I tip my hat to you, brother! Saying, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t” bears testimony of your love and care for the relationship. Trying to keep your family and marriage together is a noble act! This article will help you focus on root issues that must be addressed for your marriage to be saved. I’m including a true story about how one of my clients saved his marriage.
Do Not Do What You Feel Like Doing
Notice how paramedics behave when they show up to the scene of an accident.
They arrive calm, intentional, and focused on their role without adding to the drama.
Almost all the things you feel like saying, feel like doing, and feel should make your wife want to stay in the marriage will only push her away.
The reason is simple.
Right now, you are in a state of fear and desperation.
You’re insecure about the future of your marriage.
Have you ever met a desperate salesperson?
Did you want to buy from them?
I think you see my point.
To save your marriage, you’ll need to do things that will feel counterintuitive.
The proof is in the pudding; just read the true story below.
Paul Told Me, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t!”
Paul came to me desperate to save his marriage of 10 years.
Over the last two years, he had tried to be the best husband possible to turn his marriage around.
Then he learned his wife had been having an emotional affair.
Ugh.
Paul was hurt beyond words.
He’d cut off his right arm if it could save his marriage and keep his family together.
About 20 minutes into our conversation, it became obvious what was wrong with his relationship.
Paul’s wife had become her own man.
We can identify when our wife has become her own man when she…
Is making most of the decisions
Is the only one addressing conflict with friends and family
Has been in charge of the romance department for a long time
Is being logical, punctual, and direct
Acts from her thinking instead of her heart
Notices what needs to be done and goes first
The magic formula for marriage to work is for the man to be masculine and for the woman to be feminine.
Men can choose to be masculine whenever they want.
However, a woman isn’t necessarily able to be feminine whenever she wants.
Like a flower that needs water, soil, and sunlight, a woman’s femininity needs a safe environment to emerge.
Women who become their own men are made, not born.
For many years, Paul had been wishy-washy in his choices.
He avoided conflict and placated to whatever would make his wife happy.
Pleasing her during intimacy was his source of personal validation.
Since he didn’t want to come off as an asshole, he would always agree with her and not set boundaries.
His mantra had been, “Happy wife, happy life”.
And that set his wife up to feel alone and unprotected.
Her fun, flirty, soft, and affectionate side needed a knight standing at the door for her to feel safe.
A knight is NOT:
A people pleaser
Reactive
Conflict avoidant
Afraid of her emotions
Easily triggered
Those traits make women feel like they have to fend for their own safety.
A woman who fends for her own safety will put up her guard and become her own man.
There is ZERO chemistry once your wife becomes her own man.
How Paul Saved His Marriage
Paul and I worked together for almost nine months.
Over that time, we focused on building his masculine frame so he could have confidence in his relationship.
He learned how to respond from his own agency and to interact with his wife from a place of empathy and curiosity.
The biggest test to his confidence came when I told him, “If you love her, you need to let her go.”
He finally accepted that if she couldn’t see a future with him, then she was free to go.
This was not an easy choice, and it weighed heavily on him for weeks.
Paul focused on self-care and spent time with quality men he looked up to.
Then, one day, (when he least expected it) his wife called off the divorce.
They made love that night and to this day are still together.
Their marriage is very different now since Paul is leading the relationship with his masculine frame.
His wife is learning to relax into her feminine energy and let go of things as Paul takes the lead.
Have You Said, “My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t”?
If you’re ready to be guided on a path of building your masculine frame, then reach out.
The masculine confidence framework I teach men enables the kind of environment women need to relax into their affectionate, vulnerable, soft, and juicy side.
Our first call is free!
I was once that guy who called a mentor and said, “My wife wants a divorce but I don’t”.
I’m ready to share all the insights I’ve collected over the years to help your marriage!
I promise you’ll gain instant clarity about what to do differently in your relationship.
Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you give a rat’s tail who your wife is friendly towards.
This was my excuse back in the day: “It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that I don’t trust other guys!”
Another excuse I’ve heard is, “She’s disrespecting me with other guys!”
Both excuses are based on something most women detest: insecurity.
I have to laugh at myself for trying to justify those excuses while my marriage was sexless.
Seriously.
I tried 99.6 “hacks” to get my wife to be intimate with no success.. and I was STILL insecure that with someone else, she would give in…
Trust me, a woman’s affection is impossible to gain when SHE doesn’t want it to be accessed.
When our wife feels like we can’t handle how she lives her life, she stops sharing it with us.
Not long after, she stops letting us inside her heart and body.
Can we really blame her for closing off when every time she lets us see into her world, we have a cow, act disrespected, or mope around?
Red Flag #2: You Keep A Mental Score Card Of What She Owes You
This red flag sounds like this: “After all I’ve sacrificed for this family, the least you could do is give me some sex!”
Keeping a mental scorecard is deeply revealing about our intentions and indicates a long-term chronic behavior of self-abandonment.
I was the guy who “sacrificed” my weekends, time with friends, living location, and hobbies for my wife.
On a deeper level, I stopped standing by my own beliefs, stopped prioritizing my own needs, and held her approval on a pedestal.
Everything I did carried a hidden expectation.
I would never say it, but boy, could she smell it all over me.
It got so bad, I couldn’t even hang a picture in the living room or spray the weeds on the sidewalk without expecting her to reciprocate love (preferably in the form of sex).
Red Flag #3: You Can’t Appreciate The “Messiness” Of Your Wife.
Women are born with a unique ability to create, embellish, stretch, and change the status quo.
She’s like an artist painting her masterpiece.
An artist’s room is covered in paint, scraps of canvas, and pieces of craft supplies.
Yet from the contemplative and messy room of an artist, a high-value painting emerges.
A very feminine woman won’t stick to a schedule, finish what she starts, maintain a consistent mood, or make up her mind.
If we can’t look at our wife’s “messiness” with the same appreciation as a kitten tumbling in a box of yarn, she’ll grow more masculine, ridged, and closed off around us.
We didn’t marry a dude, so we need to stop expecting her to be one.
She was designed to bring new things into this life.
Just look at birth.
There’s blood, poop, slime, screaming… It’s pure chaos.
But from that mess emerges a new life, your child.
She is built to “birth” many new experiences into your life.
Because she is feminine, it will always be messy.
She is literally the embodiment of Mother Nature.
Rainbows, sunsets, hurricanes, and wildfires.
Walkaway Wife: 3 Red Flags To Resolve Before It’s Too Late
The 3 red flags you just read about all stem from one common factor: an insecure husband.
I spent years trying to “trim the wings” of my wife to prevent her from engaging with other men.
I managed to get her lifestyle so boxed in, I thought there was no way another man could get with her…Then she had an emotional affair with a woman!
Like a lightning bolt to my brain, I suddenly realized isolating your partner from other humans because you’re insecure has never worked and never will.
I transitioned from being someone who would act extremely distressed if my partner hugged another man to genuinely celebrating with her when she receives attention.
This new, secure way of living has produced fidelity in my relationship in ways I NEVER experienced before!
You can’t white-knuckle what you want into your marriage, you have to attract it.
We’re only making the grass greener on the other side of the fence when we’re puking insecurity all over our side.
The moment we make something forbidden or taboo, it’s instantly more exciting and tempting to flirt with it.
To this day, I’m shocked when I see how being secure with my partner’s engagement around others has disempowered their charm over her.
The old me never would have believed it, but letting go is how you get some things.
Your Next Step To Attract The Marriage You Want
Through my coaching, we’ll unpack all the things that scare you.
We’ll face them head-on with NEW perspectives and NEW understanding.
This rewires your brain.
You’ll never stop feeling scared or insecure; you’re human.
But my process builds a new relationship with those feelings so they no longer control your reactions.
You don’t need to fear a walkaway wife: 3 red flags can be nipped right now.
When your wife says you don’t listen, she’s often reacting less to your listening and more to the way you respond. I’m sure you mean well with your response. But there is a difference between what men and women see as a good response. Often, your response will feel like mansplaining to her. Below, you’ll read two stories about what mansplaining is and how to manage it. The video below gives two additional stories for more insight. Mansplaining is simply offering unsolicited advice or using a demeaning tone with women. Ironically, when men “mansplain” to each other, the results can be positive.
Is Mansplaining Bad??
If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, You Might Be Mansplaining
“I’m pushing so hard on this screwdriver, my palm is bruised!” Emily complained to her husband Tom.
Tom was unaware that the dishwasher door had been catching the countertop lately.
Emily removed it at least once a day to ensure a tight seal.
Tom glanced at Emily’s hands.
She was using a Phillips screwdriver… to remove a torx bit screw.
“Why are you using a Philips on a torx bit? Tom Asked.
Before she could answer, he said, “You need a T10 bit to remove that screw!”
“I’ve removed this door 20 times, I don’t need you to mansplain to me how it’s done!” Emily replied.
Tom didn’t mean to mansplain.
He thought he was being helpful.
What Tom didn’t realize was that he was offering unsolicited advice.
Emily was just trying to communicate frustration.
Tom could have asked her, “Do you want me to listen or give advice right now?”
Asking her would have shown respect rather than immediately assuming she didn’t know how to use a screwdriver.
When your wife says you don’t listen, she might just be trying to communicate frustration.
His wife, Denise, was in the bedroom folding clothes.
Denise told Billy, “It’s snowing. I’m worried I’ll be late for work in the morning. I’ll leave extra early in case the roads are bad”.
Billy was sleepy, but he managed to mumble, “You’re worried traffic will make you late? You hitting the snooze button is more of a concern.”
Denise seemed a little bothered by this.
But after a moment, she said, “I just feel like work is expecting way too much of me lately. I think it’s time to tell my boss I can’t take on any more projects”.
Billy was more awake now.
He got out of bed to use the master bathroom.
As he walked past Denise, he said, “You’re feeling overloaded at work because your sister was here all week and she didn’t lift a finger to help around the house”.
Denise looked at Billy, “Stop trying to explain my feelings to me, I just need you to listen!”
Billy shook his head and proceeded to the bathroom.
Moments later, he was back in bed when Denise said, “Tada!”
She held up a picture frame.
Earlier that summer, Denise started a side hustle.
She sold custom picture frames on Etsy.
“What’s so special about this picture frame?” Billy asked curiously.
“This one is made of foam, but looks like real wood! I’ll etch grooves in the back with the table saw. That way, the backerboard stays put. Emily replied.
Tom looked at Emily like a 5-year-old had announced she was going to swim across Lake Erie.
With a tone of sarcasm, he said, “You’re only excited because you think using power tools makes you ‘cool” or something. Stand to the side when using the table saw, that thing likes to kick back”.
Denise stomped her foot and cried, “I’m not stupid! Stop mansplaining to me how I feel and how to do stuff!”
What Billy didn’t take into consideration was that Denise had been using the table saw all summer and was quite familiar with it.
Billy’s tone felt demeaning.
Not his words, his tone.
His words weren’t much better though.
Each time Denise told Billy her feelings, Billy invalidated her feelings by saying WHY she had them.
If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, Check Your Tone
What women perceive as “mansplaining” is how we men speak to each other all the time.
For us guys, when someone speaks to us as if we know nothing, we take it as a challenge to step up our game.
If you said to your buddy, “I’ll get to work on time despite the snow,” and he replied with, “surrrre you willlll, watch those slick corners,” your friend’s tone of doubt would feel like a CHALLENGE to surpass his expectation.
Not so for women.
To her, your tone of doubt makes her feel like an idiot.
It’s the tone that made her feel that way, not the words themselves.
Like coals in a fire, she has her own self-doubt and insecurities.
Your tone can blow on those coals, heating them up.
If you offer your wife unsolicited advice, it can feel like you don’t believe in her abilities.
If Your Wife Says You Don’t Listen, Stop Talking
The right thing, spoken at the wrong time, is the wrong thing to say.
If you screamed, “You’re screwed” at an accident, it wouldn’t help.
Take your logical “truth” and observations to the men in your mastermind group.
They can handle your facts without feeling invalidated.
When your wife opens up, she is trying to let you see how she feels.
She isn’t asking you to help her understand why she feels how she does.
She doesn’t even need you to change how she feels.
Show your wife respect by letting her have her own feelings and ideas.
See that your wife is doing the best she can.
Whenever she asks for your logic, give it to her 100%.
Keep unsolicited advice to yourself.
If she tells you her feelings and you really, really, want to point out “why,” you can always say, “Honey, do you want me to listen right now or give my advice?”
She’ll let you know which she needs.
The truth is, men tend to be logically aware, and women tend to be emotionally aware
We can easily feel unheard by the other because of our different perspectives.
Your Next Step To Being A Better Listener
Many men today are uncertain about what it means to be masculine.
Without a masculine framework, core values, boundaries, and decisive leadership, your relationship will lose sexual polarity.
The masculine confidence framework gives you the clarity to show up to any situation with women attractively and confidently.
There are old patterns you operate by that you can’t even see.
When your wife says you don’t listen, she’s mirroring yourself back to you.
What does that mean?
It means there are parts of yourself you are not listening to.
Improving your relationship with yourself always improves your relationships with others.
As a newlywed, the title, “How To Make Your Wife Love You Again,” never would’ve grabbed your attention. A few years, bills, and kids later, it can feel like the #1 issue in your life. This article uncovers two mindsets to change if you want genuine intimacy and attraction from your wife.
How To Make Your Wife Love You
Natural Love Vs Forced Love
You want to make your wife love you.
But you don’t want forced love.
You want natural love.
A girl who craves you all on her own.
Maybe you’re thinking, “Shouldn’tshe love me for who I am?”
Nope.
She doesn’t owe you anything.
Nobody does.
“But she vowed to be my wife! She promised!”
Doesn’t matter.
She can’t force herself to love you.
The sooner you drop the lies from society and fairy tales, the happier you’ll be!
Your happiness is KEY for her to feel natural desire for you again.
Your wife is a female, so she will always act on her FEELINGS.
Confused why that matters?
Because if your wife makes YOU feel unloved, unappreciated, and undesirable, you have an attraction problem, not a love problem.
Attraction is a FEELING.
Feelings are not created by fixing anything.
Your male brain doesn’t want to accept this as true.
Your brain has questions for her:
Why won’t you be affectionate?
Why won’t you have more sex with me?
Why won’t you respect me?
Why won’t you be sweet and romantic?
Why won’t you open up?
Solving the “why” problem won’t bring attraction back.
Funny how you would NEVER use all those “why” statements on a first date to come off as attractive.
Yet it’s your go-to when your partner pulls back.
For me, those “why” statements are how I sound when I’m responding from fear, anxiety, and insecurity.
Those are the deeper feelings we need to face within ourselves.
What helps is a new way of thinking about them.
Mindset shift #1: Realize things like affection, love, sex, and intimacy are things that ensue but cannot be pursued.
That means you can’t work on intimacy to improve intimacy.
You can’t work on attraction to have attraction.
Attraction is a natural result of how it feels to be around you.
Many dictators have demanded obedience and loyalty.
It’s a logical approach to force something to happen.
But the commitment of their followers is never fervent.
Leaders who ATTRACT their followers gain true loyalty.
Females are RESPONDERS to the vibe in the room.
Think of feminine love, affection, and desire like the moon.
Without a light source, there is no moonlight.
You are her light source.
You need to find your inner happiness if you want to make your wife love you again.
What do you love about yourself?
Are you showing yourself the priority, appreciation, and care that you would like from your wife?
It’s easy to think that helping with the dishes or doing more chores will make her feel attraction for you again.
But your partner isn’t drawn to your actions.
She is drawn to how you behave while you do those things.
We’re you looking for approval?
Did you do the dishes with strings attached?
Did you work hard all week, then expect to be rewarded with sex?
The vibe you put out while you’re doing these things is what she responds to, not the action itself!
This doesn’t mean you should stop unclogging the toilet or mowing the lawn.
Do those things for your OWN sense of integrity, no need for her to reciprocate.
She will sense when you stop doing things with a vibe of expectation towards her and start BEING a man who enjoys living up to his own standards he has for himself.
Make Your Wife Love You Again By Not Chasing Her
The most effective way to push a woman out of your life is to chase her.
I know you’re thinking, “I thought women want to be pursued.“?
This is true.
Women WANT to be pursued.
Give her that pursuit, and she loses the WANT.
Keeping her wanting is the secret to attraction!
You know what comes along with wanting? DESIRE.
Warning! This is one of those things you get to know as a man, but it will backfire if you share it with your wife.
In her emotional brain, it will never make sense to her.
Just ask yourself this: how often has placating to your wife’s perspectives helped your sex life?
Exactly.
Adjusting your responses to her whims gave you a friend-zoned, sexless marriage, didn’t it?
To make your wife love you again, you’ll need to trust in the principles of attraction.
Trying to align with her feminine perspectives has been lowering her attraction for you all along.
It’s time to let her experience a new you.
One who doesn’t need to make momma happy for him to be happy.
Needing Her Support Turns Her Off
Women are wired to show up to the finish line and feel ALIVE, celebrating with you in your accomplishments.
Hand-holding, support along the way, and being your emotional tampon during the race is a mothering role.
Your lover is not going to sign up for that.
Needing a mommy to support you won’t make your wife love you again; It just makes you feel like another kid to take care of.
The support and encouragement you need must come from men.
A lot of us sought mothering energy from our wives through sex!
We used sex to validate ourselves as being successful men.
We saw our ability to give her an orgasm as the feminine approval we desperately needed.
The more secure you get, the less you’ll need her validation.
That’s when her desire for intimacy grows.
Mindset shift #2: Stop holding others responsible for how you feel. Instead, take responsibility for the vibe you put out.
If your wife is unhappy in your marriage and she just said, “I’m done,” you’re probably wondering what that means and if there’s hope. Below is a story based on true events. If you can relate to the story, pay special attention to the two mistakes you do not want to make right now.
She Said, “I’m Done” – Is The Marriage Really Over?? 2 Mistakes To Avoid
She Said, “I’m Done” – The Honest Truth
When your wife said, “I’m done,” she meant it 100%.
I’ve interviewed many divorced women.
Here’s what they tell me…
When she said, I’m done,” she had been thinking about ending the marriage for at least the last two years.
You might feel blindsided, but it’s old news for her.
Here moods and irrational behaviors over the last few years?
Trust me, feeling “done” is not what your wife wants to feel either.
She wishes she could feel how she used to feel towards you.
But she can’t find the feeling inside her.
Not right now.
Women find a sense of loyalty and honor in following their feelings.
For her, it feels like infidelity to stay in a relationship with someone she doesn’t have feelings for.
But think about it…
You’re over the current version, too.
You’ve both settled.
Placated.
You deserve better (and so does she).
The painful part is that you will have to let her go if she is to ever come back.
When you don’t honor her request to end the relationship, she feels you are against her, not for her.
No amount of trying harder will impress her at this point.
It’s too little too late for marriage counseling and date nights.
If you oppose her desire to separate, it sends the message that you don’t value her best interest or her feelings.
If you dismiss her words as not being serious, she’ll say things like, “You’re not hearing me”, “I hate that you always try to control me,” or “You’re not seeing me for who I am”.
For the woman, she’s thinking, “How could any self-respecting man stay with a woman who doesn’t love him or treat him well??”
She knows she hasn’t been a loving, affectionate, committed wife lately… and trust me, she hates herself for it.
As bleak as this sounds, there is hope!
Are you wondering what makes a woman circle back??
Just keep reading…
Michael & Tracy Meet A Crossroad
As the sun dipped beneath the horizon, casting a warm glow across the landscape, Michael and Tracy drove home from what should have been a memorable vacation.
However, the journey had turned sour, with tension steadily mounting between them.
Their bickering started over something trivial, but soon escalated into a heated argument about their future together.
Words were said that neither really meant, and emotions ran high for Michael when she said, “I’m done, I want a divorce.”
Stunned and hurt, Michael tried to keep his composure as he focused on the road.
He stole glances at Tracy, her tear-streaked face turned away from him.
He felt a growing sense of panic.
The weight of her words bore heavily on him, the thought of losing her causing his heart to ache.
Michael desperately wanted to get this tension resolved.
He pressed Tracy with questions like, “Why didn’t you say something sooner so we could have worked it out? Does everything I’ve sacrificed mean nothing to you? Why can’t you let me love you?”
They drove in silence for what felt like an eternity, each lost in their thoughts and struggling to find a way to bridge the divide that had grown between them.
The drive home, which should have been a time of bonding and sharing memories, had become a painful reminder of their crumbling 10-year relationship.
Later that night, as the world outside turned dark and quiet, Michael found himself unable to sleep.
He tossed and turned, his mind tormented by the memory of Tracy’s words.
Seeking a semblance of hope, he opened his laptop and started browsing Airbnb listings for their next vacation.
He presented his findings to Tracy with excitement, hoping to reignite their shared love for travel.
However, Tracy responded with fury, insisting that he wasn’t listening to her.
The confusion in Michael’s eyes mirrored the turmoil within him.
He couldn’t comprehend the sudden shift in her emotions.
Hadn’t she just snuggled up to him when they crawled into bed a few hours earlier?
Love and emotions are complex, and in the depths of Tracy’s heart, the turmoil was far from simple.
She felt torn, her emotions swirling in a tempest of hurt and longing.
The earlier cuddle had been a desperate attempt to hold on to the love they once had, to feel a fleeting connection amidst the chaos.
The pain and confusion intensified for Michael, unable to decipher the mixed signals he received.
He yearned for the woman he loved, yet he felt powerless to mend the shattered pieces of their relationship.
Over the next few weeks, Michael scheduled marriage counseling sessions, emailed his wife articles about relationship improvement, and had many long talks about “the relationship” with Tracy.
This only made matters worse.
Within 3 months, Tracy filed for divorce.
Don’t Press For “Why” If She Said, “I’m Done”
I said earlier that there are some mistakes you want to avoid.
Here’s the first: Don’t press your wife for…
WHY she feels unattracted
WHY she’s “done”
Or WHY the marriage is crumbling.
I’m a man like you, and I know exactly why you want to know “why”… because you want to fix it!
Fixing “problems” in a relationship has never saved a marriage.
Problems are symptoms, not causes!
The root issue is that both you and your wife have a FEELING you don’t like.
You can’t wag a dog by wagging its tail.
A happy dog wags its own tail.
Two peoplebuilding their own happiness apart from each otherand then rejoining to SHARE in each other’s happy lives creates a healthy marriage.
Your wife’s happiness is her own journey to figure out.
Right now, your insecurities, fear of loneliness, anxiety, and lack of confidence are YOUR journey to figure out.
Behind 99% of unpleasant feelings is insecurity.
Resolving insecurity saves many marriages.
Take Sex Off The Table If She Said, “I’m Done”
This is the 2nd mistake that’s easy to make.
You think hot, passionate sex will make her love you gain.
Giving back rubs…teasing her erogenous zones… lighting candles…none of these acts of seduction will restore your wife’s desire for you!
Women only feel sexual desire when they feel attraction for you.
For her, attraction doesn’t come from long kisses and more lube.
Her attraction is like a flower.
With the right environment in place… the right sun, the right soil, the right timing, the right energy (a whole host of things) her attraction opens!
That’s why saving marriages is a game of inches, not a single act of undying love.
Right now, the soil in your marriage is a desert.
She can’t force herself to open to you sexually when she’s a parched flower.
So what sort of things does a woman need to feel attraction in a long-term relationship?
She needs to FEEL you have:
Safety
Trust
Space
Strength
Adventure
Excitement
Mystery
Emotional Range
Value
Relaxation
Newness
Heart
Boundaries
Self-Control
Power
Empathy
Courage
…And that’s just the start.
Feel overwhelmed?
Don’t be.
You demonstrated these traits when you first met her…naturally!
They are already inside you.
Disappointment and resentment are making it hard to act on them.
But even if you demonstrate these traits 100% tonight, she won’t feel attraction until she feels them consistently over a long period of time.
Your marriage did not end up on the rocks overnight; you will not get the marriage back on track overnight.
When she said, “I’m done”, it was a cry for relief.
It could take 6 months… it could take 6 years.
Eventually her emotions calm down, the pain fades into the background, and the good memories rise back to the surface.
The question glaring in your face is: what are you going to do with this time?
You can resist divorce all you want, but once she said, “I’m done,” that resistance won’t save the marriage.
Most of the men I know who saved their marriage had to first be ok with losing it.
How Things Turned Out For Michael
Despite a soul-crushing divorce, Michael’s determination to improve himself as a man kept him going.
He sought the mentorship of an old friend named Bill, who had already walked this road.
Bill helped Michael stay focused on what was 100% in his control.
Change seemed slow at first, but as the months went by, Michael felt a new kind of power growing in him.
The man he allowed himself to be in the marriage (sexually needy, defensive, irritated, and blameless) was nowhere close to the man he knew he was meant to be.
Michael’s confidence increased.
He walked taller.
His self-esteem came back.
Michael found he could relax his reactionswhen faced with feminine emotions andlead women out of their heads with his calm empathy.
In time, women took notice…Even his ex-wife!
By now, some time had passed since she said, “I’m done”
24 months to be exact.
And by now, Michael was a new man.
Tracy was also a new woman!
She realized after spending many months away from Michael that most of her hurt and pain was not because of him.
She, too, faced her own triggers and matured as a woman.
It was like getting to know each other again for the first time.
What To Do Once You Let Her Go
I work with men every day to help them become the attractive, confident, happy man they love to be.
It’s only in seasons without feminine support that you reach your next level of maturity.
When you level up with your new mojo, women take notice.
Sometimes, that woman is your separated wife.
What we should have done the moment she said, “I’m done,” was take all our pain, anger, and sadness AWAY from the relationship and into our support group.
When guys start mentorship with me, the first thing they gain is access to is an incredible group of men who will support them no matter what.
Many men reach a point of growth where they realize the woman they once cherished may not align with their new, amazing life.
I help men get clear on their values, purpose, and mission so they have a clear answer to give their wife if…scratch that…WHEN she circles back.
Your story has no negative ending when you level upto being a confident, happy man who creates an amazing life!
I guarantee the best is yet to come when you use this time to grow as a man.
Let’s cool your frantic anxiety & give you the best shot for a marriage 2.0 even if she said, “I’m done”.
Your wife annoys you by knowing how to push your buttons just right. She questions your intentions or complains when you’re doing the best you can. What if I told you this only happens when you have buttons to push? I’m going to show you how to use your triggers and buttons to be a more loving, confident man.
Guys: How To Spot What Needs Improvement In Your Relationship
Listen To Your Body When Your Wife Annoys You
A drop in your gut…
A tightness in your chest…
The hair on your neck bristling…
The unconscious husband misses these cues.
He’s so caught up in REACTING that he doesn’t even notice his fists are clenched.
With practice, you direct your focus to your body when your wife annoys you.
Instead of trying to think out how to answer, you can use the cues in your body.
A tight chest means take a deep breath.
A clenched fist means relax your hands and shake them out.
You see, what your wife needs most in this moment isn’t your brilliant answer or justifications.
She needs to feel your love in ONE form: PRESENCE.
Presence is fully tuned into what your body is doing.
It’s fully tuned into what her body is doing.
You’re not getting sucked into the conversation or adding to the drama.
I want you to know that masculine leadership is sexy even if your wife is a very alpha, driven person. That’s secret# 5 in my 6 dangerously effective marriage-saving secrets. (Use these links to see secretsONE, TWO, THREE,FOUR, FIVE, and SIX) This article is not for the controlling jackass who bosses his wife around or treats women with disrespect. Quite opposite. The tips you’re about to learn ARE for the man who mistakenly thought letting his wife wear the pants in the relationship would make her happy. Even if your wife has a stubborn streak, deep down, she feels leadership is sexy.
Masculine Leadership Is Sexy (Even to Strong Independent Women)
Why Kate Was Unhappy In Her Marriage
Kate looked up from her phone and asked, “What do you want for dinner?”
Travis almost didn’t hear her.
He was lost in his laptop, browsing new real estate listings.
“I don’t care. Whatever is easy”, Travis replied with a smile.
Kate said, “We have some leftover meatloaf. Or I could do a casserole”.
Travis’s eyes stayed on his computer.
He had no idea Kate was seeking his masculine leadership.
He was more interested in the new listing he just found.
“Whatever you want, honey. If one of those is near the front of the fridge, just warm that up”, he suggested.
“Think we could watch a nature show tonight? It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Or we could go for a drive and look at Christmas lights!”, Amy said with enthusiasm.
“Maybe”, Travis mumbled as he tried to cut and paste an address from his web browser.
Kate’s voice got serious, “I just think we need to prioritize making efforts for our relationship.”
“Huh?”, Travis said, confused.
Kate’s face got emotional.
Her throat tightened as she said, “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us. I always have to fight alone”.
Travis tried to make sense of how the conversation went from dinner to prioritizing their relationship.
He felt himself getting angry.
“Kate, you’re a strong, independent woman. You love plowing your own way through life. The battles you fight, you bring on yourself”, he scolded disapprovingly.
Hearing this did not sit well with Kate.
Kate began walking out of the room.
In a frustrated tone, she turned around and said, “Never mind.”
Travis heard her walk into their bedroom and close the door.
About an hour later, his mind was still foggy as he tried to process his conversation with Kate.
He felt a little resentful that she didn’t make him anything to eat.
While he warmed up some meatloaf in the microwave, he could hear a nature show coming from the TV in their bedroom.
Yay!
Dinner in bed would be fun.
Travis brought his plate to bed and nestled next to Kate.
She fell asleep moments later.
He finished the episode by himself.
This wasn’t the fun, connected, sexy evening he had hoped for.
Masculine Leadership Is Sexy, Management Is Not
Each time Kate brought up a question, Travis tried to avoid leadership by putting the choice back on her.
Management is a form of damage control.
You’ll never be responsible for damage if other people make the choices!
In the business world, a manager has one job: Use the systems in place to keep the show going.
The leader of a company looks broad range.
A leader ensures effort is spent on the right problems based on where he wants the company to go.
Without leadership, managers can end up straightening chairs on a sinking Titanic, assuming effort=success.
You’ll win the battle but lose the war.
The same applies to your marriage.
Here are the replies Travis gave his wife in the story above:
“I don’t care”
Whatever is easy”
“Whatever you want honey”
“Maybe”
“Huh?”
Do those sound like words of leadership to you?
Those replies were attempts to put out small fires.
That’s what managers do.
Even the strongest, most independent, business-minded woman wants to relax.
Her sexuality goes offline if she isn’t relaxed.
Leadership allows her to relax and step out of the guessing game.
She can’t do that with a manager.
Every time Kate bounced options off Travis, she wanted him to make a choice.
She wanted to relax in his masculine leadership.
Travis didn’t step up, and that’s when her emotions changed from “What do you want to eat?” to “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one fighting for us”.
Your wife wants the GOOD feeling of knowing she just gave you something you really wanted.
Saying, “Just warm up whatever happens to be the fridge” robs her of that good feeling.
It’s very selfish to not know what you want
How Travis Could Have Shown Masculine Leadership
Especially for guys married to strong, independent women, letting her make the choices in the house feels easy.
Deep down, these men are afraid she won’t like him if he faces her strong will.
He’s afraid that saying what he really thinks will just be used against him.
Here’s how Travis could have lead Sexy, FUN leadership:
“Meatloaf sounds great! Let’s have that.”
“No, we can’t look at Christmas lights tonight. We will next weekend. It will be fun!”
“You feel like you’re fighting all your battles alone? I’m sorry, that sounds exhausting. Let’s talk about it after I get out of the shower tonight when I’m not distracted.”
A unique difference between masculine leadership vs feminine leadership is that masculine leadership is CONSISTENTLY based on values, boundaries, and standards, NOT emotions.
Your leadership is still a gift even if she protests with comments like, “I don’t want meatloaf. I’d rather have a casserole.”
Here’s why: She didn’t know what she wanted until you did.
Feminine energy finds her truth when contained by strong masculine leadership
Just as a river can’t reach the ocean without river banks, feminine can’t know what she wants or where she’s going until she encounters your clear choices
A woman’s fear is biologically woven into who she is as a feminine person.
Strong independent women get tired of fending for themselves, but will struggle to let their armor down if they don’t feel safe.
When a man consistently “contains” his wife’s emotions by taking ownership of the situation, it provides the woman with a sense of safety.
Travis and Kate: A Few Months Later
Travis had a mind-jolting insight into the obvious: What he was doing wasn’t working.
He confided his frustrations with another man whom he respected.
Once a week, they would meet at a local diner to talk about what was happening in Travis’s marriage.
This wasn’t a time for complaining about their wives.
These were times to connect and get clear on how to create trust and safety using masculine leadership.
Travis began to realize most of his frustrations with Kate came from his own ways of thinking about her.
When Travis’s mentor spoke to him man-to-man, everything made sense.
Leadership and confidence weren’t something he had to go find, they were things he needed to stop holding back.
Travis went on to create an intimate, fun-filled relationship with Kate.
His only regret was that he let himself suffer for so many years before seeking the mentorship of an experienced man.
How To Grow Your Masculine Leadership Right Now
I take genuine, successful men through a field-tested process of masculine confidence development.
Plant your feet on the solid ground of your values, boundaries, and personal standards by committing to this work.
You’ll feel good stepping up as a natural leader in your relationship.
Masculine leadership is sexy, and your wife wants to experience it.
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