Masculine Confidence Framework

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Category: Attraction

This section contains Empowering blog articles are for men passionate about creating attraction with their cold, dismissive, or withdrawn wife.

  • Polarize Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy

    Polarize Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy

    Your wife’s primal sexual passions are activated when you polarize her desire. And the level of pleasure you can experience with her is proportional to the level of uncomfortable feelings you can face. This article is about how to polarize her desire by holding still under emotional tension (even when it feels uncomfortable).

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    Polarizing Her Desire: Techniques for Men to Build Sexual Energy

    Polarize Her Desire At The Right Time

    Your relationship is like a garden.

    Trying to sprout beans in the dead of winter is a fool’s run.

    If your wife is asking for space, this is the wrong time to apply the advice you’re about to read.

    Go read my post, “How To Give Your Wife Space Without Losing Her” to get clear on what you can do instead.

    If your relationship is in the daily grind, feels mundane, or needs a jump-start, keep reading!

    Playful Tension Will Polarize Her Desire

    Men are attracted to beauty.

    Women are attracted to strong safety.

    It’s not your ability to beat up bad guys or wrestle tigers that I’m talking about.

    When I say, “strong safety,” I’m talking about how you handle emotions.

    • When you’re direct instead of beating around the bush, your woman knows you can handle someone’s verbal assaults on her
    • When you step up and sort the schedule, decide where to eat, and have a plan for the day, she feels like she can trust you to take the wheel when she needs a break
    • When she sees you can stay present even when she’s being emotional, she knows you can control your impulses (which builds trust)
    • When you listen to her accusations without getting defensive, she knows you don’t just care about yourself, you care about her too

    Holding strong under emotional tension will polarize her desire towards you.

    This means FACING the conversations, the conflicts, and the emotional messiness of relationships, not avoiding it.

    And sometimes she just needs your humor to guide her out of her complicated world of overanalysis and feelings.

    There can be no sense of erotic play without the energy of tension!

    One thing to notice is when you “leak” energy instead of letting it build.

    Bouncing your leg releases energy.

    So does talking fast, looking away, or laughing.

    I’m not saying you should never laugh, but notice when you laugh because something is funny vs trying to deflect energy.

    Letting energy build between you and your partner makes her skin tingle.

    Get playful with that energy, and it increases her sexual pull towards you.

    Leaking energy communicates that you can’t handle her and won’t polarize her desire.

    A woman will struggle to let herself go in the bedroom with a man she feels can’t handle her.

    How I Failed & Succeeded At Building Playful Tension

    As I’m typing this, I’m on a plane.

    An old man just walked down the aisle towards me.

    He noticed my blanket had fallen into the aisle.

    With a very somber face, he picked it up and placed it on the seat next to me.

    His frustration was thick in the air, so I laughed and said, “Oops!”

    The old man glared back, unimpressed.

    Here’s why my laugh was unnecessary: I was chuckling because I was uncomfortable with his sour emotion.

    Other people’s emotions are not mine to manage!

    He can have his sour emotion; it’s not my job to deal with that for him.

    So hey, I’m a recovering nice guy just like you.

    The nice guy goes through his day trying to smooth out the emotional tension that other people create.

    Even though that story was an example of what NOT to do when allowing tension to build, I do have success stories too 🙂

    The other day, I was on a date with an attractive woman.

    She talked…A LOT.

    One thing I’ve learned about women is that they only talk a lot to people they like, so I took it as a compliment.

    So I..

    • Stayed present
    • Held eye contact
    • Teased her a little and felt the tension building between us
    • Held the tension
    • Didn’t laugh it away, bounce my leg, or change the topic
    • I stayed present and let the tension build between us

    In fact, I slowed down and stayed facing her, letting her be the first to break eye contact.

    Holding energy like this is porn to women.

    I watched it polarize her desire for me.

    You could cut the sexual tension between us with a knife.

    A few hours later, we were at her place, making hot love in the bedroom.

    Women crave to let go! To expand. To be taken.

    Her body can’t do that if she senses your energy is nervous, flighty, or needy.

    It takes inner confidence to sit with tension.

    She’s turned on by the emotional strength it takes to hold tension.

    Two Ways To Hold Tension That Builds Sexual Desire

    1. Breathe into your balls to relax.

    2. Develop the mindset of a confident man.

    Breath work can be as simple as pulling your stomach out when you inhale.

    I like to picture that I’m inflating my balls when I inhale.

    This kind of deep breathing grounds and relaxes our bodies.

    Any time we have constriction in our body, we’re blocking our energy flow.

    Masculine energy is open, relaxed, and broad.

    It should feel unopoligetic, but present and tuned into the moment.

    That undistracted presence is what polarizes her desire for intimacy.

    Masculinity coaches G.S Youngblood and Doctor Greg Wells both teach how daily breathwork can increase your resilience to stress and regulate your nervous system.

    Make breathing your #1 priority when feeling tension or anxiety building between you and your partner.

    Don’t try to figure out what to say to her, just keep facing her while taking deep breaths.

    Let your silence build positive tension.

    Breathing is always in the PRESENT.

    Being in the NOW displays that you can stop to open your heart, even though everything else in life is calling for your attention.

    Developing the mindset of a confident man is more of a process.

    Most of what’s taught to us in movies and culture leads us to think others are making us feel how we feel.

    A confident man understands what he feels is his own creation based on his current perspective.

    Your power is that you can choose a new perspective when your feelings get buzzing.

    In my story above, I could have thought, “Why won’t this woman shut up? She’s been talking for a solid hour!!”

    Or, I could decide to think, “Women talk to guys they like. This is a compliment.”

    Same situation.

    Different mindset.

    The Next Step To Polarizing Her Desire

    This article is just the tip of the iceberg.

    I teach men a whole lot more when I take them through my private coaching program.

    Re-wiring your brain requires a serious commitment to change.

    Polarizing her desire is a natural byproduct of healthy self-esteem, grounded energy, and confident behaviors.

    I’m ready to meet your level of commitment.

  • Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    If you’ve been in a sexless marriage for a few months, you probably feel tremendous frustration. If it’s been years since you last made love with your wife, you probably feel like a used rag flushed down the toilet. Trying to explain to your wife the importance of sex only makes her shut down. There is a new way to approach sexless marriage to give it the best chance for success. But there are also 4 signs that she won’t change.

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    Sexless Marriage – 4 Signs She Won’t Change

    What A Sexless Marriage Does To A Man

    A man who is not engaging in physical intimacy loses a part of his heart.

    Over time, his heart gets harder and harder.

    He’ll have less patience, less concern for others, and less empathy.

    Even the most stone-cold, brutal man can be melted by a loving woman’s touch.

    It’s like magic.

    Her affection draws out his care and desire to emotionally connect.

    It’s easy to blame your wife for how you feel.

    Without sex, your wife’s presence will feel annoying.

    Like she’s a vacuum to your energy.

    The almost cruel irony is that women don’t feel a desire for sexual intimacy with a man who is annoyed by her!

    Welcome to the sexless marriage, where a standoff occurs, each waiting for the other to give them what they need.  

    Women are often the first to give in.

    She’ll compromise by having “obligation sex”.

    Obligation sex isn’t the satisfying, intimate sex the man wants, so the problem only worsens.

    She blames him for not being deeply connected to her, and he blames her for not being sexually passionate.

    She grows to resent herself for engaging in obligation sex, and takes that off the table too.

    How To Bring Passion Back To A Sexless Marriage

    The man has to go first to bring passion back to a sexless marriage.

    He has to behave with the same empathy, care, and love he would naturally give if he was getting sex.

    Why does the man have to go first?

    Because masculine is a leader.

    Leaders go first.

    But let’s say you’ve already become this man.

    You are offering emotional connection, safety, and trust in the relationship with no strings attached.

    Here are 4 signs she won’t change:

    1. Despite being non-defensive about your intentions, she’s constantly criticizing them

    2. Even though you’ve been showing her appreciation, she’s full of contempt and holds you in low regard

    3. You’re taking responsibility for your wrongs, but she is always defensive and blames you for how she feels

    4. You’ve learned how to manage your reactions and set a calm, safe tone, but she still stone-walls and gives the silent treatment.

    I didn’t make these 4 signs up to know if your sexless marriage is doomed.

    The Gottman Research Institution calls these 4 signs, “The 4 Horsman,” signifying the end of a marriage.

    You cannot talk your way out of something you behaved yourself into.

    • Non-defensiveness
    • Responsiveness
    • Emotional calm
    • High regard for her struggles

    Those are all ATTITUDES, not declarations or conversations.

    You’ll never know if you gave your sexless marriage its best shot to thrive until you master these behaviors.

    Don’t expect the “new you” to immediately make her want to have sex with you.

    These things take time.

    Your marriage lost it’s sexual polarity slowly; it can only come back slowly.

    A rough rule of thumb for marriage recovery is at least one month for each year you’ve been together.

    After that, if she’s still exhibiting the 4 signs above, she may never change.

    Sexual affection is a fragile thing in the female world.

    Keep in mind, there are also hormonal and physical issues your wife may be struggling with.

    Read my post on peri-menopause as an example. 

    The “success gauge” to focus on is this: Are you showing up as the man you want to be, and have you been doing it for an extended period of time despite being in a sexless marriage? 

    If You’re In A Sexless Marriage, Do This Next

    What it means to be “masculine” in relationships is very blurred in our Western society.

    Getting crystal clear on the kind of man you need to be in your relationship is essential to knowing if you gave your marriage the best chance for survival.

    The only time a man can make permanent growth in his confidence and self-reliance to happiness is during a season of zero feminine support.

    A sexless marriage is painful, but you can use this time to your advantage.

  • Why She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

    Why She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

    How many times has your wife said, “stop trying to fix me,” and you weren’t even trying to fix her? Every man experiences this. It can be so confusing! I’ll break down what’s happening. It really boils down to how men and women process emotions differently.

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    Why She Says “Stop Trying To Fix Me” (Even Though You’re Not)

    Your Wife Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me” When She Needs Your Presence

    Men have one emotional goal: To feel free from emotions.

    For us, freedom from emotions equals peace and happiness.

    Men and women feel the same emotions.

    But for the guy, our immediate instinct is to figure out how to make uncomfortable feelings go away.

    Our male brain searches for the shortest path back to happiness, and then we feel an undeniable urge to take that path.

    Think of it like stepping outside and realizing it’s cold.

    Feeling cold makes you miserable, so you put a coat on.

    Problem fixed!

    You’re free from feeling miserable, so now you’re happy again.

    But for women, their happiness comes from swimming around in a range of feelings.

    It makes her feel ALIVE.

    Just listen in on a group of ladies having coffee sometime.

    Nothing is solved; only feelings are shared.

    And I’ve never heard a lady say to another lady, “Stop trying to fix me”.

    She finds it more meaningful to talk about the FEELING than the problem.

    A present man sets the “problem” aside in his mind.

    He tunes into his feelings.

    He tunes into her feelings.

    Without trying to change them, he offers presence and empathy.

    Your Wife Wants To Feel An Emotional Range

    Feminine craves to feel the “swoosh” of going from down to up…This means she first has to go down.. and possibly sideways… then possibly down some more… then do a hard left.. then go back up…(maybe).

    But “up” for her isn’t always to a feeling of happiness.

    She might want to feel the “up” of voicing how cold she feels until every fiber of her body (and all bystanders) are fully engrossed in the magnitude of the cold she’s experiencing.

    The “experience” of being cold might be all she wants to process for the moment.

    If you try to change that feeling, she’ll probably say, “Stop trying to fix me”.

    You coming along and offering your answer to her problem is just a slap to her face.

    She lives in a constant world of feelings.

    Feelings are her identity.

    You make her feel broken when you try to explain how her feelings could be different.

    Just look at the movies women love.

    There’s death, birth, heartbreak, scandal, and happy-ever-after all in the same film.

    Your wife wants to feel it ALL.

    How To NOT Fix Her When She Says, “Stop Trying To Fix Me”

    Here’s a real-life example that will make your wife say, “Stop trying to fix me”.

    Let’s say she wears high heels every weekend.

    She comes home complaining of a blister on her toe every Sunday.

    Your male brain starts to analyze the problem.

    So you tell her, “Wear some different shoes next time“. 

    Wrong answer! 

    She’ll find more meaning in talking about how bad blisters hurt versus actually changing her shoes.

    “Ya blisters suck”, is the only thing she’s craving to hear from you.

    Here is the skill to learn: Be comfortable sitting with uncomfortable feelings.

    On the off chance she says, “I keep getting blisters, what do you think I should do?” then, by all means, dish out exactly what will fix the problem for her!

    If she doesn’t ask, keep the secret sauce to yourself. 

    The way women are wired is what it is.

    When she says, “stop trying to fix me,” she’s really saying, “Please understand how I feel, nothing else”.

    So long as we find ourselves attracted to these sexy creatures from Venus, acceptance is our only choice.

    Keep in mind how we men are wired seems just as strange to HER, so the trade-off is equal.

    How To Be A Man She Feels Safe Enough To Open Up To

    If you only listen to the “problem” every time your wife opens up, she’ll eventually stop sharing.

    She’ll say, “Stop trying to fix me,” when you try to have a conversation.

    At the same time, you don’t have to sit through every single feeling your wife throws at you.

    There are limits to what you allow yourself to endure.

    Suffering to make a woman happy is self-abuse.

    There’s a BIG difference between a woman spewing through her emotion with you, vs at you. 

    There are millions of people she can direct her cannon at, and the guy who gets her naked and gives her orgasms doesn’t need to be one of them.

    In fact, allowing her to take an immature tone with you in the name of “venting” might be why she’s no longer letting you get her naked.

    A self-respecting man sets the tone for the relationship by having clear limits on how he’s spoken to.

    It’s called having boundaries.

    Without boundaries, your wife will struggle to respect you.

    Your boundaries are not meant to protect how you feel.

    They are meant to protect what you VALUE.

    I help men do this every day.

  • Why Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

    Why Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

    When your wife is always unhappy or chronically upset, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing as a husband or father. There are 5 things you can change right now to bring some joy back into your relationship. Just watch the video below or keep reading.

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    Unhappy Wife – 5 Necessities To Change

    Failed Expectations: A Source Of Unhappiness

    We like to imagine how life would be “in a perfect world”.

    “Perfect” includes a loving, sweet, affectionate, beautiful woman waiting for you at the door when you come home. 

    She’s wearing a sexy outfit and holding freshly baked cinnamon rolls. 

    Fun and laughter fill your evening with her!

    By night, things get steamy under the sheets.

    Sounds like a great fantasy! 

    Then there’s reality. 

    She…

    The girl you married has an imagined “perfect world, too”.

    Reality has dashed that dream.

    That’s why your wife is always unhappy.

    You’re a constant reminder that life isn’t the fairytale she hoped for.

    Men I coach learn a universal fact after a few sessions: Female energy is a flood without a strong masculine frame to direct it. 

    In other words, if her emotions are affecting how YOU feel, it means you’re driving in her lane, not your own lane of well-being and happiness.

    5 Things To Change If Your Wife Is Always Unhappy

    There are five necessities for happiness:

    1. Safety
    2. Variety
    3. Connection
    4. Contribution
    5. Growth  

    If both you and your wife are always unhappy, you’re in a stalemate.

    Somebody has to lead by example so the other can follow.

    Feminine is wired to be a responder.

    Masculine is wired to be an initiator.

    A conversation, date night, or new house can’t erase what it’s like to BE around you.

    When you start to BE different, your wife starts to respond differently.

    You cannot “give” your wife safety… but you can BE safe.

    You cannot “give” your wife connection… but you can BE connecting. 

    In other words, you provide these things by BEING them. 

    Explaining, demanding, and arguing about them is not BEING them.

    Your wife gets to enjoy the ride as you solidify an amazing, inspiring, deeply connecting life for yourself – one that changes your attitude.  

    And the cool part is, you get to enjoy this life regardless of how she responds.

    Even if your wife is always unhappy, it’s not your responsibility to make her happy… BUT, you can be a man who invites her to a better place. 

    Dr. Danielle Dowling drives this principle home in the article, “You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Happiness“.

    If you need your wife to be happy so you can be happy, you are co-dependent on her.

    That’s a hard clash with what Hollywood shows us in movies.

    Happiness by example is the ONLY way to light the path forward for your wife to follow.

    Build an amazing life that makes you happy no matter what she does.

    Feeling unsure of how to be a confident, direct, emotional lighthouse if your wife is always unhappy?

    I got you.

  • Why Sex Won’t Save Your Marriage

    Why Sex Won’t Save Your Marriage

    I’m here to warn you that sex won’t save your marriage when your wife asks for space or says she’s done. This is part six in my series of 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR & FIVE) Here’s secret #6: Sex isn’t a gauge for marriage repair.

    I’ve coached many men who’s wife gave in for sex towards the end of their marriage.

    The physical intimacy made matters WORSE.

    Here desire to leave was only amplified.

    That’s why sex won’t save your marriage.

    She’s not a dude.

    She needs something very different.

    Let’s look at how the relationship got to this point so you understand.  

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    Why Sex Isn’t A Gauge For Marriage Repair

    How Relationships Tend To Start

    Nick and Christine met in the spring.

    Nick’s sense of humor and carefree energy enticed Christine.

    Christine’s strong will and enthusiasm for life refreshed Nick. 

    Banter was easy. 

    They were fun and playful together.  

    Their teasing and joking moved to a deeper connection within a few weeks. 

    By fall, they had small spats, but nothing a tussle under the sheets couldn’t fix.

    Their relationship grew over the following months. 

    This felt like more than a casual encounter for Nick. 

    He wanted to commit to Christine for the long haul.

    Nick and Christine:

    • Married and bought a house.
    • Got a dog, chickens, and a duck
    • Dedicated themselves to their careers to fund their dreams
    • Enjoyed domestic life together
    • Delighted in intimate sex regularly

    As the years went by, Christine no longer responded as positively to Nick’s sarcasm or witty comments. 

    His teasing used to get her all hot and bothered.

    Now, it seemed to annoy and frustrate her. 

    Tonight, Nick hoped he could get her aroused. 

    Christine lay in bed, playing a game on her phone.

    Nick spooned up to her.

    She glanced up and said, “Don’t do that. Is sex all you think about?“

    He pressed his lips to her neck, hoping to change her mind.

    Christine pulled away.

    “We’ve only had sex like once this month,” Nick complained.

    “I need some emotional foreplay before I feel turned on,” Christine shot back.

    Emotional foreplay… this was a term Nick hated to hear.

    It sounded like BS as far as he was concerned. 

    Nick felt sure a lack of intimacy was the only problem in their relationship.

    He had no clue that sex won’t save your marriage.

    His mind raced.  

    Did they need to put sex on the calendar?

    Did Christine need to go to therapy?

    Going long periods without sex felt lonely for Nick. 

    More sexual intimacy seemed like the perfect fix for their problems! 

    Nick had been complaining about this to Christine for over a year. 

    He felt like she was ruining their marriage by keeping her legs closed.

    Why Sex Won’t Save Your Marriage Of Many Years

    For the first few years of marriage, sex just happens.

    Hurts and dashed expectations haven’t accumulated yet.

    A woman can’t simply shake off what’s eating at her.

    In a long-term relationship, your wife needs more than kisses and passion.

    She needs all 4 layers of intimacy (mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical).

    That’s why sex won’t save your marriage if you’ve been together for a long time.

    It’s easy to ignore this.

    You just want to get to the good part where everyone climaxes!

    There’s no avoiding the underlying issues if you want to bring intimacy back. 

    One of the hardest things for a man is to open his heart without sex.

    Dam, it’s hard.

    But that’s what you need to do right now.

    Because your wife’s body opens to your heart, not your hard on.

    You need to behave as a man who’s getting plenty of sex.

    Do Women Always Lose Desire For Sex In Marriage?

    For your wife, wanting sex and wanting sex with you are two different things.

    Husbands worldwide have been shocked to discover their wife was having an affair while their marriage was sexless.

    He assumed she had lost her sex drive.  

    What you need to know is that women are an extension of Mother Nature. 

    She is constantly leaving one season and moving into another.

    The same is also true of her sexuality.

    In my book, I explain the five different seasons your relationship goes through.

    I also explain what you can do to ignite her passion at each stage.

    For example, a date in stage 2 will get her juices going.

    By stage 3, you’d better know how to lead a deeper connection on that date, or it will end flat.  

    In short, your masculine energy needs to mature as she moves into each stage.

    Masculine is always attractive to feminine, but not when he’s acting immature.

    Mature masculinity can give her space without taking it personally.

    He can celebrate when she has a fun day with her friends, even if he wasn’t along.

    She needs to feel you can celebrate her right where she is.

    A man who can enjoy where his wife is right now feels attractive to her.

    He knows how to lead the 4 levels of intimacy, especially emotional intimacy.

    When he does, his presence feels like a magnet she can’t resist.

    Sex Won’t Save Your Marriage, But Here’s What Can

    Here are 5 goals to restore passionate intimacy in your marriage:

    1. Consistently live up to your standards and boundaries for yourself (and feel good about it)
    2. Let her moods (and your triggers) wash over you without reacting to them
    3. Choose a mindset of high regard whenever your wife doesn’t make sense
    4. Live like a happily divorced man
    5. Remain calm and unperturbed when she tests you. 

    Notice that being more agreeable and helping with dishes is not on the list.

    Your wife only complains about these things when her emotional love tank is empty.

    Feminine only shows her rough emotions to those she WANTS to trust and respect. 

    In all honesty, women tend to keep the full range of their emotions hidden from you in the early stages of a relationship.

    Even she struggles to see what’s attractive about the storms she feels.

    If your wife of many years suddenly opens Pandora’s box of emotions with you, get happy! 

    She wants to feel safe with you again. 

    She’s testing to see how you respond, hoping you’ll respond in a way she can respect.

    How Nick Saved His Marriage

    Nick’s story is one of hope. 

    He learned happiness comes from within you, not from others. 

    He joined a group of men who were intentional about being more loving, confident, and emotionally skilled. 

    These men helped Nick understand that the lack of sex was an invitation to meet Christine where she was. 

    He learned to lead emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy with her by learning how to lead it in himself. 

    These experiences softened Christine.

    She started opening up.

    She wanted to spend more time with him. 

    After a few months, their sex was the best they had ever had.  

    On its own, sex won’t save your marriage, but how Nick handled it sure can!

    How You Can Address Underlying Issues In Your Marriage

    There isn’t enough space in these articles to give you what you need.

    You need someone to actively engage with.

    The work of becoming the man you want to be is a deep dive.

    It’s intense.

    I’m up for the challenge, are you?

    This could be the best thing you’ve ever done for your relationship and family.

  • Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

    Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

    I want you to know that masculine leadership is sexy even if your wife is a very alpha, driven person. That’s secret# 5 in my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) This article is not for the controlling jackass who bosses his wife around or treats women with disrespect. Quite opposite. The tips you’re about to learn ARE for the man who mistakenly thought letting his wife wear the pants in the relationship would make her happy. Even if your wife has a stubborn streak, deep down, she feels leadership is sexy.

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    Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

    Why Kate Was Unhappy In Her Marriage

    Kate looked up from her phone and asked, “What do you want for dinner?”

    Travis almost didn’t hear her.

    He was lost in his laptop, browsing new real estate listings.

    “I don’t care. Whatever is easy”, Travis replied with a smile.

    Kate said, “We have some leftover meatloaf. Or I could do a casserole”.

    Travis’s eyes stayed on his computer.

    He had no idea Kate was seeking his masculine leadership.

    He was more interested in the new listing he just found.

    “Whatever you want, honey. If one of those is near the front of the fridge, just warm that up”, he suggested.

    “Think we could watch a nature show tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Or we could go for a drive and look at Christmas lights!”, Amy said with enthusiasm.

    “Maybe”, Travis mumbled as he tried to cut and paste an address from his web browser.

    Kate’s voice got serious, “I just think we need to prioritize making efforts for our relationship.”

    “Huh?”, Travis said, confused.

    Kate’s face got emotional.

    Her throat tightened as she said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us. I always have to fight alone”.

    Travis tried to make sense of how the conversation went from dinner to prioritizing their relationship.

    He felt himself getting angry.

    “Kate, you’re a strong, independent woman. You love plowing your own way through life. The battles you fight, you bring on yourself”, he scolded disapprovingly.

    Hearing this did not sit well with Kate.

    Kate began walking out of the room.

    In a frustrated tone, she turned around and said, “Never mind.”

    Travis heard her walk into their bedroom and close the door.

    About an hour later, his mind was still foggy as he tried to process his conversation with Kate.

    He felt a little resentful that she didn’t make him anything to eat.

    While he warmed up some meatloaf in the microwave, he could hear a nature show coming from the TV in their bedroom.

    Yay!

    Dinner in bed would be fun.

    Travis brought his plate to bed and nestled next to Kate.

    She fell asleep moments later.

    He finished the episode by himself.

    This wasn’t the fun, connected, sexy evening he had hoped for.

    Masculine Leadership Is Sexy, Management Is Not

    Each time Kate brought up a question, Travis tried to avoid leadership by putting the choice back on her.

    Management is a form of damage control.

    You’ll never be responsible for damage if other people make the choices!

    In the business world, a manager has one job: Use the systems in place to keep the show going.

    The leader of a company looks broad range.

    A leader ensures effort is spent on the right problems based on where he wants the company to go.

    Without leadership, managers can end up straightening chairs on a sinking Titanic, assuming effort=success.

    You’ll win the battle but lose the war.

    The same applies to your marriage.

    Here are the replies Travis gave his wife in the story above:

    • “I don’t care”
    • Whatever is easy”
    • “Whatever you want honey”
    • “Maybe”
    • “Huh?”

    Do those sound like words of leadership to you?

    Those replies were attempts to put out small fires.

    That’s what managers do.

    Even the strongest, most independent, business-minded woman wants to relax.

    Her sexuality goes offline if she isn’t relaxed.

    Leadership allows her to relax and step out of the guessing game.

    She can’t do that with a manager.

    Every time Kate bounced options off Travis, she wanted him to make a choice.

    She wanted to relax in his masculine leadership.

    Travis didn’t step up, and that’s when her emotions changed from “What do you want to eat?” to “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us”.

    Your wife wants the GOOD feeling of knowing she just gave you something you really wanted.

    Saying, “Just warm up whatever happens to be the fridge” robs her of that good feeling.

    It’s very selfish to not know what you want

    How Travis Could Have Shown Masculine Leadership

    Especially for guys married to strong, independent women, letting her make the choices in the house feels easy.

    Deep down, these men are afraid she won’t like him if he faces her strong will.

    He’s afraid that saying what he really thinks will just be used against him.

    Here’s how Travis could have lead Sexy, FUN leadership:

    • “Meatloaf sounds great! Let’s have that.”
    • “No, we can’t look at Christmas lights tonight. We will next weekend. It will be fun!”
    • “You feel like you’re fighting all your battles alone? I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting. Let’s talk about it after I get out of the shower tonight when I’m not distracted.”

    A unique difference between masculine leadership vs feminine leadership is that masculine leadership is CONSISTENTLY based on values, boundaries, and standards, NOT emotions.

    Your leadership is still a gift even if she protests with comments like, “I don’t want meatloaf. I’d rather have a casserole.”

    Here’s why: She didn’t know what she wanted until you did.

    Feminine energy finds her truth when contained by strong masculine leadership

    Just as a river can’t reach the ocean without river banks, feminine can’t know what she wants or where she’s going until she encounters your clear choices

    In her article, “What Every Man Should Know About Women,” Author and mentor Teal Swan reveals how women live in constant fear.

    A woman’s fear is biologically woven into who she is as a feminine person.

    Strong independent women get tired of fending for themselves, but will struggle to let their armor down if they don’t feel safe.

    When a man consistently “contains” his wife’s emotions by taking ownership of the situation, it provides the woman with a sense of safety.

    Travis and Kate: A Few Months Later

    Travis had a mind-jolting insight into the obvious: What he was doing wasn’t working.

    He confided his frustrations with another man whom he respected.

    Once a week, they would meet at a local diner to talk about what was happening in Travis’s marriage.

    This wasn’t a time for complaining about their wives.

    These were times to connect and get clear on how to create trust and safety using masculine leadership.

    Travis began to realize most of his frustrations with Kate came from his own ways of thinking about her.

    When Travis’s mentor spoke to him man-to-man, everything made sense.

    Leadership and confidence weren’t something he had to go find, they were things he needed to stop holding back.

    Travis went on to create an intimate, fun-filled relationship with Kate.

    His only regret was that he let himself suffer for so many years before seeking the mentorship of an experienced man.

    How To Grow Your Masculine Leadership Right Now

    I take genuine, successful men through a field-tested process of masculine confidence development.

    Plant your feet on the solid ground of your values, boundaries, and personal standards by committing to this work.

    You’ll feel good stepping up as a natural leader in your relationship.

    Masculine leadership is sexy, and your wife wants to experience it.

  • Urgency To Fix Your Marriage Will End It

    Urgency To Fix Your Marriage Will End It

    Begging and pleading never help a struggling marriage because the urgency to fix your marriage will end it. That’s secret #4 of my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX).

    When I take you through my Masculine Confidence Framework, your calm inner man starts to emerge around session four. This version of yourself is emotionally grounded. A steady heartbeat, clear thoughts, and some swagger in your footsteps are noticeable. Like a movie scene when the hero walks away from an explosion without looking back, the thought of losing your wife no longer crumbles you. Slow and steady wins the marriage-saving race. Watch the video below or keep reading for a real-life example.

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    Urgency To Fix Your Marriage Will End It

    Andrew Learned The Hard Way That Urgency To Fix Your Marriage Will End It

    Andrew felt like a dagger was being pushed through his gut. 

    He was lying face down, motionless in bed.  

    His wife, Christy, was packing up the last of the food in the kitchen. 

    Their dog zipped around the room, excited for the car ride home. 

    They were at a lake cabin Andrew rented to celebrate their 7th wedding anniversary. 

    Outside, the December sun melted a crisp morning frost.  Inside, the silence was ominous. 

    Not a single fiber in Andrew wanted to get up. 

    He turned and noticed the full-wall mirror along the bed. 

    His gut sank deeper. 

    All hopes of having intimate lovemaking by this mirror the night before were shattered.

    The wine by the bed was unopened…the lingerie on the chair was unused…the roses on the table were ignored.

    Christy walked over to the bed. “Are you ready to go?” she asked.

    Andrew managed to follow Christy out to the car. 

    They passed a hand-drawn sign with their names on it. 

    The words “Happy Anniversary, Andrew & Christy” had welcomed their arrival 2 days prior. 

    Andrew’s blood ran cold as he tried to comprehend how badly the weekend had gone. 

    How Andrew Accidentally Created The Worst Anniversary Of His Life

    Three months ago…

    That’s when Christy’s emotional affair with her co-worker first came out. 

    Andrew’s initial pain of betrayal lifted when Christy broke off the connection with her affair partner.

    At that time, Christy told Andrew she wanted to work on their marriage.

    Andrew franticly scoured the web for a marriage counselor and booked a session. 

    He poured through YouTube videos about “how to save your marriage”. 

    He read blog after blog about “how to re-attract your wife”.  

    Every time he discovered a new “hack” he would use it on his wife. 

    He…

    • Took her on a hot air balloon ride attempting to re-create an adrenaline-infused positive experience with her
    • Showered her with love notes, surprise visits at work with coffee, flowers, long foot rubs, phone calls, and constant “I love you” texts just like when they were dating
    • Took old photos and made tear-jerking slide shows for her
    • Brought her to locations they had previously made good memories at
    • Bought her cute outfits and gifts
    • Took over doing the dishes, laundry, meals, and shopping
    • Flooded her with attention and deep emotional conversations

    Every spare moment Christy had, Andrew was by her side.  

    Andrew had one target in mind: He would have his marriage fixed by their anniversary. 

    He took great lengths to ensure the cabin he rented had everything Christy loved.  

    The whole weekend was carefully planned out. 

    A bubble bath, back rub, candles, music, new lingerie… Mathew felt confident going into the weekend they would have sex for the first time in months.

    All his expectations came crashing down as every attempt to seduce Christy over the weekend resulted in her turning away.

    She gave the dog plenty of affection, but Andrew’s craving for a kiss, cuddle, or any kind of acknowledgment went unmet. 

    Your Wife Is Not A Guinea Pig For Marriage Saving Hacks

    Andrew didn’t say a word as he and Christy drove home from the cabin. 

    Despite months of trying every marriage-saving hack he could find on the internet, their marriage was no better off. 

    When they arrived home, Andrew left Christy to unpack. 

    He took their dog into a travel trailer in the backyard and curled up on the bed. 

    Several hours later, Christy found him there.  She knocked and quietly entered.

     After sitting down on the edge of the bed she said, “Andrew, if we divorce, who gets the dog?”

    “How can you say that?”, Andrew replied. 

    Although he was bummed their marriage wasn’t fixed, hearing the word “divorce” was too much to take in. 

    Was she suggesting their marriage was over?

    Christy spoke again, “I’m just wondering… If we were to separate, how would we raise the dog?”

    Tears started streaming down Andrew’s face. 

    This kind of talk was NOT ok. “Don’t ever say that. We’re not getting a divorce. You’re my wife, forever. We’re Christians and don’t believe in divorce”, Andrew said firmly. 

    Christy got up and walked out. 

    She divorced Andrew before the month ended. 

    Why Urgency To Fix Your Marriage Will End It (And What To Do Instead)

    The story about Andrew is an example of what NOT to do. 

    There are no magic hacks, gifts, or words that will make your wife want to be with you.

    Those behaviors feel smothering at this point of marriage collapse. 

    There has to be a change in energy.

    Remember those giant bubble-making wands from when you were a kid? 

    After dipping it in soapy water, you had to slowly open it and let a slight breeze blow through it. 

    Go too fast, and the bubble would pop. 

    A slow, steady motion would make massive bubbles. 

    This is what your marriage is like. 

    Love and attraction are delicate.

    Addressing your urgent anxiety, fear, loneliness, expectations, and low self-esteem is what you need to be working on.

    Until you become a calm, confident, outcome non-dependent man, everything you try with your wife will have undertones of urgency. 

    Frantically trying every new marriage tip when your relationship is on the rocks will keep popping her love bubble.

     Behaving erratically like this leaves her confused about who you are.

    A confused woman can’t make a clear choice if she’s in or out.

    So here’s what you’re going to do about it: SLOW DOWN.

    These 5 questions will help you slow down:

    1. What if you believed what’s happening now is supposed to happen to get you where you’re supposed to be? (Did you just gloss over that? Read it again.)
    2. If you pause your reactions, what response would you choose?
    3. What’s a narrative about “right now” that feels better than your current story?
    4. How can you be self-reliant in order to give yourself what you need right now?
    5. What outcome are you attached to that you have no control over?

    Right now, your mind is racing to every possible worst outcome.

    It’s getting stuck on things you can’t control.

    You probably can’t even focus at work or sleep more than 3 hours.

    There are so many hopes you’re clinging to that need to be let go of.

    That’s the real issue right now, not your marriage.

    A Paradox: Urgency To Fix Your Marriage Will End It… BUT Letting It Go Can Save It

    I see it over and over with the men I work with…

    The man finally gets secure enough to let the marriage go… Then she circles back!

    It takes balls of steel to let someone you love go free.

    You can’t fake this kind of confidence.

    Your urgency to fix your marriage will end it because it oozes out of you, making her feel pressured.

    It leaks out of your eyes, breathing, movements, and tones.

    It’s needy and unattractive.

    What you need is real, internal change.

    A new way of thinking and a new framework to live by.

    Masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I help you make this deep internal change in our “The Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course“. 

    Click HERE to join an outstanding, value-based group of men. 

    Check out the energy in this video where men give their honest feedback.

    Can you sense the vibe of leadership and clarity they gained? 

    These are confident men who can create the marriage they want. 

    How Andrew Created An Amazing Life

    95% of men turn to porn, alcohol, or sex to numb the pain of rejection.

    These guys end up re-creating the same dynamics from their first marriage in their next relationship.  

    Andrew wasn’t this kind of man. 

    He joined the ranks of the 5% club and committed to addressing the underlying issues that destroyed his marriage. 

    Through the guidance of a seasoned mentor, Andrew gained a mindset that put him back in the driver’s seat of his life. 

    Christy’s divorce was a gift. 

    Andrew may never have committed to making deep internal changes if he hadn’t gone through the pain of losing his wife. 

    Although Christy had already filed for divorce, she noticed these changes in Andrew in the months that followed. 

    She liked it. 

    She wanted to go on adventures, meet up for coffee, and share her feelings with Andrew again.

    You might be surprised to learn Andrew did not take her up on this. 

    His clarity about what he wants, tolerates and values gave him certainty about the kind of woman he allows into his life. 

    Urgency to fix your marriage will end it.

    Resolving your anxious, deadline-driven expectations can bring about the attractive energy you both want.

    Lead your relationship to calmer, warmer waters by taking this next step. 

  • Why She’s Pulling Away From Intimacy (And How to Fix It)

    Why She’s Pulling Away From Intimacy (And How to Fix It)

    Many men, after being married to their wives for 18+ years, are wondering why she’s pulling away from intimacy. Is she ok? Am I ok? Are we ok? These are the thoughts of a frustrated, rejected husband. Let’s unpack what’s going on in this 3rd installment of my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets.

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    End Sexual Neediness – The Pungent Wife Repellent

    Secret# 3: End Sexual Neediness – The Pungent Wife Repellent.

    (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX)

    Matthew’s Advances Fell Flat

    The sun was out, the weather was perfect, and Matthew felt good.

    If the sky stayed clear, he’d finish painting the house.

    Even better, his wife, Amy, would be home soon from her graveyard shift.

    They had plans for coffee together, a rare moment of connection after ten days of barely seeing each other.

    But Matthew wasn’t just excited for coffee; he was horny.

    The thought of getting tangled up with Amy before they left made him smile.

    Then Amy walked in.

    No hello.

    No eye contact.

    Just walked right past him.

    Matthew followed her into the bedroom, hopeful.

    She let out a deep sigh.

    He stepped behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and groped.

    Amy stepped away.

    She walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

    The Reason Why She’s Pulling Away From Intimacy Isn’t What You Think

    Thirty minutes later, Matthew and Amy sat in silence at a coffee shop.

    Matthew was irritated.

    He’d had his mind set on sex, and it hadn’t happened.

    Amy was even quieter than usual.

    Trying to fill the dead air, Matthew talked about his plans to finish painting.

    A tear slid down Amy’s cheek.

    “Why are you crying, Amy?” he asked, setting his coffee down.

    Amy stared off.

    “Come on, Matthew. You should know me well enough by now. I shouldn’t have to say.”

    Matthew replayed the morning in his mind.

    What had he missed?

    Amy finally broke the silence. “I need you to care about me.”

    Her voice was as cold as her untouched coffee.

    Matthew was stumped and annoyed!

    Didn’t he just try to have sex with her an hour ago?

    Didn’t that prove he cared?

    “Maybe you just need some sleep,” he suggested.

    Amy shook her head, eyes narrowing. “I don’t need you to tell me what to do.”

    Matthew clenched his jaw.

    His patience was thin.

    “This is BS,” he thought.

    Arms crossed, determined to defend himself, he snapped: “Well, I do care about you, so I don’t know what your problem is.”

    Amy turned her face as another tear ran down her cheek.

    Pro Tip: If Matthew had simply said, “I hear you. What else are you feeling?” he could’ve stopped this crash before it happened. A woman’s words aren’t a conclusion; they’re the tip of the iceberg to something else she’s feeling.

    How Matthew Made Matters Worse

    That evening, Matthew was feeling better.

    The house painting had gone great.

    But he was still horny as hell.

    Amy slept most of the day.

    Even now, she was curled up in bed.

    Matthew stepped out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, and slid under the sheets next to her.

    He kissed her neck.

    She barely responded.

    “Come on, Amy. I’m gonna sleep like shit if we don’t have sex.”

    Amy sighed… that long, exhausted sigh Matthew had grown to hate.

    “Okay, fine. Just do your thing.”

    This was the kind of sex they had been having lately.

    Matthew hated it.

    Amy hated it.

    But here’s what Matthew didn’t understand: his need to relieve his horniness was all Amy could feel from him.

    Pro Tip: Your wife wants to feel your sexual desire, not your sexual neediness. There is a difference!

    If you don’t understand why she’s pulling away from intimacy, it’s time to notice the energy you bring to the room.

    A man full of sexual desire is playful, can tune into the present moment, and can create emotional intimacy before physical intimacy.

    Women love this guy!

    A man full of sexual neediness is laser-focused on getting to orgasm.

    He counts the days since they last had sex.

    He tries to get his wife to feel sorry for him when they don’t have sex.

    Women can’t stand this guy.

    How Matthew Fixed the Intimacy Issues in His Marriage

    If your marriage is like Matthew’s, there are some things you need to STOP doing.

    Stop doing things like:

    • Needing to be right.
    • Using her body as an outlet to get off
    • Trying to rationalize her into having sex
    • Getting upset when she’s not in the mood
    • Insisting she’s doing something wrong to you when she turns away

    That conversation Matthew and Amy had at the coffee stand?

    That could have led to an intimate moment.

    Matthew only needed to hold space for Amy to sort out her feelings with him.

    But he didn’t.

    He reacted, and she shut down.

    Tears indicate that there is more she wants to share, but she doesn’t feel safe to.

    Never mistake this cue.

    The reason why she’s pulling away from intimacy isn’t the first reason she says.

    If your woman’s eyes get glossy, she wants to open up; if only you could handle it.

    Thankfully, Matthew realized this cycle would destroy his marriage and got help.

    He found a mentor who guided him.

    And that’s when everything changed.

    He stopped letting his horniness override his awareness of how Amy was feeling.

    He learned to create a connection in moments that used to trigger his defensiveness.

    Amy felt his presence again.

    She felt his sexual desire, not his sexual neediness.

    And that’s when intimacy started to flow naturally again.

    Your Next Step If She’s Pulling Away From Intimacy

    You can’t hold space for another if you’re not rock-solid in yourself.

    The confidence you display when your wife pulls back is what attracts her to get close again.

    You can gain the same attractive masculine energy Matthew achieved in our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.

    Join an amazing group of men and learn to lead intimacy in marriage with confidence!

    If you’re ready to break free from frustration, rebuild attraction, and restore the deep, passionate intimacy you once had with your wife, then it’s time to step up. 

  • Emotional Pressure: The Silent And Deadly Marriage-Killer

    Emotional Pressure: The Silent And Deadly Marriage-Killer

    Nothing shuts your wife down like emotional pressure. It’s the silent and deadly marriage-killer. That’s secret #2 in my series of 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX).

    There were many points in my marriage when I didn’t know what was happening.

    My wife would spiral out, and I couldn’t make any sense of it.

    It’s frustrating when you genuinely don’t know what to do next.  

    I was oblivious to how I had been adding emotional pressure.

    I explain more in this video:

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    Pressure: The Silent And Deadly Marriage-Killer

    Why Emotional Pressure Ruins Marriages

    Emotional pressure is the opposite of attraction. 

    Here are some common marriage-killing forms of emotional pressure that you don’t want to put on your wife. 

    • Making YOUR feelings her problem
    • Withholding praise as “punishment” for her behaviours
    • Listening to “fix the problem”, not to understand her perspective
    • Needing her to make up her mind
    • Doing things for her with unspoken expectations

    To women, these hidden agendas feel like a snake in the grass.

    It keeps her tense, on guard, and hesitant to open up.

    It feels like emotional pressure, the silent and deadly marriage killer.

    If your wife recently said she wants a divorce, then there’s a whole new level of pressure to remove:

    • Let go of needing specific outcomes for the marriage
    • Don’t resist the divorce process
    • Stop spending every free moment with her
    • Speak calmly and follow through on what you say

    Force anything (animal or human) to do something, and you’ll get the same result: Resistance. 

    External pressure = resistance.

    Internal pressure = motivation.

    When a woman feels her own internal pressure, she makes positive changes because she wants to.

    But she can’t feel her own internal pressure if you’re glued other side, following her around, and begging for her to change her mind.  

    3 Things You Can Do Right Now To Build INTERNAL (Good) Pressure In Your Wife

    1. Identify something you’ve been making your wife responsible for that is your responsibility. Is it meal plans? The schedule this weekend? Walking the dog? Leading your own happiness? Pick something, make a decision, and follow through on it. Remove the emotional pressure of needing her to decide.
    2. Stop explaining yourself. Every word that leaves your lips drains your wife’s batteries. Every word she says fills her back up. Practice listening. Make short statements, not full explanations. Use the silence to give your wife your undivided attention with your ears when she’s around. That means listen to understand, not to respond. Attention affects women the same way sex affects men. Sex in a long-term relationship is a byproduct of emotional intimacy. Listening is the first step to facilitating emotional intimacy. 
    3. Stop holding others accountable for how you feel. This is your life, and only you can live it. Are you secretly hoping your wife will want to go for a walk? Go for the walk yourself. Are you blaming your wife’s behaviours for your misery? Go do something you love. Stop waiting for other people to give you something for you to be ok. Take action on your own initiative.

    Your Next Steps To Removing Emotional Pressure

    There’s an effective process I take men through.

    I help you:

    • Unplug from your wife’s moods and plug into solid men
    • Get an upgraded mental map to manage your triggers
    • Gain new perspectives to address faulty core beliefs causing your fear and anxiety
    • Become a happy, confident, emotionally present man 
    • Get solid in your values so you can feel integrity and confidently set boundaries
    • Clarify what you want and how to create it (very important)

    You become the kind of man who can lead a woman through her emotions with ease. 

    These are the results of being in my “Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course”.

    Doing things for your wife, hoping for a specific outcome, feels like emotional pressure.

    It’s time to take your expectations off her and put them on yourself.

    When you can lead yourself back to happiness, you can lead your family back to happiness.

    Want help?

  • 6 Dangerously Effective Marriage-Saving Secrets

    6 Dangerously Effective Marriage-Saving Secrets

    This is the first in my series of 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) I help extraordinary men create long-lasting love, deeper connection, intimacy, respect, and authentic affection through personalized masculine confidence coaching. The secrets I’m about to share are field-tested. They’ll bring lasting positive change to your relationships. 

    These Dangerously Effective Marriage-Saving Secrets Are Time-Proven

    I’ve been working with men in troubled marriages for years. 

    I’ve seen repeated patterns of trial and error.

    Many of my clients saved their marriages, even though their wives were ready to quit.

    That’s why I call these dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets… they really work!

    Let’s get into it.

    Secret 1: STOP Being A Wishy-Washy Husband 

    You watch a movie with your wife.

    Then she turns and asks, “Did you like it?”

    If you give a straight answer, great!

    You just provided something strong for her to feel about you.

    But if you said, “Well, I don’t know, babe… did you like it?”… then you avoided the question.

    Avoiding the question or leaving it open-ended feels wishy-washy to her.  

    It says you’re afraid to stand on your own two feet.

    Why does dropping wishy-washy behaviours save marriages?

    Because not having a clear opinion (or being quick to change it) feels manipulative to her.

    It feels slimy and controlling.

    She wants authenticity, not games.

    So why do we guys beat around the bush?

    If you’re like me, you’re hoping not to get in trouble.

    You don’t want to rock the boat.

    Her approval is important, and you don’t want to lose it.

    And that’s the real issue she senses.

    It makes her feel unsafe to be around you when you adjust yourself to try to gain something from her (like approval).

    Explaining Yourself Makes Her Lose Respect 

    A confident person says “yes” or “no” for one reason: Because that is what they want.

    Using a list of reasons to validate your choices feels wishy-washy.

    It makes her feel like you don’t trust your choice, so how can she?

    This sounds wishy-washy: “Honey, hopefully I’ll be home later tonight sometime if everything goes ok and traffic isn’t too bad.

    You’re avoiding a solid response so you don’t disappoint.

    And that’s the deeper issue.

    Your wife can sense that you fear disappointing her, and that affects your sex life.

    It’s hard for her body to soften to a man who walks on eggshells, hoping not to rock the boat.

    This sounds confident: “Honey, I’m planning to be home by 6:00. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

    No list of reasons.

    No holding others responsible.

    Just a clear statement.

    It can totally change your relationship.

    That’s why ending wishy-washy behaviors ranks as one of my dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets.

    Feminine Needs You To Be Direct

    In my youth, I played basketball with my friends.

    Our church gym had carpet floors… it made it hard to dribble the ball!

    Imagine your wife is dribbling a basketball. 

    The basketball is her feminine energy. 

    When the ball hits something firm, she can dribble the ball. 

    When the ball hits something soft, her need for safety hijacks her brain.

    A female’s sexual desire goes offline without safety. 

    She needs to feel your firmness to feel safe. 

    Your firmness is what polarizes her desires.

    Without opposites, there can be no polarity.

    What’s the opposite of being clear, direct, and firm?

    Being indecisive, emotional, and prodding… So expect this from your wife!

    It’s how she bounces her basketball off you.

    She’s testing if your behaviors are safe, no matter what hits you. 

    She’s giving you a “dribble test”.

    I explain more in this video:

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    (Part 1) 6 Dangerously Effective Marriage-Saving Secrets

    Walking on eggshells, avoiding conflict, answering indirectly, using a passive-aggressive tone – Those are traits of the wishy-washy husband!

    I lived this way most of my marriage. 

    I didn’t even know there were dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets to practice.

    It sucked. 

    It felt like a confusing, illogical, no-win rollercoaster.

    Being wishy-washy around your wife won’t stop until you lean on your own worth more than outside approval.

    Your Next Step To End Wishy-Washy Behaviours

    Do you beat around the bush when your wife needs a clear answer?

    Changing how you talk is the first step.

    But the real issue is deeper, and that’s what you need to work on.

    Ask yourself these 3 questions:

    1. What do I secretly try to gain by tiptoeing around my wife?
    2. What do I fear will happen if I speak my truth plainly?
    3. How would I address people if I trusted my intentions more than others’ interpretation of them?

    Wishy-washy tendencies are a symptom of a deeper fear.

    I’ll help you face that fear so being direct becomes natural for you.