a nature show tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Or we could go for a drive and look at Christmas lights!”, Amy said with enthusiasm.

“Maybe”, Travis mumbled as he tried to cut and paste an address from his web browser.

Kate’s voice got serious, “I just think we need to prioritize making efforts for our relationship.”

“Huh?”, Travis said, confused.

Kate’s face got emotional.

Her throat tightened as she said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us. I always have to fight alone”.

Travis tried to make sense of how the conversation went from dinner to prioritizing their relationship.

He felt himself getting angry.

“Kate, you’re a strong, independent woman. You love plowing your own way through life. The battles you fight, you bring on yourself”, he scolded disapprovingly.

Hearing this did not sit well with Kate.

Kate began walking out of the room.

In a frustrated tone, she turned around and said, “Never mind.”

Travis heard her walk into their bedroom and close the door.

About an hour later, his mind was still foggy as he tried to process his conversation with Kate.

He felt a little resentful that she didn’t make him anything to eat.

While he warmed up some meatloaf in the microwave, he could hear a nature show coming from the TV in their bedroom.

Yay!

Dinner in bed would be fun.

Travis brought his plate to bed and nestled next to Kate.

She fell asleep moments later.

He finished the episode by himself.

This wasn’t the fun, connected, sexy evening he had hoped for.

Masculine Leadership Is Sexy, Management Is Not

Each time Kate brought up a question, Travis tried to avoid leadership by putting the choice back on her.

Management is a form of damage control.

You’ll never be responsible for damage if other people make the choices!

In the business world, a manager has one job: Use the systems in place to keep the show going.

The leader of a company looks broad range.

A leader ensures effort is spent on the right problems based on where he wants the company to go.

Without leadership, managers can end up straightening chairs on a sinking Titanic, assuming effort=success.

You’ll win the battle but lose the war.

The same applies to your marriage.

Here are the replies Travis gave his wife in the story above:
- “I don’t care”
- Whatever is easy”
- “Whatever you want honey”
- “Maybe”
- “Huh?”
Do those sound like words of leadership to you?

Those replies were attempts to put out small fires.

That’s what managers do.

Even the strongest, most independent, business-minded woman wants to relax.

Her sexuality goes offline if she isn’t relaxed.

Leadership allows her to relax and step out of the guessing game.

She can’t do that with a manager.

Every time Kate bounced options off Travis, she wanted him to make a choice.

She wanted to relax in his masculine leadership.

Travis didn’t step up, and that’s when her emotions changed from “What do you want to eat?” to “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us”.

Your wife wants the GOOD feeling of knowing she just gave you something you really wanted.

Saying, “Just warm up whatever happens to be the fridge” robs her of that good feeling.

It’s very selfish to not know what you want

How Travis Could Have Shown Masculine Leadership

Especially for guys married to strong, independent women, letting her make the choices in the house feels easy.

Deep down, these men are afraid she won’t like him if he faces her strong will.

He’s afraid that saying what he really thinks will just be used against him.

Here’s how Travis could have lead Sexy, FUN leadership:
- “Meatloaf sounds great! Let’s have that.”
- “No, we can’t look at Christmas lights tonight. We will next weekend. It will be fun!”
- “You feel like you’re fighting all your battles alone? I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting. Let’s talk about it after I get out of the shower tonight when I’m not distracted.”
A unique difference between masculine leadership vs feminine leadership is that masculine leadership is CONSISTENTLY based on values, boundaries, and standards, NOT emotions.

Your leadership is still a gift even if she protests with comments like, “I don’t want meatloaf. I’d rather have a casserole.”

Here’s why: She didn’t know what she wanted until you did.

Feminine energy finds her truth when contained by strong masculine leadership

Just as a river can’t reach the ocean without river banks, feminine can’t know what she wants or where she’s going until she encounters your clear choices

In her article, “What Every Man Should Know About Women,” Author and mentor Teal Swan reveals how women live in constant fear.

A woman’s fear is biologically woven into who she is as a feminine person.

Strong independent women get tired of fending for themselves, but will struggle to let their armor down if they don’t feel safe.

When a man consistently “contains” his wife’s emotions by taking ownership of the situation, it provides the woman with a sense of safety.

Travis and Kate: A Few Months Later

Travis had a mind-jolting insight into the obvious: What he was doing wasn’t working.

He confided his frustrations with another man whom he respected.

Once a week, they would meet at a local diner to talk about what was happening in Travis’s marriage.

This wasn’t a time for complaining about their wives.

These were times to connect and get clear on how to create trust and safety using masculine leadership.

Travis began to realize most of his frustrations with Kate came from his own ways of thinking about her.

When Travis’s mentor spoke to him man-to-man, everything made sense.

Leadership and confidence weren’t something he had to go find, they were things he needed to stop holding back.

Travis went on to create an intimate, fun-filled relationship with Kate.

His only regret was that he let himself suffer for so many years before seeking the mentorship of an experienced man.

How To Grow Your Masculine Leadership Right Now

I take genuine, successful men through a field-tested process of masculine confidence development.

Plant your feet on the solid ground of your values, boundaries, and personal standards by committing to this work.

You’ll feel good stepping up as a natural leader in your relationship.

Masculine leadership is sexy, and your wife wants to experience it.
January 31, 2024