Masculine Confidence Framework

Category: Masculinity

This section contains articles to help men be a masculine leader in their relationships.

When It’s Hard for Her To Soften And You’re Feeling Shut Out
When your wife senses a gap between your heart and sexuality, it makes it hard for her to soften.

Most boys have their first orgasm alone.

No lover, no heart-to-heart connection.

We experience love in our heart and desire in our cock, both separate from the other.

When these two things aren’t connected, we bring that same gap into the bedroom with our wife.

Below is a true story that shows how a gap between your heart and sexuality can make it hard for her to soften.

Tim & Connie Felt Alone Together

Tim is annoyed.

He’s taken on extra clients this month.

He’s worked long hours and saved enough to take his wife, Connie, to a beautiful Caribbean villa.

She doesn’t like the food.

The weather’s too humid.

Most of the time, she talks about a girls’ trip she impulsively books while they’re still there.

Now the vacation is over, and Connie’s off on that trip.

Tim is home alone.

He feels angry.

Resentful.

The least she could’ve done was thank him for trying so hard.

The weekend slips by.

He feels unseen.

Unvalued.

Alone.

Connie walks through the door Sunday night.

Tim’s sitting in bed, jaw clenched, watching her with disapproval.

He snaps in frustration.

“You need to prioritize us and stop running off with your friends,” he says.

She walks to the bed.

She looks at him.

Her eyes are soft.

Her face is radiant.

She’s beautiful.

Tim’s heart softens.

He can’t stay angry.

She slips her panties off and crawls on top of him.

Her hips rock back and forth.

Her spine bends and sways.

Tim gets hard.

She slides down and takes his cock into her mouth, sucking his frustration away.

For the first time in days, Tim feels his heart again.

He feels love again.

Connie matters to him again.

He flips her over and takes her nipple into his mouth.

He traces his tongue down her chest, lost in her body, ravished by her skin.

He stops noticing Connie’s face.

She’s uncomfortable, but he doesn’t see it.

He keeps going, focused on her breasts, oblivious to her shallow breathing.

Tim gets more turned on, but their connection is fading.

Connie goes along with it, letting him do what he wants.

She feels unseen.

Used.

Her body stiffens.

Tim senses something is off.

He rubs her pussy gently, trying to turn her back on.

Her body stiffens more.

“I’m not turned on,” she says.

Tim slips his cock inside her, hoping to bring back her desire.

She lets out a small moan.

He finishes.

Connie rolls to the wall, her heart a hundred miles away.

Tim falls asleep, feeling frustrated and alone.

Man’s Need For Feminine Energy

Feminine energy softens a man’s heart.

Problems arise when he depends on his wife’s softness alone.

The anger and resentment Tim feels melts away when his wife gets sexual with him.

But for her, it leaves her out in the cold.

A woman’s heart isn’t warmed by sex alone.

When she walks through the door and is met by his clenched jaw and silent frustration, it sets the stage for her to disconnect.

Tim’s cluelessness about how she’s feeling when they get physical makes her shut him out entirely.

How To Connect To Your Heart

There are many conduits for feminine energy in this world.

Porn might seem like one, but it’s just smoke and mirrors.

Real feminine energy is tangible.

It’s in the same room with you.

Things like:
- Nature
- Music
- A well-crafted meal
- A meaningful conversation
- Art
- Dance
When you bring your presence to these sources of feminine, they bring you back to your heart.

Don’t gulp your food.

Notice its texture.

Savor the taste.

Don’t rush through your day.

Stop and smell the roses.

When you stop relying on your partner as your only source of feminine energy, you stay connected to your heart—even if she’s feeling distant.

When It’s Hard For Her To Soften, Lean Into Your Presence

A woman softens when you remain present.

Present in mind, body, and heart.

This feels tricky at first..

Focus on your feelings and you might lose your erection!

The gap between our sexuality and heart runs deep.

Practice by simply directing your consciousness.

Direct your consciousness on how you feel while at the same time noticing how she feels.

Notice how your breathing feels, how your cock feels, etc.

When your brain starts to go offline from sexual arousal, bring your awareness back to your breath, her breath, her eyes, your body, and the energy between you.

SPREAD your awareness OUT.

Your Next Step When It’s Hard For Her To Soften

You’ll stay stuck at a stalemate if you need her to soften before letting go of your anger, resentment, and ill feelings.

My masculine confidence framework teaches you how to be self-reliant in your state of well-being.

You’re connected to other sources of feminine energy so that you don’t feel lonely or sad whenever she pulls back.

You offer her compassion and understanding in those moments instead of criticism—then watch as that softens her back up!

This kind of presence can only be offered by a man who is confident in himself and clear about where he’s going in life.
June 5, 2025
Every Woman’s “Wet Dream” (And How to Become It)

Being in every woman’s “wet dream” might sound far-fetched.

Being in her positive thoughts at all might be a long shot from where you are right now.

One could even argue women don’t have “wet dreams”…

But here’s what we do know: We crave our woman’s adoration.

Her affection can erase the worst day.

Her curves, her scent, the way she melts into us… It makes the stress of life disappear!

If we depend on her sweetness to feel whole, we fall apart when she can’t give it.

That’s where a lot of men find themselves.

He’s tasted her warmth.

Now he’s desperate for it to stay on repeat.

Scratch that…He NEEDS it to.

Every woman’s “wet dream” is about a specific kind of man.

It’s not the desperate man.

Let me show you who he is.

Loving Her Through Her Pain

A woman can put on a soft, affectionate mask—but inside, she’s feeling everything.

She feels highs, lows, in-betweens—all of it.

And not just once in a while…Every day.

This doesn’t mean she’s broken.

It means she’s feminine.

She’s designed by nature to experience life on full volume.

Most women don’t love this about themselves.

They know when they’re being moody or dramatic, but they feel powerless to stop it.

When we react or try to fix her, she feels judged for something she can’t change—Like she’s drowning, and we’re mad at her for not having gills.

We think, “If I can set my feelings aside and be rational, why can’t she?”

But expecting her to be a woman with a beard doesn’t work.

You have to see the girl behind the pain, and love that girl through it.

She feels your love when you believe in who she is and don’t take the bait when she’s being emotional.

Being the Man in Every Woman’s “Wet Dream”

Every woman dreams of a man who accepts her as she is.

Not because she’s easy to love, but because he doesn’t need her to be anything else.

When we try to control her out of our own insecurity, the relationship starts to feel like a cage.

How many times have you criticized what you didn’t like, Hoping she’d go back to being nurturing, sweet, and sexy?

It doesn’t work.

Control kills connection.

Judgment kills desire.

If you feel the need to explain yourself, If you’re trying to make her see your side—You’re not loving her through the pain. You’re reacting to it.

You don’t need to fix her.

You don’t need to match her mood.

Let her words roll off you like water off a duck’s back.

See the uniqueness in her struggle.

If her being out of sorts makes you annoyed, that’s YOUR stuff you’re feeling, not hers.

How to Make Her Wet For You

The process is simple.

Masculine energy makes women soft.

Feminine energy makes men erect.

The only way you can remain in your masculine energy around your wife is to not look to things outside you for validation.

That’s what I help men do.

I help you forge an internal script you use to go through life.

This script is your instruction manual for whatever life tosses your way, even your wife’s feelings!

May 20, 2025
? How To Set Strong Boundaries With Your Wife
Boundaries.

It’s a buzzword.

A go-to fix-it line from well-meaning friends.

“Boundaries, girl! Don’t let David’s mom control you like that!” Alesha’s friend declares over coffee.

Meanwhile, David’s mother is setting her own boundaries for Alesha… and David? He’s contemplating boundaries just to keep them both from strangling each other.

This isn’t boundaries—it’s a mess.

I’m going to teach you a simple, no-BS approach to boundaries.

One that actually works.

I give you more insight in the 15-minute video below and also invite you to join The Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.

What Bad Boundaries Look Like

Most people are doing boundaries wrong.

They think boundaries are about forcing other people to stop annoying them.

That’s because 95% of people aren’t fully conscious.

They think their feelings are caused by other people—so they believe setting a boundary will magically make them feel better.

That’s like trying to drive the road down the car instead of driving the car down the road.

Your feelings don’t come from other people.

They come from YOU.

YOUR triggers.

YOUR perceptions.

Your brain interprets the world through YOUR five senses (which, by the way, are highly unreliable).

Think of boundaries like a fence.

If you use boundaries to fence your bad feelings, you’re just letting those negative feelings run your life.

And that’s a losing game.

What Good Boundaries Look Like

A good boundary protects something you value.

That’s the key—it’s positive.

Your phone dies if you never charge it, right?

You’re no different.

When you get crystal clear on what keeps you strong, draw a line in the sand so you don’t exhaust it.

No more over-giving. No more over-accommodating. No more over-serving.

That’s a good boundary.

So what fuels you?
- Time in nature?
- Meaningful conversation?
- A night with the boys?
- Intimacy with your wife?
Protect those things with a boundary, brother.

Protect both how you receive it and how much you give.

We all have behaviors that make us proud of who we are—that light us up so we feel self-respect.

Don’t bend on them.

A boundary around respect means nobody can push you into acting disrespectfully.

A boundary around love means nobody can push you into acting unloving.

If you want strong boundaries with your wife, dig your heels in and hold the line on these things.

If you don’t like how she’s acting?

Don’t join her—step back.

That’s your boundary because you know what you value.

That’s you drawing a line in the sand for anything less than that.

Boundaries Are for BIG Things

Moods? Petty frustrations? Minor annoyances?

They don’t need to have boundaries enforced on them.

Boundaries are for the BIG things.

DEALBREAKERS.

The experiences that would make you step out of someone’s life.

Your wife is always going to have feelings, pushback, and moods—it’s part of her nature.

You must be the rock.
- When she’s stormy, you stay grounded.
- When she’s emotional, you stand firm.
- When she tests you, you don’t react.
That’s having a masculine frame for her feminine behaviors.

But the moment she crosses the line of what you deeply value…

BOOM.

That’s when your boundary comes out for the kinds of people you keep in your life.

The first time your boundary gets crossed warrants a verbal affirmation of what you value and won’t tolerate.

The 2nd time requires a more severe consequence.

By the third offense, you remove yourself from that person’s life.

That’s how serious boundaries are.

Gaining Clarity on Who You Are

This is the work I do with men.

We dig deep into your core values and get rock-solid on how to stand firm in them.

You become a man who is strong, not reactive.

A man who fills the space that’s his to fill—and lets her do the same.

1:1 coaching with me isn’t for guys who dabble.

It’s for men who want the maximum return on their investment.

Men who don’t pussyfoot around—they go big or go home.

But if you’re not ready for coaching yet, my book is a great place to start.

It’s for High-Achieving Men who want to restore intimacy in their marriage.

? You’ll learn why doing everything she’s been asking for isn’t working.

? Why being her “dream husband” is backfiring.

? Why she no longer craves your touch—and how to turn that around.

? Download your FREE copy HERE.

Much love, brother.

– Garrett Prettyman
March 14, 2025
Why Are Some Men So Good With Women?

Seduction. Desire. Play.

Let’s be real—we love to be swept off our feet by a lover.

There’s nothing like a woman so stunning she stops you in your tracks.

And sure, we all know true beauty is on the inside, but let’s not pretend we don’t appreciate it when it’s on the outside too.

Here’s the thing—feminine women feel the same pull.

Only for them, it’s not about looks.

They notice:

? Strength

? Self-confidence

? Momentum/Leadership

That’s what draws her in.

That’s what keeps her interested.

And if your Relationship is struggling, it’s time to take a good hard look in the mirror.

The Hard Truth About Attraction in a Strained Relationship

It’s easy to let yourself go once you’re married.

You settle into routines.

You get comfortable.

You assume she’ll always be there.

And then one day… she isn’t.

Now, let’s be clear—getting a fresh haircut or dropping 20 pounds won’t save your marriage.

But let’s use some common sense—if you care about your house, you paint it and fix the roof when it leaks.

Your body, your presence, your energy? Same thing.

Neglect yourself, and you send a message—you’re not serious about LIVING.

And if you’re not serious about living, why should she be excited to live it with you?

This is where most men go wrong.

They wonder, Why are some men so good with women?—and assume it’s about tricks, gimmicks, or even luck.

But the truth is much simpler.

It’s about presence.

It’s about energy.

It’s about being a man who lives with purpose rather than looking to others to give him those things.

The Inside & Outside Game of Seduction

In the pickup world, they call haircuts, jawlines, and money “Outside Game.”

It’s what turns heads.

It can attract women fast, but like a beautiful storefront with nothing inside, if there’s no substance, she’ll walk right out the back door.

That’s where Inside Game comes in.

Inside Game is about who you are when it counts:

? How you hold yourself when things get tense

? Your tone when she pushes back

? The way you look at her when she’s in her own storm

That’s when she feels who you really are.

And if what she feels isn’t grounded, strong, and certain—she pulls away.

It’s why some men seem to have natural success with women while others struggle.

They embody strength and certainty—not to seduce, but as a way of being true to themselves.

Your Wife Wants to Be Seduced—Even Now

Yes, even now.

She wants to be romanced.

She wants to be wooed.

She wants to feel something real.

Because let’s be honest—the daily grind? It’s the exact opposite of seduction.

Even one of the best pickup artists of all time, stage-named “Mystery,” said married women were his easiest targets.

Why?

Because they were starving for attention, excitement, and connection.

Can you blame them?

We’re all racing toward the grave.

How many truly great memories are you going to make before you get there?

Women seem to be most aware of this.

She won’t waste her time on a sinking ship.

And if you’re wondering, Why are some men so good with women?, here’s your answer: They live their PURPOSE from the INSIDE-OUT.

How You Can Become A Purpose Filled Man

I know a man is living from the OUTSIDE-In when he:

? Complains

? Blames others

? Seeks validation

Here’s the truth—when your purpose and mission are clear, you should walk, talk, and behave like a man who loves every damn minute of it.

And that’s all any woman truly dreams of feeling from her man.

If you’re ready to do what it takes to bring that energy back—Then let’s talk.

Book a “Get Grounded Now“ consultation, and I’ll get you clear on your next move.

Stay grounded, brother.

—Garrett Prettyman

February 7, 2025
Being a Man Who Defies the Odds

I get goosebumps and feel instant respect for a man who defies all odds and creates what he wants.

A man who doesn’t play small.

A man who looks at the odds stacked against him and moves forward anyway.

I wasn’t born into wealth.

No silver spoon.

No handouts.

Everything I have—I built with my own two hands.

At 12 years old, I spent an entire summer busting my ass doing yard work for neighbors until I made my first $100.

Then I reinvested it—bought better tools, worked faster, and made more.

By my late 20s, I’d rolled several million through my company.

And I did it despite the odds:

? A recession

? Living in a town where most people made $20K a year

? My wife’s affair and a brutal divorce

? Heavy state taxes and red tape

? People criticizing my success, calling me an “evil business owner”

You know what? Didn’t even matter.

Because I was too busy doing the work.

I wasn’t sitting around worrying about whether it was supposed to be possible—I was too busy making it happen.

2008? One of my best years.

I didn’t even realize there was a recession until people told me.

COVID? Another great year.

While the world locked itself inside, my crews and I were out doing clean-ups for wildfire prevention—even when the state threatened to arrest us.

A Man Who Defies The Odds Takes Action NOW

Fear makes you second-guess yourself.

It convinces you to hesitate when you should be moving.

But here’s the truth: The right time to act is always NOW.

I want to introduce you to a client of mine—let’s call him Chuck.

Chuck is a go-big or-go-home kind of guy.

Hard worker.

No excuses.

He thought he had masculinity figured out.

He had the truck.

The military background.

The paycheck.

But at home? Different story.

Over the years, an emotional gap grew between him and his wife.

Like a lot of us, he was successful everywhere—except in his marriage.

She started pulling away.

He figured as long as they still had sex, things were fine.

She didn’t see it that way.

Because to a woman, a relationship isn’t worth it unless there’s emotional safety, a heart-to-heart connection, and a man who knows his value—independent of her moods.

Right before Christmas, she filed for divorce.

Chuck was wrecked.

But even through the pain, he made a decision: He was gonna do the work—not just to save his marriage, but to become the man he was always meant to be in his relationships.

The Light Switch Flipped

A few sessions in, something clicked.

I asked him what changed.

He said:

“I realized I can accept that my wife no longer loves me… or I can keep wishing it was different and keep suffering.”

Boom.

That was it.

Clarity.

Clarity about what he’s worth. Clarity about his standards. Clarity about who he gives his value to.

And once that switch flipped?

Everything changed.

Suddenly, he had the power to create an emotional connection with anyone, anytime.

Now? Women blush when he talks to them—not because he’s running some kind of game, but because they feel seen in a way most men never learn.

And get this—Chuck lost everything in a matter of weeks. His home, his wife, his dogs, his future plans.

If that wasn’t enough reason to give up, wildfires hit California.

Instead of throwing in the towel, he got to work fighting fires with his crew while still pressing forward in his personal development with me.

What Are You Waiting For?

Chuck is a man who defies the odds.

He’s putting in the work while pulling long shifts, rebuilding his life, and starting over from scratch.

I asked him what he’d tell another man who’s waiting for the right time to act.

He said: “Life is short, and hard sometimes. So make the decision to be the man you want to be. Be the hero of your own story. Get educated, do the work, and change your life faster than trying to figure it out alone.”

That, my friend, is the mindset of a man who refuses to be a victim.

Chuck owns his power now.

He told me: “The power to be sad or happy is mine, and no one else’s. Anxiety tells you you’re unprepared for what’s happening. The books, the coaching, the work—it gave me the tools to be ready.”

Phew! That gives me tears.

Those are the words of a champion.

He’s walking, head high, through his right of passage to join the ranks of great men.

A man who defies the odds and takes action is the kind of man I love working with.

Are you that kind of man?

If so, we should talk.

Book a free Get Grounded Now call, and let’s get clear on your next move.

Stay grounded, brother.

—Garrett Prettyman

January 31, 2025
Why Small Dick Syndrome is Ruining Your Marriage
Small dick syndrome is the immature version of masculinity. This article provides 53 traits of a mature masculine man. The video below uses some movie scenes to provide examples. Being more masculine isn’t something we have to force. Masculinity is naturally forged in men when we choose the high road when faced with pain and when we resolve the false core beliefs we have about ourselves.

53 Traits Of A Masculine Man

A while back, a man reached out to me after watching one of my videos. He thought it was pathetic that I teach men how to be masculine but don’t include things in my videos like cars, golf or sports. There’s something this man hasn’t learned yet. Although many masculine men do things like sports, fishing, or golf, doing those things won’t make you masculine. Women have a unique gift called a 6th sense. This means she can smell “small dick” syndrome a mile away even if we’re wearing a Packers jersey in a lifted 4×4 blasting through a mud hole.

What Small Dick Syndrome Looks Like

Our cock can be the size of a baseball bat and we still can have “small dick” energy.

We’re exuding “small dick” energy where we’re…
- Easily triggered, then act on that trigger
- Always need to “be right”
- Hold other people accountable for our happiness
- Raise our voice and try to defend ourselves when questioned
- Always have an excuse for why we’re innocent
- Blame other people for our misery/lack of success
- Have to put others in their place to feel a sense of status or power
- Take other people’s actions as a personal threat
- Get jealous or take it personal when our wife finds other guys attractive (or men find her attractive)
- Resort to physical force to “make” people respect us
- Seek revenge and go tit for tat when others “do us wrong”
Small dick syndrome is hard to spot in ourselves because it FEELS like the opposite.
- We FEEL like we’re being assertive when we’re really being reactive
- We FEEL like we’re being confident when we’re really being stubborn
- We FEEL like we’re standing up for our wife when we’re really acting on jealousy or insecurity about our desirability
Needless to say, acting on feelings won’t create a strong masculine vibe.

What A Mature Masculine Man Looks Like

A mature masculine man dances to the beat of his own drum and isn’t bothered by what others say or do. He has a big grin on his face, and has bigger fish to fry than to be caught up with trivial moods or comments his wife might make. The list below is not something you need to learn. You were born with these masculine traits already hardwired to emerge as an adult. What happens is we can develop insecurities, mental narratives, and deeply held core beliefs during times of suffering that PREVENT us from choosing the high road and being the masculine man we’re naturally good at.

The 53 Traits Of A Masculine Man:
1. Clear
2. Calm
3. Direct
4. Non-reactive
5. Capable of danger, but controls it
6. Steady
7. Responds, but on his own time
8. Plays the long game
9. Is self-reliant
10. Can’t be emotionally swayed by others
11. Powerful
12. Stable
13. Discerning
14. Confident
15. Visionary
16. Wise
17. Purposeful
18. Driven
19. Physical
20. Courageous
21. Honorable
22. Decisive
23. Protective
24. Assertive
25. Focused
26. Consistent
27. Embraces Death
28. Knowledgeable
29. World-Wise
30. Mysterious
31. Intellectual
32. Truth Seeking
33. Mystic
34. Insightful
35. Detached from others’ reactions
36. Engineering
37. Sees probable outcomes
38. Vivid life force
39. Sensitive to the outside environment
40. Embodies pleasure without shame
41. Sensual
42. Compassionate
43. Empathetic
44. Creates connection
45. Reads people
46. Feel’s other’s pain
47. Sees potential
48. Lives from the heart
49. Is present
50. Trusts intention over outcome
51. Creates, invents, and innovates what he wants
52. Is on a mission
53. Isn’t urgent
Why Small Dick Syndrome Ruins Marriages

Every romantic relationship (regardless of gender) requires one person who is in the masculine spectrum and one who is in the feminine spectrum. Our wife is incapable of feeling soft, affectionate, nurturing, receptive, submissive, or sexually turned on when we step out of our masculine energy.

How You Can Resolve “Small Dick” Energy

My YouTube critic was correct. Fast cars and golf won’t be on our agenda as we develop your masculinity. When I teach you my masculine confidence framework, I help you cut the blue wire to your triggers and insecurities. I ask you questions so you can see the core beliefs that make you a slave to your emotions. I help you create a frame you would be willing to take a bullet for. Book a call using my “Get Grounded Now” form if you want to talk to me directly. I promise the call will improve your entire week.

Be grounded brother,

Garrett Prettyman
April 13, 2024
Why Your Wife Holds Onto The Past…Exposed!
What I’m about to say might seem unrelated to why your wife holds onto the past, but hang in there. We’re going to navigate a dicey topic of husband/wife roles in modern marriages so you can look at your wife with new eyes. Below is a video explaining more.

Why Your Wife Holds Onto The Past…Exposed!

A Shift In Husband/Wife Roles

The typical 1950s family model was what I grew up in.

The husband was the breadwinner and the wife ran the household.

I never saw my dad, grandpa, or great-grandpa ever change a diaper, wash a dish, or prepare a meal.

Both my mom, my grandma, and my great-grandma wouldn’t be caught dead fixing the roof or changing the oil in the car.

I assumed it was normal to have clear lines between what men do and what women do.

When I married a woman who was a strong, independent, career-driven feminist, I had a real wake-up call.

Turns out men can cook and women can change the oil…

What happened next for me was a masculine identity crisis as I struggled to know my value, place, and role as a husband.

I know many men are in this spot, feeling like his wife doesn’t need him.

Deep down, we also question why our wife is in our lives when we’re fully capable of managing the household on our own.

Even though our society likes to re-write gender roles, I’m going to show you how some roles can’t be changed.

Why Your Wife Holds Onto The Past

Feminine energy and masculine energy are two polar opposites that can’t be eradicated from our planet.

The reason why your wife holds onto the past is because of her biological makeup.

Most humans with ovaries are going to have feminine energy and most humans with balls are going to have masculine energy.

A human with ovaries is designed to take in, germinate, hold, and adsorb the energy around her like an oil spill kit.

In fact, she’s so well built for this, she can take in a man’s seed and germinate a new human from it.

Feminine energy is a POWERFUL receiver, seducer, enticer, and fertile garden ready for “seeds”.

What you plant in your wife WILL germinate, multiply, and be handed back to you 10-fold.

Holding onto the past is what she’s supposed to do.

Imagine being a sponge that adsorbs the vibe in the room everywhere you go…eventually, you would feel overwhelmed and need to vent.

Most of the time when our wife brings up the past, she’s just trying to let some pressure out so she doesn’t burst.

I love marriage expert Mark Gungor’s humorous take on this in his viral video, The Tale Of Two Brains.

Being The Masculine Role In Modern Marriages

The days of mowing the lawn to prove we’re a valuable husband are over.

The marker of a successful marriage is when the husband and wife value each other’s differences.

This is how babies are made…

This is how relationships are made…

A masculine role that cannot be rewritten is the gift of penetration.

Here’s what “penetration” looks like:
- Stepping FORWARD when others hesitate
- Making clear decisions
- Taking the high road
- Staying present during difficult emotions
- Challenging the status quo
- Breaking new ground in areas of finance, freedom, and relationships
- Playing the long game
- Having a specific life direction
- Being polarizing
- Planting seeds in receptive people (leadership)
One of the gifts our “penetration” brings to our relationships is we can close our mouths and penetrate our wife with our ears so she has a safe place to let some pressure out.

Many times, that pressure is going to be about stuff we thought was already resolved from the past.

In her world, the past will NEVER be resolved since it lives so vividly in her emotional memory bank.

What To Do When Your Wife Holds Onto the Past

If we get upset, argumentative, defensive, or hold a grudge towards our wife for holding into the past, our “penetration” is flaccid.

When we VALUE that feminine energy is a container for how we’ve impacted lives as we encounter them, we can learn something about ourselves.

I’ll stick my neck out and say that 80.7% of the time, the beef we have with our wife’s account of the past is we feel she’s not seeing what our intentions were.

A man who trusts his intentions can “penetrate” her version of the past with understanding, empathy, and connection and then LEAD her to the present moment where the past no longer exists.

A man who trusts his intentions can also learn by her account how he can be different going forward so his actions better represent his intentions.

Think of it like assuming we planted a straight row of corn, but when it germinates, we can see where the row wasn’t planted straight.

Feminine germinates what we plant, letting us see how it impacts people with more perspective.

This Is Your Call To Action

It’s time to get off the bus Gus.

Reading blogs and doom-scrolling YouTube is the shallow end of the pool.

The masculine confidence framework I coach men on will give you clarity about how to show up in your marriage with masculine energy.

How you’ve been operating has created the marriage you have.

Are you ready to have something better?

Fill out my Get Grounded Now form for a free consultation.

I promise you’ll leave the call with fresh fuel in your tank to be the husband, father, brother, son, and friend you’re proud of

Just as the reason why your wife holds onto the past is biological, your awesome gifts as a man will feel natural when you adopt them.

Much love brother,

Garrett Prettyman
March 10, 2024
How I Gained REAL Confidence When My Wife Stopped Being Intimate

Long before a woman will get naked with us in bed she needs to feel safe to get naked with us emotionally. This article shares my own experience of losing “oblivious” confidence and then gaining REAL confidence when my wife stopped being intimate. When we’re confident from being oblivious, our wife feels emotionally unsafe which triggers her to be closed off. We can easily slip into jealousy and neediness when we feel her heart withdrawing which only pushes her further away. In the video below, masculinity coach Mark Drezga and I discuss how I was faced with a choice to mature into genuine confidence when I realized marriage is not a guarantee of intimacy.

How To Gain REAL Confidence When She Stops Being Intimate

“Oblivious” Confidence Has An Expiration Date

When I’m coaching guys around session 2 of my masculine confidence framework, there’s a hard dose of reality to swallow: The security we thought marriage gave us never existed.

If we compare marriage to a pond, and lack of intimacy to an alligator, the alligator was there the whole time.

We think pretty highly of ourselves when obliviously basking in the sun by an alligator-filled pond.

We’ll issue commands, dismiss her feelings, and insist that her hesitation to be intimate near the alligator pond is completely unreasonable

When we’re “obviously” confident, we’re not aware of the “alligators” were inviting to bite each time we lash out, “fix” or abandon our wife’s emotional world.

But hey, we didn’t know what we didn’t know…

Eventually, the clock runs out, alligators crawl out of the water, and we’re faced with reality that intimacy is gone.

When I teach guys how I gained REAL confidence when my wife stopped being intimate, I’m teaching CONSCIOUS, confidence.

Conscious, REAL Confidence Is Only Born Through Suffering

I grew up in a very conservative Mennonite (Form of Amish) church with a 0% divorce rate.

We were a private community completely separate from society.

We didn’t have TVs or radios and we were only permitted to marry within the Mennonite community.

Courtship was practiced instead of dating (think of courting akin to only dating someone you’ve already decided you will marry).

My happy, self-assured, cocky-self crumbled when I first asked a girl for courtship and she refused my offer.

This was a point where I could have developed conscious confidence, but I didn’t.

With my mojo in the toilet, I repressed into victimhood.

Needless to say, I attracted zero lovers for several years.

Eventually, I got enough spark back that it caught my future wife’s eye.

Since divorce was unheard of in ultra-conservative Mennonite churches nationwide, the thought never crossed my mind that I could be divorced.

Fast forward 10 years later.

My wife and I were no longer part of the Mennonite community.

I found myself holding divorce papers that I didn’t want to sign.

My suffering this time was rock bottom for me.

It’s only from this place of deflated ego and clarity of reality that “conscious” confidence Is born.

How I Gained REAL Confidence

The way I developed conscious, REAL confidence was by spending time around men who already had what I wanted while continuing to FACE my pain.

Every time I had a victim mindset or a resentful rant these men would challenge me, call me out on my BS, and show me the love and acceptance I had been chasing women for.

In time, I learned to face “alligators” knowing they’ve always been there.

I was ok when I obliviously faced them, and I’ll be more than okay when I consciously face them.

Having this type of relaxed, trustable confidence as a leader is the secret to making a marriage work.

At face value, the Mennonites appear to have cracked the code, but their approach brings on a whole other list of issues we’ll discuss another time.

My time as a Mennonite let me see firsthand how when a man leads with confidence, the right woman will follow, and the relationship thrives like it’s supposed to.

How You Can Stop Being Oblivious

My masculine confidence coaching program is your ticket to a better, stronger, more intimate marriage.

The value you’ll gain is a culmination of experienced men who have been in your shoes.

We men tend to hang onto the last shred of our ego before finally reaching out for help.

Don’t wait until all hope is lost to turn your marriage around by taking action for your self-development NOW.

I’m the perfect example of stubbornly holding out to save a dollar only to save nothing.

fill out my “Get Grounded Now” consultation form and I’ll help you get clear on your next step to being the great man you want to be.

Be grounded brother,

Garrett Prettyman

February 20, 2024
How To Face Marriage Distress With Confidence
Feminine women are drawn to confidence like a cat to catnip. This week, one of the men in our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course saw a change in his marriage. His wife, (who had been disagreeable and cold) warmed up! Her change was in response to his new calm/understanding masculine frame. This article provides two key ingredients to be a husband who can face marriage distress with confidence.

Be A Confident Husband: 2 Key Ingredients

Love Being A Man

One thing I’m passionate about is empowering men to take life by the horns and create their dreams.

Yet, many men quickly lose any sense of confidence when it comes to tension and conflict with their wives.

One major reason for this is due to BRAIN differences!

A study at the Brain Science Centre in Minneapolis revealed that female brains can process data 5 times faster than a man’s brain.

This may be why many men tell us their wives can talk circles around them in an argument and always seem to be 5 steps ahead!

That’s cool, though.

Good for her.

She’s got a gift you don’t have.

Don’t fight against it.

Appreciate it…and realize that YOUR brain has a gift of it’s own.

Your brain likes to process data more slowly…at an even pace in a way that makes logical sense to you.

The data your brain processes needs to pass through various phases of contemplation in your mind before making conclusions.

It’s a gift and a strength, brother!

And it’s THAT gift that might make her feel like you’re not listening to her or just staring at her like a deer in the headlights.

This is nothing for you to be ashamed of.

Instead, be AMUSED!

The path to confidence is about being comfortable with who we are authentically and not trying to live by other people’s standards or abilities.

There are two key ingredients to face marriage distress with confidence:
1. Be a confident husband by knowing you’re OK
2. Be a confident husband by trusting your intentions
Face Marriage Distress With Confidence Knowing You’re OK

If our wife is talking circles around us in a discussion, she’s doing what people with her brain are supposed to be doing.

She’s OK.

We’re OK.

Everyone is OK.

If our logical brain tells us she’s way off base or that she isn’t seeing things clearly, take a breath…Our brain is just doing what it’s supposed to do, everything is still ok.

A man who knows deep down that he’s OK can face chaos with confidence.

The Vikings were unstoppable in battle because they believed they couldn’t die except on the day the gods had chosen.

In other words, they believed they would be OK no matter what.

The Vikings had what we call spiritual confidence, and it made them a fearless force to reckon with!

Face Marriage Distress With Confidence By Trusting Your Intentions

How other people decide to interpret us is their choice.

Honestly, others can never with 100% certainty know what our intentions are, only we can.

When we trust our intentions, we can let go of needing to be right, better, or understood by others.

For me personally, If I’m not breaking new ground in areas of location independence, time, or financial freedom, I feel like I’m half-assing life.

These are the hills I’m willing to die on.

I know that I’m disserving the universe of my most potent version of myself if I don’t pursue these routes because they are what energizes me.

What do you need to create, face, or apply yourself towards to be an energized, inspired, powerful man?

Your intentions are honorable when they align with your standards for creating what energizes you.

We can relax in our intentions to be a confident man.

How You Can Take A BIG Step Towards Confidence This Week

Right now, men from all over the globe are learning how to have a masculine frame and how to have standards they value in our Vital Formula To Masculine Confidence Course.

Trusting our intentions requires a first step: Knowing our values.

When you join the course, Mark & I will teach you how to narrow your values down to a few key components of your energizing masculine frame.

Your masculine frame will enable you to face marriage distress with confidence by being clear, strong, and sure of yourself.

If you want something more exclusive than the confidence course, consider personalized 1:1 mentorship.

Learning my masculine confidence framework in a private setting is the most powerful way to make dramatic changes in your sense of well-being and mojo.

Book a “Get Grounded Now” consultation to have a meaningful, raw conversation that will get you clear on your next steps.

Much love brother,

Garrett Prettyman
February 13, 2024
Is Mansplaining Bad??

Below, you’ll read two stories about what mansplaining is and how to manage it. The video below gives two additional stories for more insight. Mansplaining is simply offering unsolicited advice or using a demeaning tone with women. Ironically, when men “mansplain” to each other, the results can be positive.

Is Mansplaining Bad??

How Tom “Mansplained” To Emily

The kitchen just got silent…

Tom’s mouth was open, but he held his words back.

His wife Emily was glaring at him with disapproval.

Tom wasn’t sure what he had said wrong.

“I have to push on the screwdriver so hard to remove the screws, my palm is starting to bruise!” Emily had complained moments ago.

Tom was unaware that the dishwasher door had been catching the countertop lately.

Emily had been removing it at least once a day to ensure a tight seal while it ran.

When Emily announced her hand was hurting, Tom glanced into the kitchen and saw she had used a phillips screwdriver to remove several torx bit screws.

Tom’s initial response to Emily’s complaint was, “Why are you using a Philips on a torx bit? To remove the door, you have to use a T10 bit!”

“I’ve removed this door 20 times, I don’t need you to “mansplain” to me how it’s done!” Emily replied.

This was the moment Tom was in right now.

He didn’t know what to say or how to respond without further upsetting Emily.

What Tom didn’t realize, is he was offering unsolicited advice when Emily was only trying to communicate frustration.

Tom could have asked her, “Do you want me to listen or give advice right now?”

Asking her would have shown respect rather than immediately assuming she was an idiot with screwdrivers.

How Billy “Mansplained” To Denise

Billy was in bed for the night.

His wife, Denise, was in the bedroom placing some outfits on hangers.

Denise told Billy, “It’s snowing, I’m worried I’ll be late for work in the morning. I’m going to leave extra early tomorrow in case the roads are bad”.

Although Billy was sleepy, he managed to mumble, “You’re worried about slow traffic when your habit of hitting the snooze button in the morning is more of the issue”

Denise went on to say, “I feel like work is expecting way too much of me lately, I think it’s time to tell my boss I can’t take on any more projects.

Billy was more awake now.

He got out of bed to use the master bathroom.

As he walked past Denise, he said, “You’re feeling overloaded at work because your sister was here all week and she didn’t lift a finger to help around the house the whole time”.

Denise looked at Billy and said, “Stop trying to explain my feelings to me, I just need you to listen!”

Billy shook his head and proceeded to the bathroom.

Moments later, he was walking back to the bed when Denise said, “Tada!”

Billy looked at Denise and saw her holding up a picture frame kit.

Earlier that summer, Denise had started a side hustle on Etsy of making custom frames for pictures.

“What’s so special about this picture frame?” Billy asked curiously.

“This one is made of foam, but looks like real wood! I’m going to use the table saw to etch grooves into the back so It can be glued to a backing board!” Emily replied.

Tom looked at Emily like he had just heard a 5-year-old announce she was going to swim across lake Erie.

With a tone of sarcasm, he said, “You’re only excited because you think using power tools makes you “cool” or something. Stand to the side when using the table saw, that thing likes to kick back”.

Denise stomped her foot and cried, “I’m not stupid! Stop mansplaining to me how I feel and how to do stuff!”

What Billy didn’t take into consideration is Denise had been using the table saw all summer and was quite familiar with it.

Billy’s tone felt demeaning to Denise when he assumed she would use the saw wrong.

Furthermore, Whenever Denise told Billy she felt a certain way, Billy invalidated her feelings by giving his opinion for WHY she felt how she did.

When Mansplaining Is Good

The fact that men and women communicate differently is old news.

But “different” isn’t necessarily bad..

Mansplaining never serves when directed to women.

Mansplaining CAN benefit when directed to MEN.

What women perceive as “mansplaining” is how we men speak to each other all the time.

For us guys, when someone speaks to us as if we know nothing, we take it as a challenge to step up our game.

For example, if you said to your buddy, “I’ll get to work on time despite the snow” and he replied with, “surrrre you willlll, watch those slick corners” your friend’s tone of doubt would feel like a CHALLENGE to surpass his expectation.

Not so for women.

Our tone of doubt feels to her like we think she’s an idiot.

When we explain WHY she has feelings, she feels like we’ve invalidated her feelings.

What’s happening is we’re blowing on the coals of her own self-doubt, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy she’s already struggling with.

If we offer our wife unsolicited advice, it feels to her like we don’t believe she’s capable of using her own brain.

What If My Wife Really Is An Idiot?

The right thing, spoken to the wrong person, is the wrong thing to say.

If a person was dying at the scene of an accident, screaming, “You’re screwed!!” would not serve.

Comforting the dying while saying, “It’s going to be ok” is the right thing to do.

Take your logic, trajectory, “truth” and observations to the men in your mastermind group.

Show your wife respect by letting her have her own feelings and ideas.

See that your wife is doing the best she can and that is the only bar she needs to reach.

Whenever she asks for your logic, give it to her 100% but keep unsolicited advice to yourself.

If she tells you how she’s feeling and you really, really, want to point out “why” you can always say, “Honey, do you want me to listen right now or give my advice?”

She’ll let you know which she needs.

The truth is, we men tend to be logically aware and women tend to be more emotionally aware – so we both can seem like “idiots” from the other’s perspective.

Put your “Mansplaining” Through Your Masculine Framework

Many men today are uncertain about what it means to be masculine in a world where gender equality is the norm.

Without a masculine framework, core values, boundaries, and decisive leadership, your relationship will lose sexual polarity.

The masculine confidence framework I teach men will give you the clarity you need to show up to any situation with women attractively and confidently.

Reach out if you would like a free consultation about being mentored 1:1.

Click HERE to book our call.

I promise our chat will leave you thinking more clearly.

Stay grounded brother,

Garrett Prettyman

February 13, 2024