Masculine Confidence Framework

Tag: Marriage Advice for Men

(Part 1) Failing Marriage: 3 Things To Avoid

This is part 1 in a 3-part series. Fair warning. This might be triggering to read. Trust me when I say triggers need to be faced for relationships to improve. Keep reading to see how a man named Luke learned the hard way that triggers are not a guide for recovering a failing marriage. Also, notice how often Luke changes his mind as he’s met with new advice or his wife’s reactions. If you want to stop the downward spiral towards divorce, don’t be a “Luke”.

Luke’s Wife Could Sense His Indecisiveness

3 Days ago.

That’s when Luke’s wife, Hailey, said the dreaded words, “I want a divorce”.

Luke’s world was turned upside down.

He knew their marriage had issues, but he was shocked she would go so far as to divorce him.

Luke’s emotions were overwhelming.

He couldn’t keep the tears back.

He cried, begged, and pleaded for Hailey to change her mind.

Nothing he said could sway her decision.

Determined to keep the marriage together, Luke turned to Reddit for advice.

“If she wants divorce, let her figure out the divorce paperwork on her own,” several men advised.

Another man said, “If she wants to move out, let her do it herself”.

Luke followed this advice and told Hailey she was all on her own if she wanted to leave him.

Hearing this upset Hailey, but she resolved to move forward with the divorce regardless.

A few days later, Luke read a free E-book about how to stop divorce.

The E-book strongly recommended showing leadership by taking charge of the divorce process.

The E-book claimed that many women reconsider their desire for divorce when they witness their partner taking on a leadership role and meeting their needs.

Luke took this advice to heart and changed his approach towards divorce.

Luke told Hailey, “I’ve got moving vans and a storage unit rented, and will help you figure out the divorce paperwork”.

Hailey let out a huge sigh of relief.

With teary eyes, she said, “Thank you so much, Luke, that means a lot to me”.

Over the next few days, Luke stayed true to his word and helped Hailey pack her things and categorize their assets.

Luke Second-Guessed Himself

Luke could hardly sleep at night with his intense grief gnawing at his gut.

He loved Hailey dearly, and helping her with the divorce process was tearing him up.

Luke turned to YouTube in the wee hours of the morning seeking advice on how he could save his marriage.

A popular influencer said something that resonated with him.

The influencer said, “A healthy relationship needs honest and vulnerable communication to grow deeper”.

This jumped out to Luke.

Over the years, Hailey had many times said, “I want to know what you’re feeling, why won’t you open up to me?”

Hailey also complained regularly about his aversion to conflict.

The next YouTube video Luke watched said, “The strength she craves is proven by your ability to stand up to her and set boundaries.”

Luke realized he was bulldozing his own feelings by helping Hailey with the divorce.

What do you think Luke did?

You guessed it, he once again changed his approach.

The very next day, he told Hailey, “I’m setting a boundary that I can’t help you with this divorce.”

Hailey’s eyes filled with frustration and she said, “This is why I’m divorcing you! I never know where you stand because you’re always changing your position!”

Luke replied, “No I don’t! You always make poor choices that put you in situations I don’t want any part of!”

Luke defended himself by explaining he was trying to be open with his feelings and stand up for himself like she had always wanted him to.

Hailey got up and said, “I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight. We’re done”.

How Luke Should Have Responded To His Failing Marriage

Avoid changing your mind because of a triggering, painful feeling.

Urgency and desperation are never good reasons to make big decisions, especially in a failing marriage.

Trust me when I say it’s better to confidently make the wrong choice and follow through than to keep changing your mind in search of the right choice.

Luke felt uncertain about how to respond to Hailey because he was using her responses to validate whether his choices were correct.

He also didn’t know how to process grief on his own.

That pain and loneliness drove him to try a different approach.

A mature, masculine man must not let his feelings control his choices like this!

Luke needed to establish a clear personal code that he could follow confidently, regardless of Hailey’s choices.

He needed a map to follow that didn’t change when his feelings changed.

Females are more tuned into our state of self-confidence than they are to the logic supporting our decisions.

If our behaviors are in flux each time a new perspective emerges, we demonstrate that our intentions can be manipulated.

During separation or divorce, the need for consistency is irreplaceable.

Resist following every new bit of advice you hear and stick to your own code of conduct!

It’s okay to change your mind when you do it slowly and deliberately.

But never change your mind just because you feel rushed or triggered.

How You Can Gain Clear, Decisive Thinking In A Failing Marriage

In my masculine confidence framework, I teach you how to sort preferences from values so you can hold yourself to a personal code no matter what.

Many men confuse stubbornness with confidence and wonder why they frustrate their wives when they try to hold their ground.

I will show you how to respond to your wife in a way that makes YOU feel good and opens her heart towards you.

Let’s talk!

I can’t spoon-feed confidence to you, but you can show up to our call with a commitment to positive change as your first step to saving your failing marriage.

July 19, 2024
My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!
I tip my hat to you, brother! Saying, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t” bears testimony of your love and care for the relationship. Trying to keep your family and marriage together is a noble act! This article will help you focus on root issues that must be addressed for your marriage to be saved. I’m including a true story about how one of my clients saved his marriage.

Do Not Do What You Feel Like Doing

Notice how paramedics behave when they show up to the scene of an accident.

They arrive calm, intentional, and focused on their role without adding to the drama.

Almost all the things you feel like saying, feel like doing, and feel should make your wife want to stay in the marriage will only push her away.

The reason is simple.

Right now, you are in a state of fear and desperation.

You’re insecure about the future of your marriage.

Have you ever met a desperate salesperson?

Did you want to buy from them?

I think you see my point.

To save your marriage, you’ll need to do things that will feel counterintuitive.

The proof is in the pudding; just read the true story below.

Paul Told Me, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!”

Paul came to me desperate to save his marriage of 10 years.

Over the last two years, he had tried to be the best husband possible to turn his marriage around.

Then he learned his wife had been having an emotional affair.

Ugh.

Paul was hurt beyond words.

He’d cut off his right arm if it could save his marriage and keep his family together.

About 20 minutes into our conversation, it became obvious what was wrong with his relationship.

Paul’s wife had become her own man.

We can identify when our wife has become her own man when she…
- Is making most of the decisions
- Is the only one addressing conflict with friends and family
- Has been in charge of the romance department for a long time
- Is being logical, punctual, and direct
- Acts from her thinking instead of her heart
- Notices what needs to be done and goes first
The magic formula for marriage to work is for the man to be masculine and for the woman to be feminine.

Men can choose to be masculine whenever they want.

However, a woman isn’t necessarily able to be feminine whenever she wants.

Like a flower that needs water, soil, and sunlight, a woman’s femininity needs a safe environment to emerge.

Women who become their own men are made, not born.

For many years, Paul had been wishy-washy in his choices.

He avoided conflict and placated to whatever would make his wife happy.

Pleasing her during intimacy was his source of personal validation.

Since he didn’t want to come off as an asshole, he would always agree with her and not set boundaries.

His mantra had been, “Happy wife, happy life”.

And that set his wife up to feel alone and unprotected.

Her fun, flirty, soft, and affectionate side needed a knight standing at the door for her to feel safe.

A knight is NOT:
- A people pleaser
- Reactive
- Conflict avoidant
- Afraid of her emotions
- Easily triggered
Those traits make women feel like they have to fend for their own safety.

A woman who fends for her own safety will put up her guard and become her own man.

There is ZERO chemistry once your wife becomes her own man.

How Paul Saved His Marriage

Paul and I worked together for almost nine months.

Over that time, we focused on building his masculine frame so he could have confidence in his relationship.

He learned how to respond from his own agency and to interact with his wife from a place of empathy and curiosity.

The biggest test to his confidence came when I told him, “If you love her, you need to let her go.”

Paul finally stopped resisting the divorce process his wife had been asking for all along.

He finally accepted that if she couldn’t see a future with him, then she was free to go.

This was not an easy choice, and it weighed heavily on him for weeks.

Paul focused on self-care and spent time with quality men he looked up to.

Then, one day, (when he least expected it) his wife called off the divorce.

They made love that night and to this day are still together.

Their marriage is very different now since Paul is leading the relationship with his masculine frame.

His wife is learning to relax into her feminine energy and let go of things as Paul takes the lead.

Have You Said, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t”?

If you’re ready to be guided on a path of building your masculine frame, then reach out.

The masculine confidence framework I teach men enables the kind of environment women need to relax into their affectionate, vulnerable, soft, and juicy side.

Our first call is free!

I was once that guy who called a mentor and said, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t”.

I’m ready to share all the insights I’ve collected over the years to help your marriage!

I promise you’ll gain instant clarity about what to do differently in your relationship.
July 16, 2024
Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags It’s Coming
You didn’t marry a walkaway wife: 3 red flags about YOU can push her right out the door, though.

Even if she’s a Christian…

Even if you’ve always had good intentions….

There are 3 red flags in men that women walk away from.

Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags It’s Coming

Red Flag #1: You Fail Her “Jealousy Tests”

Here’s the thing with a walkaway wife: 3 red flags have arisen from the many men I’ve worked with.

When a woman leaves a marriage, it’s rarely from a specific argument or forgotten birthday.

She has been suffering for years, while doing a very good job of hiding it.

A large part of her desire for you revolves around how secure you are.

She doesn’t consciously come up with ways to test your jealousy.

Like I said, this is mostly a hidden thing she feels.

What happens is her feminine way of making connections everywhere she goes reveals how secure you are.

Think of all the connections she makes with people as a “jealousy test”.

Below are some examples of how a man can fail these tests.
- Getting controlling or suspicious when she has male friends
- Stressing out when she gets a text from a guy
- Anxiously pestering her about why, what, who, or where she was
- Losing your cool when guys give her attention
Even if all her male friends want to get into her pants, it’s not a red flag.

Women are very good at keeping guys in the friend zone.

Just look at how many husbands are stuck in her friend zone, going for years without sex.

If you’re wife has to adjust her life because of your insecurities, your relationship is on borrowed time.

Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you give a rat’s tail who your wife is friendly towards.

This was my excuse back in the day: “It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that I don’t trust other guys!”

Another excuse I’ve heard is, “She’s disrespecting me with other guys!”

Both excuses are based on something most women detest: insecurity.

I have to laugh at myself for trying to justify those excuses while my marriage was sexless.

Seriously.

I tried 99.6 “hacks” to get my wife to be intimate with no success.. and I was STILL insecure that with someone else, she would give in…

Trust me, a woman’s affection is impossible to gain when SHE doesn’t want it to be accessed.

When our wife feels like we can’t handle how she lives her life, she stops sharing it with us.

Not long after, she stops letting us inside her heart and body.

Can we really blame her for closing off when every time she lets us see into her world, we have a cow, act disrespected, or mope around?

Red Flag #2: You Keep A Mental Score Card Of What She Owes You

This red flag sounds like this: “After all I’ve sacrificed for this family, the least you could do is give me some sex!”

Keeping a mental scorecard is deeply revealing about our intentions and indicates a long-term chronic behavior of self-abandonment.

I was the guy who “sacrificed” my weekends, time with friends, living location, and hobbies for my wife.

On a deeper level, I stopped standing by my own beliefs, stopped prioritizing my own needs, and held her approval on a pedestal.

Everything I did carried a hidden expectation.

I would never say it, but boy, could she smell it all over me.

It got so bad, I couldn’t even hang a picture in the living room or spray the weeds on the sidewalk without expecting her to reciprocate love (preferably in the form of sex).

Transactional love will send your wife running for the hills.

Red Flag #3: You Can’t Appreciate The “Messiness” Of Your Wife.

Women are born with a unique ability to create, embellish, stretch, and change the status quo.

She’s like an artist painting her masterpiece.

An artist’s room is covered in paint, scraps of canvas, and pieces of craft supplies.

Yet from the contemplative and messy room of an artist, a high-value painting emerges.

A very feminine woman won’t stick to a schedule, finish what she starts, maintain a consistent mood, or make up her mind.

If we can’t look at our wife’s “messiness” with the same appreciation as a kitten tumbling in a box of yarn, she’ll grow more masculine, ridged, and closed off around us.

We didn’t marry a dude, so we need to stop expecting her to be one.

She was designed to bring new things into this life.

Just look at birth.

There’s blood, poop, slime, screaming… It’s pure chaos.

But from that mess emerges a new life, your child.

She is built to “birth” many new experiences into your life.

Because she is feminine, it will always be messy.

She is literally the embodiment of Mother Nature.

Rainbows, sunsets, hurricanes, and wildfires.

Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags To Resolve Before It’s Too Late

The 3 red flags you just read about all stem from one common factor: an insecure husband.

I spent years trying to “trim the wings” of my wife to prevent her from engaging with other men.

I managed to get her lifestyle so boxed in, I thought there was no way another man could get with her…Then she had an emotional affair with a woman!

Like a lightning bolt to my brain, I suddenly realized isolating your partner from other humans because you’re insecure has never worked and never will.

I transitioned from being someone who would act extremely distressed if my partner hugged another man to genuinely celebrating with her when she receives attention.

This new, secure way of living has produced fidelity in my relationship in ways I NEVER experienced before!

You can’t white-knuckle what you want into your marriage, you have to attract it.

We’re only making the grass greener on the other side of the fence when we’re puking insecurity all over our side.

The moment we make something forbidden or taboo, it’s instantly more exciting and tempting to flirt with it.

To this day, I’m shocked when I see how being secure with my partner’s engagement around others has disempowered their charm over her.

The old me never would have believed it, but letting go is how you get some things.

Your Next Step To Attract The Marriage You Want

Through my coaching, we’ll unpack all the things that scare you.

We’ll face them head-on with NEW perspectives and NEW understanding.

This rewires your brain.

You’ll never stop feeling scared or insecure; you’re human.

But my process builds a new relationship with those feelings so they no longer control your reactions.

You don’t need to fear a walkaway wife: 3 red flags can be nipped right now.
February 29, 2024
How To Respond When Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex
The rejection you feel when your wife doesn’t want sex can cut deep.

It’s confusing, even painful, to wonder why the woman you love doesn’t seem to want your affection anymore.

She’ll say things like, “Is sex all you think about?” if you try to push past her objections.

The truth is, long before your wife feels safe to get naked with you physically, she needs to feel safe getting naked with you emotionally.

In this article, I share how I had to find my inner confidence and stop taking my wife’s rejections personally.

Masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I dive deeper in this video so you know how to respond when your wife doesn’t want sex.

How To Gain REAL Confidence When She Stops Being Intimate

Build Your Confidence When Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex

When your wife doesn’t want sex, ANY response made from desperation or insecurity will prevent her from wanting sex with you.

She’s just not drawn to guys who react to her because they feel hurt.

It’s around session 2 of my masculine confidence framework when my clients have a hard dose of reality to swallow: For years, they’ve been taking sex in their marriage for granted.

If you compare marriage to a pond, and lack of intimacy to an alligator, the alligator has been there the whole time.

This means your marriage could have gone sexless ages ago.

You’ve been obliviously basking in the sun by an alligator-filled pond each time you had sex.

You behaved in ways that could trigger those alligators, and didn’t even know it.

How do the alligators come alive?
- By explaining her feelings away
- Ranting about your day without asking about hers
- Expecting her to think like you do
- Having an attitude you would never show to your friends or coworkers
- Always having an explanation for why something is not your fault
Once the alligators come out, sex is off the table.

Can you blame her?

Can you get turned on while swimming through alligator-infested waters?

But hey, you didn’t know better.

Alligator ignorance is bliss.

I call this having “oblivious” confidence.

When you’re “obviously” confident, you didn’t know you were feeding the alligators every time you complained or ignored your wife’s feelings.

You didn’t know it made her feel unsafe to be around you.

Now that your wife doesn’t want sex, you’re seeing reality for the first time.

When I teach guys how I gained confidence when my wife stopped being intimate, I’m teaching CONSCIOUS confidence.

A conscious man is fully aware of what he stands to lose, but stays present and steady.

He doesn’t fall apart when he realizes he’s been feeding alligators that make her feel unsafe.

There is a level of ACCEPTANCE he has for where she is without taking it personally.

Conscious Confidence Is Only Born Through Suffering

I grew up in a very conservative Mennonite (Form of Amish) church with a 0% divorce rate.

We were a private community completely separate from society.

We didn’t have TVs or radios, and we were only permitted to marry within the Mennonite community.

Courtship was practiced instead of dating (think of courting akin to only dating someone you’ve already decided you will marry).

My happy, self-assured, cocky-self crumbled when I first asked a girl for courtship and she refused my offer.

This was a point where I could have developed conscious confidence, but I didn’t.

With my mojo in the toilet, I fell into victimhood.

Needless to say, I attracted zero lovers for several years.

Eventually, I got enough spark back that it caught my future wife’s eye.

Since divorce was unheard of in ultra-conservative Mennonite churches nationwide, the thought never crossed my mind that I could be divorced.

Fast forward 10 years.

My wife and I were no longer part of the Mennonite community.

I found myself holding divorce papers that I didn’t want to sign.

My suffering this time was rock bottom for me.

It’s only from this place of deflated ego that “conscious” confidence is born.

Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex, She Wants Leadership

My time as a Mennonite let me see firsthand how when a man leads with confidence, the right woman will follow, and the relationship thrives like it’s supposed to.

When you stop reacting to your wife and start RESPONDING with leadership, something awakens in her.

It’s what you feel when she puts on that cute red dress.

My masculine confidence coaching program is your ticket to a better, stronger, more intimate marriage.

It’s a culmination of experienced men who have been in your shoes.

We men tend to hang onto the last shred of our ego before finally reaching out for help.

Don’t wait until all hope is lost to turn your marriage around.

Take action for your self-development NOW.

Stubbornly holding out to save a dollar saves nothing (ask me how I know).
February 20, 2024
Why Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen

When your wife says you don’t listen, she’s often reacting less to your listening and more to the way you respond. I’m sure you mean well with your response. But there is a difference between what men and women see as a good response. Often, your response will feel like mansplaining to her. Below, you’ll read two stories about what mansplaining is and how to manage it. The video below gives two additional stories for more insight. Mansplaining is simply offering unsolicited advice or using a demeaning tone with women. Ironically, when men “mansplain” to each other, the results can be positive.

Is Mansplaining Bad??

If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, You Might Be Mansplaining

“I’m pushing so hard on this screwdriver, my palm is bruised!” Emily complained to her husband Tom.

Tom was unaware that the dishwasher door had been catching the countertop lately.

Emily removed it at least once a day to ensure a tight seal.

Tom glanced at Emily’s hands.

She was using a Phillips screwdriver… to remove a torx bit screw.

“Why are you using a Philips on a torx bit? Tom Asked.

Before she could answer, he said, “You need a T10 bit to remove that screw!”

“I’ve removed this door 20 times, I don’t need you to mansplain to me how it’s done!” Emily replied.

Tom didn’t mean to mansplain.

He thought he was being helpful.

What Tom didn’t realize was that he was offering unsolicited advice.

Emily was just trying to communicate frustration.

Tom could have asked her, “Do you want me to listen or give advice right now?”

Asking her would have shown respect rather than immediately assuming she didn’t know how to use a screwdriver.

When your wife says you don’t listen, she might just be trying to communicate frustration.

And what do you do?

You don’t hear the frustration; you only see the problem.

How Billy “Mansplained” To Denise

Billy was in bed for the night.

His wife, Denise, was in the bedroom folding clothes.

Denise told Billy, “It’s snowing. I’m worried I’ll be late for work in the morning. I’ll leave extra early in case the roads are bad”.

Billy was sleepy, but he managed to mumble, “You’re worried traffic will make you late? You hitting the snooze button is more of a concern.”

Denise seemed a little bothered by this.

But after a moment, she said, “I just feel like work is expecting way too much of me lately. I think it’s time to tell my boss I can’t take on any more projects”.

Billy was more awake now.

He got out of bed to use the master bathroom.

As he walked past Denise, he said, “You’re feeling overloaded at work because your sister was here all week and she didn’t lift a finger to help around the house”.

Denise looked at Billy, “Stop trying to explain my feelings to me, I just need you to listen!”

Billy shook his head and proceeded to the bathroom.

Moments later, he was back in bed when Denise said, “Tada!”

She held up a picture frame.

Earlier that summer, Denise started a side hustle.

She sold custom picture frames on Etsy.

“What’s so special about this picture frame?” Billy asked curiously.

“This one is made of foam, but looks like real wood! I’ll etch grooves in the back with the table saw. That way, the backerboard stays put. Emily replied.

Tom looked at Emily like a 5-year-old had announced she was going to swim across Lake Erie.

With a tone of sarcasm, he said, “You’re only excited because you think using power tools makes you ‘cool” or something. Stand to the side when using the table saw, that thing likes to kick back”.

Denise stomped her foot and cried, “I’m not stupid! Stop mansplaining to me how I feel and how to do stuff!”

What Billy didn’t take into consideration was that Denise had been using the table saw all summer and was quite familiar with it.

Billy’s tone felt demeaning.

Not his words, his tone.

His words weren’t much better though.

Each time Denise told Billy her feelings, Billy invalidated her feelings by saying WHY she had them.

If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, Check Your Tone

Men and women communicate differently.

This is old news.

But “different” isn’t necessarily bad..

Mansplaining never serves when directed to women.

Mansplaining CAN benefit when directed to MEN.

So don’t drop the skill altogether!

What women perceive as “mansplaining” is how we men speak to each other all the time.

For us guys, when someone speaks to us as if we know nothing, we take it as a challenge to step up our game.

If you said to your buddy, “I’ll get to work on time despite the snow,” and he replied with, “surrrre you willlll, watch those slick corners,” your friend’s tone of doubt would feel like a CHALLENGE to surpass his expectation.

Not so for women.

To her, your tone of doubt makes her feel like an idiot.

It’s the tone that made her feel that way, not the words themselves.

When you explain WHY she has feelings, she feels like you’ve invalidated her feelings.

Like coals in a fire, she has her own self-doubt and insecurities.

Your tone can blow on those coals, heating them up.

If you offer your wife unsolicited advice, it can feel like you don’t believe in her abilities.

If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, Stop Talking

The right thing, spoken at the wrong time, is the wrong thing to say.

If you screamed, “You’re screwed” at an accident, it wouldn’t help.

Take your logical “truth” and observations to the men in your mastermind group.

They can handle your facts without feeling invalidated.

When your wife opens up, she is trying to let you see how she feels.

She isn’t asking you to help her understand why she feels how she does.

She doesn’t even need you to change how she feels.

Show your wife respect by letting her have her own feelings and ideas.

See that your wife is doing the best she can.

Whenever she asks for your logic, give it to her 100%.

Keep unsolicited advice to yourself.

If she tells you her feelings and you really, really, want to point out “why,” you can always say, “Honey, do you want me to listen right now or give my advice?”

She’ll let you know which she needs.

The truth is, men tend to be logically aware, and women tend to be emotionally aware

We can easily feel unheard by the other because of our different perspectives.

Your Next Step To Being A Better Listener

Many men today are uncertain about what it means to be masculine.

Without a masculine framework, core values, boundaries, and decisive leadership, your relationship will lose sexual polarity.

The masculine confidence framework gives you the clarity to show up to any situation with women attractively and confidently.

There are old patterns you operate by that you can’t even see.

When your wife says you don’t listen, she’s mirroring yourself back to you.

What does that mean?

It means there are parts of yourself you are not listening to.

Improving your relationship with yourself always improves your relationships with others.

February 13, 2024
How To Make Your Wife Love You Again
As a newlywed, the title, “How To Make Your Wife Love You Again,” never would’ve grabbed your attention. A few years, bills, and kids later, it can feel like the #1 issue in your life. This article uncovers two mindsets to change if you want genuine intimacy and attraction from your wife.

How To Make Your Wife Love You

Natural Love Vs Forced Love

You want to make your wife love you.

But you don’t want forced love.

You want natural love.

A girl who craves you all on her own.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Shouldn’t she love me for who I am?”

Nope.

She doesn’t owe you anything.

Nobody does.

“But she vowed to be my wife! She promised!”

Doesn’t matter.

She can’t force herself to love you.

The sooner you drop the lies from society and fairy tales, the happier you’ll be!

Your happiness is KEY for her to feel natural desire for you again.

Your wife is a female, so she will always act on her FEELINGS.

Confused why that matters?

Because if your wife makes YOU feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesirable, you have an attraction problem, not a love problem.

Attraction is a FEELING.

Feelings are not created by fixing anything.

Your male brain doesn’t want to accept this as true.

Your brain has questions for her:
- Why won’t you be affectionate?
- Why won’t you have more sex with me?
- Why won’t you respect me?
- Why won’t you be sweet and romantic?
- Why won’t you open up?
Solving the “why” problem won’t bring attraction back.

Funny how you would NEVER use all those “why” statements on a first date to come off as attractive.

Yet it’s your go-to when your partner pulls back.

For me, those “why” statements are how I sound when I’m responding from fear, anxiety, and insecurity.

Those are the deeper feelings we need to face within ourselves.

What helps is a new way of thinking about them.

Mindset shift #1: Realize things like affection, love, sex, and intimacy are things that ensue but cannot be pursued.

That means you can’t work on intimacy to improve intimacy.

You can’t work on attraction to have attraction.

Attraction is a natural result of how it feels to be around you.

Many dictators have demanded obedience and loyalty.

It’s a logical approach to force something to happen.

But the commitment of their followers is never fervent.

Leaders who ATTRACT their followers gain true loyalty.

Females are RESPONDERS to the vibe in the room.

Think of feminine love, affection, and desire like the moon.

Without a light source, there is no moonlight.

You are her light source.

You need to find your inner happiness if you want to make your wife love you again.

What do you love about yourself?

Are you showing yourself the priority, appreciation, and care that you would like from your wife?

It’s easy to think that helping with the dishes or doing more chores will make her feel attraction for you again.

But your partner isn’t drawn to your actions.

She is drawn to how you behave while you do those things.
- We’re you looking for approval?
- Did you do the dishes with strings attached?
- Did you work hard all week, then expect to be rewarded with sex?
The vibe you put out while you’re doing these things is what she responds to, not the action itself!

This doesn’t mean you should stop unclogging the toilet or mowing the lawn.

Do those things for your OWN sense of integrity, no need for her to reciprocate.

She will sense when you stop doing things with a vibe of expectation towards her and start BEING a man who enjoys living up to his own standards he has for himself.

Make Your Wife Love You Again By Not Chasing Her

The most effective way to push a woman out of your life is to chase her.

I know you’re thinking, “I thought women want to be pursued.“?

This is true.

Women WANT to be pursued.

Give her that pursuit, and she loses the WANT.

Keeping her wanting is the secret to attraction!

You know what comes along with wanting? DESIRE.

Warning! This is one of those things you get to know as a man, but it will backfire if you share it with your wife.

In her emotional brain, it will never make sense to her.

Just ask yourself this: how often has placating to your wife’s perspectives helped your sex life?

Exactly.

Adjusting your responses to her whims gave you a friend-zoned, sexless marriage, didn’t it?

To make your wife love you again, you’ll need to trust in the principles of attraction.

Trying to align with her feminine perspectives has been lowering her attraction for you all along.

It’s time to let her experience a new you.

One who doesn’t need to make momma happy for him to be happy.

Needing Her Support Turns Her Off

Women are wired to show up to the finish line and feel ALIVE, celebrating with you in your accomplishments.

Hand-holding, support along the way, and being your emotional tampon during the race is a mothering role.

Your lover is not going to sign up for that.

Needing a mommy to support you won’t make your wife love you again; It just makes you feel like another kid to take care of.

The support and encouragement you need must come from men.

A lot of us sought mothering energy from our wives through sex!

We used sex to validate ourselves as being successful men.

We saw our ability to give her an orgasm as the feminine approval we desperately needed.

The more secure you get, the less you’ll need her validation.

That’s when her desire for intimacy grows.

Mindset shift #2: Stop holding others responsible for how you feel. Instead, take responsibility for the vibe you put out.

I’ve known women who broke up with their previous partner because “all he wanted was sex”

But now she’s having tons of sex with her new lover.

What’s different?

Here’s what changed: The new lover doesn’t go sour when she’s not in the mood.

If she pulls away from his touch, he doesn’t pester her or mope.

He loves her intimacy, but doesn’t NEED her intimacy.

He doesn’t compete with her phone for attention.

His life is interesting and full of adventure.

That kind of man is a LOT more interesting than TVs, phones, or the neighbor.

He kisses her in the morning with zero expectations that she will reciprocate.

He prioritizes himself so he can BRING energy to the relationship instead of trying to GET energy from it.

She understands she doesn’t have to provide anything for him to feel empowered.

This kind of self-reliance to happiness is attractive!

Don’t expect her to start ripping your clothes off.

She’ll start making small bids for a deeper connection.

She’ll linger around you more, ask how your day went, and be more comfortable with you being close to her again.

Make Your Wife Love You Again By Ending Sexual Neediness

There’s a specific process I went through to build my security from the inside out.

Some of my old mindsets needed to be rewired.

Some of my values had to be rewritten!

Building a new, version 2.0 inner man is like undergoing surgery.

Cutting out false ideas and challenging your old beliefs is bloody work.

I personally sought mentorship from men who had what I wanted.

In my coaching, you’ll gain a deep understanding of the enduring principles and perspectives held by these individuals.

If you’re ready to stop blaming your wife for how you feel and start living like a powerful, clear-thinking, masculine man, then reach out!
February 9, 2024
What To Do If Your Wife Annoys You

Your wife annoys you by knowing how to push your buttons just right. She questions your intentions or complains when you’re doing the best you can. What if I told you this only happens when you have buttons to push? I’m going to show you how to use your triggers and buttons to be a more loving, confident man.

Guys: How To Spot What Needs Improvement In Your Relationship

Listen To Your Body When Your Wife Annoys You

A drop in your gut…

A tightness in your chest…

The hair on your neck bristling…

The unconscious husband misses these cues.

He’s so caught up in REACTING that he doesn’t even notice his fists are clenched.

With practice, you direct your focus to your body when your wife annoys you.

Instead of trying to think out how to answer, you can use the cues in your body.

A tight chest means take a deep breath.

A clenched fist means relax your hands and shake them out.

You see, what your wife needs most in this moment isn’t your brilliant answer or justifications.

She needs to feel your love in ONE form: PRESENCE.

Presence is fully tuned into what your body is doing.

It’s fully tuned into what her body is doing.

You’re not getting sucked into the conversation or adding to the drama.

“But she’s making me angry!” You might say.

Yes, when your wife annoys you, it can piss you off or make you want to retreat.

But she’s not doing this to you; your thoughts and feelings are doing this to you.

It’s not your wife’s job to adjust herself around YOUR triggers because they are YOURS.

If everyone on the planet danced around the triggers of the most insecure person, it would be a race to the bottom.

You can raise the bar.

Feel your body, not your raging thoughts.

Your neck might be getting tense, or your face might be getting tight.

Relax it.

That’s your only job.

The Hidden Gift When Your Wife Annoys You

The purpose of masculinity is to pioneer uncertainty… to create something new in the face of chaos.

A friend of mine categorized all his anxious feelings as his “frizzle”.

“Frizzle” always means one thing: the opportunity to create something NEW

What did Columbus feel before sailing for the New World? Frizzle.

Before Lewis and Clark embarked on exploring the new Far West, they felt Frizzle.

When Neal Armstrong crawled into a rocket to pioneer the moon exploration, he experienced Frizzle.

Your relationship has “new” areas to penetrate with your calm, brave, courageous self-confidence.

The hidden gift is you have no clue where you need to grow until your wife annoys you.

NEW areas in your relationship are trying to evolve through Frizzle.

Frizzle doesn’t inform you what needs to change in your wife.

It informs you where a NEW frontier in your relationship is calling for your courage and presence.

How To Be A More Secure Man

Not sure how to be the stable masculine energy in your relationship who doesn’t need validating by outside factors?

I didn’t know how either.

Then another man taught me the ropes.

All I can say is WOW!

There is a whole new level of relationship with your wife that you are missing out on.

I want you to have a BETTER relationship, MORE intimacy, and STRONGER self-esteem.

Do you want that for yourself too?

January 31, 2024