By the time you come to me asking how to stop feeling like a victim in your marriage, you’ve already taken a beating. Maybe not a physical beating, but an emotional one. It feels like your wife gets to act however she wants, but you’re supposed to watch your words. It’s like your feelings don’t matter, but hers are supposed to mean everything. You don’t want to be the victim, but every time you assert yourself, things get worse. Here’s how you become the creator of what you want instead of the victim of other people’s feelings.
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How to Stop Feeling Like a Victim in Your Marriage When Everything Feels Against You
Most men believe their power to create what they want is in what they can do.
They can use their two hands to build things or their brain to solve problems.
But there is an advanced level of “creator” that you can become, where you are the creator of your reality.
Reality goes beyond what you can hold in your hands or smell with your nose.
You get to create the meaning those things have to you.
You get to give life events the connotation you want, as they happen.
Something like divorce or loss of child custody might seem like a 100% negative future.
But the future will only feel negative, hopeful, despairing, or interesting based on the narrative you give it in your mind.
It’s the story running in your head about what’s happening that makes you feel like a victim or not.
Learning how to stop feeling like a victim in your marriage means noticing that narrative and how you always have the power to create a new narrative to give purpose to your suffering.
YOU are the one assigning meaning to the situation.
YOU get to create the future you want by exercising your power of CHOICE to create the meaning you give to life’s experiences.
Creation is the opposite of victimhood.
And it all starts with the label you choose to give your feelings.
How to Stop Feeling Like a Victim in Your Marriage by Taking Back Control of Your Responses
There’s a gap between what happens and how you respond to what happens.
That gap is everything.
One man faces rejection and stays grounded, curious, and steady.
Another man faces the same situation and collapses into panic, anger, or desperation.
The difference between these two men is that one is focusing on what’s in his control (his response) and the other is just reacting to it.
You can think, “This is happening to me,” Or “This is happening for me”.
That small shift changes you from feeling like a victim to feeling in control.
Your Next Step To Taking Back Control
You’ll learn in therapy that your dad might have been abusive or your mom didn’t love you, and that trauma is why you feel how you feel.
There’s some truth in that.
After you stub your toe, you’ll always hesitate around bedframes and corners.
But identifying your traumas gives you no clarity about how to create the life you want.
Your relationship with your thoughts is what we need to talk about.
You are creating your reality moment by moment based on the narrative you tell yourself.
My Masculine Confidence Framework helps you build a new relationship with your thoughts so that you no longer feel like a victim in life.
If you’re really in the pit of despair and are struggling with depression or grief, get my book on how to heal grief HERE.
Or reach out.
