Masculine Confidence Framework

Category: Masculinity

This section contains articles to help men be a masculine leader in their relationships.

Why Good Women Leave Good Men
This article sheds light on why good women leave good men even after many years together. I’m not some guru. What you read in this article is my own contemplation. I could be dead wrong. What do you think? Tell me in the comments!

A Controversial Reason Why Women Leave Good Men

Good Women Leave Good Men Without The Right Kind Of Love

There are 3 types of love.
- EROS: Romantic, sexual love
- AGAPE: Caring love
- PHILEO: Family bonding love
The world is filled with honest, good-intending, devoted, loving men who care deeply for their partner.

Men are straight shooters when it comes to love.

Either we always had a “thing” for a specific woman, or we didn’t.

Once a girl wins our heart, our love is permanent.

Just like our preference for the shirt we liked 10 years ago.

In my experience, something binds inside us guys when we “fall in love” with a woman.

Our eros & agape literally fuse together.

That means our romantic love and our caring love for her transcend life’s circumstances.

All of us men know what it’s like to care deeply for a woman and feel our primal urge to protect, care, provide, and give pleasure even if she doesn’t give two hoots about us.

It’s a kind of love that doesn’t even need to be reciprocated by her.

A Man’s Love Rarely Stops When She Doesn’t Love Him Back

Masculine love becomes unconditional towards a woman once eros and agape fuse together.

Even if our partner becomes the devil, rejects us, or has an affair, we still care for her on a primal level.

We don’t like what she’s doing, we prefer she change, but we still love her.

I know in my life, I can look back and still feel caring, romantic love for all the women I’ve fallen in love with (even if they never loved me in return).

Once Eros and Agape bind in us towards a woman, we can end up tolerating very toxic or unhealthy behaviors from her unless we have clear standards around what kinds of people we allow into our lives.

For this reason, it’s imperative to have clear boundaries around who we commit to regardless of how we feel.

Female Love Is Different Software

I don’t think eros and agape bind in a woman.

She feels them independently, one from the other.

This is my personal observation at least.

Women seem to have a binding of agape and philo which manifests as her mothering instincts for her family.

One could argue when a woman falls for a man, it’s more intense than we experience it.

But a woman’s eros (sexual) love for a man is fragile.

Eros, the erotic love, is based on how she feels RIGHT NOW.

It comes and goes.

What doesn’t come and go for her is the family bonding and caring love.

Even when a wife divorces her husband, she still feels bonded to him.

But the sexual attraction is long gone.

And you?

You’ll still get turned on by her.

When a woman loses her eros (sexual) love for her partner, she’s out.

Are you starting to see why good women leave good men?

The husband and wife are not bad people, but they need to feel all 3 versions of love.

And each has a different idea of what those versions are.

Good Women Leave Good Men When They Lose Erotic Love

Why do women lose erotic love?

It’s not because you’re ugly or because you snore.

Her erotic love is a result of feeling like you understand and can handle her emotions.

This is the polar opposite of men.

Men feel erotic love based on how beautiful she is (inside and out).

When your wife says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” she is saying feelings of eros (erotic) love are gone for her.

That’s why good women leave good men.

Her closed-off body is a physical representation of how her heart feels in the relationship.

This is really frustrating for us guys.

It feels like an injustice.

We thought getting married brought some kind of permanency to love.

The truth is, her love for us was always fragile.

In her article, “The Initiation of Relationship Anxiety,” Sheryl Finn explains what a woman is grappling with when she wants to end the relationship.

Your wife or girlfriend is experiencing the same instinct to RUN as we would if faced with a feral lion.

These are HER fears, HER wounds, and HER path to walk as an evolving person.

A woman is faithful to one thing: her feelings.

With this information, our male brains want to know ONE thing: WHY.

WHY did her feelings change?

Why can’t she feel sexual desire for me?

But this is the wrong question to ask.

Instead, ask yourself WHAT you will do next.

Trying to change your wife’s “why” has a 100% failure rate.

It’s like chasing a shadow…

Why do we like one fruit and not another?

Why do we prefer coffee with cream or without?

There is no reasoning behind these desires; they just are.

Don’t let this fact depress you.

Since she’s in a constant state of change, she can change back to loving you again.

Ironically, we men have a similar complex that prevents us from committing to “good women”.

For guys, we’ll choose the pretty girl over the hideous girl every time (even if the hideous girl would have been a way better partner).

The pretty girl “awakens” a care in us we don’t otherwise experience through Eros.

Loving her body isn’t enough in a long-term relationship.

That’s another reason why good women leave good men – eros love alone feels too shallow for her.

Both men and women are equally irrational when it comes to erotic love.

Both chase a version that is more a fairytale than reality.

But it’s still a necessity, and can’t be minimized.

How To Build Erotic Love With Your Wife

If you love a woman and she’s not on board with reciprocating your love, then you need to show self-respect and let her go.

Yup, you’ll still love her.

You’ll still find her attractive.

But erotic love is not built by chasing her.

It’s counterintuitive, but letting her go is what she will find most attractive.

A mature, happy, self-reliant, loving man develops his own standards to live up to.

Meeting those standards is what makes him feel good about himself.

You can hold the perfect frame for feminine love to grow by creating trust, safety, connection, and leadership.

Hold those standards for yourself, then let the pieces fall where they may.

We men have to learn to trust in the processes, not the immediate results.

The fragile, fleeting, ever-changing eros love of a woman sometimes takes hold in the space we create.

Sometimes it does not.

We create this space because of who we love to be, not because of how she responds to it.

Our intentions, values, and desires are something for us to live up to for our own sense of honor, not to win her approval.

Here’s the bottom line: The reason why good women leave good men is that her feelings changed, and thus her loyalty changed.

You can only take responsibility for your tone, vibe, and masculine energy.

The rest is up to her.

Forget Why Good Women Leave Good Men & Focus On Yourself

I teach men how to be the kind of confident, loving, grounded, emotionally available guy women feel drawn to.

Not to win the girl, but so that he can look at himself in the mirror with respect.

I show you how to be happy and think clearly, independent of what your partner throws at you.

Your state of well-being is no longer attached to her moods or fleeting desires.

Being a good man isn’t enough to maintain erotic attraction in a long-term relationship.

But a man who doesn’t lean on his wife’s emotions to feel ok about himself is.

I show you how to be more secure, so you feel back in control.
January 31, 2024
Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)
I want you to know that masculine leadership is sexy even if your wife is a very alpha, driven person. That’s secret# 5 in my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) This article is not for the controlling jackass who bosses his wife around or treats women with disrespect. Quite opposite. The tips you’re about to learn ARE for the man who mistakenly thought letting his wife wear the pants in the relationship would make her happy. Even if your wife has a stubborn streak, deep down, she feels leadership is sexy.

Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

Why Kate Was Unhappy In Her Marriage

Kate looked up from her phone and asked, “What do you want for dinner?”

Travis almost didn’t hear her.

He was lost in his laptop, browsing new real estate listings.

“I don’t care. Whatever is easy”, Travis replied with a smile.

Kate said, “We have some leftover meatloaf. Or I could do a casserole”.

Travis’s eyes stayed on his computer.

He had no idea Kate was seeking his masculine leadership.

He was more interested in the new listing he just found.

“Whatever you want, honey. If one of those is near the front of the fridge, just warm that up”, he suggested.

“Think we could watch a nature show tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Or we could go for a drive and look at Christmas lights!”, Amy said with enthusiasm.

“Maybe”, Travis mumbled as he tried to cut and paste an address from his web browser.

Kate’s voice got serious, “I just think we need to prioritize making efforts for our relationship.”

“Huh?”, Travis said, confused.

Kate’s face got emotional.

Her throat tightened as she said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us. I always have to fight alone”.

Travis tried to make sense of how the conversation went from dinner to prioritizing their relationship.

He felt himself getting angry.

“Kate, you’re a strong, independent woman. You love plowing your own way through life. The battles you fight, you bring on yourself”, he scolded disapprovingly.

Hearing this did not sit well with Kate.

Kate began walking out of the room.

In a frustrated tone, she turned around and said, “Never mind.”

Travis heard her walk into their bedroom and close the door.

About an hour later, his mind was still foggy as he tried to process his conversation with Kate.

He felt a little resentful that she didn’t make him anything to eat.

While he warmed up some meatloaf in the microwave, he could hear a nature show coming from the TV in their bedroom.

Yay!

Dinner in bed would be fun.

Travis brought his plate to bed and nestled next to Kate.

She fell asleep moments later.

He finished the episode by himself.

This wasn’t the fun, connected, sexy evening he had hoped for.

Masculine Leadership Is Sexy, Management Is Not

Each time Kate brought up a question, Travis tried to avoid leadership by putting the choice back on her.

Management is a form of damage control.

You’ll never be responsible for damage if other people make the choices!

In the business world, a manager has one job: Use the systems in place to keep the show going.

The leader of a company looks broad range.

A leader ensures effort is spent on the right problems based on where he wants the company to go.

Without leadership, managers can end up straightening chairs on a sinking Titanic, assuming effort=success.

You’ll win the battle but lose the war.

The same applies to your marriage.

Here are the replies Travis gave his wife in the story above:
- “I don’t care”
- Whatever is easy”
- “Whatever you want honey”
- “Maybe”
- “Huh?”
Do those sound like words of leadership to you?

Those replies were attempts to put out small fires.

That’s what managers do.

Even the strongest, most independent, business-minded woman wants to relax.

Her sexuality goes offline if she isn’t relaxed.

Leadership allows her to relax and step out of the guessing game.

She can’t do that with a manager.

Every time Kate bounced options off Travis, she wanted him to make a choice.

She wanted to relax in his masculine leadership.

Travis didn’t step up, and that’s when her emotions changed from “What do you want to eat?” to “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us”.

Your wife wants the GOOD feeling of knowing she just gave you something you really wanted.

Saying, “Just warm up whatever happens to be the fridge” robs her of that good feeling.

It’s very selfish to not know what you want

How Travis Could Have Shown Masculine Leadership

Especially for guys married to strong, independent women, letting her make the choices in the house feels easy.

Deep down, these men are afraid she won’t like him if he faces her strong will.

He’s afraid that saying what he really thinks will just be used against him.

Here’s how Travis could have lead Sexy, FUN leadership:
- “Meatloaf sounds great! Let’s have that.”
- “No, we can’t look at Christmas lights tonight. We will next weekend. It will be fun!”
- “You feel like you’re fighting all your battles alone? I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting. Let’s talk about it after I get out of the shower tonight when I’m not distracted.”
A unique difference between masculine leadership vs feminine leadership is that masculine leadership is CONSISTENTLY based on values, boundaries, and standards, NOT emotions.

Your leadership is still a gift even if she protests with comments like, “I don’t want meatloaf. I’d rather have a casserole.”

Here’s why: She didn’t know what she wanted until you did.

Feminine energy finds her truth when contained by strong masculine leadership

Just as a river can’t reach the ocean without river banks, feminine can’t know what she wants or where she’s going until she encounters your clear choices

In her article, “What Every Man Should Know About Women,” Author and mentor Teal Swan reveals how women live in constant fear.

A woman’s fear is biologically woven into who she is as a feminine person.

Strong independent women get tired of fending for themselves, but will struggle to let their armor down if they don’t feel safe.

When a man consistently “contains” his wife’s emotions by taking ownership of the situation, it provides the woman with a sense of safety.

Travis and Kate: A Few Months Later

Travis had a mind-jolting insight into the obvious: What he was doing wasn’t working.

He confided his frustrations with another man whom he respected.

Once a week, they would meet at a local diner to talk about what was happening in Travis’s marriage.

This wasn’t a time for complaining about their wives.

These were times to connect and get clear on how to create trust and safety using masculine leadership.

Travis began to realize most of his frustrations with Kate came from his own ways of thinking about her.

When Travis’s mentor spoke to him man-to-man, everything made sense.

Leadership and confidence weren’t something he had to go find, they were things he needed to stop holding back.

Travis went on to create an intimate, fun-filled relationship with Kate.

His only regret was that he let himself suffer for so many years before seeking the mentorship of an experienced man.

How To Grow Your Masculine Leadership Right Now

I take genuine, successful men through a field-tested process of masculine confidence development.

Plant your feet on the solid ground of your values, boundaries, and personal standards by committing to this work.

You’ll feel good stepping up as a natural leader in your relationship.

Masculine leadership is sexy, and your wife wants to experience it.
January 31, 2024
How To Know If Your Marriage Can Be Saved
Here’s how to know if your marriage can be saved: If your wife has only experienced a version of you who provided for the family and wanted sex, then your marriage has hope! She hasn’t fully experienced masculine/feminine polarity with you yet. That polarity is the secret to attraction. And shoveling the sidewalk or changing oil in her car wasn’t that. This article explains 4 ways your marriage will fail without masculine/feminine polarity.

4 Reasons Your Marriage Will Fail Without Masculine/Feminine Polarity

1. Without Masculine/Feminine Polarity, You Become Roommates

Regardless of your gender, you feel attraction to what polarizes you.

Opposites create polarity.

Imagine a soft, sweet, affectionate woman who smells like strawberries.

Her entire body is hairless, and she giggles in a high voice.

Sound attractive?

Opposites attract.

The idea of masculine/feminine polarity is not a new concept.

In Tony Robin’s article, “How to increase relationship polarity” he says, “When your relationship polarity becomes too similar, passion dies“.

Harmony and polarity are not the same.

Similar likes, dislikes, and perspectives is harmony.

It’s what friends do… and roommates!

Polarity is a spark.

Where there’s Polarity, there’s energy.

Polarity pulls you out of your comfort zone.

It makes you feel sexual passion.

A healthy relationship needs “spark” to fire on all cylinders.

Asking how to know if your marriage can be saved is the wrong question.

Asking how to have more masculine/feminine polarity is the right question.

2. Your Wife Cannot Relax Into Intimacy Unless She Feels Your Strong Containment

Containment is not control.

Containment is your protection.

What would you do if thugs tried to break into your house?

You would protect your family!

That’s containment on a physical level.

It’s time to learn how that looks on an emotional level.

Your wife needs to know you can protect her emotionally, even from herself.

She needs something to challenge to know where she stands.

If you react or become defensive, you’re adding to the attack, not the containment.

If you don’t handle her emotions with grace and presence, she doesn’t feel your masculine containment.

Masculine/feminine polarity is created when your steady presence with her emotions relaxes her need to hide them.

Your wife is fully capable of providing her own masculine containment.

She can put her emotions in a box and only show you the parts she thinks you can handle.

But this doesn’t feel feminine to her; it feels masculine.

Polarity is lost.

She feels like she has to be her own man to contain her emotional flow.

A woman who has become her own man will grow resentful, angry, and burned out.

Worst of all?

She loses her desire for sex.

Here’s how you restore masculine/feminine polarity by being the masculine container:
- Stop reacting to her feelings and start responding from your values.
- Take extreme ownership of her like you would a new car (this means being interested in what’s best for her and taking action so it happens).
- Be quick to lead and to serve, but not to please (you don’t need momma to be happy for you to be happy).
- Listen to what your wife says to understand it, not to give it answers or to fix it.
Being this way grounds your relationship.

And grounding is key for masculine/feminine polarity.

3. Sexual Intimacy Needs An Initiator And A Reciever

It’s time to stop complaining that your wife never initiates sex.

Initiating is a masculine trait.

Want her to be feminine?

Be masculine by going first.

Not just in the bedroom, across the board.

A man who waits for his wife to plan the weekend, decide what’s for dinner, or figure out the holidays is not going first.

He’s being a receiver.

He’s reducing masculine/feminine polarity, and his sex life will suffer.

Both men and women can embody masculine or feminine energy.

There’s nothing wrong with switching roles sometimes.

Getting STUCK in the opposite polarity is the problem.

A man stuck in feminine energy will:
- Grow passive, indecisive, and depressed
- Feel like he’s at the mercy of those in his life
- Blame others for how he feels
- Let people walk over him
- Avoid conflict like the plague
- Hope and fantasize about sexual intimacy instead of leading it
- Assume others are responsible for dealing with inconveniences in his life
Why?

Because in his heart of hearts, he is a king.

You’re asking how to know if your marriage can be saved.

I’m asking you if your wife has experienced you as a king.

A king leads, does hard things, and takes responsibility for his actions.

A king also does what’s best even if it makes him unpopular.

Your relationship won’t survive unless someone takes charge in the realm of intimacy.

That somebody is YOU.

4. Until You Pass A Woman’s Tests, You Won’t Experience Her Full Depth Of Love

When your wife complains about the toilet seat, she doesn’t want to talk about toilet seats.

Little negs like this are how she tests to see how you handle it.

Something totally unrelated is gnawing at her, and she’s testing how you respond.

If you defend, explain, or avoid, she won’t bring up the real thing bothering her.

That’s why you need to pass these small tests by not arguing or defending.

Get curious and provide a safe space for her with your tone and presence.

The real issue eventually comes out.

A deeper layer opens, and so does her deeper love and sexual desire.

Before she can totally let go in the bedroom, she needs to test how safe you are outside the bedroom.

She feels masculine/feminine polarity when she can’t rock your boat over stupid stuff like toilet seats.

How To Know If Your Marriage Can Be Saved With Masculine/Feminine Polarity

If your wife has already experienced the best version of you and doesn’t like it, then your marriage probably can’t be saved.

But if you know you could be so much better then the past, there is hope.

I teach a highly effective process for becoming a man with polarizing masculine energy.
- You learn a new way to think about your feelings.
- You make choices from your non-negotiable values.
- You stop orbiting around her approval and start creating the life you want
- You become a man who is irresistible to women!
Since feminine is wired to be a responder, you doing this work first is very effective.

Masculine/feminine polarity is a natural occurrence.

Let’s talk about your current situation.
January 30, 2024
How To Manage Conflict With Your Wife

Conflict with your wife can feel like the exact opposite of respect and love. It makes perfect sense that you hate it. But even when you bend over backward to keep the peace, the blow-ups still happen. That’s when a lot of men shut down, tap out, or agree with her just to avoid another explosion. And then they wonder why the intimacy disappears. Here’s a story that will show you 3 mistakes to avoid at all costs if you want to have more loving and less fighting in your marriage.

Blow-Up With Wife: 3 Mistakes To Avoid

How Tom Used To Handle Conflict With His Wife

Tom’s head was spinning.

The last 20 minutes with his wife Jessica had gone horribly wrong.

They had taken a quick weekend vacation.

She had seemed a little “off” at the hotel that morning.

On the drive home, something imploded in her.

“I don’t feel appreciated or loved by you…I need you to give me more verbal affirmation“, Jessica complained.

Tom thought to himself, “Well if you want to be told you’re sweet, maybe you should act sweet”. Even though he didn’t say this out loud, Jessica could sense he was thinking it.

“But I do love you,” Tom Argued. “Just look at all I do for us to have a nice house and dependable income. I’m always nice to you and have never hit you or done anything abusive.”

“You never kiss me unless we’re having sex”, Jessica snapped back.

Lately, this was true.

Jessica had put on a few pounds.

She had been getting more cranky and moody.

These were all turn-offs for Tom.

He felt kissing her would reward her moody behavior.

Tom said, “Ok, fine. I’ll stop kissing during sex if you don’t like it.”

“That’s not the point. Just, never mind. You never get it!!”, She replied.

Jessica was crying now. She turned away and refused to talk.

Tom felt stumped.

What should he do now?

Manage Conflict With Your Wife By Avoiding Tom’s 3 Mistakes

Mistake #1: Tom tried countering each of Jessica’s objections with a solution.

All he needed to do was affirm her own emotions back to her.

The issue is never what your wife brings up in the moment.

I know, this doesn’t make sense…

Men bring up something because it’s the issue at hand.

But resolving conflict with your wife isn’t logical for her.

Think of the female brain like a pot.

She’s been collecting bits and pieces in this pot for a while.

At some point, she realizes the bits and pieces stink.

She’ll pull one piece out and say it’s why the pot stinks.

The reality is, it’s a combination of many pieces that stink.

So whether she’s complaining about the dishwasher not being loaded, your love language, or the way you laughed when she tripped, her issue is not with that specific thing.

Mistake #2. Tom lowered the bar for her behaviour by withholding praise.

Women grow towards what’s praised or honored.

Men grow towards what’s respected or what feels like freedom.

Here’s a concept that’s hard for men to grasp:

We set the bar for our wife’s behavior by praising her before she reaches it.

Want a wife who is sweet and kind?

Praise her for being sweet and kind.

Want a loving, affectionate wife?

Praise her for loving.

When you demonstrate high regard for her, she grows towards it like a tree grows towards light.

If you never praise her, it only adds to the conflict with your wife.

A win-lose mindset prevents you from praising her.

It will feel like “letting her win”.

An abundance mindset knows that a rising tide raises all boats.

Praising her improves the relationship that YOU are in.

Mistake #3: Tom had stinkin’ thinkin’.

Your feelings come from your perceptions that live in your thoughts.

A negative or victimhood thought pattern will make you experience your wife that way.

Tom needed to relax in his sense of well-being to regulate his own triggers.

He needed to not take his stinkin’ thinkin’ so seriously.

This would have created an energy of understanding and empathy toward Jessica.

Your wife can always smell what you think.

Women’s sixth sense is keen.

That’s why you can’t talk your way out of something you’ve behaved yourself into.

When a man is relaxed in his self-worth and innate value, he doesn’t sink into victimhood when his wife is having “a moment”.

He can remain present in a strong, loving way.

When you provide this kind of emotional leadership, she will sift through all the smelly pieces in her “pot” and get them sorted on her own.

In the end, you’re still there.

You’re calm.

You’re “with her”.

Your wife needs this unique masculine gift to feel safe enough to relax into her soft, feminine state.

Tom needed to realize his feelings (like confusion and frustration) were coming from his thinking, not his wife’s complaints.

I wish I could tell you Tom learned from his mistakes and turned his relationship around.

He did not.

Tom assumed his wife was crazy and continued to criticize her reactions.

If you don’t learn to manage conflict with your wife, it can cost you your marriage.

It cost Tom his.

This was the wake-up call Tom needed to finally get some help.

Having mentorship from an experienced man changed everything for Tom.

He became the man he always knew he could be.

It was too late for his marriage, but it wasn’t too late to create amazing relationships going forward.

How To Be The Man Your Wife Can’t Get Enough Of

You can break the cycles of conflict with your wife.

Your relationship with your thoughts is the first thing to address.

Learning boundaries and not taking things personally is the next.

You know an argument takes two, right?

When you change, everything changes.

You can be a man who leads his wife through her emotions with ease.

Let me show you how.

January 30, 2024
How To Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her
I’m going to show you why it’s so dam attractive when you lead your wife without controlling her.

Leadership is a unique masculine gift, and it’s about giving people choices.

Feminine leadership is about drawing people in through relationships, beauty, or receptivity.

See the difference?

Society teaches that men and women are equals.

It says pointing out differences is “racist” and therefore BAD.

But your marriage will fail without masculine leadership being different from feminine leadership.

That statement I just made will offend many people.

It can push them into the streets to protest for something that nobody can even give them… Their SELF-WORTH.

This is because somewhere along the line, we as a culture have forgotten where our value lies.

We think others can give us value or take it from us.

Value is something nobody can take from you because your value does not lie OUTSIDE you. Your value lies INSIDE who you’re BEING.

When I talk about masculinity and femininity, it has nothing to do with who is better, more powerful, more valuable, or equal.

When I say “masculine leadership,” this in no way implies that women are “less than.”

There are basic rules to our universe:
- What goes up must come down
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction
- What you resist will persist
- Polarity creates attraction
A battery needs a positive and a negative post to power electronics.

Without this polarity, your car couldn’t have lights or a radio.

Neither the positive nor the negative post is better than the other.

But both posts are opposites!

If you want to lead your wife without controlling her, you must value how she is your opposite.

Masculine Leadership Feels Safe To Feminine

A car only needs one steering wheel to reach its destination.

When the driver knows where he’s going, he’s confident at the wheel.

When he’s confident at the wheel, everyone onboard can relax.

You can be the feminine energy in your relationship if you want.

Some men feel most alive when they are the flowing, soft, receptive, nurturing partner.

Other men feel most alive when they are clear, direct, logical, and creators of action towards definite plans and a definite purpose.

Many people try to shoot down the latter man because he makes them feel uncomfortable about their own state of inaction or their own lack of purpose.

What the clear, logical man is actually doing is providing masculine leadership.

Feminine leads by drawing things in.

She draws things into her life through beauty, receptivity, relationships, and emotions.

That’s why her Instagram post gets 10k likes, and yours gets 3 (it’s mostly her looks drawing them in).

You lead by what you create.

She leads by what she exposes (like her feelings, looks, etc.)

When you lead your wife without controlling her, she feels free to express her femininity.

She feels free to lead how she’s meant to.

That’s why it’s so dam attractive to her.

Bossing People Around Is Not Leadership

The bully thinks he knows how to lead.

So does the dictator and micromanager.

And we tend to copy the leadership of those we grew up under.

It’s easy to think of leadership as being in charge.

The guy who calls the shots.

The one who bull-dogs his way through life.

But telling people what to do or what we want is not leading them, it’s trying to control them.

Dictating is highly effective but short-lived.

There’s no loyalty, no love, only fear.

Bossing people around doesn’t lead them because you’re trying to push them.

Leaders are out in front.

They go first.

They live by example.

Then they offer choices for others to join.

How To Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her

Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her By Offering Choices

Let’s say you and your wife are in the kitchen.

She just said something rude or hurtful.

1. Get curious about how she must feel to make such a rude comment. Lead her to that feeling by suggesting a few feelings you think she might be having. Let her choose the feeling that’s most accurate for her.

2. State how it makes you feel to hear her rude comment rather than sweeping it under the rug. Masculine leadership stays present even with uncomfortable feelings.

3. Lead her to the next step by offering it. If you yell, argue, or shut down, you are leading her to do the same. Never underestimate the power of mirroring neurons in the brain! She feels invited to act how you are acting. She may not always choose it, but hold that bar for both of you.

Another great way to lead your wife without controlling her is to simply say what’s next.

It makes her feel like you’re at the wheel of the car.

Say what your plan is for the day.

Before you disappear into the garage for a project, say you are disappearing into the garage to work on a project.

Even your kids need this kind of leadership.

Let’s say you took them to the park.

You decide it’s time to go.

A leader would say: “Almost time to go! Do you want to get in the car in 5 minutes or in 10 minutes?”

A dictator would say: “Get in the car, we’re leaving!”

The same rules apply to your wife, even if she’s a strong, independent woman.

Giving her choices helps her relax.

Even strong women love to relax.

Lead Your Wife Without Controlling Her By Holding The Wheel

If a car had a steering wheel for each passenger, the destination would never be reached.

Hell, if a car had no steering wheel or GPS guidance system, the destination would never be reached.

Your marriage is that car.

Your marriage will not work unless someone is at the wheel.

I was the man who abandoned the driver’s seat of my marriage because my wife was complaining about my “driving” (and lack of “driving”).

I decided to let her have a turn rather than step up.

She seemed good at planning the weekends, making the phone calls, setting the boundaries, and initiating hard conversations, so I never did.

This feels like pressure to a woman.

It suffocates her.

She’ll love you, but not feel in love with you.

She’ll jump onto someone else’s car as soon as it comes along.

If your marriage is struggling, removing pressure is the most effective way to save the relationship.

Masculine leadership feels like a huge load lifted off her shoulders.

It will feel natural for you.

You already have deep values and a unique masculine archetype that you can lead from.

But you might be disconnected from them right now.

I’ll help you stop holding back your awesome masculine gifts with a renewed clarity of who you are.

How To Become The Natural Leader Your Wife Loves

Everything I teach is time-tested and very relatable for men.

You’ll be shocked at how many issues men face that are exactly like yours.

Most of the transformation happens in your mind.

You have a narrative running that needs to be challenged and reframed.

I want you to feel invincible, clear, and strong in your marriage.

Your wife does too.

This work won’t just benefit you; it benefits your family and those closest to you.

Let’s jump on a call, and I’ll explain how it all works.
January 25, 2024