Tag: Relationship Dynamics

  • If I Give Her Space, Won’t We Drift Apart?

    If I Give Her Space, Won’t We Drift Apart?

    If your wife asks you to give her space, it didn’t come out of nowhere. By the time she gets to this point, she’s already been emotionally detaching for months, maybe even years. And most men don’t realize it until it’s too late.

    Today, we’re going deeper into the three stages of detachment a woman goes through before she ends a relationship.

    If you don’t catch it early, you’ll find yourself blindsided when she finally says, “I need space.”

    I’m not talking about the kind of “space” where she’s just tired tonight; I’m talking about when she’s considering divorce.

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    1. Emotional Detachment

    This is the first and most subtle stage leading up to your wife needing space

    It’s also the easiest to miss.

    Emotional detachment begins when she stops feeling seen, heard, or valued in the relationship.

    Her emotional needs aren’t being met, and over time, her heart starts to close off.

    This doesn’t happen overnight.

    She used to share her thoughts, feelings, and worries with you.

    But now? She keeps them to herself.

    Bringing up the little things no longer happens because she’s already convinced herself you won’t understand.

    At this stage, you might notice:

    • She’s less engaged in conversations.
    • She stops initiating affection or spending quality time.
    • She’s quick to get irritated over small things.
    • She begins focusing more on her friends, work, hobbies, or anything but you.

    2. Spiritual Detachment

    Once she emotionally detaches, she starts seeing a future without you.

    This is when she stops believing in “us.”

    Women stay in relationships when they feel a deep sense of trust and emotional safety.

    Not just physically, but spiritually.

    When that’s gone, she starts to imagine what life would be like without you.

    She stops picturing you in her future and instead, envisions her life alone or with someone who actually listens when she talks about her day.

    Signs of spiritual detachment include:

    • She stops making long-term plans with you.
    • She avoids deep conversations about the future.
    • She doesn’t care to argue anymore (because she’s already mentally checking out).
    • She’s indifferent to your efforts to “fix” things.

    3. Physical Detachment

    By the time she physically detaches, she’s already gone in her mind.

    Her body follows what her heart has been feeling for months or years.

    This is when she stops wanting to be touched, avoids intimacy, moves into another room, or moves out of the house entirely.

    At this stage, if you try to force closeness, it only reinforces her belief that you don’t understand her.

    She sees it as pressure, not love;

    Kind of like when a salesman follows you around a store even after you’ve said, “I’m just looking.”

    What physical detachment looks like:

    • She stops wanting to be intimate or withdraws from sex.
    • She recoils from physical touch.
    • She prefers to be alone rather than spend time together.
    • She starts sleeping separately (or expresses a desire to move out).

    Don’t Fear Drifting Apart, Give Her Space

    Most men react to their wife’s withdrawal by chasing her harder.

    They try to fix things, talk it out, or prove their love through desperate gestures.

    But that only makes things worse.

    Instead of chasing, you need to shift your focus inward.

    • Detach from needing her validation. If your happiness depends on her affection, she will feel pressured and suffocated.
    • Rebuild your sense of self. Who are you without the marriage? What makes you excited about life outside of her?
    • Respect the space she needs. Giving her space isn’t about losing her, it’s about creating an opportunity for her to miss you.

    Give Her Space By Removing Pressure

    If your wife is asking for space, it’s because she feels overwhelmed by pressure.

    The pressure can be from the relationship or life in general.

    Your job isn’t to fix it right now.

    Your job is to become the kind of man who is steady, secure, and capable of standing strong, so you don’t add to the pressure.

    I can show you how.

  • Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Breakdown in Modern Marriages

    Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Breakdown in Modern Marriages

    This article is about a masculine identity crisis plaguing many men and why this breakdown is creating frustration in marriages.

    The struggle to feel desirable when your wife or girlfriend isn’t being affectionate can be painful.

    You’ll tend to think, “If only she would warm up to me, everything would feel better!

    I realize this logically makes sense.

    But what if needing your wife to change is what’s keeping her (and you) stuck?

    If sex is the only thing that makes you feel valuable, it’s time to get back to the roots of what it means to be a man.

    In the video below, relationship coach Mark Drezga and I explain how a masculine identity crisis is leaving men uncertain about what they’re supposed to provide in modern marriages.

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    Masculine Identity Crisis: A Key Factor In The Breakdown of Modern Marriages

    Without An Identity, There Can Be No Intimacy

    To be intimately joined to something, you first have to be separate from it.

    If your entire life has merged with your wife’s, you don’t have a clear identity.

    Having an identity is a normal part of developing from a child into an adult.

    Without an identity, nothing sets you apart from the crowd.

    In fact, identity (ego) is necessary to have a perceptive consciousness.

    Notice how a child doesn’t seem to have awareness of how they impact their surroundings.

    As a child matures, he/she develop more consciousness in tandem with having a sense of self (ego).

    Many times, it’s during this childhood-adult transition that the masculine identity crisis sets in.

    His sex drive makes him want a lover, so he tries to make himself into what he thinks women want.

    The Masculine Identity Crisis In Modern Marriages

    Every man is born with a drive to provide.

    It doesn’t have to be money.

    Time, protection, help – there are countless things men provide.

    Things men can DO are the most common (Like mowing the lawn or shoveling snow off the driveway).

    The masculine identity crisis sets in when a man thinks DOING THINGS is the only way he can provide.

    We live in a time where women can do most anything without their man’s help.

    There was no corporate ladder or city transit system 1,000 years ago.

    Back then, if you could chop firewood and fix a roof, you were her knight in shining armor.

    But many men feel lost now, feeling like their wives don’t need them to provide anything.

    This threatens his very purpose.

    Is it any wonder suicide runs 4x higher with men vs women?

    The Masculine Identity Crisis Forces Men To Find Emotional Purpose

    There was a time when your purpose was to kill a buffalo for winter.

    Why? Because your wife couldn’t.

    Feeling needed by your wife is important for men!

    We need to feel like what we provide is highly valued.

    Our modern society is set up so women can provide for themselves whatever they need.

    But one thing women will always need from men is emotional polarity.

    She won’t feel this polarity if you always try to please her, agree with her, and make her happy, hoping that will make her like you.

    This is how the masculine identity crisis is formed.

    She hates onions, so you say you don’t like them too.

    She hates a specific stereotype of men, so you hate on them too.

    Play this out over the long haul, and you lose your own identity.

    Your wife will lose her sexual desire for you.

    She needs to feel emotional polarity.

    Being her girlfriend with a beard destroys that polarity.

    Having emotional purpose means you value the emotional element you bring to the relationship.

    • Being steady and nonreactive
    • Facing uncomfortable feelings with empathy and curiosity
    • Tuning into the current moment without trying to change it

    Those are examples of having an emotional purpose that is masculine, not feminine.

    Resolving The Masculine Identity Crisis

    To attract a female, be a man!

    Hang out with men.

    Talk how men talk.

    Stop trying to “not be like those guys”.

    In fact, the more you hang out with mature men, the more you’ll act like a mature man.

    Females have a sedative effect on men.

    If you spend too much time with your partner, you’ll start acting more feminine.

    When you stop trying to provide by only DOING things, you’ll find a new identity in how you can BE while you are doing those things.

    To resolve the masculine identity crisis, start placing your sense of value into the attitude you bring, not your actions.

    Attitudes like:

    • Stabilty
    • Clarity
    • Disernment
    • Playfulness
    • Leadership

    Taking The Next Step To Feeling Like A Valuable Man

    Even if your wife is a CEO who mows her own lawn, she will never be able to channel the VIBE of masculinity day after day, year after year.

    You were built not to burn out from routine daily efforts.

    Why do you think Edison spent YEARS trying to figure out how to make a light bulb?

    Because masculine thrives on the PROCESS of exploration!

    Most ladies would have given up after the first 300 tries.

    She’s wired to love the RESULTS of exploration.

    Not you.

    You can show up steady, grounded, deliberate, and intentional again and again for your entire life, loving the process.

    You can feel the timeless value you bring to relationships when you get crystal clear on what you value and how that man behaves.

    I help men every day find their inner code to live by that feminine will always be drawn to.

  • Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

    Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

    I want you to know that masculine leadership is sexy even if your wife is a very alpha, driven person. That’s secret# 5 in my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secrets ONE, TWOTHREE, FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) This article is not for the controlling jackass who bosses his wife around or treats women with disrespect. Quite opposite. The tips you’re about to learn ARE for the man who mistakenly thought letting his wife wear the pants in the relationship would make her happy. Even if your wife has a stubborn streak, deep down, she feels leadership is sexy.

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    Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)

    Why Kate Was Unhappy In Her Marriage

    Kate looked up from her phone and asked, “What do you want for dinner?”

    Travis almost didn’t hear her.

    He was lost in his laptop, browsing new real estate listings.

    “I don’t care. Whatever is easy”, Travis replied with a smile.

    Kate said, “We have some leftover meatloaf. Or I could do a casserole”.

    Travis’s eyes stayed on his computer.

    He had no idea Kate was seeking his masculine leadership.

    He was more interested in the new listing he just found.

    “Whatever you want, honey. If one of those is near the front of the fridge, just warm that up”, he suggested.

    “Think we could watch a nature show tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Or we could go for a drive and look at Christmas lights!”, Amy said with enthusiasm.

    “Maybe”, Travis mumbled as he tried to cut and paste an address from his web browser.

    Kate’s voice got serious, “I just think we need to prioritize making efforts for our relationship.”

    “Huh?”, Travis said, confused.

    Kate’s face got emotional.

    Her throat tightened as she said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us. I always have to fight alone”.

    Travis tried to make sense of how the conversation went from dinner to prioritizing their relationship.

    He felt himself getting angry.

    “Kate, you’re a strong, independent woman. You love plowing your own way through life. The battles you fight, you bring on yourself”, he scolded disapprovingly.

    Hearing this did not sit well with Kate.

    Kate began walking out of the room.

    In a frustrated tone, she turned around and said, “Never mind.”

    Travis heard her walk into their bedroom and close the door.

    About an hour later, his mind was still foggy as he tried to process his conversation with Kate.

    He felt a little resentful that she didn’t make him anything to eat.

    While he warmed up some meatloaf in the microwave, he could hear a nature show coming from the TV in their bedroom.

    Yay!

    Dinner in bed would be fun.

    Travis brought his plate to bed and nestled next to Kate.

    She fell asleep moments later.

    He finished the episode by himself.

    This wasn’t the fun, connected, sexy evening he had hoped for.

    Masculine Leadership Is Sexy, Management Is Not

    Each time Kate brought up a question, Travis tried to avoid leadership by putting the choice back on her.

    Management is a form of damage control.

    You’ll never be responsible for damage if other people make the choices!

    In the business world, a manager has one job: Use the systems in place to keep the show going.

    The leader of a company looks broad range.

    A leader ensures effort is spent on the right problems based on where he wants the company to go.

    Without leadership, managers can end up straightening chairs on a sinking Titanic, assuming effort=success.

    You’ll win the battle but lose the war.

    The same applies to your marriage.

    Here are the replies Travis gave his wife in the story above:

    • “I don’t care”
    • Whatever is easy”
    • “Whatever you want honey”
    • “Maybe”
    • “Huh?”

    Do those sound like words of leadership to you?

    Those replies were attempts to put out small fires.

    That’s what managers do.

    Even the strongest, most independent, business-minded woman wants to relax.

    Her sexuality goes offline if she isn’t relaxed.

    Leadership allows her to relax and step out of the guessing game.

    She can’t do that with a manager.

    Every time Kate bounced options off Travis, she wanted him to make a choice.

    She wanted to relax in his masculine leadership.

    Travis didn’t step up, and that’s when her emotions changed from “What do you want to eat?” to “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us”.

    Your wife wants the GOOD feeling of knowing she just gave you something you really wanted.

    Saying, “Just warm up whatever happens to be the fridge” robs her of that good feeling.

    It’s very selfish to not know what you want

    How Travis Could Have Shown Masculine Leadership

    Especially for guys married to strong, independent women, letting her make the choices in the house feels easy.

    Deep down, these men are afraid she won’t like him if he faces her strong will.

    He’s afraid that saying what he really thinks will just be used against him.

    Here’s how Travis could have lead Sexy, FUN leadership:

    • “Meatloaf sounds great! Let’s have that.”
    • “No, we can’t look at Christmas lights tonight. We will next weekend. It will be fun!”
    • “You feel like you’re fighting all your battles alone? I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting. Let’s talk about it after I get out of the shower tonight when I’m not distracted.”

    A unique difference between masculine leadership vs feminine leadership is that masculine leadership is CONSISTENTLY based on values, boundaries, and standards, NOT emotions.

    Your leadership is still a gift even if she protests with comments like, “I don’t want meatloaf. I’d rather have a casserole.”

    Here’s why: She didn’t know what she wanted until you did.

    Feminine energy finds her truth when contained by strong masculine leadership

    Just as a river can’t reach the ocean without river banks, feminine can’t know what she wants or where she’s going until she encounters your clear choices

    In her article, “What Every Man Should Know About Women,” Author and mentor Teal Swan reveals how women live in constant fear.

    A woman’s fear is biologically woven into who she is as a feminine person.

    Strong independent women get tired of fending for themselves, but will struggle to let their armor down if they don’t feel safe.

    When a man consistently “contains” his wife’s emotions by taking ownership of the situation, it provides the woman with a sense of safety.

    Travis and Kate: A Few Months Later

    Travis had a mind-jolting insight into the obvious: What he was doing wasn’t working.

    He confided his frustrations with another man whom he respected.

    Once a week, they would meet at a local diner to talk about what was happening in Travis’s marriage.

    This wasn’t a time for complaining about their wives.

    These were times to connect and get clear on how to create trust and safety using masculine leadership.

    Travis began to realize most of his frustrations with Kate came from his own ways of thinking about her.

    When Travis’s mentor spoke to him man-to-man, everything made sense.

    Leadership and confidence weren’t something he had to go find, they were things he needed to stop holding back.

    Travis went on to create an intimate, fun-filled relationship with Kate.

    His only regret was that he let himself suffer for so many years before seeking the mentorship of an experienced man.

    How To Grow Your Masculine Leadership Right Now

    I take genuine, successful men through a field-tested process of masculine confidence development.

    Plant your feet on the solid ground of your values, boundaries, and personal standards by committing to this work.

    You’ll feel good stepping up as a natural leader in your relationship.

    Masculine leadership is sexy, and your wife wants to experience it.

  • Why Your Wife Acts Grossed Out During Sex

    Why Your Wife Acts Grossed Out During Sex

    Discussing why your wife acts grossed out during sex is a vulnerable, sensitive topic. I’m going to get graphic! This article is specifically for the husband whose wife has grown repulsed by him finishing during sex. No man wants to make his wife feel repulsed by him. I know firsthand what it’s like. Feeling isolated. Feeling like there’s something bad or wrong with you. Let me help you see things differently so you know what to do about it.

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    When Your Wife Shames You For Ejaculating: 2 Causes (Explicit)

    Sam Used To Be In “Lover’s Paradise”

    Sam’s wife, Heather, lay comfortably naked on a fuzzy blanket by the fireplace.

    Her skin was soft and warm from soaking in the bath.

    As Sam’s hands spread lotion up her freshly shaved legs, her her eyes closed.

    Starting at her toes and working his way up, he could feel her relax.

    Heather’s legs spread open.

    Gently, he rubbed the sides of her hips, then pushed his palm from her lower tummy straight up to her chest, then back down.

    She arched.

    Her curves shadowed by the flickering fire.

    Sam placed his palms on either side of her belly button, holding steady pressure.

    He could see she was getting wet.

    Sam brushed her labia as he slid his hands back down the insides of her legs.

    Suddenly, her legs wrapped around him, and she pulled him in closer.

    Heather’s hands unbuttoned Sam’s pants.

    She looked at him with begging eyes and pleaded, “I want to feel you inside me”.

    A while later, their passionate writhing had Sam cumming.

    “Yes! Yes!” Heather moaned.

    “I want all of you, every inch!”

    Heather used her fingers to spread his juices all over herself in ecstasy.

    She smiled and said, “I love having you all over me.”

    Now, Sam’s Wife Acts Grossed Out During Sex

    Imagine the same scenario as before.

    But now candles are burning, and soft music is playing.

    Sam massages his wife’s muscles into jello.

    He touches her lips with his finger and leans in for a kiss.

    As their lips touch, tears run down Heather’s cheeks.

    “I feel nothing,” she said, then got up and walked out of the room.

    The next weekend, Sam and Heather were at it again.

    They both lay in bed kissing and cuddling.

    As desire grew, Sam slipped his hard manhood inside her.

    They arched together.

    Soon, both Heather and Sam climaxed together.

    After Sam came, Heather’s face held a look of disgust.

    I’ll be leaking your juices for the rest of the day… This is GROSS!” she snapped.

    Heather rolled out of bed to shower.

    When she came back, she crawled into bed facing the wall with her back to Sam and went to sleep.

    This was happening more and more lately.

    The month prior, Sam had pulled out and finished on her chest.

    She had the same reaction then.

    Why was his wife so grossed out during sex?

    She used to LOVE him finishing on her.

    What changed?

    Was he doing something wrong?

    The answer is both simple and complex.

    Your Wife Acts Grossed Out During Sex Because She’s Not Turned On

    Women’s sexuality “opens” and “closes” (This is not because of a wrong sex position or lube).

    This is the simple thing to understand.

    Men’s desire for sex goes up and down depending on sexual frequency.

    There’s one constant to be relied on with men: The longer it’s been since he’s had sex, the more strongly he can feel desire.

    Women are not wired this way. A “closed” Woman can go decades without desire.

    When a woman is “closed,” your morning wood makes you a pervert in her opinion.

    If she’s “opened,” she can’t keep her hands out of your pants.

    If your wife used to love when you finished (and now hates it), it’s a window into where SHE is.

    This is where it gets a little more complex.

    Your Wife Acts Grossed Out During Sex When She’s “Closed”

    In her book, “Open Her,” Karen Brody describes 7 masculine archetypes that “open” women.

    She talks about two ways women lose respect and sexual desire for a man.

    These two ways are:

    1. Going for sex after your wife hasn’t been treating you well.
    2. Proceeding with sex when the first initial touch or kiss was obviously not well received by her.

    If you go for sex after your wife mistreats you, it shows low self-worth.

    See yourself as the prize.

    Don’t give yourself to her when she’s been nasty to you.

    If you do, she’ll grow to resent your touch.

    She’ll think to herself, “He has no standards… why should I even give effort to be a better wife?”

    When your wife acts grossed out during sex, it’s because you missed the early signals that said STOP.

    Did she wince when you put your hand on her arm?

    Did she turn her face when you went in for the kiss?

    Was she complaining about a headache?

    These are all signs she is NOT in the mood.

    See how your wife acts grossed out during sex because she wasn’t desiring it in the first place?

    For guys, we get turned on by doing sexual stuff.

    Your wife doesn’t have this ability.

    She has to be turned on FIRST.

    For the confident, attractive man, sex is never transactional.

    A man with high self-esteem takes sex off the table when his standards for engagement are not met.

    Sex is his awesome gift.

    He only gives it at the right time.

    But most men are looking at this backwards.

    They think SHE is the one rejecting him from good, intimate sex.

    Thinking this way is a reversal of leadership.

    YOU are the gatekeeper of intimacy.

    YOU take sex off the table when your wife acts grossed out during sex.

    Not to be mean, but to show you won’t settle for less than the best.

    It also means you lovingly lead her to something besides sex when she’s not in the mood.

    Something you both can still enjoy.

    A conversation.

    An adventure.

    Maybe just listening.

    Until a man can show this self-value for himself, SHE won’t be able to feel respect for him.

    And women don’t sexually desire men they don’t respect.

    Your Wife Is Helping You Connect To The Present Moment

    When a man’s sex drive is full throttle, it’s easy for his mind to be in la-la land.

    Presence is the opposite.

    And without presence, your wife will feel like a used blowup doll.

    How your wife responds to you is calling you to tune into the NOW.

    She’s challenging you to the edge of your personal growth.

    What are your boundaries?

    How much do you value yourself?

    When your wife acts grossed out during sex, how will you respond?

    You won’t know where you stand on these things until you’re challenged by feminine.

    Going at it like rabbits isn’t growth at all.

    When she shames you for ejaculating, it’s calling on your leadership, sense of worth, and boundaries.

    Let’s Get Your Bedroom Steamy Again

    Has your partner brought you to the end of your wits?

    Good.

    You’re in the battlefield where kings are made.

    I help men in the battlefield become kings every day.

    If you’re ready to address the deeper issues in yourself, the ones keeping your marriage sexless and cold, reach out.