Masculine Confidence Framework

Category: Affairs

This section contains blogs to help men recover from their wife’s affair.

3 Signs You Can’t Trust Your Wife Around Other Men

If you go looking for reasons you can’t trust your wife, you will find them.
If you go looking for reasons you can trust her, you’ll find those too.

We see what we look for.
We hear what we listen for.

But, if you just walked in on your wife with another man, you’re facing a breach of trust you can’t ignore.

That’s why I’m giving you 3 red flags to watch for when you’re left wondering if you can really trust your wife.

The Stress Of Uncertainty

My ‘99 F450 truck had a glitch.

All the gauges would randomly go to zero while driving.

It was probably a bad ground wire, but I never found it.

Road trips were extra stressful.

Is the engine overheating?

Is the gas tank empty?

Hard to know when you can’t trust the gauges!

In your marriage, trust takes years to build and can be shattered in seconds.

Once trust is broken, you’ll stress about things you never used to stress about.

Ask me how I know…

But here’s the thing—

Most men use their own insecurity, jealousy, or need for validation as the yardstick for deciding what’s ok and whats not ok.

That’s like using a gauge with a bad wire to decide if the engine is overheating.

Before you can decide if your wife is trustable, you need to get your guages grounded.

Having a fancy car, a big bank account, or sacrificing your life for the family doesn’t mean your wife owes you loyalty or respect.

Making money and remodeling the kitchen are things a great man can DO.

But your wife is wired to respond to who you are BEING while you do those great things.

If you’re full of fear, anger, or resentment, who you’re being is pushing her away.

Until you can BE a man who stays calm and can listen when your wife is emotional, she won’t respect you enough to act trustworthy to your standards.

But maybe you’ve grounded your guages.

Your non-reactive presence is creating a safe container for her to be open and honest with you.

Yet you’re still wondering if you can trust her.

If that’s you, here are 3 red flags to watch out for:

1. She never complains or vents to you

A woman experiences intense emotions ranging from bliss to horror throughout her day.

These feelings make up what she calls her heart.

If you defend, argue, or try to shut down her feelings, she will stop sharing her heart with you.

Guys think their marriage is making progress when things get smooth.

The opposite is true.

She’s keeping part of herself hidden when she never complains or vents to you.

When she can’t share her entire heart with you, it’s easy to start keeping secrets.

The good news is you can learn to be a safe place for her, inviting her to be a woman who shares everything with you.

2. She freaks out if people talk behind her back

An open and honest person has nothing to hide.

They don’t have one Facebook for friends, another for family.

They don’t delete their browser history.

If your partner has a meltdown anytime she discovers others have talked about her behind her back, it can be a red flag.

Who cares what others say about you unless you have parts of your life you’re trying to hide?

By the way, If you are not leading by example with this, you are in no position to expect different from her.

Many men are deleting their browser history, then expecting their wives to not keep secrets.

Double standards don’t create trust.

Until you can be open and honest, you can’t expect that from her.

3. She never says sorry

A person can get so wrapped up in themselves that they lose all awareness of how they’re affecting others.

This can be a red flag.

At the same time, She doesn’t need to change how she lives her life just because you have triggers.

But if your wife cares about you, she will be understanding of how you feel and show remorse if her actions violate your shared values.

If You Can’t Trust Your Wife, Clarify Your Values

How can you be successful at a game with no rules?

You can’t.

There is no universal set of rules that creates fidelity or trust.

YOU get to decide them.

But most guys use their FEAR, INSECURITY, and JEALOUSY to decide their boundaries.

Acting on negative feelings will never create the life you want.

A chicken running around with it’s head cut off makes poor choices.

You have to get crystal clear on the life you want to build, the experiences you want to create, and your behaviors that will make that happen.

Until you do, there is no way to know your boundaries.

Giving Trust Is Required

If you wait to trust her until she is “trustable,” you’re preventing a vital half of the equation.

Yes, trust can be broken if you trust.

Your heart can be broken if you love.

That’s the risk in relationships.

One thing you can always trust with your woman is that she will be loyal to her feelings.

No vows will keep your woman true to a specific set of standards.

She doesn’t get a feeling of honor by holding true to her words like men do.

At the end of the day, she will always make her choices based on how she feels.

That’s ok.

It brings balance to an otherwise robotic, masculine world.

You get to choose how you will respond to her choices.

Since women’s feelings are easily influenced, the tone and vibe you bring to the room has a large effect on how she feels.

She doesn’t need you to make her happy.

She needs to feel that you have a soft front and a strong spine.

Your Next Step If You Can’t Trust Your Wife

My Masculine Confidence Framework gives YOU the spine she needs to feel safe with you.

You’ll learn how to have a soft front, so that she feels like she can share her delicate heart with you.

You’ll grow a strong spine so she feels protected and safe.

That’s the best recipe for a trusting relationship between a man and woman!

Are you ready to have a man in your corner to show you how?

August 24, 2025
4 Critical Steps To Healing A Broken Heart After Your Wife Walks Away
Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away happens in stages. Men are affected by heartbreak differently than women, so the steps to heal are a little different. This article and the video below will help you take the right steps to feeling better.

The Pain Of Heartbreak

Loss of appetite.

Tears.

Inability to sleep.

Feeling like a used rag flushed down the toilet.

Nausea.

Shortness of breath.

What a man goes through when the woman he loves divorces him is no joke.

Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away is possible if you follow time-proven steps.

Why Should Healing A Broken Heart After Your Wife Walks Away Be The Focus?

When we’re suffering from the loss of our marriage, we men tend to hyper-focus on ONE thing…getting our wife back!

We think if we could get our wife back, all our suffering would end and the world would feel like a happy place again.

However, making our wife want to be with us is out of our control.

We will get stuck in grief for years if we focus on things we can’t control.

The other problem with focusing on getting our runaway wife back is it leaves us feeling like a powerless victim.

You know a man feels like a powerless victim when he…
- Complains about his situation
- Blames others for the choices he “had” to make
- Defends why his pain is “different” from what other men face
- Argues and raises his voice
- Focuses on all the negative things that make his situation seem “unchangeable.”
- Always brings up his ex in conversation to point out that she left him and why the relationship could’ve been fixed
Many songs have been written about men who pined for a woman who stopped loving him until he died.

Is that any way to live?

Misery puts a dark cloud over life itself.

Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away is 100% in our control, and that is why we must focus on it.

You know a man is staying focused on what’s 100% in his control when he…
- Sees the cup as half full instead of half empty
- Can clearly describe what his bright, amazing, love-filled future will look like
- Stops acting urgent
- No longer holds others responsible to change for his life to be amazing
- Bravely makes BIG, BOLD choices to create what he wants (even if nobody else approves)
- Doesn’t allow fear, loneliness, or desperation to dictate the choices he makes
- Takes full responsibility for how he feels without holding others liable
4 Steps To Healing A Broken Heart After Your Wife Walks Away

1. Come to terms with your denial of reality.

During a marriage, it’s best if we focus on the positives of our partner. However, after divorce, it’s time to notice what was not positive about our wife. We can easily romanticize her, which perpetuates our suffering. Coming to terms with reality means accepting that she isn’t all the amazing things we thought she was. We need to believe that we deserve better. A self-respecting man will not throw himself at a woman who clearly does not love him. The reality we must accept is that she no longer loves us, and clinging to her prevents the love we want from coming into our lives.

2. Go alone in nature and unload all your anger.

We will not be able to heal if we try to suppress our emotions. Go out in nature (far away from people) and fully unload all your anger about the relationship ending. Feel the anger from your head to your toes. An emotion that isn’t fully experienced can fester for decades, keep us stuck, and lead to PTSD. You might find the anger shifts to grief, regret, or resentment. Whatever emerges, get it all out. The goal is to let our body naturally heal by progressing through a whole range of emotions.

3. Grab a journal and vent all your “if onlys” and all the things you wish you could have made your wife understand.

When our wife leaves us, our brain will stew and stew on it, analyzing every angle, desperate to find a fix. Mental exhaustion ensues. It leaves us dazed. We can hardly function at our normal capacity. Use your laptop or journal to unload everything in your brain. Write out all your “if onlys”, “what ifs”, and everything you want to explain to your ex. Do not send her any of your epiphanies! Our subconscious can’t tell if we’re using paper or her as a sounding board. Using paper (instead of her) provides relief as if she were there to listen & understand our perspective.

4. Let yourself grieve the loss

Letting go and grieving the loss of the relationship is the hardest part. Some call this stage “the lament.” A lament is to mourn what we lost, grieve what will never be, and let go of the story we’ve been clinging to. Hanging onto our suffering does not prove our love for her! I’ve found self-love meditations to be very healing during this stage, along with doing shadow work. It’s important to build a support system during this time, preferably with men who understand your pain and can empathize with how it feels.

Your Personal Guide To Heal A Broken Heart

Acceptance is the only path to having a meaningful, happy life, even when life hands us lemons.

Once we reach acceptance, we can look forward and create a new chapter that’s BETTER than the one we just closed.

In my book, “A Man’s Vital Guide To Healing Grief” I give a blueprint you can follow to put your broken heart back together and reach acceptance.

I’ve had my heart broken more than once.

In my book, I wrote down every step I took to recover so you can have a clear path to follow.

You know this book will help if you…
- Wake up at night in a panic that your wife is gone
- Feel miserable when you see other couples kiss or hold hands
- Cannot imagine yourself ever attending a wedding again
- Have lost your will to keep going
- Feel everything (even your job) is pointless
Chapter 9 provides a link to get a FREE copy of my “healing loneliness” meditations, along with videos and digital resources.

Healing a broken heart after your wife walks away can be hindered if we keep holding onto the pain.

It’s paradoxical, but letting go of the pain feels like letting go of her.

Part of us doesn’t want to let go, because it feels like we’re giving up or letting her off the hook.

I help you overcome problems like this (and many more) in my book.

Click HERE to get a copy.

Reach out if you want personal guidance.
August 2, 2024
She Wants Divorce: 3 Steps to Reduce The Heartache
Accepting that your wife wants a divorce is tough. All you think about is how to stop her from leaving. Losing a person who is still alive hurts worse than a funeral. Many marriages can be saved, but not until you learn how to manage your heartache. This article explains 3 healthy ways to reduce the pain.

She Wants Divorce: 3 Steps to Reduce The Pain

The Role Of Ego In An Intimate Relationship

The term “ego” seems to have a negative connotation.

We tend to think of ego as a narcissistic ass-hole with an over-inflated self-image.

However, a relationship is the joining of two (or more) lives into one interdependent family unit.

You cannot be “joined” to another emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually unless you are first separate from it.

What makes a co-dependent relationship toxic is that both are seeking completion through the other.

What makes an independent relationship toxic is that both are living like ghosts in passing, with zero overlap in life experiences.

In an interdependent relationship, both have a healthy sense of self (ego) so that neither suffocates the other.

Things like happiness, security, and confidence are not things to get from someone; they are things to share with them.

An ego that’s not fractured will feel safe, secure, confident, happy, and complete!

But when your wife wants divorce, the more your ego has been leaning on her for support, the more it will feel like you are free-falling.

What’s A Fractured Ego?

Your ego was born the first time the thought, “I am” popped into your brain as a child…
- I am fast
- I am funny
- I am smart
Knowing who you are creates your sense of ego.

Your ego fractures when you abandon part of yourself to minimize the risk of being shunned by a person or group. Your ego also fractures when you become enmeshed with someone, and then they back out of your life.

Human tendency is to replace the fracture with something…Anything! so that we can regain a sense of balance, safety, and routine in life.

This desperation to fill the void can be dangerous since human nature gravitates towards what’s familiar over something new or unknown.

When your wife wants divorce, your brain races down every possible worst outcome.

Those thoughts create feelings more intense than the imagined outcomes themselves.

Your ego is racing to try to find its certainty in face of the uncertainty.

This will feel like anxiety.

Your body needs extra sleep, water, rest, and exercise during this stage.

I guarantee you’ll feel better as time passes.

Especially if you can formulate a plan A and plan B to fall back on if the worst should happen.

Use your anxiety as fire under your butt to formulate your next steps.

Think Of Your Ego Like An Orange

An orange is made up of many slices.

Your identity as a couple, your position as spouse, your daily routine, and household activities – those all became who your ego knew you to be.

But what if your partner was emotionally abusive?

What if she was unkind, unfaithful, unwilling to emotionally connect, or to be intimate?

Your fractured ego will gravitate towards what’s familiar over what’s healthy.

For example, if you grew up with a father who never listened to you, you’ll gravitate towards people who don’t listen.

Why?

IF FEELS FAMILIAR.

New is scary.

Familiar feels safe.

Part of our self-development as men is to get clear on who we are and how we will self-reliantly fill the slices in our ego with new, healthy affirmations, routines, and people.

This means we’ll also get clear on what’s toxic that we’ve been enduring because it feels familiar.

It’s healthy to stay focused on what’s good about your wife while you’re in the marriage.

But when your wife leaves the relationship, you need to reckon with her negative traits.

Coming to terms with what WASN’T right about your partner helps you detach.

It helps you see reality and stop putting her on a pedestal.

If you keep telling yourselves that you’re losing your dream girl, you’re only delaying the healing of your heart

3 Steps To Reduce The Pain When She Wants Divorce

1: Stop holding other people responsible for your happiness.

You are not responsible for your wife’s happiness, and she isn’t responsible for yours. Let her off the hook! By definition, love is to ACCEPT something for what it is. If you really love your wife, you will not try to change her into the wife you think she should be. The saying is true, “If you love her, let her go”. But a lot of nice guys are not just tolerating annoying behaviors; they are tolerating straight-up abuse. Accepting your wife for who she is means you have clarity about whether she should be placed inside or outside the “wife” category in your life.

2: Establish a new, exciting routine that’s sustainable even if she never returns.

This one is easy to overthink. Routines are made of many small things. Things like running the dishwasher, where you store the toilet paper, and which side of the garage you park. It gives your life a pattern! Your ego needs patterns, or it feels lost. Many of the small things your partner handled created a rhythm for your life. A rhythm you probably took for granted. Now that she wants divorce, it’s time to build a new rhythm that doesn’t lean on her.

3: Find new sources of identification.

Your ego needs to feel like it belongs to something. A group. A cause. Something bigger than yourself. Otherwise, you’ll feel isolated and disconnected. Whatever is vital to your life mission or purpose will clue you into what group, club, or membership is your tribe. When your wife is trying to walk away, you need to lean on your tribe for support and belonging.

How Else Can You Reduce The Pain When She Wants Divorce?

When I take men through my Masculine Confidence Framework, we dive deep into 14 essential layers for you to be a happy, confident, masculine man.

Most of what you want in life cannot be gained by pursuing it directly.

Things like charisma, being emotionally grounded, and having a strong and happy ego are byproducts of addressing deeper issues like shame, fear, and low self-esteem.

Marriages are not saved by trying to save them!

Relationships are a natural byproduct of two people being mature, happy, committed, responsible, and secure.

If you’re ready to stop trying to put out fires and face the deeper problems, reach out.

If you feel like you’ve been gutted by a rusty fork and can’t sleep or function, read my book, “A Man’s Vital Guide To HEALING GRIEF Post Breakup”.

I was speaking with a client who worked with me a few months back.

Our first conversation was over a year ago when he was completely gutted and at the end of his rope.

Over the last year, he’s made massive growth in his confidence as a man!

The spark has returned to his eyes.

He holds his head high.

He can tease, flirt, and laugh again.

Most amazingly, his clear boundaries are enabling him to have a level of love and empathy towards others that he never had before.

A lot of this work is paradoxical!

Who would have thought a person can’t be deeply empathetic or loving unless they have strong boundaries??

If your wife is cold or she wants divorce, follow the path many men have used to regain their mojo and confidence by reaching out.
February 9, 2024
How To Restore Trust After Her Affair
This article is for the man who still loves his wife and wants to understand what it takes to restore trust after her affair. Some marriages go on to be more connected and intimate after an affair. Others do not. The difference? Genuine remorse. When Genuine remorse is present, there is a path back to having trust again!

Surviving Her Affair – 3 Steps To Restore Trust

Can You Restore Trust After Her Affair If It Was Physical?

An emotional affair is the most detrimental form of cheating for a woman.

A physical affair is the most detrimental for men.

Neither has to be the end of a marriage.

Many times, it takes something as painful as a physical affair to finally wake a couple up.

For years, they’ve both been a shell of themselves…ruminating on dashed expectations, avoiding each other, disconnecting, and sweeping their feelings under the rug.

And when an affair first emerges, it doesn’t feel like an opportunity to face those issues.

It feels like panic and hurt.

Like you’re on a sinking ship with no shoreline in sight.

Every fiber of your being wants to make your panic STOP by patching the holes in your boat to save it.

If you restore trust after her affair, it won’t be because you had a meltdown.

You really need to check our motives for WHY you want to patch the holes in your relationship.

If your underlying drive to “fix” the relationship is to settle YOUR fear, YOUR insecurity, YOUR panic, then you’re doing damage control, not relationship creation.

Self-care to alleviate your painful symptoms needs to be your main focus when surviving her affair.

Many men have ignored this advice.

They convinced their wives to forgo the affair.

They might have avoided divorce, but these men were never able to trust her again.

Without trust, you’ll constantly wonder if she’s hiding something.

3 Steps To Restore Trust After Her Affair

If your wife is not genuinely sorry for her breach of fidelity, you can’t restore trust after her affair.

But if your wife is sorry and shows genuine remorse, here are 3 steps to take next:
1. Create an amazing life to the same standards you expect from her
2. Resolve your own insecurities so you can SHOW trust
3. Create a temporary framework for her to show her trustability
Many couples have built BETTER, stronger relationships despite an affair.

That’s because an affair doesn’t necessarily mean you had a bad relationship.

Esther Perel has spent decades studying infidelity.

I’m paraphrasing, but Esther says, “Good women sometimes cheat when they become unhappy with who they have allowed themselves to become in the relationship.”

This means the version of herself that she feels comfortable showing you isn’t the version she likes.

This version might have been good enough in the beginning, but it feels lifeless to her now.

This old version of her (and you) created version 1.0 of the marriage.

Version 1.0 ended the moment she cheated.

To restore trust after her affair, a new version 2.0 of the relationship has to be created.

Setting Standards For The Relationship So You Can Trust Again

I’ll say it crystal clear right now.

If you’re secretly using porn, you are in no position to expect trust from your wife.

Men get from porn what women get from attention.

The adrenaline, the dopamine, the sedative effect on the mind – those same juices that keep you addicted to porn are what keep her addicted to attention from other guys.

The same goes for side chicks or cam girls.

Hold all your behaviors to the same bar you want her to live by.

Lead by example.

Show her what’s possible by doing it yourself.

Giving her rules to make her trustworthy does nothing if you don’t live up to those same rules.

Resolve Your Insecurities So You Can Show Trust

Your wife could be 100% trustworthy for the rest of her life, but if you don’t SHOW trust, there will be no trust.

You don’t get to use your triggers or traumatic past as a cop-out.

Were you abandoned once?

Are you terrified of being alone?

Have you been cheated on before?

That’s YOUR stuff to work on!

Delving into this kind of personal development isn’t a matter of reading a few articles or watching a few YouTube videos.

Reach out to a coach, mentor, or therapist to get your stuff resolved before addressing her stuff.

Constantly panicking about where she is and who she’s texting is a “you” problem, not a “her” problem.

Create A Temporary Framework To Restore Trust After Her Affair

If your wife has no interest in rebuilding trust, then DO NOT try to impose this step onto her!

If SHE wants to build a relationship 2.0 with you, it’s ok to have a temporary season for her to prove her trustworthiness.

This may include her abiding by a curfew, sharing phone records, or regularly updating you on her whereabouts.

Make it clear to her when this framework starts and when it ends.

The point isn’t to be a control freak.

This is a temporary season for her to prove she’s serious about being trustworthy.

But let’s be real.

If she wants to cheat, she will find a way.

The purpose of setting this framework is not to block her from cheating.

It’s to see how willing she is to be open and honest.

How To Be A Confident, Attractive Man SHE Can Trust

Insecurity, distrust, being a helicopter husband – those traits must end for there to be improvement!

My Masculine Confidence Framework is being used by men all over the world to gain attractive mojo.

You can take the first step to restoring trust after her affair by becoming a version 2.0 of yourself.

A version who is secure, has standards, and knows his worth.

You can’t force your wife to be faithful, but you can heal the hurt and desperation you feel about her actions.

Until you can calm your own storm, you’re not in a position to make clear choices for your marriage.

Your wife won’t be able to trust YOU if panic is your guide.
February 9, 2024
How To Survive Your Wife’s Affair And Restore Trust
When my wife’s affair finally surfaced, I wasn’t blindsided. The signs had been growing for months. But nothing prepares you for the moment suspicion becomes reality. That fleeting rush of “I knew it!” wears off, replaced by a deep sense of betrayal. But honestly, you’re more angry with her affair partner than her. You feel gutted, but you still love her. You said you would leave if she ever cheated, but now you stand to lose too much. It feels like only she can soothe the pain by ending her affair and loving you again. Here’s how I survived my wife’s affair and how to restore shattered trust.

The Day My Wife’s Affair Came Out

My Saturday in August started as usual.

Stacks of bookwork needed my attention.

Self-employment meant wearing the hats of five employees.

It had done it for years, working 80-plus-hour weeks until winter.

But this summer was different.

The few times I was home, my wife acted as if I didn’t exist.

She hadn’t wanted sex in weeks.

She would go out with friends and not come home for days.

Today, my wife was home.

I spent the morning being mopey about the lack of sex.

I tried to imply how I felt without actually saying it.

After dropping a few complaints (hoping she would catch my drift and want sex or to stay home more), I sat down at my desk to do the bookwork.

What happened next changed my entire life.

She sat down on the couch beside me and said, “I have feelings for someone else, and it’s turned into an emotional affair.”

I wasn’t good at being direct back then.

My slide comments were easy to misinterpret, but there was no mistaking her words.

She went on to say, “It’s only been an emotional affair, but it’s going to turn physical soon. I’m going to leave you for this new relationship.”

Even though I had my suspicions for months, reality was a dagger to my heart.
- I felt raped, used, and rejected
- I cried for days
- I stopped eating
- I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks
- My will to live left me
My wife’s affair tore me apart, making everything we had built together seem pointless.

Fast Forward To Now:
- I’ve created a life I love!
- I live location-independently
- I spend part of the year deep in the mountains
- Cedar trees, creeks, fireplaces, and coffee are all normal parts of my day
- I create a deep connection anytime I want it
- I have several homes in different states
- I have the passionate love, sex, intimacy, and relationships I want
- I am no longer dependent on women to feel good
- I am no longer addicted to porn
- I experience the things I love every day!
This is my list of things I highly value, which is why I’m sharing it.

They are things I used to look to my wife to give me (or help build).

Today, I am self-relient to creating what I value.

Developing self-reliance is necessary to survive your wife’s affair.

You have to detach from her being your source of well-being or your only path to creating what you want.

Watch this video to learn more key attributes I had to develop to put myself back together after my wife’s affair came out.

How I Got My Happiness Back After My Wife’s Affair

6 Steps To Survive Your Wife’s Affair
- Step 1: STOP old behaviors that make you depend on her
- Step 2: Grieve the loss of your imagined future with her
- Step 3: Develop new mindsets that increase your self-esteem
- Step 4: Develop new behaviors that make you feel proud of yourself
- Step 5. Develop new ways of communicating that lead deeper connection
- Step 6. Look forward to what you are creating, and invite others to join
In my eBook The Devastated Man’s Marriage 1st Aid Revival Pack, I list 26.5 things to immediately STOP doing when your wife cheats or has an affair.

If you don’t stop these things, you will remain a victim of your wife’s choices and destroy any chances for reconciliation.

Stop things like:
- Checking her phone.
- Tracking her location.
- Begging, bargaining, pleading.
- Trying to win her back with flowers and love notes.
New Mindsets To Reduce The Pain

If your wife shows genuine remorse for her affair, your marriage can be healed.

But your relationship will worsen if you let your stinkin’ thinkin’ run unchecked.

Here are some new mindsets to adopt:
- Your FEAR of divorce (not divorce itself) will PREVENT a new, better relationship from developing. Divorce papers don’t keep people apart, and marriage certificates don’t keep them together. If your wife is leaning towards divorce, let her go. It’s the most attractive thing you can do.
- She didn’t cheat because you’re a bad husband. Drop that thought now, it stinks. An affair is a CHOICE. It was HER choice. You can be the worst husband in the world, and she can still choose to NOT cheat on you.
- Don’t view your wife as a monster set on destroying you. She’s trying to do what she thinks will make her happy, not what will hurt you. She really is doing what she thinks is best based on what she values. It only adds to your resentment and anger if you expect more than that from her. See how your pain comes from your expectations, not her actions? If you start to believe your wife is doing the best she can with the brain she has, you prevent contempt from creeping in.
- Clarify your values and boundaries. Write down the consequences for those boundaries being crossed. Your boundaries are NOT meant to control her. They should NOT be created out of fear, anxiety, or insecurity. They are intended to define the borders of what YOU want to experience and what YOU will do next when they are violated.
- Let her feel the sting of her choices.
Reconcile Your Marriage by Changing How You Communicate

If your wife has shown remorse for her affair, you need to lead a more emotionally intimate relationship going forward.

Don’t try to get your marriage back to how it used to be, that’s what got you here.

It’s time for a whole new way of interacting with your partner.
- Use statements, not questions.
- Listen for emotion words when she talks. Connect with those emotion words.
- Don’t defend, explain, justify, or get defensive about your intentions.
- Do more listening than talking.
- Talk your frustrations out with your male support group, not her family or friends.
You lead a deeper connection by using your ears, not your mouth.

Invite Your Wife Into A Better Future By Living It

The imagined future you had with your wife is over.

But your amazing future is still an option.

You will never convince her of how awesome it will be by explaining it; you have to live it.
- Get laser-focused on your life mission beyond your wife and family.
- Lean into what makes you uncomfortable or where you’ve been playing small.
- Know exactly what your amazing future smells, tastes, feels, and sounds like.
- Say “hell yes” to what aligns with your amazing future and “hell no” to what doesn’t.
- Take action for the life you want without holding your wife responsible for it to happen.
Your Wife’s Affair Broke Trust… Here’s How To Heal It

There are two sides to trust.

On the one side, she needs to be trustworthy.

On the other side, you need to extend trust.

Remove either, and your relationship doesn’t have trust.

Making your wife trustworthy is not in your control.

Trust in yourself is in your control.

So is…
- Trust in your intentions.
- Trust in your ability to create a happy day.
- Trust that you can manage your own emotions.
- Trust in your ability to detach from her moods.
- Trust in the value you bring to relationships
If you focus on the side of trust that you can’t directly control, insecurity and doubt will haunt you.

You’ll know she is worthy of your trust when she shows true remorse for her affair.

But the ground rules established by a couple to define fidelity vary greatly.

Don’t assume your wife has the same values you do around fidelity.

To be successful at any sport, everyone needs to know the rules.

The rules help everyone know how to win.

If you use rules to avoid having your own insecurities triggered, you’ve picked the wrong rules.

It’s a race to the bottom when the most insecure person in the room decides what’s ok.

From a calm, secure place, clearly define with your partner what constitutes cheating and what doesn’t.

Frame How She Can Show That She Is Trustworthy

It’s a masculine trait to establish frames.

Frames define when something starts and when it ends.

Frames also put a limit on something.

1. Frame what behaviours your wife can show that would regain your trust.

2. Frame how long you need her to do this.

3. Frame how you plan to manage your own insecurities, fears, and anxiety going forward.

Maybe you need your wife to let you see her phone anytime you want for the next few months.

Or maybe you need her to stop doing overnight stays with friends.

The point isn’t to force her to be trustworthy; it’s to notice how willing she is to make an effort.

If she isn’t willing to make an effort, her side of the trust is gone.

This is what happened for me, so I lovingly removed myself from my wife’s life.

I could do this with clarity because I knew my values and boundaries.

That gave me certainty about how to move forward.

I went from being willing to chop my arm off to save my marriage to boldly standing on my operating principles to create the life I want.

Personal Guidance To Survive Your Wife’s Affair

My relationship ran on fumes for years.

We were both stuck in a loop of resentment and dashed expectations towards each other.

The work I do with men breaks the toxic cycles that will destroy your marriage.

I teach you how to handle ANY situation with your wife with calm, deliberate wisdom and clarity.

Feminine is drawn to this like a magnet!

It’s the opposite of being indirect and passive.

Ready to have a man in your corner to show you the ropes?
January 27, 2024